05 November 2013
718
R. Linda:
"WAIT!" Fiona whispered shouted. "We are lost and have no idea which way to go."
We were all quiet for a total of 2 seconds when we started whispering together which of course, got us nowhere.
"I have me trusty compass," Captain Jaack said getting it out and squinting at it as he turned himself and it, in different directions not getting a reading it seemed.
"Iz broke!" Weasil whispered loudly.
"Argh, it seems it is matey," Jaack said glaring at the thing.
"I have an idea, look to the stars. Where is the North Star? All we have to do is follow that and go north, our camp is north!" Fiona offered.
"Isn't the north star Venus?" Jaack asked.
"I don't know, it's the brightest star right?"
Well, none of us knew so we decided we were screwed.
"Welly we iz goner die on dissy here island," Weasil said with a sigh.
"Oh no, no, no, no," Tom said, "they will be out looking for us."
"Yeah, they will, because WE stole their FOOD!" Fiona reminded him. "I don't know if I want to be found."
"She's got a point mates," Jaack whispered. "They'll probably throw us in big cauldrons and cook us up since they have no sushi."
"Really? This is not Survivor Cannibal Island," Tom said, "we are living in the modern age." He glanced at Jaack and as an afterthought said, "Well, most of us."
"I know, let's pitch camp here, we'll say we moved our camp. That is what we have been doing while tribal was going on, so we couldn't have stolen the staff's food supply of sushi." This brilliant idea was offered up by meself.
Everyone went for that idea, though we had nothing to chop with, or pots or even water and rice to cook with. The general consensus was -- that won't work.
We were shushed by sharp-eared Fiona who heard grumbling and movement through the jungle. We crouched low and saw the Survivor staff. They were on their way to our camp we all knew it. So we followed them as quietly as we could and once we saw things familiar we circled around and made a run for it and just got under the shelter feigning sleep when the angry voice of Wolfie broke the shuffling and mumbling sounds that seemed all around us.
"Whaa . . . who's there? What's going on?" We all mumbled in our sleepy voices and sat up like we were surprised to see Wolfie and the staff.
"You guys steal our food?" He asked outright.
"Nah ha! Yer hasta right click on da wordie firstie," Weasil said, making it like he was rubbing the sleep from his eyes and was still in a dream.
"I don't have a right click, nor a dog, nor a cat, but you sound as though you might have a fish, several fish!"
"HUH?" Weasil feigned indignation, which was rather convincing, but our silence sort of sold him down the river.
"Are you knackered because you aren't making any sense," Fiona jumped in to confront Wolfie and fill in the silence.
But Weasil wasn't done, he started running his mouth and even if I wanted to stop him, I couldn't have because he was so in his own zone. I can't remember all of what he said, it was really almost impossible for me to put most of his words in print without offending delicate sensibilities and purists of the English language. However, his rattling and ranting nonsense was enough for Wolfie and the staff to leave in disgust.
As for Man Scouts as a whole, we were rather impressed with the young whippersnapper's non-command of the English language. We had no idea if the higher-ups believed or understood a word of Weasilese but, at least for the moment, we did not have to deal with the question of stolen sushi.
Fiona got the fire going and said she was a wee bit shaken from the night's activities. I suggested a nice cuppa tea to relax nerves, and Weasil said he'd make it for us -- to sit down and relax, he was in charge. On hearing that we squirmed, Weasil in charge sounded scary. But we left him to put the kettle on without much notice, thinking how hard is that?
God bless him, BUT I guess all the jabbering was too much for his concentration because he put the kettle on without water and besides wasting perfectly good tea leaves, it turned the kettle into a lethal device capable of EXPLOSION! And this after Fiona had warned him on day one about the danger of a kettle explosion where if we forgot the water and the kettle went BOOM, we'd be picking more than nettles out of our skins. And that's exactly what happened. The kettle was never given that shake to make sure it had water in it, no, no, he was too into reliving his taking on the host of Survivor to remember you need water to boil tea.
We had been sitting there waiting for the whistle to sound that tea was ready when the pot became a rather brilliant shade of red. As we watched the thing begin to buck on the makeshift pot holder we had positioned over the roaring fire, we began to move away as we all awoke at the same time to the fact the kettle was about to blow.
I will spare you the drama, the shouting, cursing and bloodshed, and leave it to say it wasn't a pretty aftermath. However, by morning light all was back to as normal as normal was for us. As punishment for his thoughtlessness, Weasil was put in charge of keeping the fire going. Which was an all-night affair and so after we were done picking the shrapnel out of our skins, we left him up for an all-nighter. Needless to even comment, but I will anyway, the next morning found the Weasil dosing dangerously close to the fire pit. The fire was near out, but the embers were still glowing. Fiona, ever the leader couldn't have that the Weasil might have been out cold for a few minutes, at least long enough for the flames to die out, but the fire was still very much alive.
She sat down next to him and shouted, "NEVER, NEVER WILL YOU BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE OR LIVE BY YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU CANNOT THROW A FEW LOGS ON A FIRE!!!"
As you can well imagine, this had the Weasil up and roused within seconds, as were we all. He was dancing around and pointing at the fire.
"It happened a long time ago! It wentie out."
"What's a long time ago?" I asked him.
"Uh 5 minutes ago. I been keepin' watchie on it."
Yes, the sad but true fact is that Weasil has no past recollection it seems. He can go 5 minutes and not a minute more and then all that is ancient, not rememberable history. I tell ya!
Little did we know that at the time of the "explosion" the night before, the We Are Woman camp had been sitting on logs around their own fire, mulling over the voting out of the only Irish Catholic girl in the tribe.
"She was our lucky charm and YOU guys voted her out!" Me Muse was accusing.
"Lucky how?" Me wife asked.
"She could make whiskey fudge to die for! Enough said." Me Muse was reverting into her alter-ego Mrs. Egduf and that was NOT a good thing when she was short chocolate (especially the dark kind).
"In keeping with our token Irish girl's belief we need a sign from above that we can win this," Dewdropper said looking up with a sigh that shook her massive Afro. And it was just about that time that a boom sounded and a red orb flew up from the earth into space, causing the ladies to all stand up and watch it arch and fall into the sea.
"WOW," Dew said amazed, "That Irish girl must have heard me. What psychic powers she must have!"
Tonya and Mrs. Egduf (for that is who she became thinking the orb a sign from the chocolate gods) looked at the ecstatic Dewdropper and then each other.
"THAT was not a sign," Mrs. Egduf stated just to bring Dew out of the world of psychic phenomena and had her believing it was the planet Mars, the god of war giving the ladies the sign they needed to up their game.
This Dew ate up more than the phenomena idea, as Tonya sat back down with her hands over her face not sure if she should laugh or cry.
The next morning the ladies were awakened by a female voice shouting something about a loser living alone because they couldn't keep a fire going. Confused, they all got up and went about the business of another day on Pongo Bongo.
(Author's note: Oh boy, take me out and shoot me.)
Gabe
Copyright © 2013 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
"WAIT!" Fiona whispered shouted. "We are lost and have no idea which way to go."
We were all quiet for a total of 2 seconds when we started whispering together which of course, got us nowhere.
"I have me trusty compass," Captain Jaack said getting it out and squinting at it as he turned himself and it, in different directions not getting a reading it seemed.
"Iz broke!" Weasil whispered loudly.
"Argh, it seems it is matey," Jaack said glaring at the thing.
"I have an idea, look to the stars. Where is the North Star? All we have to do is follow that and go north, our camp is north!" Fiona offered.
"Isn't the north star Venus?" Jaack asked.
"I don't know, it's the brightest star right?"
Well, none of us knew so we decided we were screwed.
"Welly we iz goner die on dissy here island," Weasil said with a sigh.
"Oh no, no, no, no," Tom said, "they will be out looking for us."
"Yeah, they will, because WE stole their FOOD!" Fiona reminded him. "I don't know if I want to be found."
"She's got a point mates," Jaack whispered. "They'll probably throw us in big cauldrons and cook us up since they have no sushi."
"Really? This is not Survivor Cannibal Island," Tom said, "we are living in the modern age." He glanced at Jaack and as an afterthought said, "Well, most of us."
"I know, let's pitch camp here, we'll say we moved our camp. That is what we have been doing while tribal was going on, so we couldn't have stolen the staff's food supply of sushi." This brilliant idea was offered up by meself.
Everyone went for that idea, though we had nothing to chop with, or pots or even water and rice to cook with. The general consensus was -- that won't work.
We were shushed by sharp-eared Fiona who heard grumbling and movement through the jungle. We crouched low and saw the Survivor staff. They were on their way to our camp we all knew it. So we followed them as quietly as we could and once we saw things familiar we circled around and made a run for it and just got under the shelter feigning sleep when the angry voice of Wolfie broke the shuffling and mumbling sounds that seemed all around us.
"Whaa . . . who's there? What's going on?" We all mumbled in our sleepy voices and sat up like we were surprised to see Wolfie and the staff.
"You guys steal our food?" He asked outright.
"Nah ha! Yer hasta right click on da wordie firstie," Weasil said, making it like he was rubbing the sleep from his eyes and was still in a dream.
"I don't have a right click, nor a dog, nor a cat, but you sound as though you might have a fish, several fish!"
"HUH?" Weasil feigned indignation, which was rather convincing, but our silence sort of sold him down the river.
"Are you knackered because you aren't making any sense," Fiona jumped in to confront Wolfie and fill in the silence.
But Weasil wasn't done, he started running his mouth and even if I wanted to stop him, I couldn't have because he was so in his own zone. I can't remember all of what he said, it was really almost impossible for me to put most of his words in print without offending delicate sensibilities and purists of the English language. However, his rattling and ranting nonsense was enough for Wolfie and the staff to leave in disgust.
As for Man Scouts as a whole, we were rather impressed with the young whippersnapper's non-command of the English language. We had no idea if the higher-ups believed or understood a word of Weasilese but, at least for the moment, we did not have to deal with the question of stolen sushi.
Fiona got the fire going and said she was a wee bit shaken from the night's activities. I suggested a nice cuppa tea to relax nerves, and Weasil said he'd make it for us -- to sit down and relax, he was in charge. On hearing that we squirmed, Weasil in charge sounded scary. But we left him to put the kettle on without much notice, thinking how hard is that?
God bless him, BUT I guess all the jabbering was too much for his concentration because he put the kettle on without water and besides wasting perfectly good tea leaves, it turned the kettle into a lethal device capable of EXPLOSION! And this after Fiona had warned him on day one about the danger of a kettle explosion where if we forgot the water and the kettle went BOOM, we'd be picking more than nettles out of our skins. And that's exactly what happened. The kettle was never given that shake to make sure it had water in it, no, no, he was too into reliving his taking on the host of Survivor to remember you need water to boil tea.
We had been sitting there waiting for the whistle to sound that tea was ready when the pot became a rather brilliant shade of red. As we watched the thing begin to buck on the makeshift pot holder we had positioned over the roaring fire, we began to move away as we all awoke at the same time to the fact the kettle was about to blow.
I will spare you the drama, the shouting, cursing and bloodshed, and leave it to say it wasn't a pretty aftermath. However, by morning light all was back to as normal as normal was for us. As punishment for his thoughtlessness, Weasil was put in charge of keeping the fire going. Which was an all-night affair and so after we were done picking the shrapnel out of our skins, we left him up for an all-nighter. Needless to even comment, but I will anyway, the next morning found the Weasil dosing dangerously close to the fire pit. The fire was near out, but the embers were still glowing. Fiona, ever the leader couldn't have that the Weasil might have been out cold for a few minutes, at least long enough for the flames to die out, but the fire was still very much alive.
She sat down next to him and shouted, "NEVER, NEVER WILL YOU BE ABLE TO HAVE A HOUSE OR LIVE BY YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU CANNOT THROW A FEW LOGS ON A FIRE!!!"
As you can well imagine, this had the Weasil up and roused within seconds, as were we all. He was dancing around and pointing at the fire.
"It happened a long time ago! It wentie out."
"What's a long time ago?" I asked him.
"Uh 5 minutes ago. I been keepin' watchie on it."
Yes, the sad but true fact is that Weasil has no past recollection it seems. He can go 5 minutes and not a minute more and then all that is ancient, not rememberable history. I tell ya!
Little did we know that at the time of the "explosion" the night before, the We Are Woman camp had been sitting on logs around their own fire, mulling over the voting out of the only Irish Catholic girl in the tribe.
"She was our lucky charm and YOU guys voted her out!" Me Muse was accusing.
"Lucky how?" Me wife asked.
"She could make whiskey fudge to die for! Enough said." Me Muse was reverting into her alter-ego Mrs. Egduf and that was NOT a good thing when she was short chocolate (especially the dark kind).
"In keeping with our token Irish girl's belief we need a sign from above that we can win this," Dewdropper said looking up with a sigh that shook her massive Afro. And it was just about that time that a boom sounded and a red orb flew up from the earth into space, causing the ladies to all stand up and watch it arch and fall into the sea.
"WOW," Dew said amazed, "That Irish girl must have heard me. What psychic powers she must have!"
Tonya and Mrs. Egduf (for that is who she became thinking the orb a sign from the chocolate gods) looked at the ecstatic Dewdropper and then each other.
"THAT was not a sign," Mrs. Egduf stated just to bring Dew out of the world of psychic phenomena and had her believing it was the planet Mars, the god of war giving the ladies the sign they needed to up their game.
This Dew ate up more than the phenomena idea, as Tonya sat back down with her hands over her face not sure if she should laugh or cry.
The next morning the ladies were awakened by a female voice shouting something about a loser living alone because they couldn't keep a fire going. Confused, they all got up and went about the business of another day on Pongo Bongo.
(Author's note: Oh boy, take me out and shoot me.)
Gabe
Copyright © 2013 All rights reserved
9 comments:
Demented AND funny. The beat does go on though doesn't it? LOL
there's more? ughhhhh you! you are making me look like a tyrant. can we tone me down? or even better vote me out.
LMAO NOT gonna shoot you! I need to see where this goes!LOL
Pongo Bongo baby! Whoo hoo
Even I don't know where this goes. ;-(
Oi!
Can't do that, your tribe needs to. Maybe you should ask them to do that, LOL.
LOL Long live Pongo Bongo! You should have day trips to the island going Gabe, probably make a fortune now that I know what and where it is. LMAO
Oh who told you? LOL
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