344
R. Linda:
I shouldn't even go where I am going, but I'm gonna anyway. Tonight, I get home from a long day of work and traffic. I find no one is at home, the place was dark when I pulled up and the only sound was the dogs barking from within the house. I let meself in to being licked and jumped on by two happy hounds, and somehow I got the light switched on and there on the top of the chair is Mr. Kits staring at me, like "where the hell have you been?" How dare I leave him with the dogs in a darkened house. Before I can even get me coat off, I see the yellow post-a-note and it reads, "Gabe, We've gone to pick up the kids from school then we are going to take back some Christmas presents that did not fit." It said something else, but the growling and slow movement in the darkened hall took me attention away to find me Da in slippers, pj's and bathrobe, stealthily stalking me from the hallway with a GUN. I was taken aback. I dropped the note and it was immediately chewed up by the Setter who loves eating paper, as I stood with my mouth agape wondering if me own father was about to send me to the other world. Then I stopped such thoughts when it struck me that we didn't own a shotgun. As he came into the light I realised he didn't have his glasses on and before I could say anything he says, "Ya stay were ya arr ya heah me. One move an yer dust!"
"Em . . . Da it's me Gabe. And if you want to shoot me go ahead I don't think O'Hare's toy rifle is going to do me much harm."
"Oh," says he looking closely at the gun, "I couldn't tell if it were real or not," that last said looking squint eyed down the barrel hole. I took it away from him before he found a way to put his eye out with the rubber darts that were still loaded inside. Gees the man!
"What time is it?" he asked feeling in his robe for his glasses, like this never happened.
"Just after 6, where is everyone? Said on the note they went to exchange things, when they coming back?"
He put his glasses on to make sure it was me, his own son, no voice recognition when you're near deaf I guess, and he thought a moment. Then he thought another moment as I stood there with coat still on wondering what the plan was because I was getting awfully hot.
Finally, he remembered they were going to stop at Applebees or someplace like that and we should fend for ourselves. Just as I thought, typical Tonya. Ok then, I told him to get dressed, we'll go out and fend for ourselves. He was all for it and within three minutes he was back. When it comes to food me Da is a fast mover, anything else and it takes an age for him to move in the direction you want him to. Sigh.
So off we go and he tells me he could use a good cuppa coffee having slept the afternoon (more like the day) away, so I pull into Dunks and he says to get a few croissants so Mam can make an egg and croissant sanny for our breakfasts tomorrow. I drive up to the speaker and get the usual greeting and I give the order for two coffees and four croissants.
"Let me check on the croissants," says the disembodied voice. "No, sorry we don't have any left."
"Then four bagels as is," says I.
"Let me check. No sorry, no bagels."
"Do you have any bagels?"
"Nope all out."
My Da says loud enough they heard him, "Wonder if they have any donuts?" God love him he's a character. NOT!
"OH we have those . . . I think."
"I don't want donuts, we'll just drive up." Says I all astounded at the "I think" we have donuts.
I start to pull up and me Da says, "He doesn't know if he has any donuts? It's called Dunkin' Donuts and he has no idea?"
Well, the guy at the window was laughing. I guess he thought it was funny. I paid for the two coffees and me Da spies a Wendy's next door and says he could go for a baked potato with chili and cheese on top. So, I pull into Wendys and no one came on the speaker for a very long time. I had enough time to look over the menu and I decided I too would have the potato. I sat there for enough time that four more cars pulled up in line behind me and start honking. I was there so long I could have played a game of full blown poker. I was saying "Hello" over and over until the voice woke up. I ordered. She told me to drive on up and I did. As soon as she saw me she slid the window back and informed me they had no potatoes.
First no croissants, then no bagels, the donuts are questionable, and we find Wendy's has no potatoes! What is the fast food business coming to? So we decline anything else they don't seem to have and we left for KFC. Now I should know better because I never get what I order at Kentucky Fried. Half the time I end up with tacos because there is no chicken. How that works I don't know and many times I have questioned them if they really are a chicken place because I never get any. So stupid me pulls up. The usual greeting and I tell them I want the 8 piece chicken meal, original recipe and before I can order sides, I am told they are all out of original. I tell them give me the grilled then, well they can only give me thighs and wings they are all out of breasts. NO NO NO! Never mind. I drive out.
"Bet they had tacos though," says me ever so helpful Da.
"Did ye want tacos?" I asked him.
"Well, would be nice since they have nothing else and I be hungry."
Oi, oi, oi! I go back around and I say I want two orders of the number 3 and 2 special hard shelled tacos in addition.
I get told I can only have one extra they are running out of taco filling.
"What do you want to do Da?" I ask.
"Get em, well cut the extra up in half."
No we weren't I wasn't about to take food from me Da. I'd fill up on the rest of the mince pie I told him and he informed me there wasn't any left. Oh, ok then, I'll have the rest of the chocolate chip cookies. Em, no, no wasn't likely I'd get that either they were gone too. ME OWN FREAKING HOUSE WAS OUT OF FOOD TOO!
So I got the meager dinner and was driving home and each fast food place we'd pass by me comedian of a father would say, "Oh look there's a Burger King, bet they don't have any burgers, nahhhhhh." Then McDonalds, "Bet they're all out of McFlurries, nah, nah, nah." He made like that goat in that Aflac commercial. It was actually funny. Because he was right, McDonald's never has McFlurries when I go there, and Burger King is all out of the Italian Chicken sanny because they've had such a run on it all day.
I give up.
We got home had our small repast of not so hot tacos, and the ladies appear with the boyos, talking about how good the Applebee special was and oh the dessert. I was like shut up, SHUT UP! I didn't say it, but I thought it. Here I was with cold coffee, a few soggy tacos and no dessert, and they had a great time. Yea them! Well, it is Starbucks for me from now on. They always have what I want and why is that? Because everyone else goes to Dunks and cleans them out. I never get a turn, so whine, whine, whine, I am. I'll fix them I'll eat and drink at Starbucks from now on. I mean it.
Gabe
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
I shouldn't even go where I am going, but I'm gonna anyway. Tonight, I get home from a long day of work and traffic. I find no one is at home, the place was dark when I pulled up and the only sound was the dogs barking from within the house. I let meself in to being licked and jumped on by two happy hounds, and somehow I got the light switched on and there on the top of the chair is Mr. Kits staring at me, like "where the hell have you been?" How dare I leave him with the dogs in a darkened house. Before I can even get me coat off, I see the yellow post-a-note and it reads, "Gabe, We've gone to pick up the kids from school then we are going to take back some Christmas presents that did not fit." It said something else, but the growling and slow movement in the darkened hall took me attention away to find me Da in slippers, pj's and bathrobe, stealthily stalking me from the hallway with a GUN. I was taken aback. I dropped the note and it was immediately chewed up by the Setter who loves eating paper, as I stood with my mouth agape wondering if me own father was about to send me to the other world. Then I stopped such thoughts when it struck me that we didn't own a shotgun. As he came into the light I realised he didn't have his glasses on and before I could say anything he says, "Ya stay were ya arr ya heah me. One move an yer dust!"
"Em . . . Da it's me Gabe. And if you want to shoot me go ahead I don't think O'Hare's toy rifle is going to do me much harm."
"Oh," says he looking closely at the gun, "I couldn't tell if it were real or not," that last said looking squint eyed down the barrel hole. I took it away from him before he found a way to put his eye out with the rubber darts that were still loaded inside. Gees the man!
"What time is it?" he asked feeling in his robe for his glasses, like this never happened.
"Just after 6, where is everyone? Said on the note they went to exchange things, when they coming back?"
He put his glasses on to make sure it was me, his own son, no voice recognition when you're near deaf I guess, and he thought a moment. Then he thought another moment as I stood there with coat still on wondering what the plan was because I was getting awfully hot.
Finally, he remembered they were going to stop at Applebees or someplace like that and we should fend for ourselves. Just as I thought, typical Tonya. Ok then, I told him to get dressed, we'll go out and fend for ourselves. He was all for it and within three minutes he was back. When it comes to food me Da is a fast mover, anything else and it takes an age for him to move in the direction you want him to. Sigh.
So off we go and he tells me he could use a good cuppa coffee having slept the afternoon (more like the day) away, so I pull into Dunks and he says to get a few croissants so Mam can make an egg and croissant sanny for our breakfasts tomorrow. I drive up to the speaker and get the usual greeting and I give the order for two coffees and four croissants.
"Let me check on the croissants," says the disembodied voice. "No, sorry we don't have any left."
"Then four bagels as is," says I.
"Let me check. No sorry, no bagels."
"Do you have any bagels?"
"Nope all out."
My Da says loud enough they heard him, "Wonder if they have any donuts?" God love him he's a character. NOT!
"OH we have those . . . I think."
"I don't want donuts, we'll just drive up." Says I all astounded at the "I think" we have donuts.
I start to pull up and me Da says, "He doesn't know if he has any donuts? It's called Dunkin' Donuts and he has no idea?"
Well, the guy at the window was laughing. I guess he thought it was funny. I paid for the two coffees and me Da spies a Wendy's next door and says he could go for a baked potato with chili and cheese on top. So, I pull into Wendys and no one came on the speaker for a very long time. I had enough time to look over the menu and I decided I too would have the potato. I sat there for enough time that four more cars pulled up in line behind me and start honking. I was there so long I could have played a game of full blown poker. I was saying "Hello" over and over until the voice woke up. I ordered. She told me to drive on up and I did. As soon as she saw me she slid the window back and informed me they had no potatoes.
First no croissants, then no bagels, the donuts are questionable, and we find Wendy's has no potatoes! What is the fast food business coming to? So we decline anything else they don't seem to have and we left for KFC. Now I should know better because I never get what I order at Kentucky Fried. Half the time I end up with tacos because there is no chicken. How that works I don't know and many times I have questioned them if they really are a chicken place because I never get any. So stupid me pulls up. The usual greeting and I tell them I want the 8 piece chicken meal, original recipe and before I can order sides, I am told they are all out of original. I tell them give me the grilled then, well they can only give me thighs and wings they are all out of breasts. NO NO NO! Never mind. I drive out.
"Bet they had tacos though," says me ever so helpful Da.
"Did ye want tacos?" I asked him.
"Well, would be nice since they have nothing else and I be hungry."
Oi, oi, oi! I go back around and I say I want two orders of the number 3 and 2 special hard shelled tacos in addition.
I get told I can only have one extra they are running out of taco filling.
"What do you want to do Da?" I ask.
"Get em, well cut the extra up in half."
No we weren't I wasn't about to take food from me Da. I'd fill up on the rest of the mince pie I told him and he informed me there wasn't any left. Oh, ok then, I'll have the rest of the chocolate chip cookies. Em, no, no wasn't likely I'd get that either they were gone too. ME OWN FREAKING HOUSE WAS OUT OF FOOD TOO!
So I got the meager dinner and was driving home and each fast food place we'd pass by me comedian of a father would say, "Oh look there's a Burger King, bet they don't have any burgers, nahhhhhh." Then McDonalds, "Bet they're all out of McFlurries, nah, nah, nah." He made like that goat in that Aflac commercial. It was actually funny. Because he was right, McDonald's never has McFlurries when I go there, and Burger King is all out of the Italian Chicken sanny because they've had such a run on it all day.
I give up.
We got home had our small repast of not so hot tacos, and the ladies appear with the boyos, talking about how good the Applebee special was and oh the dessert. I was like shut up, SHUT UP! I didn't say it, but I thought it. Here I was with cold coffee, a few soggy tacos and no dessert, and they had a great time. Yea them! Well, it is Starbucks for me from now on. They always have what I want and why is that? Because everyone else goes to Dunks and cleans them out. I never get a turn, so whine, whine, whine, I am. I'll fix them I'll eat and drink at Starbucks from now on. I mean it.
Gabe
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
