Dressed Up Dog, Talking Parrot, Too Much Stress For Yours Truly

13 September 2020

Story #1000

R. Linda:

There was, as you know, a death in the family. It has been a hard time and overwhelming with so much stress going on. That was one thing, then there was online school starting for all three kiddos, and as be always the case with something new, a lot of adjustment and trial and error. Add to that we have two new puppies (yes, two), and they aren't housebroken, and are full of life and more energy than I have, I can tell you that much! 

In the interim of all this, we were asked to take care of a dog—a puppy, one that wears clothes, no less! It has an outfit for every day of the week and likes being dressed. It also likes sitting at the people's table for meals, something that I don't like. But it won't eat unless it is with people!

Keeping the visitor separate from the pups has been a deal as well because he is bigger than them. One pup has a heart murmur and is our little special needs baby. His littermate is one burly toughie, and well, those nice doggy clothes on our "guest" could get ripped to shreds by razor teeth. I am not about to go shopping for doggy clothing, so I am trying to keep everyone separated.

So there was that, and Ben not knowing all this had asked Mam, several weeks ago, if she would take his African Grey parrot for a week while he went to visit his sister in Omaha. This I did not know about until said birdie arrived on me doorstep. The cage is huge, so be the bird, who was rescued by Ben because he was too much for the former owner. Well, I can see why - the vocabulary of this thing is enough to horrify a sailor! Ben has been working constantly with the bird to correct that, but it's hard to unlearn once they learn something. 

There he sits in the corner of the kitchen, the television within eyesight and HEARING and every time some word comes up he latches onto it and we are subject to it repeatedly. He particularly likes shouting, CARFAX! And then there be FAKE NEWS! Followed by, VIAGRA! We have not had to rerun any programme we may have missed either, because birdie-boy can repeat the dialogue for us many times over like a non-stop rerun with a few salty words mixed in for good measure. It makes sitting in the kitchen at teatime, almost unbearable, because he won't shut up. And if you lose it and tell HIM to shut up, he will curse at you and tell YOU to f---ing shut up! The worst of this be that Birdie-Boy knows the Alexa word. Yes, he does! I was awakened several times in the morning by Alexa rattling off Amazon orders to Birdie-Boy at his request. 

But that isn't all, the two cats are all about the little dog with clothes. They don't care about the puppies, they know what they are, but the one with the clothes has their undivided attention, oh yes, he does. They lay in wait for that spoiled personage to come trotting out in his change of clothing for the day, making his way to the kitchen table to eat and they, the two sly cats, don't appreciate (I think) the special attention he gets and so, they have it in for him. They wait for him to sit on the high chair (that came with him expressly for that purpose), and they sneak up underneath it, sniffing at his feet. One goes for the tail, the other cat dances across the floor to get his attention, the food goes flying, he falls out of the chair because he doesn't know what has his tail and because the cat he can see, he wants to chase! However, because he doesn't realise there are two, he gets the worst of the chase, and they end up chasing him, and they are bigger than him. 

This happened again, just this morning. I had left him at table to help herd the puppies who had just come in from outside into the mudroom when the cats let loose on the dressed-up dog, which got the puppies running after the cats, Birdie-Boy was cursing up a storm, head and body bobbing up and down with birdie excitement and he even had Alexa going. She was saying something like his language was offensive to her, and the Fates know what else, with me and my eldest chasing everyone and catching no one. All the food on the table flew from one of the cats streaking across it to cut off the dressed dog. Oh, what a mess of animal pee on the floor from all the excitement. 

Birdie-Boy and dressed dog go home today, thank you, God. I have unplugged Alexa so that is no longer a birdie option, though he has been addressing her like crazy and cursing because she doesn't respond. I tell ya, I need a holiday!

Gabe

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