05 October 2018
930
R. Linda:
Not to be outdone by the Weasil, Capt Jaack told me a story awhile back that just came to mind. It was about the time our Captain Jaack decided since he was mistaken for Johnny Depp so often, he decided to become a professional impersonator. He does do it well and he does look the part. And because of this rare talent and look, I will admit to using it against him . . . often. But that's another story all together.
Anyway, Jaack's wife Marie had many years back, wanted a cottage built on their Maine property that could house her relatives when they came to visit. Jaack complied one spring and summer and built that little cottage that had a French country flare to it in the woods behind their house. The only thing about the cottage was Marie's dream of the early American (but originally very european) diamond paned windows. These are hard to find, and very expensive if you do find them, so Jaack put in the four paned square window affairs you see in smaller houses. Until one day on E-bay, Marie spied a seller in Delaware who had not the diamond paned windows, but the next best thing, windows with wood instead of leaded panes, made to look like faux diamond panes. The glass was not bevelled but plain glass. That would do she thought, close enough. There were ten available, she needed only six, but the seller said it was the whole lot or nothing AND they were "pick-up" only.
The price was very cheap, the seller wanted to please his wife and get rid of some of the "junk" he had collected that "littered" the backyard. Well, Marie said SOLD and then told Jaack to get his arse in gear and on the next Friday take a trip to Delaware.
Of course Jaack was WHAT? WHAT? WHATTING at this sudden trip he was taking. Now Jaack and Marie are originally from Quebec, Canada, and had been living in the U.S in Maine for only about four years. Therefore, Jaack had no clue where Delaware was, the only certainty was he was going there. Enlisting the Weasil, who just happened to be in the vicinty, as his just as clueless partner in moving windows he figured between them they'd figure it out.
However, the Weas not being one to just get in and drive in a southerly direction, consulted a map (at least he used to until the return trip). Ah yes indeed, Delaware, he HAD heard of it in passing, but he'd never set foot there and hey what was in Delaware anyway? On the map it looked pretty straightforward, perhaps they'd spend a night there and drive back the next day. When Jaack's friend Jesse heard there was a road trip planned he volunteered to go too. Why not? The more the merrier.
So it was they set off for the great state of Delaware, the three of them in Jaack's truck, a hotel reservation in a place called Salisbury, Maryland, not far from the window pick-up in the town of Gumboro, Delaware on the border. Now there's a name, Gumboro! The trip down was unexciting, but for Jesse complaining the state of Connecticut was too big and boring, and then complaining the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey was too long and congested. By the time they arrived in Salisbury, some eight plus hours later, they all needed a drink or two. Jaack asked at the reservation desk for the closest pub/bar and was told there was an Irish one not far and so they all got back into the truck and set out for the pub. Now they left Maine at 4 a.m. so they got to the pub around 12:30 or maybe near to a quarter to one in the afternoon. The intention was to have lunch and a beer and head up to Gumboro, pick up the windows, and either drive back to Salisbury for the night or if they weren't too tired, start back.
As it happened, Weasil said, they ordered drinks and when they blinked it was 11 at night. None of the three could remember much but that they had a fantastic time. Weasil remembers the barkeeper asking where the three were from because they all had accents he didn't recognise. Neither Weas nor Jaack wanted to explain where they were originally from, so they just said they were from Maine.
"Oh y'all Yankee boys?" The barkeeper asked.
"Ay-yuh," Jesse said turning on his New England.
"I didn't think there was no one lived in Maine." The barkeeper commented, as Weasil looked around at the sign that said he was in an Irish pub and wondering why the barkeep had no Irish accent.
"There ain't, jus us." Said Jesse with a wink.
"Well, that's not true my wife is still there." Jaack threw in hoping his appearance didn't bring a famous actor to mind (so he wouldn't be harassed for autographs), but no worries there they were in backwater Maryland, and it was doubtful the barkeep watched Johnny Depp movies.
"So there is four a y'all live up there," The barkeeper said, "and ya left ya one to mind the place while yer gone."
"Ay-yuh we did." Jesse smiled.
"Damn!" Said the man grinning with new found knowledge. "So whadda y'all do fur a livin'? I mean I hear tell there ain't nuthin' to live offen up in them there woods a yers."
"But there is, we are all lumberjacks including the wife." Jaack said, and the reason he said is he was already pretty much in his cups.
"Well dang it! Lumberjacks?" And he pointed at all three. "Damn I ain't never met no lumberjacks a-fore."
After that it was free drinks so was it any wonder they had no concept of time? They drank the day away with there new best bud who had not a customer to speak of and the excuse by Jesse was the barkeep looked lonely so what the hey? He completely (like the other two) forgot their real purpose.
They did end up at the hotel, how they got there none remembers, who drove, they don't know that either, just that they got to the hotel in one piece somehow. The next morning all three awoke with slamming hangovers. Might I say here, none of them wanted to go lift windows and put them in the truck, let alone drive 8 hours? No, Jesse wanted to die in the hotel bed, Weasil wanted Jesse to shut up because he was talking too loud and making his head hurt more, and Jaack was crawling to the porcelain bowl too many times to count and just wanted someone to put him out of his misery. Well, a call from Marie ended all that and they got themselves room service breakfast since none of them wanted to lurch through the hotel to get it and get arrested for stalking down halls.
Yeah it took the sobering voice of Marie to get their arses in gear.
Once three pots of coffee and huge amounts of toast, eggs and sausage were consumed, they set out after Jaack called the seller he was on his way, trying his best not to slur his speech. By the time they got to Gumboro (as you might think there were a few wrong turns along the way -- which only helped the sobering process), they were relatively able to act like they were sober and thinking straight . . . well, almost. I think the swaying might have given them away a wee bit along with the bloodshot eyes and green faces.
There was some scratching of the seller's head as he watched the three gingerly lift the windows and slowly stumble to the truck bed. Yup, must have looked pretty weird, three strong men acting like ballet dancers, speaking in very soft tones, but they managed all the windows without breaking one. Once the windows were tied down they thanked the seller and lurched, I mean, started north.
The only one that remembers the trip be the Weasil. After several stops so Jaack could puke his guts up, Weas took over the wheel and set on a course north, he didn't care what the map said, he followed anything that said north. It wasn't until he found himself in Pennsylvania headed for upstate New York did he realise he needed to turn EAST. But even that wasn't without its trials. While traversing the Berkshires of Massachusetts they hit a snow storm that had been wrecking havoc east of them for awhile. Weasil kind of knew where he was having been in that area years before, and he knew he was way way off track. Re-calculating he realised he was . . . are you ready for this? Over 7 hours away from home! What should have been an 8 plus hour drive was now into a 17 plus plus hour drive in a raging snow storm. Add insult to injury the snow plows were out and three of them had taken over the entire road so one could not pass any of them. They staggered themselves so as the outer most plow pushed snow into the middle of the road the next plow would pick it up and throw it to the right side of the road where the third plow would plow it to the shoulder. Fun huh? Especially when you have one guy moaning his insides are ruined, the other one snoring and no help at all, and you yourself have a slamming mother of a hangover and all you can do is drive at 15 mph hoping you don't lose traction from the slow moving plow trucks in front of you. Weasil described it as the bizarre feeling his forehead was coming over his eyes. Yuppers.
Somehow he got them home in the early hours. Yes, Marie had been concerned and called. Jaack did manage to tell her they left later than they wanted but had the precious cargo and would be home, don't wait up . . . please don't wait up. Ha ha ha ha! I be sorry I have to laugh. IF she caught them in the condition they were all in God Almighty knows what would be her wrath.
To make a long story shorter, they arrived somewhere around three and no they did not unload the windows, instead, Weasil and Jesse went to the guest house to sleep it off and poor Jaack was left to face the music, which be exactly what happened. Marie waited up when he asked her not too. She knew something was up and was she annoyed? You betcha she was!
All the what ifs came out, what if you had a drunk driving accident, what if you killed someone and/or yourself, what if you got stopped, what if you rolled the truck, and on and on she went. Well, she didn't speak to Jaack for a week, but he was meek the next morning and talked the other two recovering alcoholics into unloading the truck and setting the windows in the cottage frames. Neither wanted to do it, but one look of Marie standing hands on hips in the bay window, a dark fury written on her face, they decided to help a brother out and get the job done.
Jesse, as far as I know hasn't been to Jaack's house in years for the fear of the wrath of Marie who has a very long memory I be told. Weasil had been over many times. And every once and while Marie would ask him, "Are ya proud of yourself?" And he'd make like he was mulling it over and say, "Yeah kind of," because he knew exactly what she was referring to without her bringing it up. And that was always the question and that was always the answer and because they both knew as long as it took him, he did manage to get them home safely and even through a snowstorm windows in tact AND got them installed the very next day so really? What could she say? I know wicked weasil.
Footnote: Jaack did not go completely unscathed, since there were four extra windows, Marie had him build a little addition onto the cottage. Yup she did and yup he did. And all by his lonesome, no help from Jesse or Weasil. He did say every time he looks out on that cottage his stomach does flip-flops. Poor guy.
Gabe
Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved
930
R. Linda:
Not to be outdone by the Weasil, Capt Jaack told me a story awhile back that just came to mind. It was about the time our Captain Jaack decided since he was mistaken for Johnny Depp so often, he decided to become a professional impersonator. He does do it well and he does look the part. And because of this rare talent and look, I will admit to using it against him . . . often. But that's another story all together.
Anyway, Jaack's wife Marie had many years back, wanted a cottage built on their Maine property that could house her relatives when they came to visit. Jaack complied one spring and summer and built that little cottage that had a French country flare to it in the woods behind their house. The only thing about the cottage was Marie's dream of the early American (but originally very european) diamond paned windows. These are hard to find, and very expensive if you do find them, so Jaack put in the four paned square window affairs you see in smaller houses. Until one day on E-bay, Marie spied a seller in Delaware who had not the diamond paned windows, but the next best thing, windows with wood instead of leaded panes, made to look like faux diamond panes. The glass was not bevelled but plain glass. That would do she thought, close enough. There were ten available, she needed only six, but the seller said it was the whole lot or nothing AND they were "pick-up" only.
The price was very cheap, the seller wanted to please his wife and get rid of some of the "junk" he had collected that "littered" the backyard. Well, Marie said SOLD and then told Jaack to get his arse in gear and on the next Friday take a trip to Delaware.
Of course Jaack was WHAT? WHAT? WHATTING at this sudden trip he was taking. Now Jaack and Marie are originally from Quebec, Canada, and had been living in the U.S in Maine for only about four years. Therefore, Jaack had no clue where Delaware was, the only certainty was he was going there. Enlisting the Weasil, who just happened to be in the vicinty, as his just as clueless partner in moving windows he figured between them they'd figure it out.
However, the Weas not being one to just get in and drive in a southerly direction, consulted a map (at least he used to until the return trip). Ah yes indeed, Delaware, he HAD heard of it in passing, but he'd never set foot there and hey what was in Delaware anyway? On the map it looked pretty straightforward, perhaps they'd spend a night there and drive back the next day. When Jaack's friend Jesse heard there was a road trip planned he volunteered to go too. Why not? The more the merrier.
So it was they set off for the great state of Delaware, the three of them in Jaack's truck, a hotel reservation in a place called Salisbury, Maryland, not far from the window pick-up in the town of Gumboro, Delaware on the border. Now there's a name, Gumboro! The trip down was unexciting, but for Jesse complaining the state of Connecticut was too big and boring, and then complaining the Garden State Parkway in New Jersey was too long and congested. By the time they arrived in Salisbury, some eight plus hours later, they all needed a drink or two. Jaack asked at the reservation desk for the closest pub/bar and was told there was an Irish one not far and so they all got back into the truck and set out for the pub. Now they left Maine at 4 a.m. so they got to the pub around 12:30 or maybe near to a quarter to one in the afternoon. The intention was to have lunch and a beer and head up to Gumboro, pick up the windows, and either drive back to Salisbury for the night or if they weren't too tired, start back.
As it happened, Weasil said, they ordered drinks and when they blinked it was 11 at night. None of the three could remember much but that they had a fantastic time. Weasil remembers the barkeeper asking where the three were from because they all had accents he didn't recognise. Neither Weas nor Jaack wanted to explain where they were originally from, so they just said they were from Maine.
"Oh y'all Yankee boys?" The barkeeper asked.
"Ay-yuh," Jesse said turning on his New England.
"I didn't think there was no one lived in Maine." The barkeeper commented, as Weasil looked around at the sign that said he was in an Irish pub and wondering why the barkeep had no Irish accent.
"There ain't, jus us." Said Jesse with a wink.
"Well, that's not true my wife is still there." Jaack threw in hoping his appearance didn't bring a famous actor to mind (so he wouldn't be harassed for autographs), but no worries there they were in backwater Maryland, and it was doubtful the barkeep watched Johnny Depp movies.
"So there is four a y'all live up there," The barkeeper said, "and ya left ya one to mind the place while yer gone."
"Ay-yuh we did." Jesse smiled.
"Damn!" Said the man grinning with new found knowledge. "So whadda y'all do fur a livin'? I mean I hear tell there ain't nuthin' to live offen up in them there woods a yers."
"But there is, we are all lumberjacks including the wife." Jaack said, and the reason he said is he was already pretty much in his cups.
"Well dang it! Lumberjacks?" And he pointed at all three. "Damn I ain't never met no lumberjacks a-fore."
After that it was free drinks so was it any wonder they had no concept of time? They drank the day away with there new best bud who had not a customer to speak of and the excuse by Jesse was the barkeep looked lonely so what the hey? He completely (like the other two) forgot their real purpose.
They did end up at the hotel, how they got there none remembers, who drove, they don't know that either, just that they got to the hotel in one piece somehow. The next morning all three awoke with slamming hangovers. Might I say here, none of them wanted to go lift windows and put them in the truck, let alone drive 8 hours? No, Jesse wanted to die in the hotel bed, Weasil wanted Jesse to shut up because he was talking too loud and making his head hurt more, and Jaack was crawling to the porcelain bowl too many times to count and just wanted someone to put him out of his misery. Well, a call from Marie ended all that and they got themselves room service breakfast since none of them wanted to lurch through the hotel to get it and get arrested for stalking down halls.
Yeah it took the sobering voice of Marie to get their arses in gear.
Once three pots of coffee and huge amounts of toast, eggs and sausage were consumed, they set out after Jaack called the seller he was on his way, trying his best not to slur his speech. By the time they got to Gumboro (as you might think there were a few wrong turns along the way -- which only helped the sobering process), they were relatively able to act like they were sober and thinking straight . . . well, almost. I think the swaying might have given them away a wee bit along with the bloodshot eyes and green faces.
There was some scratching of the seller's head as he watched the three gingerly lift the windows and slowly stumble to the truck bed. Yup, must have looked pretty weird, three strong men acting like ballet dancers, speaking in very soft tones, but they managed all the windows without breaking one. Once the windows were tied down they thanked the seller and lurched, I mean, started north.
The only one that remembers the trip be the Weasil. After several stops so Jaack could puke his guts up, Weas took over the wheel and set on a course north, he didn't care what the map said, he followed anything that said north. It wasn't until he found himself in Pennsylvania headed for upstate New York did he realise he needed to turn EAST. But even that wasn't without its trials. While traversing the Berkshires of Massachusetts they hit a snow storm that had been wrecking havoc east of them for awhile. Weasil kind of knew where he was having been in that area years before, and he knew he was way way off track. Re-calculating he realised he was . . . are you ready for this? Over 7 hours away from home! What should have been an 8 plus hour drive was now into a 17 plus plus hour drive in a raging snow storm. Add insult to injury the snow plows were out and three of them had taken over the entire road so one could not pass any of them. They staggered themselves so as the outer most plow pushed snow into the middle of the road the next plow would pick it up and throw it to the right side of the road where the third plow would plow it to the shoulder. Fun huh? Especially when you have one guy moaning his insides are ruined, the other one snoring and no help at all, and you yourself have a slamming mother of a hangover and all you can do is drive at 15 mph hoping you don't lose traction from the slow moving plow trucks in front of you. Weasil described it as the bizarre feeling his forehead was coming over his eyes. Yuppers.
Somehow he got them home in the early hours. Yes, Marie had been concerned and called. Jaack did manage to tell her they left later than they wanted but had the precious cargo and would be home, don't wait up . . . please don't wait up. Ha ha ha ha! I be sorry I have to laugh. IF she caught them in the condition they were all in God Almighty knows what would be her wrath.
To make a long story shorter, they arrived somewhere around three and no they did not unload the windows, instead, Weasil and Jesse went to the guest house to sleep it off and poor Jaack was left to face the music, which be exactly what happened. Marie waited up when he asked her not too. She knew something was up and was she annoyed? You betcha she was!
All the what ifs came out, what if you had a drunk driving accident, what if you killed someone and/or yourself, what if you got stopped, what if you rolled the truck, and on and on she went. Well, she didn't speak to Jaack for a week, but he was meek the next morning and talked the other two recovering alcoholics into unloading the truck and setting the windows in the cottage frames. Neither wanted to do it, but one look of Marie standing hands on hips in the bay window, a dark fury written on her face, they decided to help a brother out and get the job done.
Jesse, as far as I know hasn't been to Jaack's house in years for the fear of the wrath of Marie who has a very long memory I be told. Weasil had been over many times. And every once and while Marie would ask him, "Are ya proud of yourself?" And he'd make like he was mulling it over and say, "Yeah kind of," because he knew exactly what she was referring to without her bringing it up. And that was always the question and that was always the answer and because they both knew as long as it took him, he did manage to get them home safely and even through a snowstorm windows in tact AND got them installed the very next day so really? What could she say? I know wicked weasil.
Footnote: Jaack did not go completely unscathed, since there were four extra windows, Marie had him build a little addition onto the cottage. Yup she did and yup he did. And all by his lonesome, no help from Jesse or Weasil. He did say every time he looks out on that cottage his stomach does flip-flops. Poor guy.
Gabe
Copyright © 2018 All rights reserved
4 comments:
Oh boy. Not only was everyone hurting, they had to unload what I assume were heavy windows and then to put them in? Aren't you relieved you missed that little trip?
Lucky for me this happened long before I knew any of them.
Ouch! Bad memories mate. Head still hurts to think about it.
Roflmao should have named it lost weekend or hangover 4. LOL
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