28 December 2018
936
R. Linda:
I did manage the annual trek into Maine Weasil and Robbie-less but unfortunately, not Dragon-less. It was just after Thanksgiving that the tri-state tour of New Hampshire, Maine, and Massachusetts took place not with the usual toll upon me wallet, no I got away with spending nothing, but I can't say the same regarding me sanity.
Dragon thinks that the outlets in Kittery, Maine are better than anywhere. I should mention we have outlets in Merrimack and Tilton, New Hampshire, which be closer, well maybe not Tilton, but no, no, no, Dragon likes the drive through "all those pine trees" to Maine. Tonya even told her all the big stores like Bloomie's, Sak's, and Talbots, were all in Merrimack, but no, no, no, we had to drive all the way to Maine where those stores don't exist. No, instead you will find the more sporty stores like Lauren, Hilfiger, Adidas, etc. Stores the woman does not frequent in New Jersey, so why we need frequent them when she's here I do not know. I think she does it to annoy yours truly who also does not frequent those stores. Crew, yes, Bauer, yes, Tonya goes for Coach, but neither of us the rest. And we only go in those stores because well . . . the Trading Post is hunter related and really?
I think it be mainly that Coldwater Creek be the first store as you enter the area. Dragon be a walking advert for Coldwater Creek and Chicos. Yes, she be a woman of age like Mam. Okay then. I tried to drop her off at Coldwater Creek and sneak off to McDonald's to chow me way through the menu while she shopped until she dropped, but no, no, no, "Gabriel you must accompany me I want to pick up a few things for Tonya and I need your opinion." Me opinion was, "DO NOT BUY HER ANYTHING FROM COLDWATER CREEK! SHE WON'T WEAR IT."
Do you know how exasperating it be to be forced to stand around for what seems like hours, while someone goes from rack to rack picking out women's clothing, holding it up for you and asking you what you think? I be no connoisseur of women's fashions, but I sort of know Tonya's style and what Dragon was wanting to buy her was not it. After three hours of this, and two shop girls (their eyes glittering with dreams of commission money) suggesting this and that and holding armloads of clothing the Dragon was not sure she wanted but didn't want to put back just yet, making up an entourage of four, I finally couldn't take it anymore.
Yes, R. Linda, I lost it right in the middle of the store. I took a load of clothes from the shopgirl closest to me and put it all on the counter. "She'll take it all!" I said and then I gathered the clothes from the other girl and did the same. "Just ring her up," I said, walking to the door. "She's done." And then I walked out.
I left three people in particular and the rest of the shoppers looking after me with mouths agape. Yes, I did. I had had it finally. Dragon had got me to me breaking point. I am sure she made excuses for me, telling all within hearing how I be quite a bit unhinged and how she hoped taking me early Christmas shopping for me poor burdened wife was supposed to help. But no, as they could see, that didn't work and well, everyone now knew how much a saint me wife and she THE MOTHER-IN-LAW were to put up with me.
She came out with nothing. That's how I know what she said, otherwise if she were embarrassed she would have bought the lot and been smug the rest of the day. But no, she came out bagless.
"I don't know what you told them in there, but like the J Crew black crows they are all glued to the window looking at us," I said.
"You mean at you." She said walking off quickly.
I waved to all in the window and they all started acting like they weren't really watching and started fussing with clothing on the racks. I have a feeling Dragon will never enter there again unless she can disguise herself. I know I won't be allowed, but then ask me if I care?
Speaking of disguises, meanwhile, while I was acting the maggot, you were doing this:
It was the very next day the Dragon left us in a huff. She would not tell Tonya why she was giving me the cold shoulder. I told Tonya why, and maybe because I did she was sympathetic to me plight. I secretly hope Dragon will nurse that resentment and not fly back here for a long while. One can hope, right? Yeah, I know that's a pipe dream if ever there was one.
I will say the highlight of that trip was me driving into Salisbury, Massachusetts much to the Dragon's protest I took the wrong turn and pulled into the mecca of all Dunks, to order a cortado. I needed it! It was either espresso meself up or stop at a pub and liquor meself up. Then, of course, I couldn't drive and I'd be stuck with the Dragon. So Dunks it was. Imagine me surprise when I pulled up and saw this:
So I did manage the three states, which every year I get razzed about. I now know what exit to take to New Hampshire, but I was not happy and the one thing that would make me happy was a hot coffee, thus the detour to Massachusetts.
I be hopeful this be the last of the Dragon shopping trips. I'd greatly (and I can't believe I be saying this) prefer the Weasil and sidekick on the tri-state tour. That last be not a wish of mine by any means, just sayin'.
Gabe
Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved
936
R. Linda:
I did manage the annual trek into Maine Weasil and Robbie-less but unfortunately, not Dragon-less. It was just after Thanksgiving that the tri-state tour of New Hampshire, Maine, and Massachusetts took place not with the usual toll upon me wallet, no I got away with spending nothing, but I can't say the same regarding me sanity.
Dragon thinks that the outlets in Kittery, Maine are better than anywhere. I should mention we have outlets in Merrimack and Tilton, New Hampshire, which be closer, well maybe not Tilton, but no, no, no, Dragon likes the drive through "all those pine trees" to Maine. Tonya even told her all the big stores like Bloomie's, Sak's, and Talbots, were all in Merrimack, but no, no, no, we had to drive all the way to Maine where those stores don't exist. No, instead you will find the more sporty stores like Lauren, Hilfiger, Adidas, etc. Stores the woman does not frequent in New Jersey, so why we need frequent them when she's here I do not know. I think she does it to annoy yours truly who also does not frequent those stores. Crew, yes, Bauer, yes, Tonya goes for Coach, but neither of us the rest. And we only go in those stores because well . . . the Trading Post is hunter related and really?
I think it be mainly that Coldwater Creek be the first store as you enter the area. Dragon be a walking advert for Coldwater Creek and Chicos. Yes, she be a woman of age like Mam. Okay then. I tried to drop her off at Coldwater Creek and sneak off to McDonald's to chow me way through the menu while she shopped until she dropped, but no, no, no, "Gabriel you must accompany me I want to pick up a few things for Tonya and I need your opinion." Me opinion was, "DO NOT BUY HER ANYTHING FROM COLDWATER CREEK! SHE WON'T WEAR IT."
Do you know how exasperating it be to be forced to stand around for what seems like hours, while someone goes from rack to rack picking out women's clothing, holding it up for you and asking you what you think? I be no connoisseur of women's fashions, but I sort of know Tonya's style and what Dragon was wanting to buy her was not it. After three hours of this, and two shop girls (their eyes glittering with dreams of commission money) suggesting this and that and holding armloads of clothing the Dragon was not sure she wanted but didn't want to put back just yet, making up an entourage of four, I finally couldn't take it anymore.
Yes, R. Linda, I lost it right in the middle of the store. I took a load of clothes from the shopgirl closest to me and put it all on the counter. "She'll take it all!" I said and then I gathered the clothes from the other girl and did the same. "Just ring her up," I said, walking to the door. "She's done." And then I walked out.
I left three people in particular and the rest of the shoppers looking after me with mouths agape. Yes, I did. I had had it finally. Dragon had got me to me breaking point. I am sure she made excuses for me, telling all within hearing how I be quite a bit unhinged and how she hoped taking me early Christmas shopping for me poor burdened wife was supposed to help. But no, as they could see, that didn't work and well, everyone now knew how much a saint me wife and she THE MOTHER-IN-LAW were to put up with me.
She came out with nothing. That's how I know what she said, otherwise if she were embarrassed she would have bought the lot and been smug the rest of the day. But no, she came out bagless.
"I don't know what you told them in there, but like the J Crew black crows they are all glued to the window looking at us," I said.
"You mean at you." She said walking off quickly.
I waved to all in the window and they all started acting like they weren't really watching and started fussing with clothing on the racks. I have a feeling Dragon will never enter there again unless she can disguise herself. I know I won't be allowed, but then ask me if I care?
Speaking of disguises, meanwhile, while I was acting the maggot, you were doing this:
 |
| Do you really want to look like it's St. Patrick's Day 24/7? |
It was the very next day the Dragon left us in a huff. She would not tell Tonya why she was giving me the cold shoulder. I told Tonya why, and maybe because I did she was sympathetic to me plight. I secretly hope Dragon will nurse that resentment and not fly back here for a long while. One can hope, right? Yeah, I know that's a pipe dream if ever there was one.
I will say the highlight of that trip was me driving into Salisbury, Massachusetts much to the Dragon's protest I took the wrong turn and pulled into the mecca of all Dunks, to order a cortado. I needed it! It was either espresso meself up or stop at a pub and liquor meself up. Then, of course, I couldn't drive and I'd be stuck with the Dragon. So Dunks it was. Imagine me surprise when I pulled up and saw this:
 |
| I was already bananas, but who knew Dunks sells fresh produce? |
So I did manage the three states, which every year I get razzed about. I now know what exit to take to New Hampshire, but I was not happy and the one thing that would make me happy was a hot coffee, thus the detour to Massachusetts.
I be hopeful this be the last of the Dragon shopping trips. I'd greatly (and I can't believe I be saying this) prefer the Weasil and sidekick on the tri-state tour. That last be not a wish of mine by any means, just sayin'.
Gabe
Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved
3 comments:
ROFLMAO A preview of HELL! You're lucky it was only a few stores she tortured you in. My green hair has faded greatly, no more leprechaun, faded oompa loompa maybe. She REALLY does not like you, maybe someday. NOT! LMAO
LOL Poor you! I assume you went shopping without the wife, which is a smart thing to do (keeps the wallet in tact), but in this case your mother-in-law more than made up for the savings by spending whats left of your patience. That is, if you had any to begin with. LMAO
Dear oh dear, LOL! A shopping trip disaster, a muse with green hair, and a banana for a man who is already gone bananas. I don't envy you, but I will wish you a belated Happy Christmas and I hope a very good New Year (sounds like you'll need it).
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