Ah Fathers Day 2018, what new and exciting adventures could it bring? That wasn't my thinking when I woke up, no I was thinking of relaxing, nothing to do but eat day. Usually on Fathers Day I be greeted by some incredible breakfast the boyos have put together, and after a few nibbles, we all get dressed and go to the British place for an edible breakfast. Well, neither of those things happened. For one the boyos knew ahead what the plan was, so they didn't make me some inedible delicacies to break me teeth on, and sadly I rather missed that. I know boo-hoo. The second I knew wasn't going to happen because the Brit place be now only open for dinner. But there be a new place I thought for sure we'd go try so I said nothing, just was expectant as to what was planned for breakfast. The rest of the day I wanted to meself if possible. And every year that never happens, but I be determined this year I would do nothing but lay in me hammy with a cold glass of iced tea and nap the day away.
Such laid plans huh? I came down to coffee which be a necessity before any outing. We leisurely went out to the back deck sipped the hot stuff while the kiddos drew me Fathers Day cards. I got tee shirts from all three with the usual frightful writings or drawing on them, and then the ladies (me wife and me mam) discussed where to go for breakfast. That went downhill fast when we mam got the idea we should go have "dose breakfast sannies at da flea maaket." The boyos jumped for joy on that and Tonya was resigned that she supposed everyone was all for a trip to the flea market. Now, I for one was not, but they all forgot what day it was and started to get ready for the trip.
I have never been to an American flea market. I kind of knew what to expect, but I was sure people didn't go there for the eats. AND I be right! I paid the $2.00 parking to a sweaty, sunburned man who told me he was "dying" from the heat. I should have paid more attention to that. The temperature was 85 degrees and there was no shade. All the stands were open air so you perused the stalls with desert heat pounding down on you. I was dripping sweat (like everyone else) by the time I reached the end of one row. The boyos decided they were hungry so the refreshment stand was nearby, and off we went. I saw the breakfast sandwich me mam was all about and it dripped grease so I decided on a steamed hot dog. While we were waiting for our order a woman with a young husky dog was telling someone with a border collie that it was ok their dogs met, hers was very tame. I thought famous last words as her dog lunged for the collie. I distinctly remembered a sign that said: NO DOGS. The place was full of them. Next I know the Husky lady is in line and her dog on a long leash, who was making his way to the counter and once there, was standing on hind legs, forepaws on the counter where food is passed and she's back there on the end of the long leash smiling about how cute he was. I didn't think he was cute, he was slobbering on the counter and barking at the people behind it. We all sort of stepped back which gave him more room to get closer to the take out window with his owner moving up a few paces so he could cause commotion at the window, all the while she was smiling at how CUTE he was. I have a word and it isn't cute. I never even heard that word until I moved here.
We all moved to the side and the people in front decided to let her go ahead to get rid of her and her mutt. When she got to the window she said, "There is a silver car with Mass plates with the windows down about a crack and there are four dogs inside. In this heat that is cruel, can you alert someone and have those dogs taken?"
Now, I had just passed that same car because as I came up on it the dogs saw me and started barking at me and anyone who came near the vehicle. The motor was running and the AC was on, and yes the windows were open a crack but those dogs did not look hot AND the owner had a stall in front of the vehicle. So really? This woman was starting trouble? If the AC wasn't on I'd might say yeah cause for alarm, but not the case at all.
By that time me hot dog came and it was steamed all right, the bun was one soggy mess with a soggy bottom that condiments dripped through onto me jeans. It was tasteless and the only thing that was good was the cold can of Coke A Cola I had bought to go with it. I turned around to people watch and almost barfed up me rubber hot dog at the sight that greeted me only inches from me face. Standing with her back to me was a biker chick in cut off jeans where most of her lower arse cheeks were slapping the back of her knees. I tell ya! And it was Fathers Day, who needed that sight? I promptly turned around to Tonya laughing at me.
When all the greasy sandwiches were consumed, we strolled on into the heart of the market. The kiddos had to stop at every toy stall there was and there was a lot of broken junk for sale. I must have said several times, "You don't want it, it is broken." Finally, I could take no more of the heat so I took meself to the only shade tree on the grounds and finished off me luke-warm coke. While I was standing there a Goth girl wearing black (on the hottest day of the year), her skin bleached whiter than white, wearing black eye makeup and worse black lipstick came strolling me way under a Chinese umbrella. She gave me a garish smile of yellow teeth shocking against the black lips and white skin. She was a tundra in herself as I thought I could feel the earth shake with every step she took in me direction. I couldn't run, it was too hot and she had her sights set on yours truly.
"Hot day in it?" She drawled at me with a gushing smile.
"Oh yeah you can say that." I was trying to be polite and at the same time get around her to make me escape, but there was so much of her!
"You see anything you like?" She asked playing the coquette.
I knew she didn't mean on the tables, she meant her. And NO HELLS NO I saw nothing that I liked! It was then me mam came over and seeing the situation grabbed hold me arm and said to the vampire, "Oh here be me sunny buy, lost em' in da crowd I did." And off she dragged me into the heat, the vampire looking none to happy to have her victim taken away.
And I don't know what was worse, me mam took me over to a birdbath booth with the most blinding and blazing glittery bowls that when the sun hit them, you couldn't see for the glare that put one in a state of temporary blindness.
"Which one of dese should we git fer Tonya's garden?" Me mam asked me and I pointed, I know not at what because I couldn't see, but whatever it was she told the man to wrap it up she was taking it home. Next thing I know I have this wrapped up bowl being shoved into me arms to carry along with a pole that it would sit on once installed.
"Hold on ta dat dere pole dere Gabriel, ya might need it if dat fat vampire gits ya again." Mam quipped.
|This is what I pointed at, one of the least blinding|
We are all prostrate with heat stroke near about, no one wants to do anything so it looks like I may have me do nothing day after all. Only problem, its too fecking hot to lay in a hammock and sip iced tea. So I be stuck inside writing this instead.
Oh and I will not being going to the flea market ever again. I thought antiques and memorabilia in good condition and found nothing but trash for sale and broken trash at that. Live and learn.
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