26 August, 2017

Our Father Who ARE 2 D 2

26 August 2017

R. Linda:

OK SO . . . I don't know how to say this, BUT me Mam (while she doesn't need glasses), needs a brain adjustment of sorts. I be embarrassed to even write this story but she be so damn cute sometimes, and I have to laugh sometimes at the ridiculousness of it all, and sometimes just to keep me sanity.

Okay so let me start a few months back (oh to think this has been going on THAT long), when the wee one was left in her care and Tonya and I took the two elder boys shopping for school clothes. Upon our arrival three hours later, me Mam tells us that the wee one was "a trill ta watch." Oh he was so good and he played with his toys, and wasn't interested in the telly, no he was creating scenes he was and was a perfect joy.

Okay then, we were happy it worked out, happier still he wasn't glued to the telly. She was equally thrilled he went "ta baid at 9 o'clock such a verra gude buoy." That too, wow how easy was that for her? That was the last time she had to babysit the wee gent as we haven't been going out much because by then the Dragon had descended on her broom and as you know it be all we can do to keep up with her visits. Now Dragon's visit have not gone well for me Mam, no, no they have not. There has been many a time I find meself the referee between them on some argy in the kitchen, usually over how to prepare some dish.

Me sainted little apple cheeked, grey-haired Mam would take me aside and whisper to me that I needed to send the Dragon away, she was going to start drinking full tilt if I didn't do something because the Dragon was driving her to the drink and on and on she went. So to maintain me sanity on both ends, I finally got the Dragon to leave with the excuse of your visit, that we needed the guest room.

When you were here I know you noticed me very Catholic Mam with her rosary beads. She takes an hour a day to say the rosary in the privacy of her room. There she prays that we are all kept safe and blessed, as well as she prays to St. Francis to keep the Dragon away. St. Francis because he loved all animals and me Mam figures Dragon be lumped in that class and so that's why St. Francis. I know her logic be bent but . . .

I never disturb her when she's at rosary. But just this morning, there was a long distance phone call from her sister in Ireland and I had to go get her to the phone. I knocked softly and then knocked again and she just as softly said, "Coom in," and I did and there she was kneeling in front of her St. Francis statue, her hands clutching her beads, her lips silently moving in prayer. I softly approached as not to break the atmosphere of saintliness in the room and as I got closer to her make-shift altar I see on the top not a statue of St. Francis, but this:

The new and modern version of action figure St. Francis
"Uh . . . Mam," says I, "are ye prayin' ta dat figure dere?" And I pointed at the white haired figure.

"Oh ay, indeed, dat be the new and improved St. Francis," says she brightly.

"Uh . . . Mam," says I again, "I tink ye are prayin' ta Obi-Wan Kenobi . . . from Star Wars."

Horrified she leaned back on her heels looking at it.


"Yes, I be pretty certain that be Obi-Wan." Says I.

"Why dat leetle deevil!" She got up off her knees and looked at me aghast. "Yer wee gent gave dat ta me da nite I sat fer em' an tole me it was St. Francis an I could half em. Dat explains it!" She said with a bit of heat.

"Explains wot?" I asked.

"Why me prayers ain't bein' answered!"

We stood there for a few seconds, she silently steaming and me trying not to laugh.

"Oh befur I furgit, you half a phone call from Ireland, yer sissy." I said breaking the silence.

With that she started out of the room, but then she came back and swiped, and I mean swiped up that action figure and went out the room, me just steps behind her, when she suddenly turned and I walked into her and she grabs me hand, puts the figure in it, and hisses at me, "Doncha tell a soul ye hear?"

Uh sure, LOL, I won't tell anyone, but YOU R. Linda. Me lips are sealed, LMAO.

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  1. LMAO I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. THAT is funny stuff. And I won't tell a soul either, LOLOLOLOL Poor Mummy she'll be more cautious of saintly action figures, I'm sorry I can't stop laughing.

  2. ROFLMAO I'll be laughing for days with that one. It could have been worse, Jabba the hut, or darth vader! M
    Your mom is a hoot! Im a lost cause as far as religion goes, lapsed catholic AND a backslider. Your house is FUN!

  3. Thst is so darn cute and so darn funny LOL. Mams the word. Literally!