17 October 2011
461
R. Linda:
So I was watching House on the telly and there he be with a Filipino/South Korean doctor helping him diagnose a pair of lungs. He keeps making references to her being Chinese and she keeps correcting him. Well, imagine me surprise when on me return to work after a weekend of entertaining, I found an intern in me cubicle awaiting moi to show her the ropes of the newspaper reporting business. This was a surprise to me, because Cruella never mentioned I'd be mentoring anyone. But there she was, a young Chinese woman with glasses, who wasn't too thrilled to be paired with a tall, lanky Irishman who had an accent she just couldn't grasp. Her name be Jiao Chan which she told me means charming beautiful girl. She wasn't shy about telling me that. She told me that after she asked me if Gabriel O'Sullivan had another meaning. I told her it did, it was short for dark-eyed angel. Yeah, well, Sullivan in Irish means dark-eyed and Gabriel, come on we all know the angel G.
She did look up at me intently and just as I was about to ask WHAT, she informed me I did not have dark eyes. I know that they be blue, so it's been bred out of me. I should have known then I was going to be harassed for the rest of the day. ANYWAY, we started off to do me work. First up was a crime that we were doing a story on. We went to the perp's (perpetrator's) place for an interview. He says he's innocent. So as we were writing down our questions and answers, I had beforehand told Jiao if there was something she needed to make me aware of, she was to write it down and not verbally give anything away to our interviewee.
So first question I asked was where were you Mr. Daniels on the night of August 29th when said crime was committed? He answered in detail about being with this woman he was in love with and that she could back him up and it was a long-involved answer and I was getting lost. Then I was nudged by me associate who had written down, "Sum Ting Wong" and from where he was sitting it looked Chinese. I was amused by this and almost passed it off as bad spelling until I silently said the words to meself and realised she was telling me something wrong. OHHHH LOLOLOL
I turned his answer back on him to see if I could mess him up but his answer was another long-winded involved turnabout that I was a wee bit more confused than originally. The problem was the police thought he was harbouring a fugitive, but for some reason, I left that out in me confusion and I couldn't remember the question. So she nudged me with the question written out for me that said, "Hu Yu Hai Ding?" Meanwhile, he was trying to read what she wrote, but then he shrugged and muttered something about not understanding Japanese which got him a dirty look from me Chinese helper. I asked, "So are you hiding someone?" No, was the answer. Said to me as if I had a nerve asking.
Well he was a weasel of sorts, yes he was, and he was having a field day with yours truly. BUT Jiao was on top of it and got the questions going for me. It took me a few seconds to say them inside me head to understand them but we got through it. Here's a sample.
She wrote: Wai Yu So Tan? and I asked, "Did you go to the beach?" The scene of the crime was on a beach. No, he said he was in a tanning booth, but we knew better. He had gone home after because he was on a diet and didn't want to overindulge he said. BUT Jiao noticed something going on right under me nose and she wrote: "Wai Yu Mun Ching?" That's right he was eating Toffee Popcorn, so much for diet food!
Next, we went downstairs with him to see his car, he said the police had impounded it and pointed to where it had been parked. He said he had no clue why they would do that. My question was why wouldn't the police impound the car? But I didn't have to bother contradicting him. We stood there looking at the empty space and Jiao wrote: No Pah King and then I noticed the tow away zone the vehicle had been parked in. Duh! That's why the car wasn't there!
So this went on, he gave me long fabricated answers, me more and more confused so we left. We got back to the office and Cruella stopped by for a chat. Jiao decided to keep silent and as she was sitting behind Cruella she was flashcarding notes to me on what Cruella was saying. At first, I wasn't pleased but I couldn't tell her to stop, so I sat there hoping Cruella did not turn around and see her doing that because we might both get booted out of the workplace. Sigh.
Earlier I had been limping because I stepped wrong getting into the elevator. I know you don't have to say anything, it was dumb and Cruella had noticed this, so to save me embarrassment Jiao held up her notepad behind Cruella and I read: Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni. I was like REALLY? SERIOUSLY, YOU NEVER WANT ME TO SAY THAT DO YOU? Instead, I said, "I banged me knee on the coffee table at home." Okay, Cruella accepted that and threw some sympathetic words in me direction.
Then Cruella asked about the interview we had just come from and she too spoke in long exaggerated sentences and I thought she wasn't pleased. I must tell you I was so unhinged from Jiao's flash card notepad that I couldn't think anymore. I could see Jiao was exasperated with me and she flipped up her notepad: Dum Fuk U Ha Bri An Lik Tai Ni Po Ni. At which me eyes opened wide feeling the insult flung at me on a notepad held by a Chinese intern who I just then realised was a lot cleverer than I would ever be by writing the way she was. No one would at first glance take that scribble as English! But "Dum Fuk" (that would be me) DID KNOW what it said so not so dum fuk after all. GEEZ! I sat there thinking stupid man would have been a better thing than what I was staring at which insulted me no end.
I had to recover quickly because Cruella was about to turn around and I complimented her on something, I don't remember what and I could see Jiao shaking her head and writing and the flash pad was up and I read: Chin Tu Fat! In other words, Cruella needs a facelift! Oi, oi, oi!
I moved back in me seat, I guess because I was rattled and it wasn't to get away from the proximity of Cruella, but Jiao decided it had to be when I also stupidly blurted out to recover meself, "Your perfume smells nice." I know I didn't know what was getting into me when the head shaking began anew and there it was on the notepad: Yu Stin Ki Pu. And she was pointing her pen at Cruella's head and holding her breath like she couldn't stand the smell. OI!
I was lost of mind and words with that one, and Cruella said something as she got up, and I sat there looking blankly at her when Jiao once again was shaking her head and writing. "Wai Yu Kum Nao?" OH, there was a meeting now.
"Is everything all right Gabriel?" Cruella asked looking slightly concerned I didn't bump me knee but maybe me head. And because I was flummoxed beyond repair I said something not very intelligent and I saw Jiao's eyes get wide as she scribbled and pointed to her head meaning me brain, "Wai So Dim?" Yup, why so dim indeed. If you were talking to your boss and had someone sitting behind them scribbling off insults, would YOU be comfortable about it? I dun tink so!
When Cruella was gone I told Jiao enough with the notepad. She wrote: Lei Ying Lo. Oh yeah laying low was what I hoped for, but just that she felt inclined to WRITE that made me uneasy.
It took a few moments but I realised Cruella had told me we were having a meeting and I should bring Jiao with me. When she left I sat there fuming, not able to utter a syllable when Jiao started writing and held up the notepad. "Cruella - Kum Hai Nao" and I got it and jumped up grabbed me stuff and ran off to the meeting which was just starting as we walked in. Oi, whatever happened to ASAP? More importantly whatever happened to me mind? It was gone Chinese style.
The meeting went on almost without us, but after the displeased looks thrown our way, we sat down at the end of the long table just the two of us, and this made the NOTEPAD which Jiao had under the table, visible only to meself and her. I tried to participate but it was fecking hard with her writing things about me associates. I was given a story assignment I did not want because the other guy said he wasn't able to take it, but Jiao wrote the reason was: Wa Shing Ka. I thought about that and she was more observant than I had been. Jake had just got himself a used Mercedes that he was all about getting washed and waxed. Yup while he was busy washing the damn motor I would be working me butt off trying to track down interviews that would take me from one end of Boston to the other, thus, making me run around like a "Chic En Wit Ow Hid" (chicken without a head). Yes, thank you Jiao for pointing that out to me.
I was so into me thoughts that when Cruella asked me if that assignment was all right with me, I sat there with lips pursed in deep thought. I didn't realise I had been addressed until Jiao kicked me and I read out loud the scribble on the pad under the table. "Fa Kin Su Pa," I said only realising what I had read and said AFTER I said it! Everyone was silent, everyone was staring at me, and there I sat like a deer caught in headlights shaking me head no. Uh oh.
"Well then," Cruella said, "Annie, YOU take that story, I'll find something ELSE for O'Sullivan here."
Damn it! I knew I was in trouble when Cruella referred to meself as O'Sullivan. I looked at Jiao she was looking around the room as innocent as a baby. I wanted to rip that pad out of her hand, but I refrained.
So here I sit with absolutely NOTHING to do. I have not been assigned a bloody thing. I am with all obviousness passed over by Cruella who comes out of the office and says "I have an assignment that will make the front page, let's see . . . oh Ken you take it." This said as she looks directly at me. Yup, I be Fukd. Yes, that's the scribble each time I be passed over. Nice. AND Jiao is with me for the entire week! For Fuk In Joi!
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
So I was watching House on the telly and there he be with a Filipino/South Korean doctor helping him diagnose a pair of lungs. He keeps making references to her being Chinese and she keeps correcting him. Well, imagine me surprise when on me return to work after a weekend of entertaining, I found an intern in me cubicle awaiting moi to show her the ropes of the newspaper reporting business. This was a surprise to me, because Cruella never mentioned I'd be mentoring anyone. But there she was, a young Chinese woman with glasses, who wasn't too thrilled to be paired with a tall, lanky Irishman who had an accent she just couldn't grasp. Her name be Jiao Chan which she told me means charming beautiful girl. She wasn't shy about telling me that. She told me that after she asked me if Gabriel O'Sullivan had another meaning. I told her it did, it was short for dark-eyed angel. Yeah, well, Sullivan in Irish means dark-eyed and Gabriel, come on we all know the angel G.
She did look up at me intently and just as I was about to ask WHAT, she informed me I did not have dark eyes. I know that they be blue, so it's been bred out of me. I should have known then I was going to be harassed for the rest of the day. ANYWAY, we started off to do me work. First up was a crime that we were doing a story on. We went to the perp's (perpetrator's) place for an interview. He says he's innocent. So as we were writing down our questions and answers, I had beforehand told Jiao if there was something she needed to make me aware of, she was to write it down and not verbally give anything away to our interviewee.
So first question I asked was where were you Mr. Daniels on the night of August 29th when said crime was committed? He answered in detail about being with this woman he was in love with and that she could back him up and it was a long-involved answer and I was getting lost. Then I was nudged by me associate who had written down, "Sum Ting Wong" and from where he was sitting it looked Chinese. I was amused by this and almost passed it off as bad spelling until I silently said the words to meself and realised she was telling me something wrong. OHHHH LOLOLOL
I turned his answer back on him to see if I could mess him up but his answer was another long-winded involved turnabout that I was a wee bit more confused than originally. The problem was the police thought he was harbouring a fugitive, but for some reason, I left that out in me confusion and I couldn't remember the question. So she nudged me with the question written out for me that said, "Hu Yu Hai Ding?" Meanwhile, he was trying to read what she wrote, but then he shrugged and muttered something about not understanding Japanese which got him a dirty look from me Chinese helper. I asked, "So are you hiding someone?" No, was the answer. Said to me as if I had a nerve asking.
Well he was a weasel of sorts, yes he was, and he was having a field day with yours truly. BUT Jiao was on top of it and got the questions going for me. It took me a few seconds to say them inside me head to understand them but we got through it. Here's a sample.
She wrote: Wai Yu So Tan? and I asked, "Did you go to the beach?" The scene of the crime was on a beach. No, he said he was in a tanning booth, but we knew better. He had gone home after because he was on a diet and didn't want to overindulge he said. BUT Jiao noticed something going on right under me nose and she wrote: "Wai Yu Mun Ching?" That's right he was eating Toffee Popcorn, so much for diet food!
Next, we went downstairs with him to see his car, he said the police had impounded it and pointed to where it had been parked. He said he had no clue why they would do that. My question was why wouldn't the police impound the car? But I didn't have to bother contradicting him. We stood there looking at the empty space and Jiao wrote: No Pah King and then I noticed the tow away zone the vehicle had been parked in. Duh! That's why the car wasn't there!
So this went on, he gave me long fabricated answers, me more and more confused so we left. We got back to the office and Cruella stopped by for a chat. Jiao decided to keep silent and as she was sitting behind Cruella she was flashcarding notes to me on what Cruella was saying. At first, I wasn't pleased but I couldn't tell her to stop, so I sat there hoping Cruella did not turn around and see her doing that because we might both get booted out of the workplace. Sigh.
Earlier I had been limping because I stepped wrong getting into the elevator. I know you don't have to say anything, it was dumb and Cruella had noticed this, so to save me embarrassment Jiao held up her notepad behind Cruella and I read: Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni. I was like REALLY? SERIOUSLY, YOU NEVER WANT ME TO SAY THAT DO YOU? Instead, I said, "I banged me knee on the coffee table at home." Okay, Cruella accepted that and threw some sympathetic words in me direction.
Then Cruella asked about the interview we had just come from and she too spoke in long exaggerated sentences and I thought she wasn't pleased. I must tell you I was so unhinged from Jiao's flash card notepad that I couldn't think anymore. I could see Jiao was exasperated with me and she flipped up her notepad: Dum Fuk U Ha Bri An Lik Tai Ni Po Ni. At which me eyes opened wide feeling the insult flung at me on a notepad held by a Chinese intern who I just then realised was a lot cleverer than I would ever be by writing the way she was. No one would at first glance take that scribble as English! But "Dum Fuk" (that would be me) DID KNOW what it said so not so dum fuk after all. GEEZ! I sat there thinking stupid man would have been a better thing than what I was staring at which insulted me no end.
I had to recover quickly because Cruella was about to turn around and I complimented her on something, I don't remember what and I could see Jiao shaking her head and writing and the flash pad was up and I read: Chin Tu Fat! In other words, Cruella needs a facelift! Oi, oi, oi!
I moved back in me seat, I guess because I was rattled and it wasn't to get away from the proximity of Cruella, but Jiao decided it had to be when I also stupidly blurted out to recover meself, "Your perfume smells nice." I know I didn't know what was getting into me when the head shaking began anew and there it was on the notepad: Yu Stin Ki Pu. And she was pointing her pen at Cruella's head and holding her breath like she couldn't stand the smell. OI!
I was lost of mind and words with that one, and Cruella said something as she got up, and I sat there looking blankly at her when Jiao once again was shaking her head and writing. "Wai Yu Kum Nao?" OH, there was a meeting now.
"Is everything all right Gabriel?" Cruella asked looking slightly concerned I didn't bump me knee but maybe me head. And because I was flummoxed beyond repair I said something not very intelligent and I saw Jiao's eyes get wide as she scribbled and pointed to her head meaning me brain, "Wai So Dim?" Yup, why so dim indeed. If you were talking to your boss and had someone sitting behind them scribbling off insults, would YOU be comfortable about it? I dun tink so!
When Cruella was gone I told Jiao enough with the notepad. She wrote: Lei Ying Lo. Oh yeah laying low was what I hoped for, but just that she felt inclined to WRITE that made me uneasy.
It took a few moments but I realised Cruella had told me we were having a meeting and I should bring Jiao with me. When she left I sat there fuming, not able to utter a syllable when Jiao started writing and held up the notepad. "Cruella - Kum Hai Nao" and I got it and jumped up grabbed me stuff and ran off to the meeting which was just starting as we walked in. Oi, whatever happened to ASAP? More importantly whatever happened to me mind? It was gone Chinese style.
The meeting went on almost without us, but after the displeased looks thrown our way, we sat down at the end of the long table just the two of us, and this made the NOTEPAD which Jiao had under the table, visible only to meself and her. I tried to participate but it was fecking hard with her writing things about me associates. I was given a story assignment I did not want because the other guy said he wasn't able to take it, but Jiao wrote the reason was: Wa Shing Ka. I thought about that and she was more observant than I had been. Jake had just got himself a used Mercedes that he was all about getting washed and waxed. Yup while he was busy washing the damn motor I would be working me butt off trying to track down interviews that would take me from one end of Boston to the other, thus, making me run around like a "Chic En Wit Ow Hid" (chicken without a head). Yes, thank you Jiao for pointing that out to me.
I was so into me thoughts that when Cruella asked me if that assignment was all right with me, I sat there with lips pursed in deep thought. I didn't realise I had been addressed until Jiao kicked me and I read out loud the scribble on the pad under the table. "Fa Kin Su Pa," I said only realising what I had read and said AFTER I said it! Everyone was silent, everyone was staring at me, and there I sat like a deer caught in headlights shaking me head no. Uh oh.
"Well then," Cruella said, "Annie, YOU take that story, I'll find something ELSE for O'Sullivan here."
Damn it! I knew I was in trouble when Cruella referred to meself as O'Sullivan. I looked at Jiao she was looking around the room as innocent as a baby. I wanted to rip that pad out of her hand, but I refrained.
So here I sit with absolutely NOTHING to do. I have not been assigned a bloody thing. I am with all obviousness passed over by Cruella who comes out of the office and says "I have an assignment that will make the front page, let's see . . . oh Ken you take it." This said as she looks directly at me. Yup, I be Fukd. Yes, that's the scribble each time I be passed over. Nice. AND Jiao is with me for the entire week! For Fuk In Joi!
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
2 comments:
ROFLMAO
LOL! Very funny indeed and very clever!
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