The Linda Letters by Gabriel O'Sullivan: The Mother's Day Conversation Or Something Like That AND The Piece de Resistance On Ebay

19 May 2024

1115

R. Linda:

Mam was gifted for Mother's Day, a slew of flowering plants that she hinted she "needed" for her garden. Tonya got a slew of herbs and lavender that she too, hinted she needed for "her" garden. And Mam a little something else that cost me a small ransom, but more about that later.

I should have known the day would be strange when both women came down early for coffee, me having gotten up early to make it. I had been chatting with Tonya while the house slept and we were discussing the night before, which was when we went out to see more Northern Light activity, but the clouds made that near impossible and I got only one last parting shot. Ton had caught a chill from being out without a jacket and now has a cold (she thinks).

Not long after Tonya's arrival, Mam came down passing us within earshot on her way to the coffee pot and wished us a sleepy good morning (the woman is like me -- in a fog until she's had at least a sip) and said in her groggy sleep-filled voice, that she was cold and needed coffee to warm up as well. She heard in her foggy brain Tonya saying the word cold and she took it to mean something else. The wife says, "Yes, I got quite a chill from last night and have a cold."

OK, so I said nothing thinking I was hearing wrong. Well, to make a long insane conversation short, they were talking to each other on different subjects but the thread was similar. Neither seemed to notice the other was talking about something else. But I did. It was like a ping-pong match, my head went back and forth, me mouth agape, thinking I was in the middle of two nutcases.

The last of the Aurora, the lavender one last time

When I told them I made Mother's Day breakfast I noticed they both had their slippers off and were comparing feet. I left them to it. They shuffled in shortly after discussing Tonya's mother's bunions and how surgeons break every bone in the foot and insert a rod to correct the deformity. Suffice it to say, I didn't take that as proper breakfast talk around the table and tried to change the subject.

I needn't have bothered, the kiddos came clamouring down hungry as squirrels after a snowy winter, and the chatter got louder and louder until I nearly had to cover me ears from the din.

I ended up planting all the daffodils that were bought at Easter, including a container that was to go to the wife of a friend of mine along with Bernie's Beans (coffee) for him. They were supposed to join us for Easter dinner but had to cancel at the last minute. If we have guests we usually gift them with a live plant because all the relatives get one, and we don't want anyone to feel left out. So I told the husband I had these things (I went out and bought another plant, hydrangea this time because I wasn't about to present dead flowers), and we made a date to meet for lunch. I had a prior appointment in the morning that took longer than expected and I had texted him I was running late. We did manage to meet up but in the process, I forgot the coffee and the plant. I tell ya!

Yup, left at home

Just before Mother's Day, I overheard Tonya and O'Hare talking about getting me Mam a Limoges plate she wanted. She collects these and I thought hey, that's a great idea, I'd find one on eBay and get her another one because she does so much for us. Little did I know that Tonya had found one open for bids on eBay and it turned out to be the same one I was going to bid on. A few days later, at dinner, we were both glancing at our watches, but I really didn't notice Tonya doing that consciously because I was too busy watching the time the bid on that fancy plate was coming to the closing bid. Both of us left rather abruptly after dinner leaving O'Hare and Mam to clean up. Both of us told them we had something important to do because we didn't want to spill the beans to Mam, but neither Tonya nor I noticed the other was off like a flash, her to the living room, me upstairs to my office.

When I had placed an opening bid on the plate it was already sitting with one bid on it. It had to be for the original price because my bid just took up $1.00 more. Now I saw the bid was $10.00 more than when I had checked it last so I upped it to $20.00 more thinking that was going to keep me a high bidder. But no sooner had I done that the bid came back that I was outbid. Countdown had begun and if you set about obtaining an item, that time brings a bit of panic and nervous energy to the fore. I sighed, "Ok invisible bidder, take this!" And I punched in $10.00 only to be outbid a second later. Oi! I decided this was just driving up the price and I'd wait until we were four seconds from the end. I sat there and the bid did not move. I was tempted to punch in again, but no, I wasn't going to play that.

14 seconds and I could feel the adrenaline and my hands shaking. I figured I'd punch in an absorbent number and win because no one would go that high. $65.00 more buckeroos were paused to pounce once I reached the 3 seconds and there it came and WHAMMO I clicked in and you know what? I won. Only I won by spending a shitload more than I was planning. I won by $2.00 less the $65.00 I had foolishly added to the pot, thinking no way Jose would anyone bid that much. Well, they did.

Zombie-like I walked back towards the living room, I met Tonya looking glum coming out with her iPhone. She says to me, "Well, I didn't get the plate I wanted for your mother for Mother's Day. Some ass outbid me. I can't believe it went for so much. I even put in an astronomical sum I didn't think ANYONE in their right mind would go up to, but fool me, some asshole did!"

"Wait, wait a minute, what plate was it?" I asked suspiciously I was the asshole.

She clicks the screen and sure enough! I put me hands to me face and rubbed like I was trying to wake up or really throw off the disbelief we had bid on the same thing.

"Uh, that asshole? He would be me." I said pointing to meself.

"WHAT?" She looked stunned.

"I overheard you and O'Hare and I thought I'd get her another one so she'd have two since she does so much for this family."

"You know Gabe, it would have been nice if you had told me you were going to do that."

"How'd I know you were looking at the same plate, there are dozens," I said slightly heated.

"I know what she likes, your mother showed me one plate she has that there was a second she wanted. I hunted that thing down for months and finally found it on eBay!"

"Ugh!" Was all I could muster, then, "Well, you got it."

"No, you got it!"

"No, I am giving it to you to give to her. My bad, I should have said something, I just thought it would be a surprise was all."

"It IS! To me at least." She paused a moment then said, "Thank you. You spent way, way, way, too, too, too much." And off she went.

Mam was thrilled when she received the plate on her big day. I don't think she noticed the looks Tonya and I exchanged over her head as she fawned over the plate. Yup, we won't be doing that again anytime soon.