12 May 2016
Story #863
R. Linda:
I often wonder at the differences between each of me kiddos. The first is sensitive, artistic and be well ahead of his class. The second, being a tough guy, he has no qualms exploring places I wouldn't go, picking up snakes in the fields, and racing his four-wheeler over hill and dale with no regard to personal injury. The youngest looks like the sweetest angel on earth, but he has an alter ego, Georgie, who is made of demon material if he doesn't get his way. I have managed to juggle these differing personalities and learned by parental experience how to handle them. Well, I think I have. Or, at least I thought I had until this morning.
It seems just when you think everything be going well, one of these three manages to throw a monkey wrench in the works, and it all goes to half-baked pudding.
Me wife has got it into her head to sign up for EMT (emergency medical technician) school, because it is something she always wanted to do. This course is a gruelling 150 hours of book learning and classroom training, along with ride-alongs with the local EMS services on calls. This has taken a massive chunk of time out of her being here, and the slack of parenting has fallen to Mam and me to make up for it.
In this learning experience, at least for me, I'm discovering things about meself that I didn't know before. All those little things one ignores when their Mam is handling them, turn into not-so-little things when it's me responsible for the meditation, sorting through, and general upkeep of healthy and happy kiddos.
Yesterday morning, I discovered that I was supposed to attend a parents' luncheon for the fifth-grade students. It seems last week, when me fifth grader was sick with a stomach bug, the middle one, Guido, was supposed to take the form and money to his brother's teacher to hand in the reservation. Yesterday, the eldest found that Guido didn't do that. Therefore, because Chef Bev needs to know ahead of time how many to cook for, I was not allowed to attend. At this, he set about berating his brother loudly through the house. When I was able to get out of both of them the trouble, I found meself in a quandary about what to do, because Guido made it all sound so innocent. He swore he took the form to his teacher, who told him to run down to the office and drop it off with the secretary there. He says he did this. So not his fault. Yet yesterday, O'Hare (me eldest) told me his teacher said there was a girl in his class he could have his lunch with, as her parents couldn't make it for the parents' luncheon. He informed her otherwise, and she said she had no form given to her, so "Dad can't come."
When he got home last night, the situation escalated, and he was screaming at his brother that he, O'Hare, was now required to sit with a girl for lunch while all the other parents would be there. A girl! Can you imagine the insult of having to have lunch with one of those? Oi! It wasn't so much me not being able to attend, it was the girl business that had him in a muck sweat. I tell ya!
This morning, Guido's orders were to go to the secretary and find out what happened to the form, as per O'Hare's instructions. Like that's going to happen. Anyway, I came down to breakfast, heard this going on, and not having had a drop of coffee, I wasn't looking at the kiddos, just listening to them trying to get the coffee in me cup. Meanwhile, me Mam be working hard over the cooker making eggs and rashers and she was using her head in communication I should look at me boyos. I ignored that because I didn't have to look at them; I could hear them. I took me cup to the sunny window in the hopes they'd stop. Tonya had taken an early EMT call, so she was gone. I was thinking more about her than listening to the ever-escalating discussion behind me. After a few sips, I turned from looking out the sunny window to the kitchen aisle where heated discussion of instructions was still going on. The sunbeams did not let me see the two kiddos clearly, so I was not aware of appearances.
But Mam was looking at me strangely, her eyes nearly bugging out of her head as she slid eggs and rashers on a plate in front of me. She was still using her head to get me to look at the boyos for what reason I had notta clue.
As I was about to give them me two pence that both of them needed to stop the argy right now, I looked at them, and while O'Hare was red in the face from yelling, his brother was an entirely different matter altogether. Yup.
"AND, YOU LOOK LIKE A JERK!" O'Hare yelled at Guido.
I would have to agree, because the young lad had taken a Sharpie pen and drawn all over his face in what one can call war paint.
"What possessed you?" I half yelled, totally taken aback, near spitting out me coffee.
"Ima goin' ta war!" He answered emphatically.
"With the school secretary?" I asked incredulously.
"Yup."
"So you draw on your face? Jayus, Mary and Joseph," says I, "go wash that off!"
Mam interceded and hurried Guido off to the powder room. She came back to continue breakfast, and he came in a few minutes later, his face looking like she had used an ice scraper to get the marker off. I looked at her in amazement because now he looked like we had slapped him or abused him in some way. I was about to tell her that I hoped the redness would wear off before it was time for the school bus, but I didn't get a chance.
"O-M-G! Da he's got dots in his hair," O'Hare told me, "look at his head, he has black dots like a leopard."
I got up and looked at the buzz cut of me middle child, and sure enough, he had black dots all over his head like a wild cat. I was floored. There isn't enough coffee in the world that would wake me up as fast as that did.
"WHAT are you doing to yourself?" I shouted, completely losing me cool if I ever had any to begin with.
"Itz only Sharpie. It comes off." He said.
"You bet it does, young man, you march back upstairs and get that off now!"
He slammed himself out of the chair and walked heavily, pounding his feet up the stairs as I sat at the counter, thinking I needed something more substantial than coffee.
"I told ya, Da, he probably spent that $5 on something at school and threw the form away." O'Hare chimed in.
"Sharpie pens most likely," Mam mumbled, but I heard her.
"That's enough," I said. Then I looked at Mam, watching her shake her head and bite her lip. I knew she was trying not to laugh.
Guido came down looking like a human being, a nice change to the human drawing board he had made of himself.
"You were really going to school looking like that?" I asked him.
"Why not?" He said, taking a mouthful of cold egg.
Why not indeed? I tell ya! I noticed since this EMT training started and me advanced role in parenting be underway, a few grey hairs have crept into me hairline -- I should be entirely silver by the time me wife gets back to her regular routine.
Hrumph!
Gabe
Copyright © 2017 All rights reserved
Story #863
R. Linda:
I often wonder at the differences between each of me kiddos. The first is sensitive, artistic and be well ahead of his class. The second, being a tough guy, he has no qualms exploring places I wouldn't go, picking up snakes in the fields, and racing his four-wheeler over hill and dale with no regard to personal injury. The youngest looks like the sweetest angel on earth, but he has an alter ego, Georgie, who is made of demon material if he doesn't get his way. I have managed to juggle these differing personalities and learned by parental experience how to handle them. Well, I think I have. Or, at least I thought I had until this morning.
It seems just when you think everything be going well, one of these three manages to throw a monkey wrench in the works, and it all goes to half-baked pudding.
Me wife has got it into her head to sign up for EMT (emergency medical technician) school, because it is something she always wanted to do. This course is a gruelling 150 hours of book learning and classroom training, along with ride-alongs with the local EMS services on calls. This has taken a massive chunk of time out of her being here, and the slack of parenting has fallen to Mam and me to make up for it.
In this learning experience, at least for me, I'm discovering things about meself that I didn't know before. All those little things one ignores when their Mam is handling them, turn into not-so-little things when it's me responsible for the meditation, sorting through, and general upkeep of healthy and happy kiddos.
Yesterday morning, I discovered that I was supposed to attend a parents' luncheon for the fifth-grade students. It seems last week, when me fifth grader was sick with a stomach bug, the middle one, Guido, was supposed to take the form and money to his brother's teacher to hand in the reservation. Yesterday, the eldest found that Guido didn't do that. Therefore, because Chef Bev needs to know ahead of time how many to cook for, I was not allowed to attend. At this, he set about berating his brother loudly through the house. When I was able to get out of both of them the trouble, I found meself in a quandary about what to do, because Guido made it all sound so innocent. He swore he took the form to his teacher, who told him to run down to the office and drop it off with the secretary there. He says he did this. So not his fault. Yet yesterday, O'Hare (me eldest) told me his teacher said there was a girl in his class he could have his lunch with, as her parents couldn't make it for the parents' luncheon. He informed her otherwise, and she said she had no form given to her, so "Dad can't come."
When he got home last night, the situation escalated, and he was screaming at his brother that he, O'Hare, was now required to sit with a girl for lunch while all the other parents would be there. A girl! Can you imagine the insult of having to have lunch with one of those? Oi! It wasn't so much me not being able to attend, it was the girl business that had him in a muck sweat. I tell ya!
This morning, Guido's orders were to go to the secretary and find out what happened to the form, as per O'Hare's instructions. Like that's going to happen. Anyway, I came down to breakfast, heard this going on, and not having had a drop of coffee, I wasn't looking at the kiddos, just listening to them trying to get the coffee in me cup. Meanwhile, me Mam be working hard over the cooker making eggs and rashers and she was using her head in communication I should look at me boyos. I ignored that because I didn't have to look at them; I could hear them. I took me cup to the sunny window in the hopes they'd stop. Tonya had taken an early EMT call, so she was gone. I was thinking more about her than listening to the ever-escalating discussion behind me. After a few sips, I turned from looking out the sunny window to the kitchen aisle where heated discussion of instructions was still going on. The sunbeams did not let me see the two kiddos clearly, so I was not aware of appearances.
But Mam was looking at me strangely, her eyes nearly bugging out of her head as she slid eggs and rashers on a plate in front of me. She was still using her head to get me to look at the boyos for what reason I had notta clue.
As I was about to give them me two pence that both of them needed to stop the argy right now, I looked at them, and while O'Hare was red in the face from yelling, his brother was an entirely different matter altogether. Yup.
"AND, YOU LOOK LIKE A JERK!" O'Hare yelled at Guido.
I would have to agree, because the young lad had taken a Sharpie pen and drawn all over his face in what one can call war paint.
"What possessed you?" I half yelled, totally taken aback, near spitting out me coffee.
"Ima goin' ta war!" He answered emphatically.
"With the school secretary?" I asked incredulously.
"Yup."
"So you draw on your face? Jayus, Mary and Joseph," says I, "go wash that off!"
Mam interceded and hurried Guido off to the powder room. She came back to continue breakfast, and he came in a few minutes later, his face looking like she had used an ice scraper to get the marker off. I looked at her in amazement because now he looked like we had slapped him or abused him in some way. I was about to tell her that I hoped the redness would wear off before it was time for the school bus, but I didn't get a chance.
"O-M-G! Da he's got dots in his hair," O'Hare told me, "look at his head, he has black dots like a leopard."
I got up and looked at the buzz cut of me middle child, and sure enough, he had black dots all over his head like a wild cat. I was floored. There isn't enough coffee in the world that would wake me up as fast as that did.
"WHAT are you doing to yourself?" I shouted, completely losing me cool if I ever had any to begin with.
"Itz only Sharpie. It comes off." He said.
"You bet it does, young man, you march back upstairs and get that off now!"
He slammed himself out of the chair and walked heavily, pounding his feet up the stairs as I sat at the counter, thinking I needed something more substantial than coffee.
"I told ya, Da, he probably spent that $5 on something at school and threw the form away." O'Hare chimed in.
"Sharpie pens most likely," Mam mumbled, but I heard her.
"That's enough," I said. Then I looked at Mam, watching her shake her head and bite her lip. I knew she was trying not to laugh.
Guido came down looking like a human being, a nice change to the human drawing board he had made of himself.
"You were really going to school looking like that?" I asked him.
"Why not?" He said, taking a mouthful of cold egg.
Why not indeed? I tell ya! I noticed since this EMT training started and me advanced role in parenting be underway, a few grey hairs have crept into me hairline -- I should be entirely silver by the time me wife gets back to her regular routine.
Hrumph!
Gabe
Copyright © 2017 All rights reserved
ROFLMAO your kids bring new meaning to childhood drama! I LOVE IT! Cant think of a more deserving daddy.LOL
ReplyDeleteYeah they can't think that more too. I have half a mind to paint me face to show Guido how ridiculous that looks BUT with me luck I won't be able to get it off.
Deletewait until you buy them goldfish and they decide to flush them down the toilet so they'll be free to swim out to sea. we had that happen after that watched finding nemo
ReplyDeleteThat's the best comment you have ever had. I could have got a story out of it. 🤓
Deletei should have! hindsight and all that
DeleteBeing a mother of three boys and a school Secretary this story particularly appealed to me lol. Loved it!
ReplyDeleteHappy Mothers Day to all the Mums on your blog!
ReplyDelete