17 December 2016
Story #840
R. Linda:
Is it Halloween or the Christmas season? I ask because last night at 3 a.m., Tonya and I were awakened by creepy music blaring quite loudly. We both awoke at the same time, asking WHAT IS GOING ON? Being rudely awakened from a sleep-induced coma, one is not very sharp in the brain, nor can one see in the dark through sleepy and blurry vision. The music was coming from Tonya's side, and she was much quicker than me as she turned on the light.
"I thought so!" she said, pointing at Alexa. "Alexa, STOP!" she shouted, pushing the blankets aside, which instantly chilled me. Why did she have to remove the blankets from my side? I don't know, but it was not appreciated because now I was wide awake and shivering.
Alexa was the culprit, and as soon as Tonya demanded that she stop playing that bizarre music, she did.
"I don't know what got into her," I said, sliding the blankets back over me shaking body.
"I don't either, but that's the second time she's done that. I came home from work the other afternoon, and no one was home. I could hear country music (which I hate) playing in our room. It took all my courage to go up and see what was going on. No one here, just . . . ," and she pointed at Alexa, "just HER."
Well, this was the first I'd heard about THAT, so I patted the bed and told her to come back where it was warm; I was sure the excitement was over, and she (Tonya), having a nasty cold would catch her chill if she stood out of bed too much longer.
Neither of us got back to sleep after that. We tossed and turned, me wondering how the machine turned itself on and her wondering if one of the kiddos programmed Alexa to play music at odd hours. But really? If Dragon was here, I'd be suspicious.
We asked the three boyos and Mam if anyone was playing a trick because it wasn't a kind one. Everyone genuinely looked astonished. Mam had heard the commotion and almost came to see what the matter was, but she heard us, and our voice tone sounded not alarmed, so she went back to sleep. Lucky her!
The boyos said they heard nothing, which be not unusual as growing laddies tend to sleep deeply and well, something I wish I could do.
It had been snowing since the wee hours and was coming down heavily at breakfast. Mam fixed breakfast, telling Tonya to sit and she'd do it all. She set Tonya with a cup of tea first thing, which, knowing me wife, wasn't what she had in mind, being a coffee shark like me, but she weakly smiled and sipped. I knew it was all she could do not to dump it in the sink and pour a cup of the real stuff. Since she had a bad cold and cough, I volunteered to gather the breakfast eggs from the chicken coop. Ah, yes, I did. Having had no sleep and no training in chicken management, I had no clue what I was doing. I thought it was simple, go out and feed the greedy suckers, make sure they had water, fresh bedding, and that all were accounted for. Then, while they ate, gather the eggs. That was the plan, but it was tough because as soon as they saw ME, they all ran to the other side of the coop except for four of the hens sitting in the nesting boxes.
I decided, good, the gang is all here after I counted nodding heads, and so since they were in a corner, I cleaned their bedding, refreshed it all, with them clucking at me like, where's the food, you bozo? I got it and put it in the feed thingee and then the water. The gang of four in the nesting boxes made no move to join the others. So, I gathered the exposed eggs and then tried to shoo the four holdouts, but they wouldn't move; they only tried to peck at me. I got a stick from outside and tried to move them from their behinds, but no, they pecked at that too and put up such a ruckus I couldn't hear meself think.
I left them to it. When I got inside, I was told to go back for the rest, or we'd have young chicks, and this was not the time for baby chicks to hatch. In my dilemma, I had forgotten the egg basket, so I needed to return anyway. I trudged through the rapidly deepening snow back to the coop, where I found the gang of cannibals eating one of their young. Yes, R. Linda, an egg had broken open, and they were all vying for the dripping stuff. I was shocked and aghast. I thought only pigs did that. I had no idea chickens were cannibals, too! Well, live and learn, Gabe.
The four holdouts were in that fray, so it was easy to gather the eggs they had been sitting on and get out of Dodge without a problem. Only there was a problem. I had let the eggs sit too long, and when I put the warm eggs on top, as soon as I hit the Arctic blast outside, the eggs started to explode. I was covered in runny yoke!
Holy Cannoli, I had, out of sixteen eggs, five left. Three cracked, and the others I was wearing. I was a yokey mess, to say the least. When I stamped on in, the family was pointing at the yellow stains, some laughing behind their hands and the rest looking horrified.
"Did dey pelt ye wit eggs?" Mam asked, trying to keep a straight face.
"Did you fall down?" O'Hare asked, somewhat concerned, but not really because he started giggling and had to leave the room where I could hear huge peels of laughter coming from the living room.
"None of that; as soon as I walked outside, they exploded on me person," I said, putting the basket in the sink and informing the chef what was left for breakfast.
"I should have told you to take a warm tea towel, one for the bottom of the basket and one to cover the eggs with. Sorry, I wasn't thinking." Tonya said, sipping coffee, her eyes on the emptied tea cup. I guess by that time, she had downed the tea and got what she really wanted. Her brain began to work, only too late for me, I had already been outside in the deep freeze. She had a smug look, which made me think she didn't just remember about the warm towels; she knew all along and blamed it on the tea.
"We will git ye a hazmat suit fur next tyme, doncha worry," Mam said, trying to control her amusement.
Guess what, ladies? Not going to be a next time. The laughing boyos can do it. At least the two older ones. I found out O'Hare has gathered the eggs often and knows how to clean, water and feed the cannibals without getting pecked to death for his trouble.
That's taken care of. Now, I have to solve the Alexa mystery. Oh, and one more thing on that. We ordered a Dot for downstairs. Am I concerned? You might say I be that.
Gabe
Copyright © 2016 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Is it Halloween or the Christmas season? I ask because last night at 3 a.m., Tonya and I were awakened by creepy music blaring quite loudly. We both awoke at the same time, asking WHAT IS GOING ON? Being rudely awakened from a sleep-induced coma, one is not very sharp in the brain, nor can one see in the dark through sleepy and blurry vision. The music was coming from Tonya's side, and she was much quicker than me as she turned on the light.
"I thought so!" she said, pointing at Alexa. "Alexa, STOP!" she shouted, pushing the blankets aside, which instantly chilled me. Why did she have to remove the blankets from my side? I don't know, but it was not appreciated because now I was wide awake and shivering.
Alexa was the culprit, and as soon as Tonya demanded that she stop playing that bizarre music, she did.
"I don't know what got into her," I said, sliding the blankets back over me shaking body.
"I don't either, but that's the second time she's done that. I came home from work the other afternoon, and no one was home. I could hear country music (which I hate) playing in our room. It took all my courage to go up and see what was going on. No one here, just . . . ," and she pointed at Alexa, "just HER."
Well, this was the first I'd heard about THAT, so I patted the bed and told her to come back where it was warm; I was sure the excitement was over, and she (Tonya), having a nasty cold would catch her chill if she stood out of bed too much longer.
Neither of us got back to sleep after that. We tossed and turned, me wondering how the machine turned itself on and her wondering if one of the kiddos programmed Alexa to play music at odd hours. But really? If Dragon was here, I'd be suspicious.
We asked the three boyos and Mam if anyone was playing a trick because it wasn't a kind one. Everyone genuinely looked astonished. Mam had heard the commotion and almost came to see what the matter was, but she heard us, and our voice tone sounded not alarmed, so she went back to sleep. Lucky her!
The boyos said they heard nothing, which be not unusual as growing laddies tend to sleep deeply and well, something I wish I could do.
It had been snowing since the wee hours and was coming down heavily at breakfast. Mam fixed breakfast, telling Tonya to sit and she'd do it all. She set Tonya with a cup of tea first thing, which, knowing me wife, wasn't what she had in mind, being a coffee shark like me, but she weakly smiled and sipped. I knew it was all she could do not to dump it in the sink and pour a cup of the real stuff. Since she had a bad cold and cough, I volunteered to gather the breakfast eggs from the chicken coop. Ah, yes, I did. Having had no sleep and no training in chicken management, I had no clue what I was doing. I thought it was simple, go out and feed the greedy suckers, make sure they had water, fresh bedding, and that all were accounted for. Then, while they ate, gather the eggs. That was the plan, but it was tough because as soon as they saw ME, they all ran to the other side of the coop except for four of the hens sitting in the nesting boxes.
I decided, good, the gang is all here after I counted nodding heads, and so since they were in a corner, I cleaned their bedding, refreshed it all, with them clucking at me like, where's the food, you bozo? I got it and put it in the feed thingee and then the water. The gang of four in the nesting boxes made no move to join the others. So, I gathered the exposed eggs and then tried to shoo the four holdouts, but they wouldn't move; they only tried to peck at me. I got a stick from outside and tried to move them from their behinds, but no, they pecked at that too and put up such a ruckus I couldn't hear meself think.
I left them to it. When I got inside, I was told to go back for the rest, or we'd have young chicks, and this was not the time for baby chicks to hatch. In my dilemma, I had forgotten the egg basket, so I needed to return anyway. I trudged through the rapidly deepening snow back to the coop, where I found the gang of cannibals eating one of their young. Yes, R. Linda, an egg had broken open, and they were all vying for the dripping stuff. I was shocked and aghast. I thought only pigs did that. I had no idea chickens were cannibals, too! Well, live and learn, Gabe.
The four holdouts were in that fray, so it was easy to gather the eggs they had been sitting on and get out of Dodge without a problem. Only there was a problem. I had let the eggs sit too long, and when I put the warm eggs on top, as soon as I hit the Arctic blast outside, the eggs started to explode. I was covered in runny yoke!
Holy Cannoli, I had, out of sixteen eggs, five left. Three cracked, and the others I was wearing. I was a yokey mess, to say the least. When I stamped on in, the family was pointing at the yellow stains, some laughing behind their hands and the rest looking horrified.
"Did dey pelt ye wit eggs?" Mam asked, trying to keep a straight face.
"Did you fall down?" O'Hare asked, somewhat concerned, but not really because he started giggling and had to leave the room where I could hear huge peels of laughter coming from the living room.
"None of that; as soon as I walked outside, they exploded on me person," I said, putting the basket in the sink and informing the chef what was left for breakfast.
"I should have told you to take a warm tea towel, one for the bottom of the basket and one to cover the eggs with. Sorry, I wasn't thinking." Tonya said, sipping coffee, her eyes on the emptied tea cup. I guess by that time, she had downed the tea and got what she really wanted. Her brain began to work, only too late for me, I had already been outside in the deep freeze. She had a smug look, which made me think she didn't just remember about the warm towels; she knew all along and blamed it on the tea.
"We will git ye a hazmat suit fur next tyme, doncha worry," Mam said, trying to control her amusement.
Guess what, ladies? Not going to be a next time. The laughing boyos can do it. At least the two older ones. I found out O'Hare has gathered the eggs often and knows how to clean, water and feed the cannibals without getting pecked to death for his trouble.
That's taken care of. Now, I have to solve the Alexa mystery. Oh, and one more thing on that. We ordered a Dot for downstairs. Am I concerned? You might say I be that.
Gabe
Copyright © 2016 All rights reserved
ROFLMAO now THAT would have been great picture material! REVENGE OF THE EGG MAN! Never a dull moment at your house
ReplyDeleteSurprised they didn't fry you up if everyone was that sleepy. Omelette Gabe du jour anyone? LMAO
ReplyDeletelol you must have been a sight!
ReplyDeleteForget the omelette du jour that creepy music would do it for me. A haunted chair, now a haunted Alexa, what next I wonder.
ReplyDeleteOh come now Lucky. You love that creepy stuff lol. Halloween????
DeleteBirthday? Not creepy yet. Music playing in thin air? Creepy.
DeleteHaha. I didn't mean your birthday was creepy meant being born on that day nothing should bother you spooky wise lol
DeleteI personally think that creepy music is fun! Getting splattered with raw egg, not so much
ReplyDeleteMaybe Alexa (whatever that is) was trying to warn you with creepy music that you were about to be bombed with eggs? An aside here: I have more trouble signing in and now have three accounts on this blog. You might want to fix that on your end if you can Gabe. Sorry. Nice to see Poldark is back LOL.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I can fix that. I will look.
Delete