Jolted Awake, First The Bear, Then The Red Nose, And It Went Downhill From There!

05 July 2017
Story #870

R. Linda:

This last 4th of July morning was not uneventful for yours truly. I had but one sip of coffee when I looked out me window and saw this in me front yard.

Mr. Bear out for a morning stroll

Okay, I took a double-take. At me old abode, we had a bear that visited our bird feeder (before we had the sense to take it down) and always at night when it was too dark for a picture. I had gone out to me motor to fetch something I had forgotten and almost ran into the bear. Well, as me sainted, grey-haired, apple-cheeked little Mam said as she stood next to me watching Mr. Bear, "Lucks like he found yer," and with that, she turned on her heel and left me standing there watching Mr. B saunter into the woods. No, hey, make sure the kiddos aren't outside. Where is the cat? Are the dogs in? Everyone should be aware of the bear. No, no, none of that. I realised then how jaded we have become, having seen large wild animals so often, compared to, say. . . Boston.

Feeling quite a bit awake, I shuffled into the kitchen where Mam had gone to say nothing to anyone about what we both witnessed crossing the lawn. I was not ready for what was seated next to me.

"Be it Red Nose Day?" I asked no one in particular as I studied me youngster's face. See here:

First, he had one tattoo on his face made with Sharpie pens, and now he has another one painting his nose red

"What possessed you?" I asked.

No answer, none, just looked at me like WHAT?

"Go look in the mirror," I said and off he went.

He came back with the same blank expression, like WHAT?

I tell ya! I was more than half awake by then. But I was wide awake when the eldest came running in and sat down, waiting for French toast, which his mother was busy making as her mother (Dragon) was telling her what she was doing wrong in the making of said toast. I tell you, that Dragon will drive me to drink in the early morning! I took a sip of coffee and noticed the eldest as he chatted about how hungry he was, and noticed something very different about him. Look below, can you spot something different?

Since when does he wear glasses?

The child had on glasses. I was gobsmacked, I was. No one told me he had an eye exam and needed corrective lenses. 

"I don't need glasses, Da, they are fake. Everyone at school is wearing glasses, it is sorta the thing, ya know?"

No, I didn't know. O'Hare had gone online and ordered two pairs of glasses for himself. Yes, you are looking at the studious pair, the other pair I have not seen, but can just imagine. 

"Any more surprises I should know about?" I foolishly asked.

"Oh, one if you haven't seen the morning paper," Dragon volunteered, "North Korea claims it has intentionally launched Miss Elle. I guess that's the girl from Beverly Hillbillies."

Everything stopped, no one moved, no one said a word. Instead, we all stared at the newspaper, thumbing Dragon. 

"Donna Douglas wasn't it played that part? Wonder why they'd take her to launch . . . intentionally?"

Yeah, we all wondered about THAT. Good God, the woman! No one was able to react because suddenly, a breathless Guido came running into the kitchen all excited.

"There's a horse in our backyard, can we keep 'em?"

"There's a WHAT?" I was more than wide awake now. 

"Look, look outda da winda!" He pointed, trying to catch his breath.

Well, well, well, yes indeed, we had a horse in the backyard just wandering around. 

Can we keep it? Seriously?

I was ordered by me wife to go out and round the thing up. She'd call the local officer of the law and see if someone's horse had gone missing. Yeah, right, Tonya, you do that while I go out and look for a wandering hungry bear as I try to corral a large white beastie, functioning on NO breakfast and 1/2 a cup of coffee. 

I was near beside meself with Guido jumping up and down about finders keepers and O'Hare raising his glasses so he could "see" the horse clomping around the back. The little one couldn't care less; he was, after all, into race cars, not horses; horses are too slow for the wee laddie. 

I downed me cup of joe, got on me wellies, and still in me PJs; I flung open the back door in the hopes the horse would take off. Instead, it stood looking at me as if sizing me up!

I clunked down the stairs, hoping the noise would spook it, but no, no, it found a patch of grass and was munching, BUT it was watching me hesitant approach. 

"Here, Da, take the rope!" Guido shoved an old clothesline in my hand. 

"And do what with it?" I could hear the high pitch in me voice which happens when I get nervous.

"Rope it!" He said, looking admiringly at the great white beast still calmly munching.

He started pulling up grass, and he was about to go feed the thing when I pulled him back.

"Ya could get trampled for all we know," I said.

"Nah, horses are gentle." 

All I could think of was my neighbour's horse, Mr. Army, and how not gentle that horse was. The word was not in that horse's vocabulary.

I stepped slowly toward the grazing horse and noticed it was a dappled grey. It was a pretty thing with those large brown eyes measuring me up. I was getting closer when its head snapped up and it took off at a trot and passed me, swinging up behind me to munch more grass. I turned and slowly started me approach again. This time, the head swung up sharply, and its ears lay flat against its skull. I knew that wasn't a good sign. It started pawing the dirt, and I knew I wasn't facing a horse; I was facing a bull.

I dropped me hands down in a gesture that I gave up. Guido, meanwhile, was talking softly to the thing, calling it Grey Ghost, and the horse's ears perked up towards him. She shook her head and then her whole body as she settled down. He was next to her in a jiffy, stroking the neck as she continued to graze. I stood there in awe. 

"Here," I said, throwing the rope, "You put that around her neck and I'll slowly come over to hold her until the Fish and Game people come."

"Fish and Game? No, no, don't get rid of her." Guido whined. "See, she likes me."

Well, that nearly broke me heart. He really wanted that horse, but truly?

"Guid," I said, "just think she belongs to someone and that person will be very upset if they lose their animal."

"I know, but . . ."

The local policeman (the only one we have) drove in with a teenage girl who was holding a halter and lead. She ran up to her horse and hugged it, much to Guido's chagrin. 

Greetings were exchanged, and she gushingly thanked Guido (whom I pointed out had found the horse) for letting her know where Daisy had got to. For a 17-year-old, she was good with it; she saw the hurt in Guido's countenance and asked him if he rode. He did not, but she swung him on Daisy's back and had him hold onto the mane while she gave him a pony ride. He was in heaven.

I told the officer about the bear, and he said he had received a few calls this morning, but there were no bird feeders or trash bins outside that would deter the bear. He had an eye on it, knew where it was and said it had headed into the forest, but just be cautious for the rest of the week. As for the horse, the animal lives on a farm that abuts our property, with some 25 acres separating us. Daisy's owner, Jennifer by name, promised to visit Guido with Daisy and give him a ride if it was okay with us. 

This made it all better, thank heavens! The last thing I needed was a horse OR a moody child mooning over one. By this time, the whole family was out, and I noticed they were all dressed, except for me. How embarrassing is that? There I was in PJ bottoms, wellies and a t-shirt that the Dragon lady had given me. 

Yup - Tonya forced me to wear it so I sleep in it, but now it's public!

I tell ya! Typical Dragon, and you can read A LOT into that t-shirt and how she sees yours truly. I often wonder if me own family enjoys embarrassing me in front of strangers. I know Dragon gets her jollies from it. The only saving grace I had was that Sean wasn't there to see me shame. He was off to Boston to see the fireworks and visit the old flame. Which I find embarrassing, since he was the one who broke up with her, and now he looks like he's doing the 'take-me-back' crawl. Uh-huh.

Happy belated 4th, R. Linda

Gabe
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