Almost Taken Out By Two Hummingbirds, And Then Two Angry Women!!!

02 September 2020

Story #999

R. Linda: 

As be me habit, I have me coffee on the side deck because it is hard for anyone inside to see I be out there. It is quiet and a perfect place for me to slowly wake up. So far, the only day I be set upon by the uninvited be Sunday, when everyone had nothing better to do but find me for whatever purpose they seem to harbour. They like to ask me questions, I be not awake enough to answer or tell me stories about other people I either don't know or don't care to know. And sometimes, it's just to annoy me for no good reason, but they be bored.

Today, since I was working from home, I took meself out to my deck—yes, I consider it mine-and I was sitting there enjoying a cool New England day for the first time in weeks. The ungodly heat that wasn't normal finally lifted, and for the first time in weeks, I was able to have wake-up time to meself, or so I thought.

Mam has a thing about birds; she loves them. They even sing to her when she steps outside. I can be sitting out there for hours and nothing, but she steps out the door, and it's like a Disney movie opening, with songbirds serenading her from all over. So, because we have bears, we do not have bird feeders. Especially on the back deck because the kiddos frequent that, and she's afraid they'd meet a black bear, so no feeders. However, on ME deck she has hung a hummingbird feeder. Oh yeah, I watched a line of ants go up the pole the first year she did that to get the sugar water. Then the bees and hornets would come, and I was not happy that thing was out there. It took two years for the hummingbirds to find the damn thing, but now that they do, the only thing other than them that frequent the feeder be a rather aggressive dragonfly. This blue-black fly will sit on top of the pole, and when a hummingbird goes to drink, it dive bombs them, chasing them away. He's something.

Well, today he wasn't guarding the feeder and as I was busy reading me phone mail I could hear that roar of hummingbird wings, but I be so used to it I did not l took up. I did when two (what I thought were large bugs) zoomed passed me head. I thought they were large dragonflies, so I returned to my phone. It was just a few seconds later that I heard the beat of those wings and looked up to see a hummingbird three inches from my nose, looking at me. As soon as it saw I noticed it, it flew up to the top of the feeder pole and sat there for a moment. 

You can see "her" sitting up there, before "he" came and chased after her. Then the exertion of flying after each other was too much, and he stopped for a drink.

She took off, and then he took off after her. Meanwhile, the drama was enough because I was getting buzzed by these two, so I took a last swig of me coffee and started to get up when out of nowhere the two of them were flying around me head, which made me lose me balance and sit back down, but not before me coffee ran down the front of me. 

Thanks, Mam! I can't have a place of me own; If I'm not invaded by someone or something! Going inside, I changed clothes, and then I went to get meself more coffee, and the pot was empty! Annoyed, I got me keys and went to my car, figuring I'd go to Dunks and get meself a half dozen doughnuts and a large hot coffee. I'd sit in me car and drink and eat without being disturbed. So off I went.

I pulled in, and for a Tuesday morning, the place was busy. It was definitely DOUGHNUT TIME. I parked a little ways away because there were no parking places closer, and as I approached, wouldn't you know it, someone pulled out three spaces from Dunks. A dark-haired girl pulled in, and as I was six car lengths from her, she got out and stood by the back of her car, looking to cross to get to Dunks. Another car had pulled in and stopped to let her cross, so she did. Her big mistake was not acknowledging the polite driver who unpolitely rolled down her driver's side window and shouted at the dark-haired girl, "YOU'RE WELCOME!"

This startled the girl, and she stopped and said, "I have the right of way," in a very insulted tone. Well, this gets the driver out of her car, slamming the door and in this woman's face yelling insults about being rude, etc., insults that I can't repeat here. Then the "victim" of all this says, "Go ahead hit me you bitch, give me a reason to call law enforcement and sue your ass!"

By this time, I was right up to the squabble, and they hauled off at each other, hitting me and some other guy who came to break them up. Someone called the police, and it wasn't long before they arrived. The "victim" had run into Dunks and locked herself in the bathroom, also calling the local constabulary. At the same time, the other guy had a hold of the "polite" driver, and I was standing there watching blood drip from me bloody nose!

All I wanted was a doughnut and coffee! But I ended up at a table in Dunks being questioned by the cops about a free-for-all I had nothing to do with. It took some coaxing, but they got the other one out of the bathroom, took her statement, took the other guy's who tried to break the tussling up, and let the driver go on her merry way. I tell ya! A guy can't even get a cup of joe and a doughnut these days. 

I was so battered from all this that I went home doughnut and coffee-less to sit outside alone while the hummingbirds battled in front of me, wounded proboscis. 

SIGH!

Gabe

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