Chaos!

30 April 2021

Story #1025

R. Linda:

Why is it that when I have one crisis to deal with, a whole lot more pop up? Just last night, we were celebrating the middle kiddo's birthday when the smoke alarms went off. Tonya was scurrying around like a fire demon, opening windows and doors. This would have been perfectly fine had it not been pouring out. The alarm system set in motion a vibe to the ADT people who called while we were all running around trying to catch dogs from going out open doors. We were too late, so I called ADT. Meanwhile, I could hear sirens, which meant ADT let the fire and police know something smoky was at me abode. 

Add to this as I am trying to tell the ADT person it be no more than a smokey oven I am being text messaged by Dragon that her daughter hung up on her and what's going on? That wasn't all. I got another text message from Weasil, who, when I didn't answer right away, told me he had good news: the nanny was pregnant! This did get my attention because I immediately thought he was the father! Then I thought, what nanny? A minute later, he texts again, this time telling me he is opening a leftovers shop where he gathers leftovers from his neighbourhood, then in an outdoor stand at the footy games, he will sell day-old food. HUH? 

Meanwhile, Mam is still working on the dinner that Tonya left to wave dish towels at smoke alarms. I am unsure what to do about all the rainwater coming in through open doors and windows. The smell from the smokey oven is strong, so I left doors and windows open, wondering if I have enough towels to mop up the mess.

All the kiddos are now in the kitchen asking what's going on. The alarm got them from their electronics, and we are trying to answer them as we wave towels in the smokey air. Suddenly, the CO2 alarm in the basement starts screaming down the cellar. Tonya tells me there was no smoke down there, and I am shouting to her that you couldn't see CO2; there was no smoke from it. My phone rings, and it is the ADT rep AGAIN. What's going on now? I tell her it is nothing; we are still containing the smoke left in the air, and it is fine. Tonya comes up from the cellar in a tizzy and is back at the ADT keypad trying to turn off the alarm, but she can't remember the code!. 

There is a knock at the door, and the screen opens, and the fire department comes marching in, asking us what's on fire. OI!!! I tell them I tried cancelling, that it was nothing more than a smokey oven. They say they will check the place, and what's this about a CO2 alarm? I don't know I tell them, so they go down the basement to have a look while the police officer comes walking in asking if we need EMT. No, we don't! I tell him the entire story as another fireman listens in.

FINALLY, Tonya remembers the keypad code, and the alarm is off. ADT called me again to find out if emergency services had arrived. I told her yes and said I didn't need them, but they were here. Geez Louise! 

I look at Mam's once-clean wood floor, now wet and muddy from so many people tramping in for a smokey oven! Finally, they all leave, but not before wishing the birthday boy a happy birthday, if not a smokey one! 

Mam said dinner would be ready momentarily, so I started closing the windows and doors. We sat in the smoke-scented dining room, shivering. I turned to the French doors as the eldest was using his eyes to silently communicate that something was behind me. At the same time, Tonya called me into the kitchen to see the cake, so I went there first. She said, "This is supposed to be a starburst." I looked at the cake, and the design looked like a spiderweb. Mam, helpful as always, went to the cookie decoration drawer, pulled out a Halloween spider ring and set it on top. Tonya looked at me, saying nothing, and I just shrugged. 

A side note here: in me family, we never celebrate how old someone really is. Caprice dictates the age, and the middle child was turning 12, so we put a big 10 on his cake instead. Mam and I went back to the cleared table as Tonya lit the candles. As I was ready to sit down, the eldest pointed to the doors behind me. I turned around to see an almost transparent tree frog crawling up the screen from the inside. One thing you don't know about me is that I don't like transparent insects or animals. This nearly freaked me out because in me mind it would probably pounce on me!

By this time, Tonya was bringing cake to the table and was the only one singing because the two of us were distracted by the frog. I was getting dirty looks from Tonya to sing damn it, so I did a little late than never. I told her what the distraction was, so she put the cake in front of the birthday boy, told him to make a wish, and gestured to me to hold on; she'd deal with the distraction in a minute.

It was over a minute because the wee one was making fun of the newly minted 12-year-old's 10 on the cake. The faux 10-year-old informed the wee one that he was turning 8 on his next birthday, and he'd make sure there was a big four on HIS cake and send photos to all the wee one's friends. Oi! This started a ruckus at the table, and meanwhile, I have those chills up me back over that wee frog man crawling up the door, and I just KNOW it be getting to a height to jump on me head. I just knew it.

Luckily, Tonya came over and scooped it up, but alas, it jumped out of her hands onto me! I was a wreck, "Get it off, get it off!" I was jumping around and screaming like a girl, but it was slimy and cold. She finally recaptured it and was about to put it out when the middle child decided he wanted it as a pet. NO WAY, JOSE. It was put out, and that was that.

By this time, the smoke had cleared, the excitement over with, and we sat silently. I realised I was exhausted. Mam took care of the dishes while Ton and I mopped the floor and made sure everything was closed as the rain continued to pound the house. Just as I was enjoying me last sips of tea, a text came up from Weasil: "Did you get the video of me doing the foxtrot with a puffer fish?"

Gabe

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