28 December 2018
Story #936
R. Linda:
I did manage the annual trek into Maine (Weasil and Robbie-less), but unfortunately, not Dragon-less. It was just after Thanksgiving that the tri-state tour of New Hampshire, Maine, and Massachusetts took place, not with the usual toll on my wallet; no, I managed to spend nothing, but I can't say the same about me sanity.
Dragon thinks that the outlets in Kittery, Maine, are better than anywhere. I should mention that we have outlets in Merrimack and Tilton, New Hampshire, which would be closer, well, maybe not Tilton, but no, no, Dragon likes the drive through "all those pine trees" to Maine. Tonya even told her all the big stores like Bloomie's, Sak's, and Talbots, were in Merrimack, but no, no, we had to drive all the way to Maine, where those stores don't exist. No, instead you will find the more sporty stores like Lauren, Hilfiger, Adidas, etc. The stores the woman does not frequent in New Jersey, so why do we need to frequent them when she's here? I do not know. She does it to annoy yours truly, who also does not frequent those stores. Crew, yes, Bauer, yes, Tonya goes for Coach, but neither of us knows the rest. And we only go to those stores because, well, the Trading Post is hunter-related, and really?
It be mainly that Coldwater Creek be the first store as you enter the area. Dragon is a walking advert for Coldwater Creek and Chico's. Yes, she is a woman of a certain age, like Mam. Okay then. I tried to drop her off at Coldwater Creek and sneak off to McDonald's to chow me way through the menu while she shopped until she dropped, but no, no, "Gabriel, you must accompany me. I want to pick up a few things for Tonya, and I need your opinion." My opinion was, "DO NOT BUY HER ANYTHING FROM COLDWATER CREEK! SHE WOULDN'T WEAR IT!"
Do you know how exasperating it is to be forced to stand around for what seems like hours, while someone goes from rack to rack picking out women's clothing, holding it up for you and asking you what you think? I am no connoisseur of women's fashion, but I do know Tonya's style, and what Dragon wanted to buy her was not it. After three hours of this, and two shop girls (their eyes glittering with dreams of commission money) suggesting this and that and holding armloads of clothing the Dragon was not sure she wanted but didn't want to put back just yet, making up an entourage of four, I finally couldn't take it anymore.
Yes, R. Linda, I lost it right in the middle of the store. I took a load of clothes from the shopgirl closest to me and put them all on the counter. "She'll take it all!" I said, and then I gathered the clothes from the other girl and did the same. "Just ring her up," I said, walking to the door. "She's done." And then I walked out.
I left three people in particular, and the rest of the shoppers looking after me with their mouths agape. Yes, I did. I had had it finally. Dragon had got me to my breaking point. I am sure she made excuses for me, telling all within hearing how I was quite a bit unhinged and how she hoped taking me early Christmas shopping for my poor, burdened wife was supposed to help. But no, as they could see, that didn't work and well, everyone now knew how much a saint me wife and she, THE MOTHER-IN-LAW, were to put up with me.
She came out with nothing. That's how I know what she said; otherwise, if she were embarrassed, she would have bought the lot and been smug the rest of the day. But no, she came out bagless.
"I don't know what you told them in there, but like the J Crew black crows, they are all glued to the window looking at us," I said.
"You mean at you." She said, walking off quickly.
I waved to all the people in the window, and they all started acting like they weren't really watching, instead fussing with the clothing on the racks. I have a feeling Dragon will never enter there again unless she can disguise herself. I know I won't be allowed, but then ask me if I care?
Speaking of disguises, meanwhile, while I was acting the maggot, you were doing this:
It was the very next day that the Dragon left us in a huff. She would not tell Tonya why she was giving me the cold shoulder. I told Tonya why, and maybe because I did, she was sympathetic to my plight. I secretly hope Dragon will nurse that resentment and not fly back here for a long while. One can hope, right? Yeah, I know that's a pipe dream if ever there was one.
I would say the highlight of that trip was driving into Salisbury, Massachusetts, much to the Dragon's protest. I took the wrong turn and pulled into the mecca of all Dunkin' Donuts, where I ordered a cortado. I needed it! It was either to get meself an espresso or stop at a pub and get meself drunk. Then, of course, I couldn't drive, and I'd be stuck with the Dragon. So Dunks it was. Imagine me surprise when I pulled up and saw this:
I managed the three states, which I get razzed about every year. I now know which exit to take to New Hampshire, but I wasn't happy, and the one thing that would make me happy was a hot cup of joe, so I took the detour to Massachusetts.
I am hopeful this be the last of the Dragon shopping trips. I'd greatly (and I can't believe I be saying this) prefer the Weasil and sidekick on the tri-state tour. That last be not a wish of mine by any means, just sayin'.
Gabe
Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved
Story #936
R. Linda:
I did manage the annual trek into Maine (Weasil and Robbie-less), but unfortunately, not Dragon-less. It was just after Thanksgiving that the tri-state tour of New Hampshire, Maine, and Massachusetts took place, not with the usual toll on my wallet; no, I managed to spend nothing, but I can't say the same about me sanity.
Dragon thinks that the outlets in Kittery, Maine, are better than anywhere. I should mention that we have outlets in Merrimack and Tilton, New Hampshire, which would be closer, well, maybe not Tilton, but no, no, Dragon likes the drive through "all those pine trees" to Maine. Tonya even told her all the big stores like Bloomie's, Sak's, and Talbots, were in Merrimack, but no, no, we had to drive all the way to Maine, where those stores don't exist. No, instead you will find the more sporty stores like Lauren, Hilfiger, Adidas, etc. The stores the woman does not frequent in New Jersey, so why do we need to frequent them when she's here? I do not know. She does it to annoy yours truly, who also does not frequent those stores. Crew, yes, Bauer, yes, Tonya goes for Coach, but neither of us knows the rest. And we only go to those stores because, well, the Trading Post is hunter-related, and really?
It be mainly that Coldwater Creek be the first store as you enter the area. Dragon is a walking advert for Coldwater Creek and Chico's. Yes, she is a woman of a certain age, like Mam. Okay then. I tried to drop her off at Coldwater Creek and sneak off to McDonald's to chow me way through the menu while she shopped until she dropped, but no, no, "Gabriel, you must accompany me. I want to pick up a few things for Tonya, and I need your opinion." My opinion was, "DO NOT BUY HER ANYTHING FROM COLDWATER CREEK! SHE WOULDN'T WEAR IT!"
Do you know how exasperating it is to be forced to stand around for what seems like hours, while someone goes from rack to rack picking out women's clothing, holding it up for you and asking you what you think? I am no connoisseur of women's fashion, but I do know Tonya's style, and what Dragon wanted to buy her was not it. After three hours of this, and two shop girls (their eyes glittering with dreams of commission money) suggesting this and that and holding armloads of clothing the Dragon was not sure she wanted but didn't want to put back just yet, making up an entourage of four, I finally couldn't take it anymore.
Yes, R. Linda, I lost it right in the middle of the store. I took a load of clothes from the shopgirl closest to me and put them all on the counter. "She'll take it all!" I said, and then I gathered the clothes from the other girl and did the same. "Just ring her up," I said, walking to the door. "She's done." And then I walked out.
I left three people in particular, and the rest of the shoppers looking after me with their mouths agape. Yes, I did. I had had it finally. Dragon had got me to my breaking point. I am sure she made excuses for me, telling all within hearing how I was quite a bit unhinged and how she hoped taking me early Christmas shopping for my poor, burdened wife was supposed to help. But no, as they could see, that didn't work and well, everyone now knew how much a saint me wife and she, THE MOTHER-IN-LAW, were to put up with me.
She came out with nothing. That's how I know what she said; otherwise, if she were embarrassed, she would have bought the lot and been smug the rest of the day. But no, she came out bagless.
"I don't know what you told them in there, but like the J Crew black crows, they are all glued to the window looking at us," I said.
"You mean at you." She said, walking off quickly.
I waved to all the people in the window, and they all started acting like they weren't really watching, instead fussing with the clothing on the racks. I have a feeling Dragon will never enter there again unless she can disguise herself. I know I won't be allowed, but then ask me if I care?
Speaking of disguises, meanwhile, while I was acting the maggot, you were doing this:
 |
| Do you really want to look like it's St. St. Patrick's Day 24/7? |
It was the very next day that the Dragon left us in a huff. She would not tell Tonya why she was giving me the cold shoulder. I told Tonya why, and maybe because I did, she was sympathetic to my plight. I secretly hope Dragon will nurse that resentment and not fly back here for a long while. One can hope, right? Yeah, I know that's a pipe dream if ever there was one.
I would say the highlight of that trip was driving into Salisbury, Massachusetts, much to the Dragon's protest. I took the wrong turn and pulled into the mecca of all Dunkin' Donuts, where I ordered a cortado. I needed it! It was either to get meself an espresso or stop at a pub and get meself drunk. Then, of course, I couldn't drive, and I'd be stuck with the Dragon. So Dunks it was. Imagine me surprise when I pulled up and saw this:
 |
| I was already bananas, but who knew Dunks sells fresh produce? |
I managed the three states, which I get razzed about every year. I now know which exit to take to New Hampshire, but I wasn't happy, and the one thing that would make me happy was a hot cup of joe, so I took the detour to Massachusetts.
I am hopeful this be the last of the Dragon shopping trips. I'd greatly (and I can't believe I be saying this) prefer the Weasil and sidekick on the tri-state tour. That last be not a wish of mine by any means, just sayin'.
Gabe
Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved
