04 February 2018
Story #898
R. Linda:
To add to the frustration of trying to get anything around here done, the Dragon Lady mother-in-law landed off her broomstick at me front door. You don't know the pleasure I get at seeing her sneering face asking me snidely how I be doing. And each time I'd like to answer I was doing well until she appeared, but the wife was at me side, so I had to be nice speaking through me teeth how wonderful it was to see her. I could choke on me own bile when forced to be nice to the one woman in all the world who has made me her lifetime target for the worst son-in-law on the planet.
After the trials and tribulations of putting up with me own Mam's antics, I somehow found that the Irish do get lucky (on rare occasions) and was able to pawn me apple-cheeked, grey-haired Mam off on the Dragon. This was Friday when that happened. I needed to go into Boston for a meeting, and Tonya was at work, the kiddos were all in school, so that left you know who. As I slid me skinny self out the front door I wished them both a prosperous day. Mam caught on suddenly that I was leaving her alone with the Dragon. She asked me where I THOUGHT I was going. I told her the truth and shut the door. I chuckled to meself knowing she was none too happy, but hey after the coat incident (I know I be much too anal about that), it was her just dessert to spend the day with the wearisome dragon.
I laughed to meself all the way to Boston about how clever I was by not saying a word. I made Mam think I had the whole day off when I had only the morning. When I returned around 6:30 that evening, it was to a Dragon Lady pleased with herself and a Mam who looked rather too smug, which made me very nervous. I had no clue what could have got them into such a self-satisfied mode of humour. After dinner, which was this:
Story #898
R. Linda:
To add to the frustration of trying to get anything around here done, the Dragon Lady mother-in-law landed off her broomstick at me front door. You don't know the pleasure I get at seeing her sneering face asking me snidely how I be doing. And each time I'd like to answer I was doing well until she appeared, but the wife was at me side, so I had to be nice speaking through me teeth how wonderful it was to see her. I could choke on me own bile when forced to be nice to the one woman in all the world who has made me her lifetime target for the worst son-in-law on the planet.
After the trials and tribulations of putting up with me own Mam's antics, I somehow found that the Irish do get lucky (on rare occasions) and was able to pawn me apple-cheeked, grey-haired Mam off on the Dragon. This was Friday when that happened. I needed to go into Boston for a meeting, and Tonya was at work, the kiddos were all in school, so that left you know who. As I slid me skinny self out the front door I wished them both a prosperous day. Mam caught on suddenly that I was leaving her alone with the Dragon. She asked me where I THOUGHT I was going. I told her the truth and shut the door. I chuckled to meself knowing she was none too happy, but hey after the coat incident (I know I be much too anal about that), it was her just dessert to spend the day with the wearisome dragon.
I laughed to meself all the way to Boston about how clever I was by not saying a word. I made Mam think I had the whole day off when I had only the morning. When I returned around 6:30 that evening, it was to a Dragon Lady pleased with herself and a Mam who looked rather too smug, which made me very nervous. I had no clue what could have got them into such a self-satisfied mode of humour. After dinner, which was this:
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| YUM |
I took Mam aside and casually asked after her day.
"Well dere Gabriel, I haf sumtin' I wanna shoo ye." And almost covertly she led me to me office. She flipped on the lights and waited. I didn't see anything different but then I did. On me bookshelf was a face, a stone face. I looked at her in wonder, and she explained that she and Dragon had tea and "crumpets." Afterward, she decided (at least Dragon did) that they were bored, so Dragon suggested they go out. Mam tried her hardest to get Dragon out while she stayed home and prepared a game pie. That fell on deaf ears as Dragon offered to help when they returned. With no corner to run to, Mam sighed, got on her coat and off they went.
As a side note, Mam likes moons, not the kind of moons me sons whip out pulling down their pants at her, but any type of statue or rendering of the moon she is all appreciative. We have moon art throughout the house like this:
Mam wanted to get home and not spend the day traipsing about small towns with Dragon. Dragon wanted to visit an antique shop and promised it would be their only stop since Mam seemed focused on making that game pie. It seems Mam embellished this story about how the kiddos and me, in particular, were hounding her for her Boxing Day Game Pie (in truth, we weren't, but it was a favourite), and she must have been very convincing to get the Dragon to agree to one stop and one stop only.
She had gone on and on about how put out she was, how hard she works to help around the house and how she looks after the kiddos while the wife and I are at work, and how she does the laundry, tidies up the abode, cooks dinners and goodies, etc., none of which we have asked her to do. But she piled it on and somewhere in that black heart of Dragon's she felt sorry for me, grey-haired, apple-cheeked little Mam. I tell ya the woman can be a real piece of work when she sets her mind to it, which is all the time her mind is on THAT.
So in the antique shop (a rather large one), Mam made well away for the 20 questions on everything in the shop that Dragon often subjects her to. Mam made off, or more like snuck off to another part of the shop. Dragon, feeling (as I said sorry for little Mam), saw a moon face, and she thought to buy it to lift Mam's spirits. So covertly she made her way to the counter, paid for the face, had it wrapped nicely and then took off after me wandering mother.
Once in the auto, Dragon lifts the heavy object from her shopping bag and, unable to hold it up for long (because of the weight), places it on Mam's lap with a drop that almost crushed Mam's thighs.
"Ock! Wot be dis?" Mam said trying to lift it off her pinned thighs.
"Open it!" Dragon demands all delighted.
"Well, ok but wot be it?"
"You'll see," Dragon said all happy with herself.
Mam ripped through the wrappings and went stone still when she saw the object d' art. She couldn't find the words, for there in her lap was this heavy stone-face, and I might add grim expression, ancient colonial man. Yes, the head was in a moon shape but the rest of it was eerily familiar and if Mam could have screamed "Get this thing off me NOW!" she would have. But knowing the Dragon was oblivious to what she had gifted her with, me polite Mam summoned the courage to say thank ye.
"I sense a hesitation Mrs. O. Is there a problem with my gift?"
"Uh noo, not exactly but wot do ye tink it be?" Mam was curious.
"Why a moonstone! Look it's the man in the moon." Dragon near shouted in glee. "I know you like moons, so I couldn't resist boosting your spirits!"
Mam could resist, but she couldn't resist informing Dragon that what she had bought her was a grave marker. Yup, Dragon had bought a headstone! And Dragon was none too happy to know that. She suggested they go back inside and take it back, and she'd tell the proprietor a thing or two for not telling her what she was purchasing.
Mam was entirely of another mind. No, she said she wanted it because she thought it would make an excellent addition to my office! Dragon, appeased by that idea and all for it (of course she'd be), said all right and on the way home, they Googled the piece since his name was on it. Yup, it was! Neither thought to go back in and ask WHY a grave marker was for sale in an antique shop. Neither thought it might be nice to return it to its rightful dead owner, no, it was better I should have it! I tell ya!
So when I saw it and knew instantly what it was, me first question was, " WHY?" Then it was, where did she get it from, and why was it on me office bookshelf? Then I saw what book was next to it, Edgar Allan Poe's works! Getting no concrete answers to anything, eventually, I got the story out of Dragon who told me she'd be offended if I got rid of it.
"Look at this way, Gabe, it looks enough like you when you pass on to the great beyond, we can use it to mark your ashes out in the backyard." She said this with a huge smile. Yes, she did. This was no big deal, and wow, Tonya would save a buck on a grave marker because now I had one. Never mind; it had someone else's name! It could sit on the shelf watching over me until the day. Oh yeah, lovely sentiment. This has taught me NEVER to leave them both alone together. Here I was so smug with meself and now, I have a grave marker I never thought I'd see sitting on me bookshelf while I am alive!
Tonya thinks it's a hoot, she does. She told me she looked it up (after a minor concern: we had a stolen headstone) and found it to be a facsimile, and thus, art! She is no better than the other two. AND the kiddos think it's great. It is the dog that comes into the office with sad eyes, convinced I will be departing this earth soon. It actually whines at my feet. So now I am creeped out. Here, take a look-see.
Gabe
Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved
"Well dere Gabriel, I haf sumtin' I wanna shoo ye." And almost covertly she led me to me office. She flipped on the lights and waited. I didn't see anything different but then I did. On me bookshelf was a face, a stone face. I looked at her in wonder, and she explained that she and Dragon had tea and "crumpets." Afterward, she decided (at least Dragon did) that they were bored, so Dragon suggested they go out. Mam tried her hardest to get Dragon out while she stayed home and prepared a game pie. That fell on deaf ears as Dragon offered to help when they returned. With no corner to run to, Mam sighed, got on her coat and off they went.
As a side note, Mam likes moons, not the kind of moons me sons whip out pulling down their pants at her, but any type of statue or rendering of the moon she is all appreciative. We have moon art throughout the house like this:
Mam wanted to get home and not spend the day traipsing about small towns with Dragon. Dragon wanted to visit an antique shop and promised it would be their only stop since Mam seemed focused on making that game pie. It seems Mam embellished this story about how the kiddos and me, in particular, were hounding her for her Boxing Day Game Pie (in truth, we weren't, but it was a favourite), and she must have been very convincing to get the Dragon to agree to one stop and one stop only.
She had gone on and on about how put out she was, how hard she works to help around the house and how she looks after the kiddos while the wife and I are at work, and how she does the laundry, tidies up the abode, cooks dinners and goodies, etc., none of which we have asked her to do. But she piled it on and somewhere in that black heart of Dragon's she felt sorry for me, grey-haired, apple-cheeked little Mam. I tell ya the woman can be a real piece of work when she sets her mind to it, which is all the time her mind is on THAT.
So in the antique shop (a rather large one), Mam made well away for the 20 questions on everything in the shop that Dragon often subjects her to. Mam made off, or more like snuck off to another part of the shop. Dragon, feeling (as I said sorry for little Mam), saw a moon face, and she thought to buy it to lift Mam's spirits. So covertly she made her way to the counter, paid for the face, had it wrapped nicely and then took off after me wandering mother.
Once in the auto, Dragon lifts the heavy object from her shopping bag and, unable to hold it up for long (because of the weight), places it on Mam's lap with a drop that almost crushed Mam's thighs.
"Ock! Wot be dis?" Mam said trying to lift it off her pinned thighs.
"Open it!" Dragon demands all delighted.
"Well, ok but wot be it?"
"You'll see," Dragon said all happy with herself.
Mam ripped through the wrappings and went stone still when she saw the object d' art. She couldn't find the words, for there in her lap was this heavy stone-face, and I might add grim expression, ancient colonial man. Yes, the head was in a moon shape but the rest of it was eerily familiar and if Mam could have screamed "Get this thing off me NOW!" she would have. But knowing the Dragon was oblivious to what she had gifted her with, me polite Mam summoned the courage to say thank ye.
"I sense a hesitation Mrs. O. Is there a problem with my gift?"
"Uh noo, not exactly but wot do ye tink it be?" Mam was curious.
"Why a moonstone! Look it's the man in the moon." Dragon near shouted in glee. "I know you like moons, so I couldn't resist boosting your spirits!"
Mam could resist, but she couldn't resist informing Dragon that what she had bought her was a grave marker. Yup, Dragon had bought a headstone! And Dragon was none too happy to know that. She suggested they go back inside and take it back, and she'd tell the proprietor a thing or two for not telling her what she was purchasing.
Mam was entirely of another mind. No, she said she wanted it because she thought it would make an excellent addition to my office! Dragon, appeased by that idea and all for it (of course she'd be), said all right and on the way home, they Googled the piece since his name was on it. Yup, it was! Neither thought to go back in and ask WHY a grave marker was for sale in an antique shop. Neither thought it might be nice to return it to its rightful dead owner, no, it was better I should have it! I tell ya!
So when I saw it and knew instantly what it was, me first question was, " WHY?" Then it was, where did she get it from, and why was it on me office bookshelf? Then I saw what book was next to it, Edgar Allan Poe's works! Getting no concrete answers to anything, eventually, I got the story out of Dragon who told me she'd be offended if I got rid of it.
"Look at this way, Gabe, it looks enough like you when you pass on to the great beyond, we can use it to mark your ashes out in the backyard." She said this with a huge smile. Yes, she did. This was no big deal, and wow, Tonya would save a buck on a grave marker because now I had one. Never mind; it had someone else's name! It could sit on the shelf watching over me until the day. Oh yeah, lovely sentiment. This has taught me NEVER to leave them both alone together. Here I was so smug with meself and now, I have a grave marker I never thought I'd see sitting on me bookshelf while I am alive!
Tonya thinks it's a hoot, she does. She told me she looked it up (after a minor concern: we had a stolen headstone) and found it to be a facsimile, and thus, art! She is no better than the other two. AND the kiddos think it's great. It is the dog that comes into the office with sad eyes, convinced I will be departing this earth soon. It actually whines at my feet. So now I am creeped out. Here, take a look-see.
 |
| Nice huh? |
Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved
ROFLMAO sorry but I think that is so cool! My kind of weird!
ReplyDeleteYou would.
DeleteI've sent you groot pics, bone pics and my other weird collectibles . Surprised?
DeleteNope
DeleteWhoa on the "gift" that's uhhh . . . different? I do think the game pie looks delicious. I haven't had lunch yet.
ReplyDeleteYour mum must be familiar with the Boston slogan: Sports, politics and revenge. She's got the last down pat.
ReplyDeleteYes she does. You must be from Boston to know that.
Deleteyou aren't keeping that thing are you? send me the recipe for the game pie please? looks like rowan's irish beef and veggie pie but for the berries. looks yummy
ReplyDeleteI will
Delete