Chaos!

 30 April 2021

1025

R. Linda:

Why is it that when I have one crisis to deal with a whole lot more pop up? Just last night we were celebrating the middle kiddo's birthday when the smoke alarms went off and Tonya was scurrying around like a fire demon opening windows and doors. This would have been perfectly fine had it not been pouring out. The alarm system set in motion a vibe to the ADT people who called while we are all running around trying to catch dogs from going out open doors. We were too late so I called them back, meanwhile, I can hear sirens which means ADT let the fire and police know there was something smokey amiss at me abode. 

Add to this as I am trying to tell the ADT person it be no more than a smokey oven I am being text messaged by Dragon that her daughter hung up on her and what's going on? That wasn't all, I got another text message from Weasil who when I didn't answer right away told me he had good news, the nanny was pregnant! This did get my attention because I immediately thought he was the father! Then I thought, what nanny? A minute later he texts again this time telling me he is opening a leftovers shop where he gathers leftovers from his neighbourhood then in an outdoor stand at the footy games he will sell day-old food. HUH? 

Meanwhile, Mam is still working on the dinner that Tonya left to wave dish towels at smoke alarms and I am not sure what to do about all the rainwater coming in open doors and windows. The smell from the smokey oven be strong so I leave doors and windows open wondering if I have enough towels to mop up the mess.

All the kiddos are now in the kitchen asking what's going on? The alarm got them from their electronics and we are trying to answer them as we wave towels in the smokey air. Suddenly the CO2 alarm in the basement starts screaming and down the cellar, Tonya goes telling me there is no smoke down there and I am shouting to her that you can't see CO2 there is no smoke from it. My phone rings and it is the ADT rep AGAIN. What's going on now? I tell her it is nothing we are still containing the smoke left in the air, it is fine. Tonya comes up from the cellar in a tizzy and is back at the ADT keypad trying to turn off the alarm but she can't remember the code!. 

There is a knock at the door and the screen opens and the fire department comes marching in asking us what's on fire. OI!!! I tell them I tried cancelling them coming out was nothing more than a smokey oven. They say they will check the place and what's this about a CO2 alarm? I don't know I tell them so they go down the basement to have a look while the police officer comes walking in asking if we need EMT. No, we don't! I tell him and I tell him the entire story as another fireman listens in.

FINALLY, Tonya remembers the keypad code and the alarm is off. ADT calls me again to find out if emergency services have arrived. I tell her yes, and told her I didn't need them but they were here. Geez Louise! 

I look at me Mam's used to be clean wood floor and it is wet and muddy from so many people tramping in for a smokey oven! Finally, they all leave but not before wishing the birthday boy a happy one if not a smokey one! 

Mam says dinner be ready so I started closing windows and doors. We sit in the smoke-scented dining room shivering, me back to the French doors and the eldest be using his eyes to silently communicate that something be behind me. At the same time, Tonya be calling me into the kitchen to see the cake so I go there first and she says, "This is supposed to be a starburst." I look at the cake and the design looks like a spiderweb. Me Mam, helpful as always goes to the cookie decoration drawer and pulls out a Halloween spider ring and sets it on top. Tonya looks at me saying nothing and I just shrugged. 

A side note here, in me family we never celebrate how old someone really be. It be caprice that dictates the age and the middle child was turning 12 so we put a big 10 on his cake instead. Mam and I went back to the cleared table as Tonya lit the candles. As I am ready to sit down, the eldest pointed to the doors behind me, I turned around to see an almost transparent tree frog crawling up the screen from the inside. One thing you don't know about me is I don't like transparent insects or animals. This near freaked me out because in me mind it would probably jump on me!

Tonya by this time be bringing cake to the table and is the only one singing because two of us are distracted by the frog. I was getting dirty looks from Tonya to sing damn it, so I did a little late than never. I told her what the distraction was, so she put the cake in front of the birthday boy, told him to make a wish and at the same time was gesturing to me to hold on she'd deal with the distraction in a minute.

Well, was more than a minute because the wee one was making fun of the newly minted 12-year-old's 10 on the cake. To which the faux 10-year-old informed the wee one his turning 8 on his next birthday he'd make sure there was a big four on HIS cake and send photos to all the wee one's friends. Oi! This started a ruckus at the table and meanwhile, I have those chills up me back over that wee frog man crawling up the screen, and I just KNOW it be getting to a height to jump on me head. I just knew it.

Luckily Tonya came over and scooped it up, but alas, it jumped out of her hands onto me! I was a wreck, "Get it off, get it off!" I know I was jumping around and screaming like a girl, but it was slimy and cold. She finally recaptured it and was about to put it out when the middle child decides he wants it as a pet. NO WAY JOSE. It was put out and that was that.

By this time the smoke had cleared, the excitement over with and we sat silently, I realised I was exhausted. Mam took care of dishes while Ton and I mopped up the floor and made sure everything was closed as the rain continued to pound the house. Just as I was enjoying me last sips of tea a text comes up from Weasil, "Did you get the video of me doing the foxtrot with a puffer fish?"

Gabe

Copyright © 2021 All rights reserved