Happy MidSummer Gabe! Oh yeah, And Happy Fathers Day!

29 June 2015

Story #778

R. Linda:

Ordinarily, I be not be a vengeful man, but I have recently been driven to me limits, and it be me own fault for becoming complacent.

I have recovered enough from me broken toes to put weight on the foot and walk (unsteadily, I might add). Recovery has kept me from garden duty and anything else requiring working on me day off. I was looking forward to yesterday (Saturday the 20th), as a day of doing absolutely blooding nothing but loafing about the abode. I have grown accustomed to two things: 1. The old ladies bickering (Dragon: You don't need chickens; you don't live on a farm! Me Mam: We can use the eggs and save money wit da amount of eggs we have from our own chickens! Dragon: I just bought eggs from the store because I don't like the taste of those free-range chicken eggs you bought from down the road. Me Mam: Free range! You had 'em fer breakfast yesterday and didn't noo the difference!) and 2. Dragon living here permanently. That last does indeed give me pause, and yes, chills run up me spine at the thought, but accepting the fact that Big Tony is having a blast without her in Japan leaves me thinking he isn't going to be rushing home to his wife and New Jersey anytime soon. I have to admire him for that. If it were me, I'd do the same.

So me nerves (on acceptance of these two facts) have calmed down and I float me brain through the house like all the external things going on about me are not reality. It's as if I'm watching a movie and am totally separate and apart from the action. I am rather pleased with meself as the technique did not come easily and is not completely mastered, because last night I found that this cocoon I have made is flimsy.

I was rather enjoying reading a book (something I have had no time for) at the kitchen table, as I sipped me tea, with the two oldsters going at it over how to make blood pudding of all things. Like Dragon would know anything about that. But it seems she googled it, so she'll be an authority against me Irish mam, who has been brought up on the stuff all her life. Anyway, I had tuned the ridiculous out and heard, somehow, a knocking on me door. I left the shrill shrews to answer it, never giving it a thought it was 10 at night and no one in their right mind would go visiting. And I was correct, no one in their right mind was standing on me doorstep, two not in their right minds to be exact.

The circus had come to town, more precisely to me abode. There stood the two princes of wickedness, Weasil and Kincaid. I would have thought Kincaid had had enough of the toe-breaking episode of the weekend before, that he'd not show up for a good while, but no, no, there he was, and he brought his cohort in crime with him. I sighed all the way to me socks at the sight of them.

"Wot ya want?" I asked, not wanting to invite them in.

"Hey, iz datty a way ta greet yer bosom buds?" Weasil asked, as if he were insulted, which is a stretch.

What could I do? I sighed heavily again and let them in.  Not that I wanted to, but I knew, as you do, there would be no getting rid of them. The kiddos were still up and came running at the two clowns, all in happy animation, and the two clowns got themselves even further down a few levels to act as childish as the three who had an excuse for that. I tell ya!

I left them in the living room, whipping up the noise level, as Kincaid shouted after me that he and Weasil were staying the night. I waved me hand and tried to ignore them, but Kincaid came into the kitchen to ask Dragon if he and Weasil could have her room, she could double up with Tonya, and oh yeah, she was fine with that. Well, I wasn't. That meant Gabe was relegated to the couch again! The scene of the toe-breaking crime! I was so purple with rage I could do nothing but sputter incoherent words at both Kincaid and the Dragon Lady. I was ignored. Yes, they talked over me, sputtering like I wasn't in the room. Ugh!

It was going to be Father's Day and I was damned I'd be sleeping on the couch. I tried to get this out, but was told by Dragon that there would be other Father's Days and to suck it up. Suck it up??? I'd like to see her sleeping on the couch!

It was then that Weasil came in with his knapsack and threw it to me, almost knocking off me head, because I didn't expect him to toss it.

"Prezzie in dere fer yer arse." He said rather smugly.

This took me by surprise. It was a twin-sized air bed, yup, it was. The nerve of him! I asked why he didn't use it, and he said he would, and I could share the bed with Robbie. Uh no. I'd rather the air mattress.

While I fumed, the rest of the house (all except Tonya) was enjoying the clown show. I looked at the air mattress, and it had one of those plug-in thingies that blow it up and you do nothing. I felt a little bad because it was obvious Weasil had gone to some expense. However, Tonya said I should throw out the clowns, air mattress and all, but I was feeling a little guilty. I know I shouldn't have, and I later regretted it.

When everyone had gone to their nice, comfy beds, I opened the air mattress and plugged in the air pump, but nothing happened. I unplugged it and then plugged it back in, and still nothing. I forced meself to read the directions, and I had got it right, but it seemed I had a defective mattress. Oh, goody. I pulled the tubes out of the mattress and got me bicycle pump. I tried to attach the end of the nozzle to the last tube that was connected to the mattress, but it wouldn't stay in place. I spent an hour looking for duct tape but couldn't find the roll. I was frustrated and angry, so I did the only thing I could: I used the breath in me body to blow that stupid thing up, and I will tell you I started at 11:45 and it was nearly 3 a.m. when I collapsed exhausted next to the inflated bed. I must have slept like that for 20 minutes before I revived. I flipped off the lights and flopped on the bed. I closed me eyes and through me eyelids, I could see light, and the light intensified. I opened me lids to a room jumping in an orange glow, and it was getting brighter by the second.

"Wot the heck?" I said nothing and got up, looking out the window at what appeared to be a witches' sabbath. There below me, the fire pit was aglow with tiki torches lit and the two miscreants were drinking, dancing and raising general mayhem. Here, look at this:

I know you can't see much of anything, but me phone made this look like it was duller and further away than it was

I was pissed off I tell ya. I opened me window and shouted at them.

"Wot the hell are you doing?"

"Uhhh . . . it iz midsummer eve sos wez roasting marshymallows in celebration of da nightie. Why dun't ya join us?" Weasil shouted up at me.

"It's 3 in the morning, let that fire go out and shut it down." I whisper-yelled back and closed the window.

I lay meself back down when I was just starting to drift off, and I hear BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! I flew back to the window, the fire was dying down, and I could see the two miscreants next to Robbie's beaten-up Mini Cooper.

"Wot are  you doing now?" I whisper-yelled at them.

"Fixing the dent in Robbie's car." Weasil whisper-yelled back.

"At this time of night? Well, stop it, if I can hear you, me neighbours can hear you."

"OK," a rejected sound came drifting back.

I limped back to the mattress and stood looking down at it, no sheets, too lazy to get any, so I dragged me prized green blankie you made me out of the cedar chest where I had hidden it from Dragon, and like I was falling into a swimming pool I just glided through the air and BOOM onto the mattress which deflated totally. All that huffing and puffing for nothing! There I was, lying on a quickly deflating mattress bed, listening to the air rushing out. Go ahead, laugh. I didn't find it funny. Instead, I was too sick at heart to feel much of anything but lay there mad at me foolish self.

"What are you, five years of age, Gabe?" I asked meself, listening to the last fizzles of air mattress life.

I forced meself up as the creepy feeling of the mattress starting to sandwich me brought back some slamming memories of the first night in me new abode (See Don't Try This At Home -- For That Matter, Don't Try It PERIOD! 16 February 2015).  I got meself up and out of there fast so entanglement wouldn't commence. What to do? I went to the futon where me dog used to bed down and, not thinking it wasn't she, I lay meself down in the dark and put me arms around her (I thought it was her) only to be growled at. And it wasn't a good growl. I hastily sat up and slid me hand down the furred body to realise it was short-haired and not me dog. I got up and switched on the lights. I had, in me worn-out state, forgotten about the coon hound. There he was, looking up at me, growling. Look at this:

You might think he's laughing, but he wasn't.

Feeling maligned all around, I tore the pillow and blanket from under him, and he tried to bite me. I stood there holding the pillow, laughing at him.

"You're not quick enough!" I sneered. I realise in me awakened state that wasn't a great thing to have done, but it was too late, and somehow I survived the pulling of the pillow and the throw. 

I threw the pillow across the room, thinking he'd go for it, but no, no, he didn't. You see, I had a method to me madness (sort of). What he did infuriated me more. Instead, he stretched back out and went to sleep. 

Look familiar? 

I took meself downstairs and made a cuppa. The rain had started and was pounding the windows; if ever there was a lonelier scene, it was me, sipping steaming tea in the kitchen by meself at 4 a.m. Being sleep deprived, it was hard not to feel sorry for me injured self. "Happy Father's Day," I whispered, lifting me teacup for the toast, and found the chair I was sitting on disintegrating to the floor with me in it. In me sleepless state, I had forgotten that Mam had glued a kitchen chair that had arrived broken many years ago, and we didn't throw it away because I was always going to fix it. Yeah, it took me mam's arrival for HER to fix it, and well, now we could throw it out. 

I sat with scalding tea all over me chest (lucky for me I had on a fleece jacket so I wasn't burnt), but me backside was smarting more than me injured toes. I sat in that wet rubble for a good ten minutes contemplating me place on the totem pole of the O'Sullivan family. I had literally reached an all-time low. How did that happen? Everyone, including the house invaders, was comfy in beds, and even the visiting hound had a bed. How did this happen? Time for Gabriel Aloysius O'Sully to man up. 

The chair was splintered, so I stuck it in the trash bin in the garage. I got me green blankie and re-hid it from the Dragon lady, stuffed the defective air mattress back in its bag and then roused the two clowns telling them it was 5 a.m. and they needed to leave. I told Weasil I didn't want the air mattress; he should use it (and I know he will, and when he does, yup, revenge will kick in), and it was with pleasure that I watched the Mini Cooper pull slowly down the driveway. Where it would land next, I had no clue, but I was determined Father's Day was mine!

And it was. I ended up on the couch and slept the sleep of the dead until three kiddos came in with breakfast on a tray. How nice was that, I ask ya? There was Lucky Charms without milk, a quarter glass of orange juice, some kind of mushed fruit and well, it was the best breakfast ever. That is until Tonya came with another tray of eggs, rashers, toast and oh my God, Dragon's blood pudding, which I fed to her beggar dog who would not leave me alone. He wanted the rashers, but he didn't get any. It was pudding or nothing, and the stupid thing ate it. Later, he wasn't acting too crazy, so I am assuming he had the dickey tummy I was supposed to have. Ha Ha Ha!

Gabe
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