03 February 2018
897
R. Linda:
While we are on the subject of me mother, here be a blast from the past story-wise that be.
On discussing the "borrowing" of me new coat over tea yesterday afternoon (me day off), and with Tonya at work, we openly and at times, loudly expounded on the coat living for three days at Ben's house (Ben being me Mam's non-boyfriend).
"I noticed when he came to pick you up and before me coat figured in the equation," I began but she cut me off.
"Ock! Ar' ye goona start oop on dat agin?" She asked getting very Irish in her speech.
"Why yes I am." I replied holding a finger up for silence.
"I noticed," I got that far before she cut me off again.
"Ye goo on and on like yer beatin' on a dead cow ye ar'."
"Would you stop for just a minute? I be trying to tell you an observation on Ben I have."
She sat quietly not trusting I wouldn't go back to the coat fiasco.
"I noticed, that Ben wore a button-down shirt and it was buttoned." I sat smugly looking at her biting her lip.
"Wot ye gittin' at Gabriel spit it out would ya."
"Just that he knew his buttons on his collar needed to be buttoned and they were, unlike someone who went nearly two years oblivious to the fact one side of his collar was buttoned and the other was not."
"I see where yer gooin' wit dis."
"Yup, YOU were the culprit that for what two years was it? That YOU would button one side of Da's shirt and not the other, and HE not an observant man, went off to work everyday with the one side buttoned look."
"Well, I wuz tryin' ta taach 'em a lesson, cor it took long enuff!"
"Yes, it did. I can still remember the day he finally discovered the truth. He came home red in the face that his boss's secretary had taken him aside and pointed out the discrepancy of his attire."
"Ooh he wuz nun too happy he wuzn't."
"Nope he wasn't. She had asked him how he managed to thread his tie though his collar, buttoning the one side and forgetting the other. Was it a fashion statement she wondered." I laughed at the memory and she looked very smug with herself.
"If I dint button his collar he'd a have both sides unfastened." She stated as if on a witness stand defending her bad self.
"Makes me wonder what else you are capable of that you do and we are not aware of the private japes going on in that steel trap mind of yours."
She narrowed her eyes at me which was a sure fire indication she was up to no good.
"Ah see there!" I said pointing at her.
"Wot?" She was acting all innocent like she had no clue what I was going on about.
"So what are you up to? Mixing cat food in with the hamburger meat? Making Bailey's whiskey cake when we are all at work and eating it yourself? " I threw those out just to get her attention. Then I hit her with the real magic acts going on. "Washing me socks with the towels so static cling makes for a fashion statement of me own, going to work with the bottoms of me trousers stuck to me ankles? Switching the two pictures in the hallway weekly, so we all think we are losing our minds? All that be you I suspect." I said watching her shoulders shake with mirth Yes, she thinks all that gaslight treatment be funny. "You aren't careful I'll have you committed."
"Luck dey'd believe YOU when ye tell dem all dat an' dey loook at me all sweet and elderly." She quipped.
"Um hum."
"It wuz a new shirt obviously, so it was buttoned before he poot it on." She threw at me getting up ending the conversation.
She had brought the talk back to Ben and left me sitting there wondering what's next on her gaslight agenda. I tell ya the socks thing has me going. Every morning for a week the static cling they produce clamps me trousers to them like I be in a wind storm. For the life of me I can't release the trousers from the socks so I look like God knows what. All because SHE thinks it is funny.
Add to that we have two photographs of Ireland, hung as you come down the staircase. She made a big deal that the Cliffs of Moher should be at the upper part of the wall, and Kilkenny Castle on the lower. But just this morning the pictures are reversed. Yesterday, they were like they originally were hung, but weekly they switch. I'm not doing that, and Tonya isn't doing that and the kiddos could care less. I don't buy me Mam's suggestion the dog did it. Just giving you a little slice of what life with Mam be like.
Gabe
Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved
897
R. Linda:
While we are on the subject of me mother, here be a blast from the past story-wise that be.
On discussing the "borrowing" of me new coat over tea yesterday afternoon (me day off), and with Tonya at work, we openly and at times, loudly expounded on the coat living for three days at Ben's house (Ben being me Mam's non-boyfriend).
"I noticed when he came to pick you up and before me coat figured in the equation," I began but she cut me off.
"Ock! Ar' ye goona start oop on dat agin?" She asked getting very Irish in her speech.
"Why yes I am." I replied holding a finger up for silence.
"I noticed," I got that far before she cut me off again.
"Ye goo on and on like yer beatin' on a dead cow ye ar'."
"Would you stop for just a minute? I be trying to tell you an observation on Ben I have."
She sat quietly not trusting I wouldn't go back to the coat fiasco.
"I noticed, that Ben wore a button-down shirt and it was buttoned." I sat smugly looking at her biting her lip.
"Wot ye gittin' at Gabriel spit it out would ya."
"Just that he knew his buttons on his collar needed to be buttoned and they were, unlike someone who went nearly two years oblivious to the fact one side of his collar was buttoned and the other was not."
"I see where yer gooin' wit dis."
"Yup, YOU were the culprit that for what two years was it? That YOU would button one side of Da's shirt and not the other, and HE not an observant man, went off to work everyday with the one side buttoned look."
"Well, I wuz tryin' ta taach 'em a lesson, cor it took long enuff!"
"Yes, it did. I can still remember the day he finally discovered the truth. He came home red in the face that his boss's secretary had taken him aside and pointed out the discrepancy of his attire."
"Ooh he wuz nun too happy he wuzn't."
"Nope he wasn't. She had asked him how he managed to thread his tie though his collar, buttoning the one side and forgetting the other. Was it a fashion statement she wondered." I laughed at the memory and she looked very smug with herself.
"If I dint button his collar he'd a have both sides unfastened." She stated as if on a witness stand defending her bad self.
"Makes me wonder what else you are capable of that you do and we are not aware of the private japes going on in that steel trap mind of yours."
She narrowed her eyes at me which was a sure fire indication she was up to no good.
"Ah see there!" I said pointing at her.
"Wot?" She was acting all innocent like she had no clue what I was going on about.
"So what are you up to? Mixing cat food in with the hamburger meat? Making Bailey's whiskey cake when we are all at work and eating it yourself? " I threw those out just to get her attention. Then I hit her with the real magic acts going on. "Washing me socks with the towels so static cling makes for a fashion statement of me own, going to work with the bottoms of me trousers stuck to me ankles? Switching the two pictures in the hallway weekly, so we all think we are losing our minds? All that be you I suspect." I said watching her shoulders shake with mirth Yes, she thinks all that gaslight treatment be funny. "You aren't careful I'll have you committed."
"Luck dey'd believe YOU when ye tell dem all dat an' dey loook at me all sweet and elderly." She quipped.
"Um hum."
"It wuz a new shirt obviously, so it was buttoned before he poot it on." She threw at me getting up ending the conversation.
She had brought the talk back to Ben and left me sitting there wondering what's next on her gaslight agenda. I tell ya the socks thing has me going. Every morning for a week the static cling they produce clamps me trousers to them like I be in a wind storm. For the life of me I can't release the trousers from the socks so I look like God knows what. All because SHE thinks it is funny.
Add to that we have two photographs of Ireland, hung as you come down the staircase. She made a big deal that the Cliffs of Moher should be at the upper part of the wall, and Kilkenny Castle on the lower. But just this morning the pictures are reversed. Yesterday, they were like they originally were hung, but weekly they switch. I'm not doing that, and Tonya isn't doing that and the kiddos could care less. I don't buy me Mam's suggestion the dog did it. Just giving you a little slice of what life with Mam be like.
Gabe
Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved
3 comments:
ROFLMAO hey you get your fun where you find it. Dryer sheets for static cling.
i can picture your pant cuffs wrapped around your socks that is funny LMAO
How does someone go a year without realising their collar isn't buttoned? Don't you hate when that happens, static takes over and you can do near nothing about it because as it usually happens there isn't a dryer sheet as (Mobit recommends) in sight? LOL
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