The Captain's Story On Snuff - A Blast From The Past - And Recognised Unintentionally

 

28 February 2025

Story #1132

R. Linda:

With government firings and general job confusion, not to forget the price of eggs (and everything else), is it any wonder people are frightened they won't have money to live on? It isn't just federal employees, but the rest of us in media. If we say something that someone doesn't like, does that leave us open to revenge by firing? No one knows what will happen, including yours truly, who mostly minds his own business. 

Recently, I ran into the captain of all people in Boston. I was leaving a bistro where I had lunch, and he was early to meet a friend. He looked at the bar and asked if I would have a drink with him to 'catch up'. Well, sure, I had 40 minutes left, so we went to the bar. After we caught up on family, friends, and health in general, our conversation turned to current events. 

"I don't think I have to worry about work," the captain said. "I can work on the fishing boats if push comes to shove, or logging. I've had experience in those and the guys I know in both are always asking me to come work with them."

"Yeah, you are lucky, and I hope neither of us finds ourselves unemployed," I said. "I'm not sure what I'd do if I suddenly found meself jobless. I have savings for half a year, and then . . . " I trailed off in thought.

"I know exactly what you can be doing," he said, "Snuff!" 

I felt me eyes widen at the memory of me eldest kiddo urging me that if anything ever happened to me job situation, I should grow snuff. He was but a little tike at the time, and we laughed back then. I wrote a story for you on that discussion (see I Know . . . Let's Grow SNUFF! 04 October 2011). Even more memorable was the Captain's comment after he read that story.

"What was the story about snuff you told? It was very entertaining," I said.

"Oh, the snuff story," he laughed. "I was in my Captain costume fresh from a gig when I read that, so I told it as Captain Jack."

"So tell it to me now, I could use some entertainment," I said, looking around. There were a few people at the bar, and they were at the other end laughing together loudly, so I figured he could get away with telling it as Captain Jack, with no one the wiser. 

"I have no problem with that, mate," he said, already in Captain Jack's persona.

"The subject of snuff, yes mate. Snuff stuff, the aristocracy's way of inhaling tobacco! Reminds me of when I sailed back to England with Sir Walter Raleigh. He went before the Queen and her court to show them the large, broad leaf "weed" called tobacco. He said, and I remember this well, mate, "Queenie, you take this weed and dry it out, parley? Then you chop it up into little bitty pieces, roll it in a piece of paper, light it with fire, put it in your mouth, and inhale the smoke."

"I stood there waiting for her to yell, "Off with his head! Do you think we are stupid? Why would we dry out an old weed, chop it up, roll it in paper, light it up (of all things), put it in our mouth and inhale the smoke? I've never heard of such a dumb thing in all my days!" But she was in deep thought, staring at the leaf. The two Indians next to me were laughing, and I overheard one whisper to the other, "Stupid pale faces they do anything you tell them, ha ha ha ha ha!"
The Queen looked up and addressed us all. "I think we should dry the leaf, chop it into small pieces, and stick it up our noses instead!" 

"I had to leave, mate, the two Indians and I, that is. We started laughing and trying to hold it in, so we back-stepped, bowing out and shaking with mirth. The English—pffffff, I mean THE ENGLISH! Ha ha ha ha! I can say this: Being of French ancestry, I laugh at you, English. Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Unbeknownst to us, the bartender (who had been shining glasses) came over laughing. "You know Mr. Depp, we don't call attention to celebrities when they come in just for their privacy, but I have to tell you, that was priceless. I wish you would make another Pirates movie."

Talk about speechless. The two of us looked at each other, and then it started. The Captain was in full Johnny Depp mode. He quietly told the man he appreciated the incognito and would like to keep it that way, as to another Jack Sparrow movie, maybe one day. Before the man could ask for an autograph, he paid the bill, took me by the arm, and led me out of the establishment. 

"Hold on a sec," he said, pulling out his phone. Then, he called the person he was to meet and changed the venue. 

"Ah, once cover is blown . . . " I said, laughing.

"I don't know what it is," he said shaking his head.

Of course he knew what it was. Gees the man! 

Gabe

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