02 September, 2020

Almost Taken Out By Two Hummingbirds, and then two angry women!!!

02 September 2020

999

R. Linda: 

As be me habit, I have me coffee on the side deck because it is hard for anyone inside to see I be out there. It be quiet and it be a perfect place for me to slowly wake up. So far the only day I be set upon by the uninvited be Sunday when everyone has nothing better to do but find me for whatever purpose they seem to harbour. Like to ask me questions I be not awake enough to answer or tell me stories about other people I either don't know or don't care to know. And sometimes, it's just to annoy me for no good reason but they be bored.

Today, since I be working from home, I took meself out to me deck, yes I consider it mine, and I was sitting there enjoying for the first time in weeks a cool New England day. The ungodly heat that isn't normal finally lifted and for the first time in weeks I was able to have me wake-up time to meself, or so I thought.

Me Mam has a thing about birds, she loves them. They even sing to her when she steps outside. I can be sitting out there for hours and nothing, but she steps out the door and it's like a movie opening, songbirds serenading her from all over. So because we have bears we do not have bird feeders. Especially on the back deck because the kiddos frequent that and she's afraid they'd meet a black bear so no feeders. However, on ME deck she has hung a hummingbird feeder. Oh yeah, the first year she did that I watched a line of ants go up the pole to get the sugar water. Then the bees and hornets would come and I was not happy that thing was out there. It took two years for the hummingbirds to find the damn thing, but now that they do, the only thing other than them that frequent the feeder be a rather aggressive dragonfly. This blue-black fly will sit on top of the pole and when a hummingbird goes to drink he dive bombs them chasing them away. He's something.

Well, today he wasn't guarding the feeder and as I was busy reading me phone mail I could hear that roar of hummingbird wings, but I be so used to it I did not l took up. I did when two (what I thought were large bugs) zoomed passed me head. I was thinking they were large dragonflies, so I went back to me phone. It was just a few seconds later I heard the beat of those wings and looked up to see a hummingbird three inches from me nose looking at me. As soon as it saw I noticed it, it flew up to the top of the feeder pole and sat there for a moment. 

You can see "her" sitting up there, before "he" came and chased after her. Then I guess the exertion of flying after each other was too much, and he stopped for a drink.

She took off and then he took off after her. Meanwhile, the drama was enough because I was getting buzzed by these two, so I took a last swig of me coffee and started to get up when out of nowhere the two of them were flying around me head, which made me lose me balance and sit back down, but not before me coffee ran down the front of me. 

Thanks, Mam! I can't have a place of me own I be not invaded by someone or something! Going inside I changed me clothes, and when I went to get me more coffee, the pot was empty! Annoyed, I got me keys and went to me car figuring I'd go to Dunks and get me a half dozen doughnuts and a large hot coffee. I'd sit in me car and drink and eat without being disturbed. So off I took me.

I pulled in and for a Tuesday morning, the place was busy it was definitely DONUT TIME. I parked a little ways away because there were no parking places closer and as I approached wouldn't you know it, someone pulls out three spaces from Dunks. A dark-haired girl pulled in and as I be six car lengths from her she has gotten out and is standing by the back of her car looking to cross so she can get to Dunks. Another car had pulled in and stopped to let her cross and so she did. Her big mistake was not acknowledging the polite driver who un-politely rolled down her driver's side window and shouts at the dark-haired girl, "YOU'RE WELCOME!"

This startles the girl and she stops and says, "I have the right of way," in a very insulted tone. Well, this gets the driver out of her car, slamming the door and in this woman's face yelling insults about being rude etc., that I can't repeat here. Then the "victim" of all this says, "Go ahead hit me you bitch, give me a reason to call law enforcement and sue your ass!"

By this time, I be right up to the squabble and they haul off at each other hitting ME and some other guy who came to break them up. Someone called the police because it wasn't long before they arrived, the "victim" had run into Dunks and locked herself in the bathroom also calling the local constabulary while the other guy had a hold of the "polite" driver and I be standing there watching blood drip from me bloody nose!

All I wanted was a doughnut and coffee! But I ended up at a table in Dunks being questioned by the cops about a free for all I had nothing to do with. It took some coaxing but they got the other one out of the bathroom, took her statement, took the other guy who tried to break the tussling up and let the driver go on her merry way. I tell ya! A guy can't even get a cup of Joe and a doughnut these days. 

I was so battered from all this I went home doughnut and coffee-less to sit outside by meself while the hummingbirds battled in front of me wounded proboscis. 

SIGH!

Gabe

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2 comments:

Fionnula said...

too bad you didn't have time to take photos of the catfight lol. you can't win!

mobit22 said...

I haven't seen any hummingbirds around here so I have no comparison. I feel bad that you didn't get your donuts and coffee. You being such a sugar and caffeine addict! LOL keep writing so I can practice on my snarky!