The "Proverbial" Icing On The Cake!

18 August 2021

1032

R. Linda:

Tonya's birthday was coming up and I asked her what kind of cake she wanted and she said, chocolate cake, cherry filling, white icing and surprise her with the decoration. 

I went online to the not-so-local bakery that is an hour away and looked at their selection of birthday cake decor. For some reason, Tonya loves that red truck with the Christmas tree sticking out of the back and when I saw a similar decor, only it was an old car, I thought well if they can do that, they can do the truck! This particular bakery has been an award-winning number 1 bakery for years and the decorations are spectacular. It looks like they can do ANY kind of decoration. So with that in mind, I proceeded.

I rang the bakery bright and early and all I could think was, that I had more coffee to kickstart me brain than this Erin, who answered. I told her I wanted a 10" round birthday cake like the one with the car on their website. She told me she'd get that one up on her computer (and I was thinking huh? You work there and you don't know which design I mean?), and as I waited I said could we change out the old car for the proverbial red truck? She made some hesitating noise deep in her throat and said she didn't think they had that one and she wasn't sure what I meant. It dawned on me it was the word "proverbial" she didn't know what it meant. I said the red truck with the Christmas tree you see embossed on cards, artwork, dish towels . . . She must have awoken with a start because she said, I will google a red truck with a Christmas tree. She found it! Oh, THAT red truck! Oh me goodness me.

She asks if I want the Christmas tree in the bed of the truck and I say no, it is not Christmas it is a summer birthday so could you put a bunch of sunflowers in the bed instead? She ponders this and says finally "I don't think we can do sunflowers." Really? I was staring at the cake next to the one with the car decor and it was full of sunflower decorations. I pointed this out to her and she put me on hold to "go check."

Never mind I had ordered THAT cake last year and the year before they made a cake special for me with sunflowers and daisies. So I knew better. Meanwhile, I was listening to this electronic music about cakes sung by someone who sounded like June Cleaver and it was an annoying little jingle, enough to make me want to put some Bailey's in me coffee to deaden the pain of listening to it.

Finally, she comes back and says, yes they can do that. No kidding I think to meself. So the next question was what kind of cake, filling and icing. Chocolate cake, cherry filling, buttercream icing, I say. "We don't have cherry filling." She says. I say to her, "How is that possible, it be cherry season." 

"Well, we don't have it, we can make raspberry or strawberry." But wait she has a brainstorm of sorts and adds, "We can lace the cake with cherry liqueur!" 

"Great," says I, "do it."

She says aloud as I can hear her typing on her computer keyboard, "Grand Marnier."

"Hold on," I say, "Grand Marnier be an orange liqueur. Do you have Cherry Schnapps or Cherry Kirsch?"

After a moment's hesitation of thinking about what I said, she told me to hold and she would check and there I was once again listening to that maddening music! That along with this now long drawn-out order was enough for me to want to jump off the PROVERBIAL dock into the depths of despair. She gets back and says yes they have a Cherry Schnapps. Great! Lace the damn cake with that. She says even better they can put a cherry German Chocolate filling in it. 

I took pause, German Chocolate cake filling is made up of nuts, coconut and caramel and I know because it be one of me favourite cakes. 

"You mean Black Forest Cake filling, right?"

"Uhhh . . .  Yes, it has cherries in it."

She works for a bakery and doesn't know the difference between Black Forest and German Chocolate Cake filling, nor does she know that Grand Marnier is not a cherry liqueur. Oi!

She finally asks what I want written on the cake with me painfully, slowly, spelling Tonya's name TWICE because she thought it was Tanya, "Never heard of it spelt Tonya." Oi! I think I got that through to her and she asked me what colour icing for the writing. Oh me gosh! By this time does it matter? Anything that looks good I tell her not wanting any more responsibility for this cake.

Finally, I was asked if I wanted to pay half by credit card now or in full so all I had to do was come in and pick up the cake with no hassle. Pay in full I say.  We went through me name AGAIN, the particulars on the card, me address which she had asked me about when we started because all me info came up on the screen in the beginning, then what was me zip code, and I was waiting for her to ask me me occupation, income, how much I pay in property taxes, oi, oi, oi!

"Hold on while I run this." She says and before I can tell her NO DON'T DO THAT there I was back to that awful music, if I could have reached out over the phone and strangled her I would have. I was 45 minutes late for work by this time.

Finally, she came back to tell me I was all set. Well, damn it I hope so after such an ordeal. Who knew it was so difficult to order one cake over the phone? I can only pray the thing looks nice and tastes great, but my hopes aren't high. I almost wish I was the one picking up this monstrosity but we know how I travel with baked goods. It would be unrecognisable by the time I got it home and that would be the piece de resistance or for Erin's sake, the PROVERBIAL cherry on top wouldn't it? But me Mam be the one picking it up instead of yours truly. 

Anyway here be THE proverbial red truck Cake

The inside was cherries and very tasty

I should mention one other little incident that happened. On my way home from work, I turned into me driveway and I was halfway down it when I saw an Amazon van stopped in the middle of it with no driver inside, motor running. I looked around and there he was down by the edge of the pond taking pictures with his phone of the "swans." 

These three are plastic decoys me Mam put in the pond to keep the heron from the fish

I had to tell him they weren't real. He was very embarrassed. 

Why is it, that nothing has gone smoothly lately? 

Just a note, the day before all this, I went to the apothecary to pick up a birthday card and unlike last time, everyone was wearing masks. Last time I was the only one and they all thought I was one of the unvaccinated. Um well, who's laughing now?

Gabe

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