Valentine's Dinner Conclusion

14 February 2012

503

R. Linda:

While eating dinner, Patrick moved his chair a tad closer to Ms. Jaio, who didn't miss that manoeuvre. No, she was looking at him like -- in her words -- wat da fuk? He started talking to her! YES, he told her she had nice hair, to which Tonya was listening because she was sitting next to Patrick and shook her head at her dish like she couldn't believe what she had just heard, but she said nothing.

"I do?" Jaio asked in shocked surprise.

"Yeah, it is shiny and smooth. I like it, it becomes you." He said loud enough for Maureen to hear and that was what was going on. Yes, it was I was like NO PATRICK do not do that to me Charlotte, I mean Ms. Jaio.

Meanwhile, Maureen was leaning over her dinner plate at Terry, looking into his baby blues like he was the end all, well as much as an end all that a rough leprechaun can look.

"Ima not buyin dis," Weasil said to me giving me the elbow and a slight head toss toward Maureen.

"Me either. Both these two are being jerks." I whispered back, the clicking of the flatware masking our conversation.

"You should get contact lenses so people can see your eyes," Patrick was saying.

"Weally?" Ms. Jaio said totally enraptured.

Maureen had got a drift of that and said to her rough leprechaun, "I wish I had eyes as blue as yers dere beautiful."

At which Terry stopped eating and looked at her. "Ya do." He said, and it was true she did have baby blues. And then he smelled the rat. He got it. He understood what she was doing, she was trying to make Patrick jealous because it seemed he had succeeded in making her that.

"Who are these people?" I said in a low tone to both Weasil and Tonya.

"Screw uppies." Weasil said, Tonya just shook her head like I dunno and then said, "So high school."

But it got worse because Patrick was in full flirt mode and unfortunately for me intern, she was buying what he was selling. But Terry was not happy, because after all he was buying Maureen dinner, had stopped off at the petrol station convenience store and bought her a single red rose, a heart full of chocolates, and a Hallmark card that when you opened it sang, "You Are My Sunshine." Well, she was doing a fabulous job of making it rain on Terry's parade. So, Terry did the only manly thing left to do, he accidentally on purpose dropped his napkin next to the back of Ms. Jaio's chair. At which she, having caught movement out of the corner of her eye, turned, and he catching her glance, smiled like a demented monkey and asked her, "Could you please get that, it is closer to you." At which a dazzled Ms. Jaio leaned down and handed the man his napkin, but not before his hand slid over hers and a look was passed from his face to hers on how desirable he thought she was.

OH MY GOD! May the saints preserve us all. This was terrible.

"He's a sleaze," Weasil said not looking at me.

"Yeah," I whispered back hardly believing what I was seeing.

But poor Ms. Jaio never had so much attention been paid to her by not one, but now two men and she was a giggly mess she was.

"Oh God, what are you going to do with HER?" Tonya said to me. "It's obvious she doesn't know men are pigs."

"Why thank you for that Tonya," I said not quite knowing how to react.

Weasil leaned forward to take a look at Tonya and he was freaking amused. But he was more amused when Terry decided to stare lovingly at the back of Ms. Jaio's head and Maureen put her fingers in her water class and then sprayed Terry, who looked startled and not very happy as he dabbed at his drippy face and shirt.

"Yup, like I say high school all over again," Tonya said taking a sip of wine. "Well Gabriel, this has got to be stopped. So do that."

"Me! How?" I squeaked. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't come out and say, "You, Patrick! And you Maureen! And even you Terry! Are trying to make each other jealous at the expense of me Ms. Jaio and I won't have it." Now what? Well, Ms. Jaio's face would colour up like a beet and they'd tell me I was being ridiculous, or worse trying to start a brawl. Ugh! While I was racking my brains on a solution, the wife spoke up.

"So Charlotte, what did Patrick give you for Valentine's Day?"

Oooh I thought ouch Tonya. And it was because he didn't get her anything and we all knew it. Or we thought we did, but I forgot he's Irish to the bone and being that means he's also a romantic, a cheap one, but still.

"I got her this," he said pulling out a small box of chocolates. I was freaking impressed he'd buy her SOMETHING. And she was bowled over. She dropped her fork which sprang from the table into Amanda's orange sauce which went all over Amanda and Weasil and flipped right into Maureen's silk-skirted lap. Yup, how to add insult to indignity. To make it worse, Amanda jumped up and started dabbing her sauce-soaked napkin in Maureen's water glass and wiping the sauce not off her skirt but putting more on with a little water, which was further ruining it.

"Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!" Maureen was trying to wrestle Amanda back, but Amanda felt at fault, it was her orange sauce, forgetting the fact it wasn't her fork. Well, this brought the wait staff running over to help. Oi! So for a good five minutes, Maureen was the focus of the entire establishment. And, Amanda had sat back down, so it looked (if you hadn't seen the flying fork) like Maureen dumped food all over herself, further embarrassing herself in front of the entire restaurant!

"Wot kin ya do," Weasil muttered and kept on eating as Amanda administered the clean napkin Tonya had given her to her wonderful husband's sauce-covered countenance. Once all the dabbing in water glasses and at saucy faces was over, Amanda whispered to Maureen to send her the cleaning bill. Yikes, these people!

"Can we just eat and enjoy the rest of dinner, no harm, no foul," I said addressing everyone.

"Garsoni!" Weasil raised his voice and snapped his fingers at the wine steward who was passing us. "Git me a bottle of Dom and bring glasses fer dis table and dat one," he pointed at Maureen and Terry. The man hurried off, well of course he would. Blotting his lips Weasil turned to the kiddie table and said, "My treat fer spoilin' yer romantic dindin." Then he turned to us and said, "Enuff of dis stuffins goin' on." Everyone at both tables looked guilty, but that didn't last, the champagne came, Weasil approved the taste, it was poured and all was well if not a little uncomfortable.

Somehow we managed through dessert and coffee. We did not opt for after-dinner drinks because everyone really wanted it to end. And it came to a rather unexpected ending. As the bill was delivered, Mr. Weasil took it and stood up and said to us and the kiddie table, "Since you all been good sporties I be footen da bill since dis was me idea, Happy Valentine's Day." And as he sat down, everyone within earshot at the other tables, applauded his arse for being so generous.

"Welly, I hope dey dunt think Ima payin' fer dem too," he sneered.

That gesture took the pressure off yours truly it did. But I still felt bad about the whole thing.

As we got outside, the Weasils were still inside settling the tab, and I was wondering what to do about Ms. Jaio who was looking at Patrick with stars in her eyes. But I needn't have worried, Patrick shook Ms. Jaio's hand and thanked her for a nice evening, told her to keep the candy and with that he turned on his heel and headed off. Ms. Jaio stood there looking disappointed I thought until she turned to us as we walked out of sight of Maureen, and said with relief in her voice, "Wowey not wan na be seen wit tull Patick, look leak shot and tull, look leak cirus cum ta town, peeple laugh an weally he, not mi type. He stoopid make Moween mad an he tol me ta pay along. Wo duz dat?"

Oi, oi, oi! Patrick really? Well, she played the part well, but she made me promise to never do that again and to please keep any contact with Patrick to no contact at all where she was concerned.

"Besides he being too tall and a player, what else didn't you like about him?" Tonya asked.
  
"I wan Chinese, not tull lanky Iwish. Shot guy ya no?" Ms. Jaio said, and then she added, "An no moah Cha lotte!"

I promised to behave I did, but I was pleased she was such a sport about this disaster of an evening.

Tonya and I took Ms. Jaio back to the parking garage and made sure she got off all right. The Weasils were taking a leisurely stroll to their hotel to "walkie-offie dinner." The kiddie table stayed, I suppose to either rip us apart or rip each other apart since things were icy when we left them.

The drive home was good, not silent as I at first had thought it might be, no, Tonya sat next to me, head on me shoulder and we hashed over dinner. There was so much to talk about. We both praised that weaselly rascal until we realised he had a hand in all of it as well. Then I told her, that I was not sure this night would go as well as it did, well, not that it went well, but I wanted her to have her special day, so I had booked reservations for us on Friday. She was genuinely touched she was. I guess I come off as thoughtless a lot huh?

Gabe
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