Virtual Learning - Also Known As: A Shock To The Adult Mindset

 15 September 2020

1001

R. Linda:

Well, this week it was my turn to be online with the youngest's virtual schooling. Basically, it was sitting there making sure he had the school exercises he needed in the proper order of what class he was online for. For Monday it was quite an experience, as most Mondays can be for any adult who works. Usually, you have a lovely weekend and maybe kick up your heels, have a few drinks, whatever floats your boat and then on Monday, you may feel a bit down to have that free-spirited time gone and perhaps you even have a slight hangover. We've all been there.

So yesterday was my first time sitting with the young feller for an online class which was language arts or some such thing. When I was a wee nipper there was no such thing, so this was new to me. After a bit of panic about not getting online to where we needed to go correctly, and having Tonya stop what she was doing to help us, we finally got into the class. Now the class onscreen consists of boxes, and in each box be a squirmy kiddo,  a singing kiddo, one just making noises, or one putting his pet frog to the camera. As soon as the teacher comes in, some of that behaviour stops but not all of it. The boyo with the frog had to be told several times to put Mr. Frog in his aquarium it was learning time, not show and tell. Ok then.

This particular teacher made me take notice instantly because her voice was like a cartoon character. I thought she was having us all on, but no, she really talks in a baby falsetto that is quite a bit distracting to me at least, the kiddos on the screen didn't seem to notice. Well, Ms. Falsetto took attendance and noticed a student by the name of Brody wasn't there, did anyone know where he was? I was taken aback by the question because how would anyone know where he was not being in his house? And as you can guess the question was a resounding, "I dunno."

Once we got past that, Ms. Falsetto sort of stared at the screen or at us for a few very long moments, heaved a giant sigh (and personally, I thought she was about to fall out of her chair and go to sleep), and grabbed a huge book with the letter E on it. The grabbing action was like her being stung by a bee which woke her right up as to what she should was doing. Then she proceeded to hold it up and read it to the class. It was a book with a lot of E words and I thought for sure when she was done, she'd be asking the kiddos about the characters in the book that started with an E. But no, she didn't instead she said, "That's all for today, think up words that start with E and I'll see you tomorrow."

WHAT? That was the extent of class? Read a story and leave? I could do that!

We had ten minutes to spare so she told the kiddos to just hang out until Mrs. Wallker got on. And we did, the frog came back out, followed by a spider another kiddo had and back and forth 7-year-old chat went among boys because there were no girls in that first class and a good thing because reptiles and insects probably wouldn't have been to their liking.

I'd like to say right on the dot that Mrs. Walker came in, but it was five minutes after the time she was supposed to be in the class that she showed herself, hair slicked back in a severe ponytail, I thought to meself she looked like a mean one she did. She too took attendance and without staring at the screen for an uncomfortable amount of time, slid out a huge book as well and began to read. This book was about an odd-looking bird and the words Where, With, and When were featured. When she finished the book she didn't ask for each kiddo to give a sentence with any of those words in it, instead she told them to write a sentence each for homework and she'd see them the next morning. 

REALLY? THAT'S IT? Do they even know how to write and spell? 

So we had a break, about 20 minutes before math class. Again I had trouble getting back on and had to take Tonya away from what she was doing to help but once on, we were sitting in a mixed class of boys and girls this time. One young lady stretched across her desk sleeping, one showing another onscreen girl a Barbie and the boys were flipping pencils to see how far they could fly. Two of the girls' moms were talking to each other and some dads and moms were to be seen in the background either sipping coffee (I wish it were me) or setting their kiddo up for class.

The math teacher was on time. Her hair was sticking out all over the place and she looked like she wanted to be anywhere but where she was. But she got right to it. Told everyone right off to put the toys away, mute please, and not to unmute until she called on you. So I thought well, professional at last! 

She pulled out a sheet which we had at home and told the class to count the butterflies. Then put the number in the box next to them. We counted 10 and put the number in. She asked a kiddo named Davey what he had. He had 10. "No," said she, "count again." He did, still had 10. "You should have 7," said she. One rather unintimidated kiddo did the unthinkable and unmuted to inform Ms. Simpson he had 10 too. Then everyone unmuted and said the same thing. She looked at her paper and counted and yes there were 10 butterflies. Reluctantly, she admitted she was wrong she missed 3 that were scattered in with the tree leaves. OK ever onward!

Then we were to count the leaves, you guessed it, once again we all were wrong the number was 6 when there were 7. "Oh, oh yes, I didn't see the one other . . . " 

Oh boy. By the end of the lesson day (if you can call it that) no one had learned a bloody thing. 

I had a long discussion with Tonya that the kiddos do better at homeschooling than this virtual online business. But today, was very different, the kiddos actually learned some things! So I chalk Monday up to what I said when I started - too much weekend.

Today, the reading teacher asked for a sentence with the word 'she' in it and Davey the rather dominant of the boys said, "She is my girlfriend!" This coming from a 7-year-old who put his teacher into fits of laughter. Out of the mouths of babes, eh?

The cartoon-voiced teacher had come back with her E letter, but she held up a large card that said Ce. I was like what the heck is Ce? Are we in the foreign language class, because truly what is Ce? What happened was she held the card up too high so the E looked like a C. Oi! Both me and me kiddo were racking our brains for a word with Ce in it for a sentence and hoping she wouldn't call on "us." 

After that, she asked everyone to tell her about an act of kindness they had done. A kiddo named Jay said, "I found me an orange lizard on the trail by our house. I picked it up so no one would step on it." "Oh Jay, that was so kind of you to look out for another creature. What did you do with the lizard?" "I fed it to the dog. He needed a snack."

I tell ya! So much for an act of kindness, his teacher just stared at the screen her eyes behind her big glasses looking a bit glassy like she was going to be sick. That ended that. 

So I am somewhat amused right now. I have three more days of this. Tonya is going back and forth with the two older kiddos because I have not a clue what their curriculum is, I mean I do, but it be so much more advanced than when I was in school. For one, the eldest is in honour classes so that be it for me, and he has Latin, of which I never took Latin, it wasn't even offered, so I wish him lots of luck and the other one be advanced geometry, he be the only ninth grader in with tenth graders, so for that too I wish him well, I'd be intimidated if I was in his shoes but if any of that phases him, he doesn't show it. 

Gabe

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