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R. Linda:
So here it is, vignettes of crazy things happening to people around me for a change.
First let's start with Weasil. Weasil went on holiday with his father. They went to Florida and fishing was their sport. Yes, it was. They went out all day, and at noon took their motorboat on over to a restaurant on the shore, and then after being filled up, back out they went. About four in the afternoon the sky got greyish. Now, neither of them are used to time change, nor do they know when it gets dark in Florida. Was it around 6 or was it earlier, they did not know. So, they decided the greyish sky was evening come early in the Florida keys. Well, some fisherman told Weasil long ago, that the fish bite better when the sun goes down and this he related to his father. Oh, okay then, was the reply and so they dropped anchor, baited lines and sat to await a big catch. Well, the sky got darker, and they were out in the middle of the water, no land in sight, when suddenly a rumble came across the water and right after that a streak of lightning. Well, this was not dusk, THIS was an electrical storm and there they both were with metal rods, sitting in a metal boat, and well, could this be more conducive to attract lightning? I ask you.
Now Weasil who found no problem floating down the Roaring Fork River in Colorado in an inner tube during a lightning storm, was having none of it in a metal boat. His father said that if they stayed low they had a good chance of being passed over. It was his belief that if you sat upright, it was the thing highest that would attract the lightning bolts. Upon hearing this Weasil somehow was able to mash his body in the bow of the boat so he was somewhat sheltered, leaving his father in the stern to steer them to shore. What can I say? Only Weasil.
So there they were slowly heading into shore (they hoped) with the crackling of lightning all around them, not to mention the thunder and the rain pouring down. Not sure they were headed in the right direction, daddy cut the motor because he thought he heard something in addition to the thunder. And he did! He could hear an engine whirring sound and he looked over the rim of the boat to see this guy in an air boat come roaring on by. Okay! Dear old dad got the motor going and roared on after the guy in the air boat careful not to be right next to him, just near enough to see the shoreline come into view. Daddy knew that the air boat was nothing more than a metal cage and that the guy driving it was a good twelve feet in the air. Yes indeed, if anyone got struck by lightning it would be the guy acting as a lightning conductor in the air boat.
As it happened, they all got in safe. I, for one am not sure dear old daddy wasn't out in the motorboat by himself and the idiot in the air boat was our beloved Weasil himself. It would be that his father would know about lightning and Weasil wouldn't care after the episode in Colorado. Add to that, I can't see Weasil sitting all day in a boat waiting for a fish to bite, no, he's much too antsy and the air boat would be right up his alley. Now all we need is Weas to fess up.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch here, me neighbour Lois was having her bathroom done over. Nothing grand, I can tell you that. She got the cabinet with sink from Lowes, and the counter is not granite, but some particle board thing, along with floor tiles that were on sale for cheap because they were different sizes. That last there would make me not want to buy them because there would be for certain a whole lot of water cutting going on, and after the nail through the hand, uh no, chopping off fingers wouldn't be me thing. Anyway, we have a neighbour down the street who does odd jobs. If there is anything to be done, he's your man. He has excessive nervous energy, drinks like a fish, never shuts up, criticizes everything, won't go away and does work that is half good, half awful. Well, he did the flooring for Lois. He came down in the morning, took a look, asked her what pattern she wanted the tile laid and when she told him, he told her she was crazy it would look terrible. Then he suggested something else, which she didn't like, so finally and reluctantly, he started to put the tile down the way she wanted, complaining the entire time.
After thirty minutes of three tiles down he got on one of his toys, a motorcycle, and took a spin around the town and after fifteen minutes he was back but he arrived on his four wheeler after a stop at home (probably for a drink). Thirty minutes later, he left again and was back in forty this time driving his kids mini-bike of which he looked quite ridiculous, being way too big (Lois told me she thought each time he left he had a drink and his wife wouldn't let him take anything bigger than the mini-bike the last time he stopped at home). Well, this went on until Lois finally had enough and under threat of cutting his ears off (well, maybe not his ears), he got to it and got the floor down, protesting the pattern all the way.
Meanwhile Lois was cutting sheetrock and putting it up in the small hallway to the bathroom. The neighbour told her she wasn't doing it right. So he told her if she'd like he'd do that too. Well, she decided if he helped her the job would be done quicker. Finally, HE was too much for Lois so she stopped and let him do the work and she went to the living room for a cup of tea (okay probably a beer). When she came back, not only was the sheetrock up, but it was covering a heating vent (she wondered why it was cold in the hallway suddenly), and the switch to turn on the bathroom light was also covered up. Yup. The industrious neighbour had sheetrocked and mudded it all covering two important things. Next day, he had to come back and find the vent by feeling the heat behind the sheetrock and Lois, who was used to where the light switch was, showed him where to cut for that.
He grouted the tile and came back later to wash it up for her. While she ran to the store for new towels, she left him to finish up. When she came in she found not only had he finished up, but hung a picture over the toilet. Seems Lois collects and frames sensational newspaper front page headlines. Yes, she does, and there hanging neatly over the toilet is TITANIC SINKS. Yup, I thought it very funny, Lois fails to see the humour in it, but I be told it is still hanging there.
Speaking of flooring, a story comes to mind which brings me to me Da the multi-tasker, something I be not. I cannot stand people who are. I do one thing and complete it before going on to the next. I think people who multitask never completely finish the projects they start. If they do, it is rare. Take me Da, he put new wood flooring down, then he cut all the side molding and placed it, then he started painting the outside of the house. It was next me Mam cleaned she hit the molding with the vac and discovered he never nailed it down!
Lastly, Lois is attaching herself to me Da. When she sees him she gives him the peace sign, you know two fingers up. Well, where we come from that is the equivalent of the middle finger sign here, so while she smiles and gives him the peace sign, he scowls and gives it right back at her. Poor Lois thinks he truly likes her. Sigh.
Gabe
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
So here it is, vignettes of crazy things happening to people around me for a change.
First let's start with Weasil. Weasil went on holiday with his father. They went to Florida and fishing was their sport. Yes, it was. They went out all day, and at noon took their motorboat on over to a restaurant on the shore, and then after being filled up, back out they went. About four in the afternoon the sky got greyish. Now, neither of them are used to time change, nor do they know when it gets dark in Florida. Was it around 6 or was it earlier, they did not know. So, they decided the greyish sky was evening come early in the Florida keys. Well, some fisherman told Weasil long ago, that the fish bite better when the sun goes down and this he related to his father. Oh, okay then, was the reply and so they dropped anchor, baited lines and sat to await a big catch. Well, the sky got darker, and they were out in the middle of the water, no land in sight, when suddenly a rumble came across the water and right after that a streak of lightning. Well, this was not dusk, THIS was an electrical storm and there they both were with metal rods, sitting in a metal boat, and well, could this be more conducive to attract lightning? I ask you.
Now Weasil who found no problem floating down the Roaring Fork River in Colorado in an inner tube during a lightning storm, was having none of it in a metal boat. His father said that if they stayed low they had a good chance of being passed over. It was his belief that if you sat upright, it was the thing highest that would attract the lightning bolts. Upon hearing this Weasil somehow was able to mash his body in the bow of the boat so he was somewhat sheltered, leaving his father in the stern to steer them to shore. What can I say? Only Weasil.
So there they were slowly heading into shore (they hoped) with the crackling of lightning all around them, not to mention the thunder and the rain pouring down. Not sure they were headed in the right direction, daddy cut the motor because he thought he heard something in addition to the thunder. And he did! He could hear an engine whirring sound and he looked over the rim of the boat to see this guy in an air boat come roaring on by. Okay! Dear old dad got the motor going and roared on after the guy in the air boat careful not to be right next to him, just near enough to see the shoreline come into view. Daddy knew that the air boat was nothing more than a metal cage and that the guy driving it was a good twelve feet in the air. Yes indeed, if anyone got struck by lightning it would be the guy acting as a lightning conductor in the air boat.
As it happened, they all got in safe. I, for one am not sure dear old daddy wasn't out in the motorboat by himself and the idiot in the air boat was our beloved Weasil himself. It would be that his father would know about lightning and Weasil wouldn't care after the episode in Colorado. Add to that, I can't see Weasil sitting all day in a boat waiting for a fish to bite, no, he's much too antsy and the air boat would be right up his alley. Now all we need is Weas to fess up.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch here, me neighbour Lois was having her bathroom done over. Nothing grand, I can tell you that. She got the cabinet with sink from Lowes, and the counter is not granite, but some particle board thing, along with floor tiles that were on sale for cheap because they were different sizes. That last there would make me not want to buy them because there would be for certain a whole lot of water cutting going on, and after the nail through the hand, uh no, chopping off fingers wouldn't be me thing. Anyway, we have a neighbour down the street who does odd jobs. If there is anything to be done, he's your man. He has excessive nervous energy, drinks like a fish, never shuts up, criticizes everything, won't go away and does work that is half good, half awful. Well, he did the flooring for Lois. He came down in the morning, took a look, asked her what pattern she wanted the tile laid and when she told him, he told her she was crazy it would look terrible. Then he suggested something else, which she didn't like, so finally and reluctantly, he started to put the tile down the way she wanted, complaining the entire time.
After thirty minutes of three tiles down he got on one of his toys, a motorcycle, and took a spin around the town and after fifteen minutes he was back but he arrived on his four wheeler after a stop at home (probably for a drink). Thirty minutes later, he left again and was back in forty this time driving his kids mini-bike of which he looked quite ridiculous, being way too big (Lois told me she thought each time he left he had a drink and his wife wouldn't let him take anything bigger than the mini-bike the last time he stopped at home). Well, this went on until Lois finally had enough and under threat of cutting his ears off (well, maybe not his ears), he got to it and got the floor down, protesting the pattern all the way.
Meanwhile Lois was cutting sheetrock and putting it up in the small hallway to the bathroom. The neighbour told her she wasn't doing it right. So he told her if she'd like he'd do that too. Well, she decided if he helped her the job would be done quicker. Finally, HE was too much for Lois so she stopped and let him do the work and she went to the living room for a cup of tea (okay probably a beer). When she came back, not only was the sheetrock up, but it was covering a heating vent (she wondered why it was cold in the hallway suddenly), and the switch to turn on the bathroom light was also covered up. Yup. The industrious neighbour had sheetrocked and mudded it all covering two important things. Next day, he had to come back and find the vent by feeling the heat behind the sheetrock and Lois, who was used to where the light switch was, showed him where to cut for that.
He grouted the tile and came back later to wash it up for her. While she ran to the store for new towels, she left him to finish up. When she came in she found not only had he finished up, but hung a picture over the toilet. Seems Lois collects and frames sensational newspaper front page headlines. Yes, she does, and there hanging neatly over the toilet is TITANIC SINKS. Yup, I thought it very funny, Lois fails to see the humour in it, but I be told it is still hanging there.
Speaking of flooring, a story comes to mind which brings me to me Da the multi-tasker, something I be not. I cannot stand people who are. I do one thing and complete it before going on to the next. I think people who multitask never completely finish the projects they start. If they do, it is rare. Take me Da, he put new wood flooring down, then he cut all the side molding and placed it, then he started painting the outside of the house. It was next me Mam cleaned she hit the molding with the vac and discovered he never nailed it down!
Lastly, Lois is attaching herself to me Da. When she sees him she gives him the peace sign, you know two fingers up. Well, where we come from that is the equivalent of the middle finger sign here, so while she smiles and gives him the peace sign, he scowls and gives it right back at her. Poor Lois thinks he truly likes her. Sigh.
Gabe
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
