03 January 2017
Story #843
R. Linda:
Well, if this is how the new year starts off, I am not sure I want to participate. My first assignment of the new year wasn't really mine, to begin with. The reporter who was supposed to have it was sick, so I took it since I was in the "area." I am not in the area, as this assignment was for the Great North Woods region of New Hampshire. I was south centrally located in the Monadnock Region, and this was a two-and-a-half-hour drive in rainy weather with snow melting, so the roads were icy. But the powers that be think because I live in New Hampshire and it be a small state, everything is close by to where I LIVE! To make matters worse, an hour and a half into me drive, me heater stopped working! By the time I reached me destination, I was a frozen block of Irish ice I was.
The assignment was to interview his lord and ladyship, who came over here from Austria a year ago, bought what looks like a castle (okay, if you blur your eyes, it does), and set to fixing the place up. I was told it was all done up in old-world style. I don't usually do the style pieces, so this was me dipping me big toe in the water to try it out. I can tell you now, me big toe didn't stay in long.
I rang the doorbell, which made me step back from the stoop because it did not ring like most doorbells; it bonged like a great bell in a tower. I even looked up to see if there was a tower, and well, there was no tower, but a turret. The lights were on, and it looked like a room, not a bell tower. Me mouth was agape at the sound, so I was swallowing rainwater like a turkey until the front door slowly creaked open. I went to put on me best smile, but it was quickly wiped away as I looked up at a gent who had to be 6'9" tall, skinny and gaunt with no smile. He reminded me of Lurch from The Addams Family.
"May I help you?" He said with a heavy accent as he slowly pronounced each word.
"Ah, yes, my good man, you may. I be Gabriel O'Sullivan from the news to interview his Lady and Lordship. I believe I am expected."
"Come through." Said the deep voice as he opened the creaking door wider.
I stepped through into a vast octagon room with parquet flooring, a large brass candelabra hung from a very high ceiling, and candle sconces all around the rather elaborate room. I felt like I stepped back in time as there were armoured knights at intervals around the room and banners between each one. A lot of wood on the walls and a wooden compass on the entry floor. The compass was there if someone was to take the south steps, he or she would know what direction to take. Rather impressive if it were a castle, but it fell short of that.
Lurch (for want of a better name) had me hand off me rain-spattered coat and brolly to him. He hung these on a hall tree built into the wall by the door. Then he told me Madame and Sir were upstairs in the lounge. To follow the stairs up, he would announce me from a speaker in the foyer so they'd know to expect me.
Ok, so I went up the stairs, which were a rather pretty shade of brown marble, and when I got to the top, I could make a left or a right. Lurch had neglected to tell me which way to go, so I turned to point, but he was gone. I moved to the right, softly saying, "Hello?" but I didn't see anyone, and no one answered. Great! I was about to get lost in a giant house, and the possibility I'd never see daylight was nagging at the back of my mind.
I gulped, yes, I did, I was unnerved, R. Linda, I really was. As I was tentatively looking down a hallway, I saw a maid with a tray and did a John Cleese, "pardon me, excuse me." She looked at me before entering, one hand holding the tray and the other the doorknob. As pleasant as she looked, I had the distinct impression that that tray would be thrown at me if I made a move, and she'd be behind that door before I recovered.
"I'm sorry, but I'm lost. I'm the reporter . . . " But she cut me off with a relieved smile and told me to "come this way."
I followed her into a rather large room with a blazing fireplace facing the door. Bookcases faced each other on opposite walls, and there were two fireside chairs. In the middle of both was not a table, no, no, something quite unexpected, but I was surprised as the maid deposited the tray on a side table, as she indicated with her head that the two people sitting in the chairs had company.
I cleared me throat and introduced meself as the maid left. The two occupants of the chamber got out of their chairs to greet me. They were very nice, as they asked after me drive, and if I found the weather too bad, etc.
After the pleasantries were over, the old man asked if I'd like his chair, and seeing there were no other chairs, I told him I'd been cramped in the car for so long, standing for me would be just fine. And why do you ask? Because that thing that took me by surprise was a copper soaker tub. Oh yes, R. Linda, they had a tub pulled up in front of the fireplace, the two chairs on either side. You'd think a pie crust table would have fit the bill better, but no, no, it was a copper tub one would bathe in.
"I canz take zah tub if you like," the old man said, "no reasonz for you to stond." Then he began taking his shoes off, and I thought for a very panicked second he meant to take his clothes off too!
I guess my face looked like, yes, I'd like a chair, but no way did I want him in the tub, so I told him no, he should have the chair. And he said, "Then you may haft the tub, I only ask you remove zah shoes so you don't scuffz it." And he sat down as did her ladyship, both looking at me like, aren't you going to get in?
I tell ya! I did not know what to say or what to do, but since they looked at me and the tub expectantly, I sighed and got me big self into the tub. Yes, I did, and you know I did. I can be such a nutter I know, but they gave me no choice is all I can say in me own defence. Did I look ridiculous, you betcha! Did I feel that way, too? You know it. Here is what looks very much like THE tub.
Story #843
R. Linda:
Well, if this is how the new year starts off, I am not sure I want to participate. My first assignment of the new year wasn't really mine, to begin with. The reporter who was supposed to have it was sick, so I took it since I was in the "area." I am not in the area, as this assignment was for the Great North Woods region of New Hampshire. I was south centrally located in the Monadnock Region, and this was a two-and-a-half-hour drive in rainy weather with snow melting, so the roads were icy. But the powers that be think because I live in New Hampshire and it be a small state, everything is close by to where I LIVE! To make matters worse, an hour and a half into me drive, me heater stopped working! By the time I reached me destination, I was a frozen block of Irish ice I was.
The assignment was to interview his lord and ladyship, who came over here from Austria a year ago, bought what looks like a castle (okay, if you blur your eyes, it does), and set to fixing the place up. I was told it was all done up in old-world style. I don't usually do the style pieces, so this was me dipping me big toe in the water to try it out. I can tell you now, me big toe didn't stay in long.
I rang the doorbell, which made me step back from the stoop because it did not ring like most doorbells; it bonged like a great bell in a tower. I even looked up to see if there was a tower, and well, there was no tower, but a turret. The lights were on, and it looked like a room, not a bell tower. Me mouth was agape at the sound, so I was swallowing rainwater like a turkey until the front door slowly creaked open. I went to put on me best smile, but it was quickly wiped away as I looked up at a gent who had to be 6'9" tall, skinny and gaunt with no smile. He reminded me of Lurch from The Addams Family.
"May I help you?" He said with a heavy accent as he slowly pronounced each word.
"Ah, yes, my good man, you may. I be Gabriel O'Sullivan from the news to interview his Lady and Lordship. I believe I am expected."
"Come through." Said the deep voice as he opened the creaking door wider.
I stepped through into a vast octagon room with parquet flooring, a large brass candelabra hung from a very high ceiling, and candle sconces all around the rather elaborate room. I felt like I stepped back in time as there were armoured knights at intervals around the room and banners between each one. A lot of wood on the walls and a wooden compass on the entry floor. The compass was there if someone was to take the south steps, he or she would know what direction to take. Rather impressive if it were a castle, but it fell short of that.
Lurch (for want of a better name) had me hand off me rain-spattered coat and brolly to him. He hung these on a hall tree built into the wall by the door. Then he told me Madame and Sir were upstairs in the lounge. To follow the stairs up, he would announce me from a speaker in the foyer so they'd know to expect me.
Ok, so I went up the stairs, which were a rather pretty shade of brown marble, and when I got to the top, I could make a left or a right. Lurch had neglected to tell me which way to go, so I turned to point, but he was gone. I moved to the right, softly saying, "Hello?" but I didn't see anyone, and no one answered. Great! I was about to get lost in a giant house, and the possibility I'd never see daylight was nagging at the back of my mind.
I gulped, yes, I did, I was unnerved, R. Linda, I really was. As I was tentatively looking down a hallway, I saw a maid with a tray and did a John Cleese, "pardon me, excuse me." She looked at me before entering, one hand holding the tray and the other the doorknob. As pleasant as she looked, I had the distinct impression that that tray would be thrown at me if I made a move, and she'd be behind that door before I recovered.
"I'm sorry, but I'm lost. I'm the reporter . . . " But she cut me off with a relieved smile and told me to "come this way."
I followed her into a rather large room with a blazing fireplace facing the door. Bookcases faced each other on opposite walls, and there were two fireside chairs. In the middle of both was not a table, no, no, something quite unexpected, but I was surprised as the maid deposited the tray on a side table, as she indicated with her head that the two people sitting in the chairs had company.
I cleared me throat and introduced meself as the maid left. The two occupants of the chamber got out of their chairs to greet me. They were very nice, as they asked after me drive, and if I found the weather too bad, etc.
After the pleasantries were over, the old man asked if I'd like his chair, and seeing there were no other chairs, I told him I'd been cramped in the car for so long, standing for me would be just fine. And why do you ask? Because that thing that took me by surprise was a copper soaker tub. Oh yes, R. Linda, they had a tub pulled up in front of the fireplace, the two chairs on either side. You'd think a pie crust table would have fit the bill better, but no, no, it was a copper tub one would bathe in.
"I canz take zah tub if you like," the old man said, "no reasonz for you to stond." Then he began taking his shoes off, and I thought for a very panicked second he meant to take his clothes off too!
I guess my face looked like, yes, I'd like a chair, but no way did I want him in the tub, so I told him no, he should have the chair. And he said, "Then you may haft the tub, I only ask you remove zah shoes so you don't scuffz it." And he sat down as did her ladyship, both looking at me like, aren't you going to get in?
I tell ya! I did not know what to say or what to do, but since they looked at me and the tub expectantly, I sighed and got me big self into the tub. Yes, I did, and you know I did. I can be such a nutter I know, but they gave me no choice is all I can say in me own defence. Did I look ridiculous, you betcha! Did I feel that way, too? You know it. Here is what looks very much like THE tub.
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| Photo: courtesy of stylehive.com |
Yes, me legs were up around me chin, but that was a great place for a pad and pen. No, there was no water in it, oh, and I did take me shoes off first. You think it is funny? You try interviewing someone while YOU are lying in a bathtub that isn't yours. It didn't go well. I couldn't concentrate because of where I was sitting. They rambled on about the house, and I didn't retain a word. No, I was more about the tub and me in it.
Finally, I asked why the tub was placed in a room that was not a bathroom and was rewarded with the information that the fireplace was why. I know, I should have quit while I was ahead. But no, I asked, "How is that?"
"Vell, you see dere we haft only the von verking fireplace and we do luff a nicez soak in front of zah fire. Until ve can get zah otter fireplaces verking we have zis."
Well, that explained it. I noticed the tub had no water facets and a large wooden bucket in the corner. Yes, I asked if that was how they filled it up, and yes, it was. Matilda and Lurch took turns with the bucket. I'd love to have seen it filled by those two, but I had the wherewithal not to go that far in asking to see exactly how it's done so that I wouldn't be the one soaking in THE tub.
Matilda, the maid, did come back and took me for a quick tour of the finished rooms. They were all very elegant and old-fashioned, what you'd think of seeing in a castle. But the house wasn't a castle, so I asked Matilda why it was decorated like one and how people came to call it the castle.
"It's not a castle, you are right. It's not a castle in the literal sense. It's their castle, and they decorated it with what they brought from Austria, where they did live in a castle." She shrugged, like that said it all.
"Wait, why didn't they stay in the castle in Austria?"
"The castle was crumbling, so because their daughter lives here, they came here and well, they thought this place looked like a castle somehow . . . I think." She shrugged again.
I didn't believe her, I just couldn't, and it was getting late, I still had nothing, so I took my leave. Only when I was 30 minutes away did I realise I had no heat in the car. The Great North Woods has miles and miles of a highway with no one on it, only trees, and little else. No place to stop for coffee to warm up or a general store to buy gloves and a muffler for frozen fingers and a drippy nose. I tell ya, it wasn't worth it, but I got YOU a story at the very least.
No, I won't be doing any more style pieces. As it is, I now have to ring these people back up and ask them questions again, since I was so unsettled I retained nothing and wrote nothing but scribbles of a tub. Yeah, I don't know about me either sometimes. Awesome!
Gabe
Copyright © 2017 All rights reserved
Finally, I asked why the tub was placed in a room that was not a bathroom and was rewarded with the information that the fireplace was why. I know, I should have quit while I was ahead. But no, I asked, "How is that?"
"Vell, you see dere we haft only the von verking fireplace and we do luff a nicez soak in front of zah fire. Until ve can get zah otter fireplaces verking we have zis."
Well, that explained it. I noticed the tub had no water facets and a large wooden bucket in the corner. Yes, I asked if that was how they filled it up, and yes, it was. Matilda and Lurch took turns with the bucket. I'd love to have seen it filled by those two, but I had the wherewithal not to go that far in asking to see exactly how it's done so that I wouldn't be the one soaking in THE tub.
Matilda, the maid, did come back and took me for a quick tour of the finished rooms. They were all very elegant and old-fashioned, what you'd think of seeing in a castle. But the house wasn't a castle, so I asked Matilda why it was decorated like one and how people came to call it the castle.
"It's not a castle, you are right. It's not a castle in the literal sense. It's their castle, and they decorated it with what they brought from Austria, where they did live in a castle." She shrugged, like that said it all.
"Wait, why didn't they stay in the castle in Austria?"
"The castle was crumbling, so because their daughter lives here, they came here and well, they thought this place looked like a castle somehow . . . I think." She shrugged again.
I didn't believe her, I just couldn't, and it was getting late, I still had nothing, so I took my leave. Only when I was 30 minutes away did I realise I had no heat in the car. The Great North Woods has miles and miles of a highway with no one on it, only trees, and little else. No place to stop for coffee to warm up or a general store to buy gloves and a muffler for frozen fingers and a drippy nose. I tell ya, it wasn't worth it, but I got YOU a story at the very least.
No, I won't be doing any more style pieces. As it is, I now have to ring these people back up and ask them questions again, since I was so unsettled I retained nothing and wrote nothing but scribbles of a tub. Yeah, I don't know about me either sometimes. Awesome!
Gabe
Copyright © 2017 All rights reserved
U R A CRAZYMAN! LMAO
ReplyDeleteSigh, I be that.
DeleteLMAO i LOVE that tub and you got to sit in it! Tou have all the fun!
ReplyDeleteWasn't fun it was bizarre sitting in a tub where 2 oldsters take a soak! And worse them sitting next to me. Oi!
Deletenoon the worse would be you having one of your dreams where you are naked in the tub and the old couple is sitting next to you with sponge and soap. roflmao don't delete this you did my other one.
DeleteI said that was an accident I didn't mean to delete. Gees.
Delete