05 October 2018
Story #930
R. Linda:
Not to be outdone by the Weasil, Capt Jaack told me a story a while back that just came to mind. It was about the time our Captain Jaack decided, since he was often mistaken for Johnny Depp, that he would become a professional impersonator. He does do it well, and he does look the part. And because of this rare talent and look, I will admit to using it against him . . . often. But that's another story altogether.
Anyway, Jaack's wife, Marie, had wanted a cottage built on their Maine property many years ago that could house her relatives when they came to visit. Jaack complied one spring and summer and built a little cottage with a French country flair in the woods behind their house. The only thing about the cottage was Marie's dream of the early American (but originally very European) diamond-paned windows. These are hard to find, and very expensive if you do find them, so Jaack installed the four-panelled square window affairs you see in smaller houses. One day, Marie spotted a seller on eBay in Delaware who did not have diamond-paned windows, but the next best thing: windows with wood instead of leaded panes, made to resemble faux diamond panes. The glass was not bevelled but plain glass. That would do, she thought, close enough. There were ten available; she needed only six, but the seller said it was the whole lot or nothing, AND they were "pick-up" only.
The price was very cheap; the seller wanted to please his wife and get rid of some of the "junk" he had collected that "littered" the backyard. Well, Marie said 'sold' and then told Jaack to get his act together and take a trip to Delaware on the next Friday.
Of course, Jaack was WHAT? WHAT? WHATTING at this sudden trip he was taking. Now, Jaack and Marie are originally from Quebec, Canada, and have been living in the U.S in Maine for about four years. Therefore, Jaack had no clue where Delaware was; the only certainty was that he was going there. Enlisting the Weasil, who just happened to be in the vicinity, as his just as clueless partner in moving windows, he figured that between them, they'd figure it out.
However, the Weas, not being one to just get in and drive in a southerly direction, consulted a map (at least he used to until the return trip). Ah, yes indeed, Delaware. He'd heard of it in passing, but he'd never set foot there. And what was in Delaware anyway? On the map, it looked pretty straightforward; they could spend a night there and drive back the next day. When Jaack's friend Jesse heard that a road trip was planned, he volunteered to go too. Why not? The more the merrier.
So it was they set off for the great state of Delaware, the three of them in Jaack's truck, a hotel reservation in a place called Salisbury, Maryland, not far from the window pick-up in the town of Gumboro, Delaware, on the border. Now there's a name, Gumboro! The trip down was unexciting, but Jesse complained that the state of Connecticut was too big and boring, and then complained that the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey was too long and congested. By the time they arrived in Salisbury, some eight plus hours later, they all needed a drink or two. Jaack asked at the reservation desk for the closest pub or bar and was told there was an Irish one nearby. So, they all got back into the truck and set out for the pub. They left Maine at 4 a.m., so they arrived at the pub around 12:30 or a quarter to one in the afternoon. The intention was to have lunch and a beer, then head up to Gumboro to pick up the windows. They would either drive back to Salisbury for the night or, if they weren't too tired, start back.
As it happened, Weasil said, they ordered drinks and when they blinked, it was 11 at night. None of the three could remember much, but they had a fantastic time. Weasil remembers the barkeeper asking where the three were from because they all had accents he didn't recognise. Neither Weas nor Jaack wanted to explain where they were originally from, so they just said they were from Maine.
"Oh, y'all Yankee boys?" The barkeeper asked.
"Ay-yuh," Jesse said, turning on his New England.
"I didn't think anyone lived in Maine." The barkeeper commented as Weasil looked around at the sign that said he was in an Irish pub, wondering why the barkeeper had no Irish accent.
"There ain't, jus' us." Said Jesse with a wink.
"Well, that's not true, my wife is still there." Jaack threw in, hoping his appearance didn't bring a famous actor to mind (so he wouldn't be harassed for autographs), but no worries there, they were in backwater Maryland, and it was doubtful the barkeep watched Johnny Depp movies.
"So there is four a y'all live up there," The barkeeper said, "and ya left ya one to mind the place while yer gone."
"Ay-yuh, we did." Jesse smiled.
"Damn!" Said the man, grinning with new found knowledge. "So whadda y'all do fur a livin'? I mean I hear tell there ain't nuthin' to live offen up in them there woods a yars."
"But there is, we are all lumberjacks, including the wife," Jaack said, and the reason he said that is that he was already pretty much in his cups.
"Well dang it! Lumberjacks?" And he pointed at all three. "Damn I ain't never met no lumberjacks a-fore."
After that, it was free drinks, so it was no wonder they had no concept of time. They drank the day away with their new best bud, who had not a customer to speak of, and Jesse's excuse was that the barkeep looked lonely, so what the hey? He, like the other two, completely forgot their real purpose.
They did end up at the hotel, but no one remembers how they got there, who drove, or even that. All they know is that they arrived at the hotel in one piece somehow. The next morning, all three awoke with slamming hangovers. Might I say here, none of them wanted to go lift windows and put them in the truck, let alone drive 8 hours? No, Jesse wanted to die in the hotel bed. Weasil wanted Jesse to shut up because he was talking too loudly and making his head hurt more, and Jaack was crawling to the porcelain bowl too many times to count and just wanted someone to put him out of his misery. Well, a call from Marie ended all that, and they ordered room service breakfast since none of them wanted to trudge through the hotel to get it and risk getting arrested for stalking the halls.
Yes, it took the sobering voice of Marie to get their act together.
Once they had consumed three pots of coffee and huge amounts of toast, eggs, and sausage, they set out after Jaack called the seller to say he was on his way, trying his best not to slur his speech. By the time they got to Gumboro (as you might think, there were a few wrong turns along the way -- which only helped the sobering process), they were able to act like they were sober and thinking straight... well, almost. I believe the swaying might have given them away a wee bit, along with the bloodshot eyes and green faces.
There was some scratching of the seller's head as he watched the three gingerly lift the windows and slowly stumble to the truck bed. Yes, it must have looked quite unusual: three strong men acting like ballet dancers, speaking in very soft tones, yet they managed to load all the windows without breaking one. Once the windows were tied down, they thanked the seller and lurched, I mean, started north.
The only one that remembers the trip be the Weasil. After several stops so Jaack could puke his guts up, Weas took over the wheel and set a course north. He didn't care what the map said; he followed anything that pointed north. It wasn't until he found himself in Pennsylvania, headed for upstate New York, that he realised he needed to turn EAST. But even that wasn't without its trials. While traversing the Berkshires of Massachusetts, they hit a snowstorm that had been wreaking havoc east of them for a while. Weasil kind of knew where he was, having been in that area years before, and he knew he was way, way off track. Re-calculating, he realised he was . . . are you ready for this?
Story #930
R. Linda:
Not to be outdone by the Weasil, Capt Jaack told me a story a while back that just came to mind. It was about the time our Captain Jaack decided, since he was often mistaken for Johnny Depp, that he would become a professional impersonator. He does do it well, and he does look the part. And because of this rare talent and look, I will admit to using it against him . . . often. But that's another story altogether.
Anyway, Jaack's wife, Marie, had wanted a cottage built on their Maine property many years ago that could house her relatives when they came to visit. Jaack complied one spring and summer and built a little cottage with a French country flair in the woods behind their house. The only thing about the cottage was Marie's dream of the early American (but originally very European) diamond-paned windows. These are hard to find, and very expensive if you do find them, so Jaack installed the four-panelled square window affairs you see in smaller houses. One day, Marie spotted a seller on eBay in Delaware who did not have diamond-paned windows, but the next best thing: windows with wood instead of leaded panes, made to resemble faux diamond panes. The glass was not bevelled but plain glass. That would do, she thought, close enough. There were ten available; she needed only six, but the seller said it was the whole lot or nothing, AND they were "pick-up" only.
The price was very cheap; the seller wanted to please his wife and get rid of some of the "junk" he had collected that "littered" the backyard. Well, Marie said 'sold' and then told Jaack to get his act together and take a trip to Delaware on the next Friday.
Of course, Jaack was WHAT? WHAT? WHATTING at this sudden trip he was taking. Now, Jaack and Marie are originally from Quebec, Canada, and have been living in the U.S in Maine for about four years. Therefore, Jaack had no clue where Delaware was; the only certainty was that he was going there. Enlisting the Weasil, who just happened to be in the vicinity, as his just as clueless partner in moving windows, he figured that between them, they'd figure it out.
However, the Weas, not being one to just get in and drive in a southerly direction, consulted a map (at least he used to until the return trip). Ah, yes indeed, Delaware. He'd heard of it in passing, but he'd never set foot there. And what was in Delaware anyway? On the map, it looked pretty straightforward; they could spend a night there and drive back the next day. When Jaack's friend Jesse heard that a road trip was planned, he volunteered to go too. Why not? The more the merrier.
So it was they set off for the great state of Delaware, the three of them in Jaack's truck, a hotel reservation in a place called Salisbury, Maryland, not far from the window pick-up in the town of Gumboro, Delaware, on the border. Now there's a name, Gumboro! The trip down was unexciting, but Jesse complained that the state of Connecticut was too big and boring, and then complained that the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey was too long and congested. By the time they arrived in Salisbury, some eight plus hours later, they all needed a drink or two. Jaack asked at the reservation desk for the closest pub or bar and was told there was an Irish one nearby. So, they all got back into the truck and set out for the pub. They left Maine at 4 a.m., so they arrived at the pub around 12:30 or a quarter to one in the afternoon. The intention was to have lunch and a beer, then head up to Gumboro to pick up the windows. They would either drive back to Salisbury for the night or, if they weren't too tired, start back.
As it happened, Weasil said, they ordered drinks and when they blinked, it was 11 at night. None of the three could remember much, but they had a fantastic time. Weasil remembers the barkeeper asking where the three were from because they all had accents he didn't recognise. Neither Weas nor Jaack wanted to explain where they were originally from, so they just said they were from Maine.
"Oh, y'all Yankee boys?" The barkeeper asked.
"Ay-yuh," Jesse said, turning on his New England.
"I didn't think anyone lived in Maine." The barkeeper commented as Weasil looked around at the sign that said he was in an Irish pub, wondering why the barkeeper had no Irish accent.
"There ain't, jus' us." Said Jesse with a wink.
"Well, that's not true, my wife is still there." Jaack threw in, hoping his appearance didn't bring a famous actor to mind (so he wouldn't be harassed for autographs), but no worries there, they were in backwater Maryland, and it was doubtful the barkeep watched Johnny Depp movies.
"So there is four a y'all live up there," The barkeeper said, "and ya left ya one to mind the place while yer gone."
"Ay-yuh, we did." Jesse smiled.
"Damn!" Said the man, grinning with new found knowledge. "So whadda y'all do fur a livin'? I mean I hear tell there ain't nuthin' to live offen up in them there woods a yars."
"But there is, we are all lumberjacks, including the wife," Jaack said, and the reason he said that is that he was already pretty much in his cups.
"Well dang it! Lumberjacks?" And he pointed at all three. "Damn I ain't never met no lumberjacks a-fore."
After that, it was free drinks, so it was no wonder they had no concept of time. They drank the day away with their new best bud, who had not a customer to speak of, and Jesse's excuse was that the barkeep looked lonely, so what the hey? He, like the other two, completely forgot their real purpose.
They did end up at the hotel, but no one remembers how they got there, who drove, or even that. All they know is that they arrived at the hotel in one piece somehow. The next morning, all three awoke with slamming hangovers. Might I say here, none of them wanted to go lift windows and put them in the truck, let alone drive 8 hours? No, Jesse wanted to die in the hotel bed. Weasil wanted Jesse to shut up because he was talking too loudly and making his head hurt more, and Jaack was crawling to the porcelain bowl too many times to count and just wanted someone to put him out of his misery. Well, a call from Marie ended all that, and they ordered room service breakfast since none of them wanted to trudge through the hotel to get it and risk getting arrested for stalking the halls.
Yes, it took the sobering voice of Marie to get their act together.
Once they had consumed three pots of coffee and huge amounts of toast, eggs, and sausage, they set out after Jaack called the seller to say he was on his way, trying his best not to slur his speech. By the time they got to Gumboro (as you might think, there were a few wrong turns along the way -- which only helped the sobering process), they were able to act like they were sober and thinking straight... well, almost. I believe the swaying might have given them away a wee bit, along with the bloodshot eyes and green faces.
There was some scratching of the seller's head as he watched the three gingerly lift the windows and slowly stumble to the truck bed. Yes, it must have looked quite unusual: three strong men acting like ballet dancers, speaking in very soft tones, yet they managed to load all the windows without breaking one. Once the windows were tied down, they thanked the seller and lurched, I mean, started north.
The only one that remembers the trip be the Weasil. After several stops so Jaack could puke his guts up, Weas took over the wheel and set a course north. He didn't care what the map said; he followed anything that pointed north. It wasn't until he found himself in Pennsylvania, headed for upstate New York, that he realised he needed to turn EAST. But even that wasn't without its trials. While traversing the Berkshires of Massachusetts, they hit a snowstorm that had been wreaking havoc east of them for a while. Weasil kind of knew where he was, having been in that area years before, and he knew he was way, way off track. Re-calculating, he realised he was . . . are you ready for this?
Over 7 hours away from home!
What should have been an 8-hour drive was now turning into a 17-hour drive in a raging snowstorm. Add insult to injury, the snow ploughs were out and three of them had taken over the entire road, so one could not pass any of them. They staggered themselves so that the outermost plough pushed snow into the middle of the road, the next plough would pick it up and throw it to the right side of the road, where the third plough would plough it to the shoulder. Fun huh? Especially when you have one guy moaning his insides are ruined, the other one snoring and no help at all, and you have a slamming mother of a hangover, and all you can do is drive at 15 mph, hoping you don't lose traction from the slow-moving plough trucks in front of you. Weasil described it as the bizarre feeling that his forehead was coming over his eyes. Yuppers.
Somehow, he managed to get them home in the early hours. Yes, Marie had been concerned and called. Jaack did manage to tell her they left later than they wanted but had the precious cargo and would be home, don't wait up . . . please don't wait up. Ha ha ha ha! I be sorry, I have to laugh. IF she caught them in the condition they were all in, God Almighty knows what her wrath would be.
To make a long story shorter, they arrived somewhere around three, and no, they did not unload the windows. Instead, Weasil and Jesse went to the guest house to sleep it off and poor Jaack was left to face the music, which be exactly what happened. Marie waited up when he asked her not to. She knew something was up, and was she annoyed? You betcha she was!
All the what-ifs came out: what if you had a drunk driving accident, what if you killed someone and/or yourself, what if you got stopped, what if you rolled the truck, and on and on she went. Well, she didn't speak to Jaack for a week, but he was meek the next morning and talked the other two recovering alcoholics into unloading the truck and setting the windows in the cottage frames. Neither wanted to do it, but one look at Marie, standing with her hands on her hips in the bay window, a dark fury written on her face, and they decided to help a brother out and get the job done.
Jesse, as far as I know, hasn't been to Jaack's house in years for the fear of the wrath of Marie, who has a very long memory, I'm told. Weasil had been over many times. And every once in a while, Marie would ask him, "Are ya proud of yourself?" And he'd make like he was mulling it over and say, "Yeah, kind of," because he knew exactly what she was referring to without her bringing it up. And that was always the question, and that was always the answer. Because they both knew, as long as it took him, he managed to get them home safely, even through a snowstorm, with windows intact, and had them installed the very next day. So, really? What could she say? I know Wicked Weasil.
Footnote: Jaack did not go completely unscathed, since there were four extra windows, Marie had him build a little addition onto the cottage. Yup, she did, and yup, he did. And all by his lonesome, no help from Jesse or Weasil. He did say every time he looks out on that cottage, his stomach does flip-flops. Poor guy.
Gabe
Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved
Somehow, he managed to get them home in the early hours. Yes, Marie had been concerned and called. Jaack did manage to tell her they left later than they wanted but had the precious cargo and would be home, don't wait up . . . please don't wait up. Ha ha ha ha! I be sorry, I have to laugh. IF she caught them in the condition they were all in, God Almighty knows what her wrath would be.
To make a long story shorter, they arrived somewhere around three, and no, they did not unload the windows. Instead, Weasil and Jesse went to the guest house to sleep it off and poor Jaack was left to face the music, which be exactly what happened. Marie waited up when he asked her not to. She knew something was up, and was she annoyed? You betcha she was!
All the what-ifs came out: what if you had a drunk driving accident, what if you killed someone and/or yourself, what if you got stopped, what if you rolled the truck, and on and on she went. Well, she didn't speak to Jaack for a week, but he was meek the next morning and talked the other two recovering alcoholics into unloading the truck and setting the windows in the cottage frames. Neither wanted to do it, but one look at Marie, standing with her hands on her hips in the bay window, a dark fury written on her face, and they decided to help a brother out and get the job done.
Jesse, as far as I know, hasn't been to Jaack's house in years for the fear of the wrath of Marie, who has a very long memory, I'm told. Weasil had been over many times. And every once in a while, Marie would ask him, "Are ya proud of yourself?" And he'd make like he was mulling it over and say, "Yeah, kind of," because he knew exactly what she was referring to without her bringing it up. And that was always the question, and that was always the answer. Because they both knew, as long as it took him, he managed to get them home safely, even through a snowstorm, with windows intact, and had them installed the very next day. So, really? What could she say? I know Wicked Weasil.
Footnote: Jaack did not go completely unscathed, since there were four extra windows, Marie had him build a little addition onto the cottage. Yup, she did, and yup, he did. And all by his lonesome, no help from Jesse or Weasil. He did say every time he looks out on that cottage, his stomach does flip-flops. Poor guy.
Gabe
Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved
