16 December 2010
338
R. Linda:
All right! So there I was charged with a cookie bake-off at work. I was like WHAT is this? I don't bake cookies, I eat cookies. But since times are hard, it was deemed a good idea to forgo the annual Christmas debauchery of a party and silly gifts and have a bake-off. We men stood there picturing ourselves and each other in aprons with oven mitts. It wasn't pretty. The person who owns our little news company is a woman; this was her idea, so what could we do but comply.
Josh, another reporter, whispered he knew of this place that sold homemade cookies and that's where he was going. He wouldn't tell us where this place was, so the rest of us were forced to actually bake. UGH!
On me way home, I rang up home hoping to get Tonya, but she was out getting groceries. So I asked my sainted little apple-cheeked Mam what were the easiest cookies to make.
"Sugar kookies. Ye don't want me makin' dem now doo ye Gabriel? I've had a long day o' it and besides, ya should learn ta bake fer yoursel."
"No Mam, I will bake, I just wanted to know what was easy." And with that, I got the ingredients I needed and I headed home. Tonight after everyone was out of the kitchen, I took to making cookies. Well, I made them a measured teaspoon like it said and they came out the first batch burnt. Mam came in to see what I was burning down the kitchen with and I showed her the burnt cookies.
"How much ye measured? A teaspoon," she read, "it means a rounded teaspoon dere Gabe, no wonder dey look like buttons."
And off she went laughing. I gathered my wits and did as she suggested and wowey, wow, wow, the cookies were done beautifully. I placed them on the wire racks and then sprinkled the coloured sugar over them, but the sugar didn't stick. I called Mam back in and explained the problem.
"Butter kookies do better wid da coloured crystals. Sugar kookies ye should ice in colours."
"But . . . but . . . " I pointed at the cookbook pictures of sugar cookies with sprinkles.
"Dose are butter kookies." And she turned and started off.
"Wait! What do I do? I'm not icing all these kookies, I mean cookies and I still have three batches to make."
She came back and sat down staring at the cookies.
"Ye got chocolate chips Gabe?"
"Uh yeah we have a package in the cupboard, but I'm not making chocolate chip cookies, I'm making sugar cookies."
"Well, I'm not suggestin' such. I be sayin' ye should stick a chocolate chip in the middle. Make poor man's Hershey kiss kookies."
And she laughed and laughed, and laughed.
"Funny lady -- you. I don't think so." I said standing there feeling more helpless than I did before, not to mention the biggest fool in the baking world.
"Ah com'on ye can tell dem ye couldn't afford da big Hershey Kisses, so ye made em' poor man's Hershey Kiss kookies."
More laughter as she went and got the bag opened it and placed a chocolate chip in the middle of a baked sugar cookie. I stared at it thinking how ridiculous does THAT look? I watched as she pressed the chip into the still-warm cookie and closed me eyes to break the fascination. What would my co-workers think? She got up and left laughing.
I sat and stared at that infernal cookie. You know what, I put a chocolate chip in the middle of each cooling cookie. I lifted a few up and turned them upside down, no chip fell out. Hum, maybe . . .
So tomorrow I be going off for this bake-off with me joke cookies. Yes, I am. They will laugh at me, this I know, but it will be expected and truly they look kind of interesting.
Gabe
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
All right! So there I was charged with a cookie bake-off at work. I was like WHAT is this? I don't bake cookies, I eat cookies. But since times are hard, it was deemed a good idea to forgo the annual Christmas debauchery of a party and silly gifts and have a bake-off. We men stood there picturing ourselves and each other in aprons with oven mitts. It wasn't pretty. The person who owns our little news company is a woman; this was her idea, so what could we do but comply.
Josh, another reporter, whispered he knew of this place that sold homemade cookies and that's where he was going. He wouldn't tell us where this place was, so the rest of us were forced to actually bake. UGH!
On me way home, I rang up home hoping to get Tonya, but she was out getting groceries. So I asked my sainted little apple-cheeked Mam what were the easiest cookies to make.
"Sugar kookies. Ye don't want me makin' dem now doo ye Gabriel? I've had a long day o' it and besides, ya should learn ta bake fer yoursel."
"No Mam, I will bake, I just wanted to know what was easy." And with that, I got the ingredients I needed and I headed home. Tonight after everyone was out of the kitchen, I took to making cookies. Well, I made them a measured teaspoon like it said and they came out the first batch burnt. Mam came in to see what I was burning down the kitchen with and I showed her the burnt cookies.
"How much ye measured? A teaspoon," she read, "it means a rounded teaspoon dere Gabe, no wonder dey look like buttons."
And off she went laughing. I gathered my wits and did as she suggested and wowey, wow, wow, the cookies were done beautifully. I placed them on the wire racks and then sprinkled the coloured sugar over them, but the sugar didn't stick. I called Mam back in and explained the problem.
"Butter kookies do better wid da coloured crystals. Sugar kookies ye should ice in colours."
"But . . . but . . . " I pointed at the cookbook pictures of sugar cookies with sprinkles.
"Dose are butter kookies." And she turned and started off.
"Wait! What do I do? I'm not icing all these kookies, I mean cookies and I still have three batches to make."
She came back and sat down staring at the cookies.
"Ye got chocolate chips Gabe?"
"Uh yeah we have a package in the cupboard, but I'm not making chocolate chip cookies, I'm making sugar cookies."
"Well, I'm not suggestin' such. I be sayin' ye should stick a chocolate chip in the middle. Make poor man's Hershey kiss kookies."
And she laughed and laughed, and laughed.
"Funny lady -- you. I don't think so." I said standing there feeling more helpless than I did before, not to mention the biggest fool in the baking world.
"Ah com'on ye can tell dem ye couldn't afford da big Hershey Kisses, so ye made em' poor man's Hershey Kiss kookies."
More laughter as she went and got the bag opened it and placed a chocolate chip in the middle of a baked sugar cookie. I stared at it thinking how ridiculous does THAT look? I watched as she pressed the chip into the still-warm cookie and closed me eyes to break the fascination. What would my co-workers think? She got up and left laughing.
I sat and stared at that infernal cookie. You know what, I put a chocolate chip in the middle of each cooling cookie. I lifted a few up and turned them upside down, no chip fell out. Hum, maybe . . .
So tomorrow I be going off for this bake-off with me joke cookies. Yes, I am. They will laugh at me, this I know, but it will be expected and truly they look kind of interesting.
Gabe
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
