28 May 2011
409
R. Linda:
I know how much you like to read, so here be something you may find amusing regarding books and reading them.
Me wife chairs a book club every week at the local bookstore. She has let the members pick out the books they wanted to read. And it drives her nuts they pick out the equivalent of Harlequin Romances. She barfs every time she comes home with the months new selection. Well this has been going on for a good year and me well read wife was near losing it with this month's read, "The Notebook" which came out years ago, but surprise, no one had read it! Poor Tonya was in book club hell and I tried not to laugh.
She finished the book off in a day and was spitting nails when she came back from the first discussion of the book where the club members were all dazzled and speculating over the plot and she must have chewed her lips to shreds to keep her mouth shut because she found it all so . . . stupid!
"Oh my God Gabe, they are reading it slowly, chapter by chapter to "savour" the content. WHO FREAKING DOES THAT WITH A BOOK LIKE THE NOTEBOOK?!"
"My darling, you need to calm down, it isn't a long book. Tell them to speed it up, because each chapter be what just a few pages?"
"Don't my darling me, I feel like I should go see if I can get a Vicodin from our crippled neighbour to take the edge off."
She was kidding of course, but I felt her pain, after being forced to read that silly novel a few years ago with YOU! It all came back, the boredom, the frustration of reading something that any Nancy boy would love and lonely old ladies would make a best seller. I still be embarrassed to admit I actually read it. I made a few other people read it too, I'll have you know, MISERY LOVES COMPANY!
Anyway, the club finishes up the book tonight, and Tonya was playing up all day how she felt under the weather and wanted to cancel the meet. I felt so bad for her, I said I'd go in her place having read the stupid thing so I could moderate the conversation. She was all for it.
"You go Gabe, and please DO NOT come back telling me we are going to read Valley of the Dolls next because I will spit nails and have a fit like you've never seen."
I promised her I'd do me best to convince them to read something interesting this time. And off I went.
Well, there are fourteen members and they were shocked to see me. They had no clue who I was and for a few minutes they thought I was an author of some book, and I let them think that as I sat among them. It isn't unusual to have a guest speaker at the meeting. Finally, when all were seated and they were wondering aloud where Tonya was, and saying she must be hung up with the husband and kids, I introduced meself as Mr. Tonya, perpetrator husband and father of the kids that keep her late, yes I did. Their faces were priceless. All mouths opened and one or two were disappointed I wasn't speaking on the Feckin' Collection a series of books on Irish insults. The others were embarrassed I heard what they said about me and me kiddos. So grinning, I began the discussion and within fifteen minutes the smile on me face was frozen solid. If I had to keep smiling at all the stupid things they got from The Notebook any longer than I had by then, me teeth would have fallen out of me head like a bunch of Chiclets and me brain would have sprung a leak.
I got it, I saw exactly what Tonya was talking about and I got it full brunt. It was awful how they started crying, I mean really crying R. Linda, tears flowing over the two main characters. I mean I wanted to barf. I was like people come on! Once the tissues were passed out, and the tears dried up they went into some medical reasons for this and that which happened in the book and finally I asked this learned group if they were all in the medical field. NO! Not one, yet they were talking about medications and psychological ramifications and so I couldn't take it anymore and said, "Gee, I wonder meself I do, what Allie's funeral expenses were." Well, THAT stopped them, they all sat there aghast and I shook me head and said, "Well, that's that." I closed the book with a snap and informed the lot of them I had a book suggestion for next week. I was quick about it, I gave them no time to respond or think, and so I said with what I am sure was an annoying grin on me face, "Next week's selection is The Sound and The Fury by William Faulkner. You can pick a copy up before you leave, and now I must be off, sick wife you know." And up I got and away I went. Yes, I did.
When I told Tonya what I did, she was stunned speechless, but the smile on her face was precious. Yes, it was. I done goooddd. I told her I would take next week's meet if she liked, just to see the expression on those faces when they come in from a chapter of Faulkner. Yes, the confused and the lost. I love it. I have them graduated to a big boy book, I do, and am very willing to sit in on the confusion, not to mention the frustration. I know I be a mean man, but I can hardly wait. The only thing is Tonya can't wait to get in on this one as well, so I may have to wait to hear what happens.
Stay tuned.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
I know how much you like to read, so here be something you may find amusing regarding books and reading them.
Me wife chairs a book club every week at the local bookstore. She has let the members pick out the books they wanted to read. And it drives her nuts they pick out the equivalent of Harlequin Romances. She barfs every time she comes home with the months new selection. Well this has been going on for a good year and me well read wife was near losing it with this month's read, "The Notebook" which came out years ago, but surprise, no one had read it! Poor Tonya was in book club hell and I tried not to laugh.
She finished the book off in a day and was spitting nails when she came back from the first discussion of the book where the club members were all dazzled and speculating over the plot and she must have chewed her lips to shreds to keep her mouth shut because she found it all so . . . stupid!
"Oh my God Gabe, they are reading it slowly, chapter by chapter to "savour" the content. WHO FREAKING DOES THAT WITH A BOOK LIKE THE NOTEBOOK?!"
"My darling, you need to calm down, it isn't a long book. Tell them to speed it up, because each chapter be what just a few pages?"
"Don't my darling me, I feel like I should go see if I can get a Vicodin from our crippled neighbour to take the edge off."
She was kidding of course, but I felt her pain, after being forced to read that silly novel a few years ago with YOU! It all came back, the boredom, the frustration of reading something that any Nancy boy would love and lonely old ladies would make a best seller. I still be embarrassed to admit I actually read it. I made a few other people read it too, I'll have you know, MISERY LOVES COMPANY!
Anyway, the club finishes up the book tonight, and Tonya was playing up all day how she felt under the weather and wanted to cancel the meet. I felt so bad for her, I said I'd go in her place having read the stupid thing so I could moderate the conversation. She was all for it.
"You go Gabe, and please DO NOT come back telling me we are going to read Valley of the Dolls next because I will spit nails and have a fit like you've never seen."
I promised her I'd do me best to convince them to read something interesting this time. And off I went.
Well, there are fourteen members and they were shocked to see me. They had no clue who I was and for a few minutes they thought I was an author of some book, and I let them think that as I sat among them. It isn't unusual to have a guest speaker at the meeting. Finally, when all were seated and they were wondering aloud where Tonya was, and saying she must be hung up with the husband and kids, I introduced meself as Mr. Tonya, perpetrator husband and father of the kids that keep her late, yes I did. Their faces were priceless. All mouths opened and one or two were disappointed I wasn't speaking on the Feckin' Collection a series of books on Irish insults. The others were embarrassed I heard what they said about me and me kiddos. So grinning, I began the discussion and within fifteen minutes the smile on me face was frozen solid. If I had to keep smiling at all the stupid things they got from The Notebook any longer than I had by then, me teeth would have fallen out of me head like a bunch of Chiclets and me brain would have sprung a leak.
I got it, I saw exactly what Tonya was talking about and I got it full brunt. It was awful how they started crying, I mean really crying R. Linda, tears flowing over the two main characters. I mean I wanted to barf. I was like people come on! Once the tissues were passed out, and the tears dried up they went into some medical reasons for this and that which happened in the book and finally I asked this learned group if they were all in the medical field. NO! Not one, yet they were talking about medications and psychological ramifications and so I couldn't take it anymore and said, "Gee, I wonder meself I do, what Allie's funeral expenses were." Well, THAT stopped them, they all sat there aghast and I shook me head and said, "Well, that's that." I closed the book with a snap and informed the lot of them I had a book suggestion for next week. I was quick about it, I gave them no time to respond or think, and so I said with what I am sure was an annoying grin on me face, "Next week's selection is The Sound and The Fury by William Faulkner. You can pick a copy up before you leave, and now I must be off, sick wife you know." And up I got and away I went. Yes, I did.
When I told Tonya what I did, she was stunned speechless, but the smile on her face was precious. Yes, it was. I done goooddd. I told her I would take next week's meet if she liked, just to see the expression on those faces when they come in from a chapter of Faulkner. Yes, the confused and the lost. I love it. I have them graduated to a big boy book, I do, and am very willing to sit in on the confusion, not to mention the frustration. I know I be a mean man, but I can hardly wait. The only thing is Tonya can't wait to get in on this one as well, so I may have to wait to hear what happens.
Stay tuned.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
5 comments:
LOL Tell Tonya, I'll join her book club! I can fill the time with all KINDS of stupid comments!LOL
Guess what I just finished watching? The Notebook. Haven't read the book but love the flick!
Oh yeah, saw it was on some obscure station last night and called Tonya in with a "Guess what's on the telly?" She wasn't pleased with me sense of humour, LOL.
I'm trying to remember. WHO said I had to read the book? Tell me Mr. O'Sullivan. Said that if HE had to suffer, then so did I. LOL
No, no, YOU wanted to read the book after I told you what Tonya said about it. I went along with it because Tonya read it and was wondering what everyone else saw in it, so I picked it up and agreed with YOU and Tonya. It's an awful book.
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