08 September 2013
707
R. Linda:
This must be party time in America. It seems though Labour Day is ended, more celebrations are going on. I have to think it is despite what is happening in world affairs, that most are just sick to the back teeth of Obama. I know MY BAD.
Anyway, a man in the neighbourhood is finally retired at age 71. Yes, R. Linda, the man loved his work, a mad scientist type, you know the kind, into how things work and takes things apart, tries to put them back better than they were, invent stuff that sort of thing in the process when you can't get them back the way they were. Anyway, yesterday was his official retirement party and a mere 146 people were invited. Not too many right? The lady of the house, the much younger Missus had asked me wife for help in decorating the abode for the big event. I don't mean party decorations, no, no, since they moved in some five or so years ago, she hasn't really unpacked anything. So it was hurry up make the place look like people actually live there.
Me more than accommodating wife was happy to help to get her mind off baby (at the time we were going to the ER if you will remember, with Braxton Hicks manifesting quite frequently) so this was something she did not mind doing for her bestest bud and that was back in June, so plenty of time for house ready decorating for September.
Well, we were invited we were, and I did think while enjoying the food (well what else is there to do when you don't know a soul but munch and become the food critic I seem to have become), that something or more importantly someones were missing. Yes, the servers, the professional catering staff, were not there, anywhere! I noticed the son and daughter helping serve and it brought back a fond memory. No strike that, fond is hardly the word, more like not so fond memory that morphed into another not-so-fond memory.
When me father got a big promotion, me mother wanted to celebrate it so she told him she wanted to throw a party just for the occasion. He was not wanting the focus and protested, but it fell on deaf ears. Once me Mam has got something in her mind, you can't talk her out of it. So there she was and there was Himself, his eyes bulging out of his head at the number of people on the guest list. She had enough that the local constabulary might have thought we were getting ready to protest some government decree. Me Da finally got her to cut the list down from 550 people to a mere 200! Yup, 350 was his first cut, let me tell you, he knew he couldn't get rid of all of them in one fell swoop, he'd have to do it in increments.
So she continued on planning this and that and making calls and revamping the menu a million times and one night when she was particularly struggling with whether to serve Murphys or Guinness, he came at her and cut another 100 people from the list! Yes he did, he knew when to bide his time and seeing it was time to pounce and slash, he went in and got the job done! I admire me old man on this let me tell ya.
SO he still had a hundred to go through. She wanted to rent tents for the backyard. Now our backyard wouldn't hold more than 35 people max, so this wasn't a good idea but me Da saw his opportunity and in he went and said that she had too many people still and should cut some more so she could have at least one big tent. Well, she thought about this she did, and that's what she did thinking it all her idea she cut 25 more! He was down to 75 now and grinning like a Cheshire Cat.
He even made it enticing by telling her if she cut another 25 she could serve BOTH the Murphys and the Guinness. He's a sly one I tell ya.
Well, she cut it to 67, so not bad but that was it. She was done. She had enough food ordered, she had one great big tent (with flaps in case it rained and it did) and tables and chairs, tablecloths, little round vases of cut flowers, plates and flatware, and a great big banner that said, "WELL DONE JAMES! WE KNEW YE COULD DO IT MAN!" which to me sounded like he had just swum the English Channel and back. Oh, she did it up big.
"When ya git yersel married we'll do it all again but biggah." She said to me.
That promise put the fear of God in me it did, along with a choking fit. I wasn't thinking of getting married, I did not have a girlfriend at the time, I was still in college so no, no, none of that, please. Me sister had already got herself hitched to the Dolan person, so because she cheated her Ma into planning a big affair, I was going to pay the price. Yes indeed! But as you know, I didn't. When you live an ocean away you can get away with a lot.
Now this gets no better for ME at least or me sissy and her hubby. We three were lolling around an hour before the party. Just kicking back in the kitchen telling tales on each other over a couple of beers when in comes the lady of the house and announces, "Ye all hav ta help me oot. Seems the servers went on strike an 'our agoo and I hav no one tae serve!"
It was one of those DON'T LOOK AT ME moments. We couldn't get out of there fast enough, but she barred the door with herself spread in front of it.
"Now lookit ere' ya cowards ya goo on oop and git yersels dressed up and ye coom back ere' and ya pitch in. Ya doon't want yer fatta's paahty to be a boost." She said looking really mean at us.
Okay so here's the thing, all three of us, that would be me sissy Sheila, her hubby the Dolan person, and meself have our pictures plastered all over the house. Me Mam has us on every freaking bit of wall space there be and how embarrassing was this serving business going to be? But as luck would have it, no one, nooo one knew we were the children of the party boy! No, notta one! How can that be you ask? Well, maybe because we were pictured in varying ages of adolescent development. No recent photographs were gracing the walls and maybe that be why.
And when that happens something else happens as well, you hear things said that wouldn't be said in front of, or to, a member of the family. Yes, R. Linda, it was enlightening.
Let me give you some examples of what I overheard.
On walking up with canapes to a couple perusing the family pictures on the wall: "Wow would ye lookit the nose on em' I'd a taught he was Italian." Yes, this being referred to yours truly who smilingly held out the tray and they both took a canape without even recognising the very same nose out in the air in front of their faces!
Then there was another couple who were looking around taking in the abode: "Whatever possessed them to buy THIS monstrosity? No wonder she has so many pictures up, the walls are really too high."
And there I was all 6'2.5" of me standing next to the wall just about clearing the ceiling. I tell ya!
Me sissy was particularly pissed off when her very own Aunt Edina was saying to a friend (as they looked at Sheila's wedding photo on the wall), "Will ya lookit thot girlie dere, she married thot sorree excuse fer an Irishman. I still doon't knoe his first name, dey refer ta em' as da Dolan person, and wot dooes thot tell ya?"
Oh yeah, she was livid. Just as Auntie E was about to take a glass of champagne from me sissy's tray it was whisked away and as she turned Auntie E said, "Well! The help ye git today it just isn't oop ta par!" Never recognising the Dolan person's wife and she a relative yet!
And I don't think she OR her friend got a glass of the bubbly the entire party. Sheila can hold a grudge when it comes to her Dolan person. I tell ya! Never a more blindly loyal woman is there.
As for the gent in question, he had a tray of rolled-up grape leaves with some kind of fish filling inside. He doesn't like fish for one thing, so to be inhaling it was making him queasy. Along with the rolled-up fish, he was to hand out little cocktail napkins, and this he was doing quite well being able to balance better than the rest of us. And there be a perfectly good reason why he balances so well.
Me brother-in-law at the ripe old age of 10, wanted to join the IRA and these teenage boyos who lived around the corner from him found this out and decided to have a bit of fun. They told him their fathers were all members of the infamous group and that made them members automatically. But since young Dolan showed an interest in being a member they would make it easy for him to join. But first, he had to pass some tests.
Well, eager for this to happen he was all for it he was. So they set him up by taking him to a block of storefronts and climbing a metal ladder at one end they got to the rooftops. Now on the front of the buildings, there was a bit of brick and mortar that came up over the buildings where the facades were. And this narrow ledge extended from one end of the building to about 100 yards to the other. They told young Dolan he had to walk the narrow ledge to the other end. Now looking down at the age of 10 the ground was about 17' from the top of the ledge or maybe a little more. But just know it looked like he was standing on a thin bit of cement high atop a skyscraper. Like I say at that age, things look bigger or in this case, further down than they are, but still 17' is not a jump-off place.
So there he was, both arms outstretched like a tight-rope walker, one foot going in front of the other carefully placed (very slowly), being told not to look down (which would be a surefire way to fall if you aren't looking where you be placing your footing), and he was slowly off on his precarious journey down the front of the shops. Now I will say it was a Sunday, so no one was around to see this feat of nerve or more in me opinion, stupidity. It took him an hour to do this but the boyos told him he'd have to come back next week and do it again because he looked down the entire time and he wasn't supposed to.
Well, being very much wanting to join the junior IRA he came back on his own to practise. Yes, he did R. Linda! I tell ya can we find a more brainless individual than me brother-in-law? Well, after a week of doing this AFTER the shops were closed (less likely being seen was the idea here), he finally mastered the "walk." Yes, he did the stupid idiot had gone every night without anyone knowing, so he could perfect the "walk" without looking down. Oi!
So the next Sunday rolls around and he goes to the place and the four older boyos were salivating to see this young Catholic boy fall off a building. Young boys when they pack up can be as wild and nasty as a pack of dogs, let me tell ya. So this was a BIG deal in their tiny undeveloped brains. Up they all went and set brother Dolan on the ledge, and with some hooting and hollering of encouragement they sent him off.
"Nowya doon't look doon!" One shouted.
"Maybe we shoulda blindfolded his arse." Another says and yes, that's it they whip out a bandanna and do the deed. And there stands brother Dolan, arms outstretched, one foot perched behind the other, blindfolded and smiling! What he had to smile about I don't know, but I was walking by with me sissy at the time when I heard the commotion from above and looking up I saw this. Both Sheila and I stood there looking up with mouths agape, too shocked to utter a sound. And when I was about to shout, "Dolan, ye damn fool arsehole git doon frum dere!" me sister had me by the arm shushing me so I wouldn't cause the blindfolded eejit to fall. So we stood there and a small crowd of neighbourhood kiddos gathered, all of us whispering and pointing at the sensationalism of the Proddy boy's entertainment for a Sunday afternoon. Yes, you read that right, they weren't Catholic boys, they were Proddy's from the other side of the neighbourhood come to have some fun.
And dumbarse (blindfolded and moving along the narrow ledge) had not a clue! What about the names William, Donald, Derrick and Philip, sounds Catholic? It was too late to tell him that was for sure. Sheila took off for the realm of an adult, to put a stop to this scene before the fool killed himself while the entire time the boyos on the roof were laughing and egging brother Dolan on!
Just as he made it to the end and would have walked off the end of the building, one of the older boys grabbed him back and tore off the blindfold. The four miscreants then shook brother Dolan's hand almost out of its socket that he was able to pull off such a feat for a Catholic lad. Then they told him because of his skill in the face of certain death he was then and forevermore a member of the UVF!
"UVF?" Young Dolan stammered confused.
"Yeah ya jerk, dey aren't from ere' dey are Proddies!" Dan McGuirk shouted up at brother Dolan, none too impressed I can tell ya that much!
It wasn't a second or more before a police car pulled up that the four Proddy boyos took off leaving brother Dolan on the roof by his lonesome. Well, I don't have to tell you what the minions of the law said to brother Dolan about the subject of stupidity and blind trust. I don't have to tell you that the four miscreants went unscathed by justice, and I don't have to tell you that brother Dolan was grounded for 65 years, but he made his escape daily. And I don't have to tell you how freaking proud he was of himself and after that fancied himself a bit of an honorary Wallenda. Yes, to this day I think he still does. And I don't have to tell you how we all started to look up to him for his feat of balance in the face of blindness and stupidity. Yes, we did. AND because of his "bravery," as Sheila put it, HE was the man (okay boyo) for her from that day on. Her silly arse was secretly impressed and she saw it as HIM pulling a fast one on the Proddy boyos. I tell ya!
So I thought all of that as I was serving canapes and half listening to snatches of conversation as I went around. It was enlightening to know that family and friends really don't pay any attention to the children of their dear close friends. No one but Aunt Sosaidh noticed and told us what good bairns we were to help out in a pinch. And she pinched each of her cheeks just to emphasise her words. Yup, she did.
I admit to me mind wandering off and not paying attention to who got served and who did not. I don't know how servers do it, but after that first bit of nerves, your mind shuts itself down into another world and snatches of conversation lead you to places you might have forgotten. Sigh.
But back to the here and now, I did hear disparaging things said about the servers being not too steady with their trays and not too bright when it came to serving food. I wondered, did no one notice these two persons were NOT servers but the children of the couple giving the party? Apparently not, just like me Da's promotion party, notta clue.
I can only think I was the incognito neighbour with no one noticing. So knowing that I decided to pig out because who'd know or remember who ate all the food?
BURP!
Gabe
Copyright © 2013 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
This must be party time in America. It seems though Labour Day is ended, more celebrations are going on. I have to think it is despite what is happening in world affairs, that most are just sick to the back teeth of Obama. I know MY BAD.
Anyway, a man in the neighbourhood is finally retired at age 71. Yes, R. Linda, the man loved his work, a mad scientist type, you know the kind, into how things work and takes things apart, tries to put them back better than they were, invent stuff that sort of thing in the process when you can't get them back the way they were. Anyway, yesterday was his official retirement party and a mere 146 people were invited. Not too many right? The lady of the house, the much younger Missus had asked me wife for help in decorating the abode for the big event. I don't mean party decorations, no, no, since they moved in some five or so years ago, she hasn't really unpacked anything. So it was hurry up make the place look like people actually live there.
Me more than accommodating wife was happy to help to get her mind off baby (at the time we were going to the ER if you will remember, with Braxton Hicks manifesting quite frequently) so this was something she did not mind doing for her bestest bud and that was back in June, so plenty of time for house ready decorating for September.
Well, we were invited we were, and I did think while enjoying the food (well what else is there to do when you don't know a soul but munch and become the food critic I seem to have become), that something or more importantly someones were missing. Yes, the servers, the professional catering staff, were not there, anywhere! I noticed the son and daughter helping serve and it brought back a fond memory. No strike that, fond is hardly the word, more like not so fond memory that morphed into another not-so-fond memory.
When me father got a big promotion, me mother wanted to celebrate it so she told him she wanted to throw a party just for the occasion. He was not wanting the focus and protested, but it fell on deaf ears. Once me Mam has got something in her mind, you can't talk her out of it. So there she was and there was Himself, his eyes bulging out of his head at the number of people on the guest list. She had enough that the local constabulary might have thought we were getting ready to protest some government decree. Me Da finally got her to cut the list down from 550 people to a mere 200! Yup, 350 was his first cut, let me tell you, he knew he couldn't get rid of all of them in one fell swoop, he'd have to do it in increments.
So she continued on planning this and that and making calls and revamping the menu a million times and one night when she was particularly struggling with whether to serve Murphys or Guinness, he came at her and cut another 100 people from the list! Yes he did, he knew when to bide his time and seeing it was time to pounce and slash, he went in and got the job done! I admire me old man on this let me tell ya.
SO he still had a hundred to go through. She wanted to rent tents for the backyard. Now our backyard wouldn't hold more than 35 people max, so this wasn't a good idea but me Da saw his opportunity and in he went and said that she had too many people still and should cut some more so she could have at least one big tent. Well, she thought about this she did, and that's what she did thinking it all her idea she cut 25 more! He was down to 75 now and grinning like a Cheshire Cat.
He even made it enticing by telling her if she cut another 25 she could serve BOTH the Murphys and the Guinness. He's a sly one I tell ya.
Well, she cut it to 67, so not bad but that was it. She was done. She had enough food ordered, she had one great big tent (with flaps in case it rained and it did) and tables and chairs, tablecloths, little round vases of cut flowers, plates and flatware, and a great big banner that said, "WELL DONE JAMES! WE KNEW YE COULD DO IT MAN!" which to me sounded like he had just swum the English Channel and back. Oh, she did it up big.
"When ya git yersel married we'll do it all again but biggah." She said to me.
That promise put the fear of God in me it did, along with a choking fit. I wasn't thinking of getting married, I did not have a girlfriend at the time, I was still in college so no, no, none of that, please. Me sister had already got herself hitched to the Dolan person, so because she cheated her Ma into planning a big affair, I was going to pay the price. Yes indeed! But as you know, I didn't. When you live an ocean away you can get away with a lot.
Now this gets no better for ME at least or me sissy and her hubby. We three were lolling around an hour before the party. Just kicking back in the kitchen telling tales on each other over a couple of beers when in comes the lady of the house and announces, "Ye all hav ta help me oot. Seems the servers went on strike an 'our agoo and I hav no one tae serve!"
It was one of those DON'T LOOK AT ME moments. We couldn't get out of there fast enough, but she barred the door with herself spread in front of it.
"Now lookit ere' ya cowards ya goo on oop and git yersels dressed up and ye coom back ere' and ya pitch in. Ya doon't want yer fatta's paahty to be a boost." She said looking really mean at us.
Okay so here's the thing, all three of us, that would be me sissy Sheila, her hubby the Dolan person, and meself have our pictures plastered all over the house. Me Mam has us on every freaking bit of wall space there be and how embarrassing was this serving business going to be? But as luck would have it, no one, nooo one knew we were the children of the party boy! No, notta one! How can that be you ask? Well, maybe because we were pictured in varying ages of adolescent development. No recent photographs were gracing the walls and maybe that be why.
And when that happens something else happens as well, you hear things said that wouldn't be said in front of, or to, a member of the family. Yes, R. Linda, it was enlightening.
Let me give you some examples of what I overheard.
On walking up with canapes to a couple perusing the family pictures on the wall: "Wow would ye lookit the nose on em' I'd a taught he was Italian." Yes, this being referred to yours truly who smilingly held out the tray and they both took a canape without even recognising the very same nose out in the air in front of their faces!
Then there was another couple who were looking around taking in the abode: "Whatever possessed them to buy THIS monstrosity? No wonder she has so many pictures up, the walls are really too high."
And there I was all 6'2.5" of me standing next to the wall just about clearing the ceiling. I tell ya!
Me sissy was particularly pissed off when her very own Aunt Edina was saying to a friend (as they looked at Sheila's wedding photo on the wall), "Will ya lookit thot girlie dere, she married thot sorree excuse fer an Irishman. I still doon't knoe his first name, dey refer ta em' as da Dolan person, and wot dooes thot tell ya?"
Oh yeah, she was livid. Just as Auntie E was about to take a glass of champagne from me sissy's tray it was whisked away and as she turned Auntie E said, "Well! The help ye git today it just isn't oop ta par!" Never recognising the Dolan person's wife and she a relative yet!
And I don't think she OR her friend got a glass of the bubbly the entire party. Sheila can hold a grudge when it comes to her Dolan person. I tell ya! Never a more blindly loyal woman is there.
As for the gent in question, he had a tray of rolled-up grape leaves with some kind of fish filling inside. He doesn't like fish for one thing, so to be inhaling it was making him queasy. Along with the rolled-up fish, he was to hand out little cocktail napkins, and this he was doing quite well being able to balance better than the rest of us. And there be a perfectly good reason why he balances so well.
Me brother-in-law at the ripe old age of 10, wanted to join the IRA and these teenage boyos who lived around the corner from him found this out and decided to have a bit of fun. They told him their fathers were all members of the infamous group and that made them members automatically. But since young Dolan showed an interest in being a member they would make it easy for him to join. But first, he had to pass some tests.
Well, eager for this to happen he was all for it he was. So they set him up by taking him to a block of storefronts and climbing a metal ladder at one end they got to the rooftops. Now on the front of the buildings, there was a bit of brick and mortar that came up over the buildings where the facades were. And this narrow ledge extended from one end of the building to about 100 yards to the other. They told young Dolan he had to walk the narrow ledge to the other end. Now looking down at the age of 10 the ground was about 17' from the top of the ledge or maybe a little more. But just know it looked like he was standing on a thin bit of cement high atop a skyscraper. Like I say at that age, things look bigger or in this case, further down than they are, but still 17' is not a jump-off place.
So there he was, both arms outstretched like a tight-rope walker, one foot going in front of the other carefully placed (very slowly), being told not to look down (which would be a surefire way to fall if you aren't looking where you be placing your footing), and he was slowly off on his precarious journey down the front of the shops. Now I will say it was a Sunday, so no one was around to see this feat of nerve or more in me opinion, stupidity. It took him an hour to do this but the boyos told him he'd have to come back next week and do it again because he looked down the entire time and he wasn't supposed to.
Well, being very much wanting to join the junior IRA he came back on his own to practise. Yes, he did R. Linda! I tell ya can we find a more brainless individual than me brother-in-law? Well, after a week of doing this AFTER the shops were closed (less likely being seen was the idea here), he finally mastered the "walk." Yes, he did the stupid idiot had gone every night without anyone knowing, so he could perfect the "walk" without looking down. Oi!
So the next Sunday rolls around and he goes to the place and the four older boyos were salivating to see this young Catholic boy fall off a building. Young boys when they pack up can be as wild and nasty as a pack of dogs, let me tell ya. So this was a BIG deal in their tiny undeveloped brains. Up they all went and set brother Dolan on the ledge, and with some hooting and hollering of encouragement they sent him off.
"Nowya doon't look doon!" One shouted.
"Maybe we shoulda blindfolded his arse." Another says and yes, that's it they whip out a bandanna and do the deed. And there stands brother Dolan, arms outstretched, one foot perched behind the other, blindfolded and smiling! What he had to smile about I don't know, but I was walking by with me sissy at the time when I heard the commotion from above and looking up I saw this. Both Sheila and I stood there looking up with mouths agape, too shocked to utter a sound. And when I was about to shout, "Dolan, ye damn fool arsehole git doon frum dere!" me sister had me by the arm shushing me so I wouldn't cause the blindfolded eejit to fall. So we stood there and a small crowd of neighbourhood kiddos gathered, all of us whispering and pointing at the sensationalism of the Proddy boy's entertainment for a Sunday afternoon. Yes, you read that right, they weren't Catholic boys, they were Proddy's from the other side of the neighbourhood come to have some fun.
And dumbarse (blindfolded and moving along the narrow ledge) had not a clue! What about the names William, Donald, Derrick and Philip, sounds Catholic? It was too late to tell him that was for sure. Sheila took off for the realm of an adult, to put a stop to this scene before the fool killed himself while the entire time the boyos on the roof were laughing and egging brother Dolan on!
Just as he made it to the end and would have walked off the end of the building, one of the older boys grabbed him back and tore off the blindfold. The four miscreants then shook brother Dolan's hand almost out of its socket that he was able to pull off such a feat for a Catholic lad. Then they told him because of his skill in the face of certain death he was then and forevermore a member of the UVF!
"UVF?" Young Dolan stammered confused.
"Yeah ya jerk, dey aren't from ere' dey are Proddies!" Dan McGuirk shouted up at brother Dolan, none too impressed I can tell ya that much!
It wasn't a second or more before a police car pulled up that the four Proddy boyos took off leaving brother Dolan on the roof by his lonesome. Well, I don't have to tell you what the minions of the law said to brother Dolan about the subject of stupidity and blind trust. I don't have to tell you that the four miscreants went unscathed by justice, and I don't have to tell you that brother Dolan was grounded for 65 years, but he made his escape daily. And I don't have to tell you how freaking proud he was of himself and after that fancied himself a bit of an honorary Wallenda. Yes, to this day I think he still does. And I don't have to tell you how we all started to look up to him for his feat of balance in the face of blindness and stupidity. Yes, we did. AND because of his "bravery," as Sheila put it, HE was the man (okay boyo) for her from that day on. Her silly arse was secretly impressed and she saw it as HIM pulling a fast one on the Proddy boyos. I tell ya!
So I thought all of that as I was serving canapes and half listening to snatches of conversation as I went around. It was enlightening to know that family and friends really don't pay any attention to the children of their dear close friends. No one but Aunt Sosaidh noticed and told us what good bairns we were to help out in a pinch. And she pinched each of her cheeks just to emphasise her words. Yup, she did.
I admit to me mind wandering off and not paying attention to who got served and who did not. I don't know how servers do it, but after that first bit of nerves, your mind shuts itself down into another world and snatches of conversation lead you to places you might have forgotten. Sigh.
But back to the here and now, I did hear disparaging things said about the servers being not too steady with their trays and not too bright when it came to serving food. I wondered, did no one notice these two persons were NOT servers but the children of the couple giving the party? Apparently not, just like me Da's promotion party, notta clue.
I can only think I was the incognito neighbour with no one noticing. So knowing that I decided to pig out because who'd know or remember who ate all the food?
BURP!
Gabe
Copyright © 2013 All rights reserved
10 comments:
That was your brother-in-law we had walking the ledge? I didn't know that. LMAO
OHHH! LMAO I knew that was you. I see you haven't changed much. LOLOLOLOL
Lucky you've been gone so long I felt for sure you were back checking out that ledge for old times sakes lol
He did that to me when I was that age and he was what, in his late twenties? Yeah he hasn't changed not in the least, LOL.
Hold on you two, first T - we are the same age, LMAO and as to me not changing much G, I have got better looking as I get older and really I'm not that old now am I? Compared to yourself that is. LOL
Ah, old time sakes t'would be too! Um no, I gave up ledge walking long ago and now 'tis high wire work - alas dear Dew - I knew thee well and still do. ;)~
OHHH LOL
Lucky you wish you were T's age, LMAO. How can you go wrong when you have such good hair? I will say your looks have always been exceptional, but I do think I detected a hint of grey in those "burns" when you returned from the Pacific. I am sure I wasn't seeing things. ;-)~~~
Gabe, I will be calling you for my next party, LOL.
Oh no you won't I be not available. EVER.
LOL you think? :-)~
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