Name Calling

11 January 2025

1129

R. Linda:

Here it is, a day before me birthday (don't ask about my age; I don't want to remember). Dragon has zoomed her way up not to celebrate my day but to visit the kiddos, so she says. I take no offence. Why would her doing anything for me be any different from any other year? Right. 

Tonya and I have found a wonderful coffee shop where we can buy delicious lattes, ground maple coffee (our favourite), and various maple products. We thought of it as our own place, but like the little red house in the woods where we enjoyed gourmet meals, our maple shop has become Dragon's place to go. Those were two of my favourite places, now invaded by the woman on the broomstick. 

I understand Tonya's wanting to share such a wonderful place, but really? This was our place to go. Now, it's Dragon's place. Am I being petty? Probably, but I want one place to enjoy without the spectre of the Dragon. Is that too much to ask? 

Anyway, we have (the three of us) gone to the maple shop several times for lunch. The breakfast and lunch menus are to die for. Very simple dishes, all made with pure maple syrup, sugar, sauce, you name it. 

One of those times, I was pretty irritated at the Dragon Lady. She was on my last nerve all morning, and it was lunchtime; I was hungry, annoyed at her, and all I wanted was a hot latte and a maple burger. Tonya was no help taking her mother monster's side, and it seemed no matter where I went in that big shop, one of them would find me and start up on something negative about me. Like: "Gabe, would you please get a handbasket and take these heavy things and help me out, huh," in reference to a "little" shopping the wife was doing. Or: "So this is where you are hiding," said from Dragon who I'd occassionally find in the same aisle as meself. I was hiding, to be honest. I wanted to be left Dragon-free and handbasket free, just meself looking around. 

We all somehow found each other and decided to order coffee and lunch and then go shopping while waiting for the order. Only when we got to the order counter did the two women spy something and take off, leaving me to take their orders. Well, I gave the orders, and when asked for the name of the person the order was for, I said: "Missy Tonya and Lady Bertie." The name Bertie is a nickname Big Tony (Dragon's hubby) gave her; he is the only one allowed to call her that. 

In a short while, I heard over the speaker, "Order for Gabe, order for Missy Tonya, and order for Lady Bertie is ready."

I got my order while standing near the counter, then flew behind the doughnut display to watch the ladies retrieve their lunches and coffees. 

"I beg your pardon, did you say Bertie?" Dragon confronted the girl behind the counter.

"Yes, Lady Bertie. Is that you?" The unaware but amused young thing asked Ms. Dragon.

Lady Bertie, AKA Dragon, stood there as if she was chewing her cud, unable to answer. She was angry. 

Taking advantage of the silence, her daughter stepped up.

"You have an order for Tonya?" She said.

"Yes, Missy Tonya, is that you?" The young thing brightly asked.

Heaving a sigh, Tonya answered that yes, it was she.

"Why do I feel deja vu?" Dragon asked Tonya. 

"Because we have been in this situation before, I believe. I can't remember the circumstances, but yes, similar." Tonya mumbled, looking around for yours truly.

I took meself to the little cafe and opened the box containing me juicy maple burger, French fries, and onion rings. I had just sipped me honey latte when I was found. I heard about using the forbidden Bertie name, and if there is one thing the wife does not like to have, it is Missy in front of her name. I was politely humble and apologised for my warped sense of humour. Well, I did, but not really. I mouthed the appropriate sentences but meant none of it in me blackheart, until the next time. I did again, and after that again, so each time I offer to order, the two of them fall for it and then have to hear those horrid monickers announced in the store. Especially the Lady part. That gets heads to turn, much to the chagrin of the Dragon. That attention alone is a wonderful birthday present for moi.

Gabe

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