SURVIVOR - Pongo Bongo 3

06 November 2013

719

R. Linda:

"Come on in guys," a coiffed Wolfie said.

He was dressed to the nines in the latest jungle wear and looking good. Even his even white and perfect teeth flashed in the sunlight almost blinding us. I thought this was a visual message to flaunt the fact to me wife, that he could wear clothes and we only underwear.

"Got fudge?" Mrs. Egdurf whispered as she came up to him in the tribe filing past him to our places. I thought I saw him slip her a small wrapped piece of fudge, but I wasn't sure.

"Good hair," she smiled as she kept going like that never happened, her diminutive self suddenly getting a happy spring in her step.

What was going on? Did the We Are Woman tribe have some kind of under-the-table deal with the Wolf? It looked suspiciously so, but I couldn't prove it so slippery were Wolfie and Mrs. E's actions I had no real proof until I bent forward and looked down the line at her. Her eyes were closed as if she was enjoying something, her lips were squinched in a smile of delight, and her throat was working like . . . like she was sucking on a piece of fudge. I knew it! There at her feet was a small wrapper the fudge had been in. Wow, talk about having favourites! It seemed our host was not immune. Gees!

Dew stepped forward with her hand up like she was in second form.

"Yes, Dew," Wolfie addressed her but her hand was still waving in the air. Actually, the hand seemed disembodied because her massive blond Afro hid her arm and so at the top of her head was this hand waving. It was bizarre to look at. I wish I had a dream camera to take a picture, but alas poor reader I did not.

"I was thinking about what you said at tribal and I want to say something for the record. The FTC allows advertising that is obviously false. Remember "Put a tiger in your tank" and all those quirky little tails hanging out of gas caps?"

"Uh no, before my time, but go on."

"That is one example of advertising that we obviously know is false. There are others like using mashed potatoes instead of ice cream when shooting advertising film under hot lights. What IS against the law is misleading advertising. You're welcome."

We all stood there. No one said anything until I heard giggling coming from me Muse, the fudge dribbling down her chin. More proof she had something going on. But before I could say a word, Weasil stepped forward and addressed Dewdropper.

"Can yer arse backie dattie dare up? The tatties thing dat iz. Da Haagen Dazs I had the other day tasted like tats."

At that point, everybody started talking at once and Wolfie had his damnedest to get us all to shut our overactive pie-holes, but he managed it after a time. The coiffed hair was a bit in disarray over his forehead, but I heard Dew say how sexy he looked, more proof they were stroking his ego to win this! I was getting me dander up but I bit my tongue and had to bide my time.

"So guys are you ready for today's challenge?" Wolfie said totally cutting out any more discussion other than the business at hand and as usual, he got that unenthusiastic, yeah we are ready to deal.

"Want to know what you are playing for?" He said all zippy.

And once again the not too enthusiastic response. But this time, our lack of caring made the Wolf rather ticked off.

"Listen, I could be back in Ireland admiring myself in front of a mirror, but no, I have given that up to be here with you. The least you could do is act like you want to do this."

We all shuffled our feet in the sand feeling a tad guilty but for heaven's sake, we were in our underwear, being eaten by bugs, jumping into each other's arms when creepy crawly things unexpectedly crossed our paths, and were half starved for a decent meal. And there he was, all bathed shiny and new, in nice clothes, bug lotion, well feed and he had a personal hairdresser. What did he think was wrong with THAT picture I want to know? But once again, I held me tongue.

"Okay, let's get to today's challenge. You are going to run down the beach one at a time, swim to the platform, untie a key and dive down to unlock a chest. In the chest are bags of puzzle pieces . . . "

"Puzzle pieces again?" Tonya moaned, but Wolfie ignored her but not after throwing a dirty look her way.

"AND you will swim back. Once you have all five bags of puzzle pieces you can start your puzzle. The first team to get it right wins reward. Do you want to know what reward is?"

This time we feigned enthusiasm, it wasn't done well, but hey we were knackered and hungry and the rewards of late had been sushi or rancid peanut butter.

Without much fanfare, Wolfie lifted off the cover of a boatload of nothing. I recognised the empty platters immediately it was the sushi we had stolen the night before, or more correctly devoured.

"This was to be a reward but seems it was eaten by one of the tribes here. I'm not a lawyer but I was with one tribe and can attest they had none of the sushi that used to inhabit those platters."

"Well gee Da, why don't you just say we ate it!" Tom W said as we all looked rather shocked he'd challenge his own Da, but he did.

"Do I know you?" Wolfie said. "You look familiar, oh yeah like me, sort of, but your eyes are blue."

Oh boy, here we go. I won't bother to write the back and forth to this mess, but it went on quite a while waxing about sea green eyes and sky blue eyes until the sun was at high noon and me Muse decided enough was enough and feigned she was melting, so by that time we couldn't wait to dive into the cold ocean water.

I will save you the blow-by-blow pain of this "challenge" for empty sushi platters. Suffice it to say (using a Wolfism I heard it too many times over it was making me want to shout bloody murder), our over-sushi-ed hearts weren't in the challenge.

Well, since we ate the reward we decided between us to win the challenge and we did. That way we were being gents about the whole awful situation. That meant, yes once again the We Are Woman tribe was off to tribal.

And since all we had were a bunch of empty sushi platters, we decided to sneak back under the tribal council area to watch the next vote out AND see if munchies were left lying about that wouldn't be missed and make our viewing pleasure that much more enjoyable. Yup.

"Is Grabiare here in spirit that we are back on THAT?" Wolfie was saying as we settled ourselves quietly under the platform.

"Ha, if that is the case, most of us get a free pass. I haven't read the thousands of pages of Obamacare. I don't claim to know all about it but I admit that I get annoyed or bored by the comments of those," Tonya said looking hard at Wolfie, "who are self-righteous that it is bad without knowing a word of the law and it IS law. It is complex and difficult to implement; it is not the first law to be complex and implemented. But it is easy to spout convictions based on pack mentality."

"Oh, he just doesn't like it that his side lost!" Me Muse piped up. "So what, that it was passed by Congress, signed into law by Obama, ruled Constitutional by a Conservative Supreme Court, affirmed by an overwhelming Reelection by a vote of 332 to 206 of the Electoral College reflecting the will of the majority of Americans including all of the swing states but one. Are we going to cry and throw tantrums? Really?"

I was wondering where me Muse was getting this stuff from even quoting statistics now? Oi!

Fiona whispered to our stunned selves, "What happened? Did the Democrats arrive on the island suddenly? I thought this was Survivor Pongo Bongo not This Week With George Stephanopoulos what is going on up there?"

We were wondering the same thing and I did whisper that I thought it was a ploy on the We Are Woman tribe to keep Wolfie from holding the vote. But Wolfie was speaking so we stopped whispering and listened.

"The president has the worst record of lying, blaming, lazy, and did I say lying than any other president in the history of your great nation! He has lied about Obamacare in every way possible. First, it was not a tax, but when it went to the Supreme Court Justice John Roberts identified it as a "TAX!" It should have gone back to the House to rewrite, however, the Senate passed it ASAP and Obama signed it ASAP! Furthermore, Obama has been videoed time and time again saying, "If you have insurance and you like it you can keep it, period!" and "If you like your doctor you can keep your doctor!" The truth is revealed, you can only keep it if it passes the Obamacare litmus test and covers all they, the Obamacare rules, cover. there are two kinds of lies -- a lie of commission and a lie of omission. He tells a lie by saying you can keep your insurance, but omits, "if it is compliant with Obamacare." Two lies rolled into one! Finally, ladies, millions will benefit from Obama subsidies, but multi-millions will pay for them! So much for affordable health care insurance."

A lightbulb went off down below, Captain Jaack's whispered, "Did he say "affordable health care insurance?" Already my premium has gone up, and this so-called Affordable Health Care Act isn't even in the market yet!"

OMG, the political disease above had spread to one of us below! We shushed him. Was this non-voting method contagious? Meanwhile, there was a lot of talking over each other above us. I had to sigh, this was dumb. We needed to get up there and stop the political commentating and get to voting SOMEONE OFF THE FREAKING ISLAND!

"Anger can be and often is, volatile," I could hear Wolfie saying in a calm voice. "If appears the Man Scouts who use marijuana seldom know how to control their anger, but you will not hear anything about it because of the pervasive nature of the male species. We reap what we sow." And sadly he shook his head and heaved a great sigh as if he wasn't part of the "male species".

WHAT? MAN SCOUTS? MARIJUANA? WHAT WAS HE SAYING?

"Has it come to this then?" Tom W whispered. "To get them off Obamacare he's now dissing us and accusing us in front of THEM that we use marijuana? How is that possible? We are all stuck on this measly little island with nothing including good drink OR marijuana."

Wolfie was further saying with kindness dripping from his tongue, "Dewdropper, I have already addressed the issue about the "boys" using marijuana, therefore, that is a non-issue. You can't vote out the whole tribe for sneaking weed unless it has become a real overt problem."

"Sneaking weed?" I whispered incredulously. "As if!"

"But that said, regarding those Man Scouts using any drug that alters the chemical makeup of their brains (or what is left to them)," this said with a Wolfie snicker, which is really a dirty laugh, "and since each of them has a different chemical makeup, it would only seem likely that a "drug" and the length of usage would alter each person in a rather different way, I should think. I certainly agree with you there is a problem, but I find it unlikely it is a pronounced problem . . . at the moment. That's not to say that shortly down the road it might be."

We sat there with mouths agape looking shocked at one another. None of us had anything more lethal to our brains than coconuts, rice, beans, and that clear substance WATER. Who started this staining of our reputations we had no clue, until we heard this.

"Yeah, that's why Weasil is so backward and can't talk like everyone else. His brain has been RAVAGED by his smoking weed."

The voice was familiar, we couldn't see where it was coming from until we saw the soles of the shoes as they clunked their way into our view. I recognised those long feet and pointy toes immediately, they could only belong to one person.

(Author's note: Yes a screw is loose, more than one as Capt. Jaack will tell you.)

Gabe
Copyright © 2013 All rights reserved