26 August 2004
84
R. Linda:
It has been a week it has. I called into work Tuesday and told them of me mishap, but they said I needed to come in anyway because there was to be an assignment meeting and they had three people out sick already. What could I do? I mustered me resignation behind me and in I went, eye patch, eye drops and all.
I should have known as soon as I got to the elevator things were going to continue downhill. The operator of the elevator is one Sidney Labowski, an older gent of 60 years who is a pleasant sort. Well, as soon as I entered he said with a smile, "Har there young Sully," and up we went to me floor.
We chatted about what had happened, and he was all kinds of sympathetic. I got out of the elevator thinking not much of anything when Roger Kilgallon came by and said, "Har captn' fine day for a sail, yar!" And he made a motion like he had a cutlass and swished the imaginary thing in the air and swashbuckled off.
Ok, I think to meself, that's two. Let's hope this ends here. But not to be R. Linda, as soon as I made it to me desk that bloody Kathleen O'Reilly popped up with, "Are you taking the Johnny Depp role a wee bit too far there, Gabriel?"
I gave a forced laugh and sat at me desk. She took off with a sheaf of papers in hand while I looked over messages with me one good eye. I was deep into them when I almost jumped out of me skin as Terry Bambrock, a cub reporter leaned over and whispered into me ear, "Captain Hook, have you seen Peter Pan around?"
Oh ha, ha, ha.
It only got worse, the meeting was a waste of me time because since I was sight incapacitated, I was told to go with Ms. Bambrock (a close friend of Ms. O'Reilly), to sample Chinese delicacies for an article on some new eatery that had opened in Chinatown. It was laughingly suggested I wouldn't be able to see what I was eating and I could garner a better opinion because me taste senses would be acute. And wasn't it true Gabe, that blind people were more inclined to be better tasters than sighted folks? UM HUM. I was to be the guinea pig while Ms. Bambrock did the write-up of our taste testing. So off we went, her making inane conversation about her boyfriend and such. I grunted every now and then, offering a yeah and a um hum, but not really listening to the woes of Ms. B.
We got to the restaurant and she said to the waiter, to bring on all kinds of things for yours truly to sample, for instance, deep fried squid with a sauce that had fricasseed cricket legs, a red soup with black things swimming in them (they were crunchy whatever they were), ostrich egg scrambled with some hot and I mean hot mustard doled on top. I was in extreme gastronomic pain by the time we were done.
We had to stop at a chemist's for some Tums so I could chew me way back to the office.
Once again as I exited the elevator Sidney gave me a soft, "Har there matey," at which I gave him a smile (what else could I do?), and off to me desk I went. When I got there, some ingenious moron had made origami boats with sails that were lined along the cubicle wall. On the desk were the flicks, CAPTAIN HOOK, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, CAPTAIN COURAGEOUS, THE LITTLE MERMAID, NEMO, AND 2000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA.
I had a few phone messages, that all started off with "Har matey," written at the beginning. They said stupid things like "Tinkerbelle is reported missing," "Someone ate the little mermaid's lobster pal -- story page 6," "Captain Hook loses his other hand in a boating accident," and finally, "Gabriel O'Sullivan to star as Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates Deux."
I flipped on me computer screen to find some arse had made a wallpaper of me with eye patch, face plastered over Johnny Depp's as Captain Jack. What a strange lot I work with. Here I was thinking they'd feel bad for me. Instead, they were acting like me mishap was a big jape.
I tell you, R. Linda, I can't get any respect.
Gabe
Copyright © 2004 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
It has been a week it has. I called into work Tuesday and told them of me mishap, but they said I needed to come in anyway because there was to be an assignment meeting and they had three people out sick already. What could I do? I mustered me resignation behind me and in I went, eye patch, eye drops and all.
I should have known as soon as I got to the elevator things were going to continue downhill. The operator of the elevator is one Sidney Labowski, an older gent of 60 years who is a pleasant sort. Well, as soon as I entered he said with a smile, "Har there young Sully," and up we went to me floor.
We chatted about what had happened, and he was all kinds of sympathetic. I got out of the elevator thinking not much of anything when Roger Kilgallon came by and said, "Har captn' fine day for a sail, yar!" And he made a motion like he had a cutlass and swished the imaginary thing in the air and swashbuckled off.
Ok, I think to meself, that's two. Let's hope this ends here. But not to be R. Linda, as soon as I made it to me desk that bloody Kathleen O'Reilly popped up with, "Are you taking the Johnny Depp role a wee bit too far there, Gabriel?"
I gave a forced laugh and sat at me desk. She took off with a sheaf of papers in hand while I looked over messages with me one good eye. I was deep into them when I almost jumped out of me skin as Terry Bambrock, a cub reporter leaned over and whispered into me ear, "Captain Hook, have you seen Peter Pan around?"
Oh ha, ha, ha.
It only got worse, the meeting was a waste of me time because since I was sight incapacitated, I was told to go with Ms. Bambrock (a close friend of Ms. O'Reilly), to sample Chinese delicacies for an article on some new eatery that had opened in Chinatown. It was laughingly suggested I wouldn't be able to see what I was eating and I could garner a better opinion because me taste senses would be acute. And wasn't it true Gabe, that blind people were more inclined to be better tasters than sighted folks? UM HUM. I was to be the guinea pig while Ms. Bambrock did the write-up of our taste testing. So off we went, her making inane conversation about her boyfriend and such. I grunted every now and then, offering a yeah and a um hum, but not really listening to the woes of Ms. B.
We got to the restaurant and she said to the waiter, to bring on all kinds of things for yours truly to sample, for instance, deep fried squid with a sauce that had fricasseed cricket legs, a red soup with black things swimming in them (they were crunchy whatever they were), ostrich egg scrambled with some hot and I mean hot mustard doled on top. I was in extreme gastronomic pain by the time we were done.
We had to stop at a chemist's for some Tums so I could chew me way back to the office.
Once again as I exited the elevator Sidney gave me a soft, "Har there matey," at which I gave him a smile (what else could I do?), and off to me desk I went. When I got there, some ingenious moron had made origami boats with sails that were lined along the cubicle wall. On the desk were the flicks, CAPTAIN HOOK, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, CAPTAIN COURAGEOUS, THE LITTLE MERMAID, NEMO, AND 2000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA.
I had a few phone messages, that all started off with "Har matey," written at the beginning. They said stupid things like "Tinkerbelle is reported missing," "Someone ate the little mermaid's lobster pal -- story page 6," "Captain Hook loses his other hand in a boating accident," and finally, "Gabriel O'Sullivan to star as Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates Deux."
I flipped on me computer screen to find some arse had made a wallpaper of me with eye patch, face plastered over Johnny Depp's as Captain Jack. What a strange lot I work with. Here I was thinking they'd feel bad for me. Instead, they were acting like me mishap was a big jape.
I tell you, R. Linda, I can't get any respect.
Gabe
Copyright © 2004 All rights reserved
