Who Says That?

01 March 2022

1063

R. Linda:

I can't cut a break in my own home. I had Monday off so I slept in, is that a crime? No, I was an hour over what my normal time was and I went down to the kitchen for a cup of morning joe and the ladies were in the living room sipping away. There was 1/4 cup left! And it was lukewarm to boot. I tell ya!

So I mumbled about that and sat down with them. I don't know what they had been talking about but everything went silent as I sat it down. That made me think I had been the subject of conversation. I looked at them both and said, "What?" 

"I was telling your Mam about the person called the 'Sandman' I had seen on this program about valuable show horses where he'd come at night and dose the animals so they'd die and pay out large insurance payments." 

"That's awful," I said, "where was this that I didn't know that?"

"On the TV last night, you had fallen asleep." 

"Well, I saw a crime weekend shoo tha had a man kill hez wife fur a million dollars an' she wuz lost at sea." Mam offered up. Then as an afterthought, she said, "If Gabriel here takes out a million dollar policy on hez life I'll help ya dispose of em'. We'll split da money 50/50, half a mil fur you and half a mil fur me."

That woke me up coffee or no. Nice, me own mother!

They were laughing their fool heads off, but I moved away from them on the couch all the same. I tell ya I get no respect in me own abode.

To make matters worse, this morning I had a blood draw and a check-up at me doctor's office. I decided to go for the bloodletting first because I hadn't eaten anything since 6 the night before. I bought with me a thermos of coffee so that after the labs I could run out to me car and sip the pleasant wakeup liquid at me leisure. I had got there early so I'd have time between appointments to do the coffee sipping.

I was taken right away for the needle pricking and in 1, 2, 3, Bob's your uncle, I was out of there. Happy I had fifteen minutes to chill before my checkup I went out to me vehicle and with total ecstasy took a nice big sip of me joe and closed me eyes and just smiled like a Cheshire Cat to meself. I took another sip and same reaction, it was sooo good! But I felt like someone was watching me and I looked over at the car parked next to me and sure enough, there was a woman with a horrified expression on her face looking straight at me. I took another sip and her eyebrows flew up and she shook her head in disapproval. It was then it dawned on me that she thought I was drinking alcohol at 8:40 in the morning. I was not going to let her destroy me coffee time, so I took me thermos, got out of me vehicle, lifted me thermos at her and said, "It's 5 o'clock somewhere!" and went inside to the waiting room and sipped it there to the disapproving glances of the masked patients. I sat far enough away from them, but nothing nor nobody was going to stop me from enjoying me wake-up brew.

I was so stressed after all this I stopped at Dunks and got a dozen doughnuts. I only wanted one and was going to share the rest with the kiddos, but I ate six all on me own as I relived the woman in the car on the drive home. I know, I was working on a muffin top sans the fudge. You don't have to tell me, I know, I know, I know.

Gabe

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