29 March 2013
653
R. Linda:
Believe me, I don't mean any disrespect to European tourists with body odour, overweight people, blacks and oriental persons, fashion disasters, older persons, nor the homeless. It is me description of who was where, and doing what, and in order to get the experience I had, I may seem like a prejudiced personality, but really I am just putting in how it was.
I had to go across town on an assignment in Boston. With me was Ms. Jaio. We went down to the tube station and I had my Charlie Pass so I swiped me through the turnstile and she had hers and did the same thing. We boarded the train and she sat down on me left next to three European guys, the reason I know they were Europeans is they didn't speak a lick of English and they were asking her (of all people) how to get to the museum. Of course, her English isn't so good either so all she did was confuse them. Now on me right was a man who must have weighed easily over 350 lbs. I was jammed up against Ms. Jaio because he took not only the seat on his right, and his own, but half of mine!
Across from us were two blacks guys, one of which was making noises that were not exactly in keeping with a ride on the underground. He would make a loud "Aughhhhhhahhhhhaa" sound at us and the other would laugh hysterically and to be honest I couldn't ignore them because the laughter and noise from the one was pretty damn funny. So in between being crushed like a sardine, the funny noises and infectious laughter, Ms. Jaio and the Europeans confusing each other, I felt like I was in Wonderland.
The train came to the first station and the two black guys got off but not without the one making a face and 'the' noise, and the other laughing as they exited. Replacing them was a guy with a Nicks sports tee and a Giant's baseball cap, but the bill wasn't styled, it was flat like a duck. With him was a girl in a light green hoodie, black tights and brown cowgirl boots. I was wondering what fashion statement she was trying to make. Exercise chick with dance experience and likes to ride horses? Well, she looked ridiculous. Her companion had two huge rhinestone earrings and looked for the world like the rapper Eminem. Now the fat guy was wearing a Celtic jacket and this was immediately noticed by the . . . let's say New Yorker guy.
"Ey, yer team sucks!" He informs the large man on me right.
"That so asshole?" The fat man answers.
"Yeah, they suck ass." The other shouts at him and an old woman three seats down tells him to "put a sock in it." To which he laughs like he can't believe she said what she did. I was already amused by the two black guys, so this new theatrical event was a continuation of the same for me.
"He stinky poo," Ms. Jaio leaned into me further wedging me until I could hardly breathe. She was referring to the European guy sitting next to her. And just as I looked to me left a whiff of mouldy clothing and unwashed body came to me nostrils and I almost gagged. Oh, this was all too crazy and I started laughing. I tried not to, but it was all so ludicrous.
"You think this is funny asshole?" The New Yorker addressed me.
I pointed at meself as if to say "Who me?" and the idiot rolled his eyes like he thought me a moron.
"Look here jackass, if you can't shut yer f---ing mouth, I'll come ovah theah and shut it fuh ya." The fat Bostonian said.
"Yeah, ya will fattso? I'd like to see ya do it." The New York prat shouts back and he gets up. He takes two steps in our direction, both fists clenched to punch the Bostonian out when the old lady gets up and starts hitting him about the head and shoulders with her rather large purse.
Ms. Jaio's mouth was agape in utter wonder at what she was witnessing, the Europeans had looks of amusement on their faces and started laughing, the New York girl looked stunned, and the fat guy was up out of his seat and took advantage of the occupied New Yorkers focus on fending off the giant purse by shoving him back in his seat. His head smacked the glass and snapped forward and the big man stood over him. The laughing stopped. The old lady sat down grumbling to herself "That'll teach that young punk a thing or two. No manners, no manners these kids today!" To which the Europeans, understanding her or not were in hysterics with laughter.
The train came to a stop and Ms. Jaio, the Europeans and meself couldn't get off that train fast enough. The last memory of the two combatants was the heavy guy standing over the New Yorker looking very serious and the New Yorker looking back at him with menace. The girlfriend looked like it was no big deal, and all I could think was this sort of thing happened to her all the time. I sort of hesitated but the old lady grabbed my arm and said, "You go on with your wife and brothers honey, I've got this."
I was speechless as the train moved off. My so-called brothers were asking other people about the directions to the museum and as for Ms. Jaio, I caught a glimpse of her shoes running up the stairs out of the station.
I set off in pursuit and when I got to the top floor I caught up with her.
"I need cuffey, you wan sum?" She asked me queueing up for Starbucks.
"No, I need to get some cash, I'll be right back," I said and went over to swipe my card at the machine not far away.
I got my cash, and I was putting it in me billfold when this dirty man comes up and asks me for a quarter. I was thinking I had one, but when I opened me billfold of course he could see I had $60 cash. Usually, a homeless person will ask me for a five so I thought he needed the quarter for some purpose of his own. I informed him I did not have a quarter, so he says to me, "I see ya got a dollah, I'll give you this coughfee for a dollah bill."
I was truly in Wonderland, he wanted to sell me his half-drunk coffee for a dollar. And I was speechless yet again because I didn't know what to think. But I told him no I'd just give him the dollar and he could keep the coffee. Fair enough right? But no, he was insistent I take the coffee for the dollar. So I get out a five dollar bill and I hand it to him, he looks at it and shakes his head, and says, "I don't need five dollahs I need ONE." So I put the five back and fish out a one and hand it to him and this time he takes it and goes to hand me the coffee.
"Really I don't want your coffee," I said to him but he took my hand and wrapped it around the dirty cup and left me standing there. I had noticed Ms. Jaio watching all this whilst sipping her cup of joe. I walked over to her and said, "Why didn't you help me?"
"I wus enjoining shoe you pot on." She said.
I threw the dirty cup in the trash and got the hell out of the underground. I could hear Ms. Jaio running to keep up with me, but all I wanted was out of there. I don't know what it is, but it seems stupid things happen around me that make no sense as to why they happen and happen to ME!
Must be some part of Murphy's Law in tiny writing I didn't read.
Gabe
Copyright © 2013 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Believe me, I don't mean any disrespect to European tourists with body odour, overweight people, blacks and oriental persons, fashion disasters, older persons, nor the homeless. It is me description of who was where, and doing what, and in order to get the experience I had, I may seem like a prejudiced personality, but really I am just putting in how it was.
I had to go across town on an assignment in Boston. With me was Ms. Jaio. We went down to the tube station and I had my Charlie Pass so I swiped me through the turnstile and she had hers and did the same thing. We boarded the train and she sat down on me left next to three European guys, the reason I know they were Europeans is they didn't speak a lick of English and they were asking her (of all people) how to get to the museum. Of course, her English isn't so good either so all she did was confuse them. Now on me right was a man who must have weighed easily over 350 lbs. I was jammed up against Ms. Jaio because he took not only the seat on his right, and his own, but half of mine!
Across from us were two blacks guys, one of which was making noises that were not exactly in keeping with a ride on the underground. He would make a loud "Aughhhhhhahhhhhaa" sound at us and the other would laugh hysterically and to be honest I couldn't ignore them because the laughter and noise from the one was pretty damn funny. So in between being crushed like a sardine, the funny noises and infectious laughter, Ms. Jaio and the Europeans confusing each other, I felt like I was in Wonderland.
The train came to the first station and the two black guys got off but not without the one making a face and 'the' noise, and the other laughing as they exited. Replacing them was a guy with a Nicks sports tee and a Giant's baseball cap, but the bill wasn't styled, it was flat like a duck. With him was a girl in a light green hoodie, black tights and brown cowgirl boots. I was wondering what fashion statement she was trying to make. Exercise chick with dance experience and likes to ride horses? Well, she looked ridiculous. Her companion had two huge rhinestone earrings and looked for the world like the rapper Eminem. Now the fat guy was wearing a Celtic jacket and this was immediately noticed by the . . . let's say New Yorker guy.
"Ey, yer team sucks!" He informs the large man on me right.
"That so asshole?" The fat man answers.
"Yeah, they suck ass." The other shouts at him and an old woman three seats down tells him to "put a sock in it." To which he laughs like he can't believe she said what she did. I was already amused by the two black guys, so this new theatrical event was a continuation of the same for me.
"He stinky poo," Ms. Jaio leaned into me further wedging me until I could hardly breathe. She was referring to the European guy sitting next to her. And just as I looked to me left a whiff of mouldy clothing and unwashed body came to me nostrils and I almost gagged. Oh, this was all too crazy and I started laughing. I tried not to, but it was all so ludicrous.
"You think this is funny asshole?" The New Yorker addressed me.
I pointed at meself as if to say "Who me?" and the idiot rolled his eyes like he thought me a moron.
"Look here jackass, if you can't shut yer f---ing mouth, I'll come ovah theah and shut it fuh ya." The fat Bostonian said.
"Yeah, ya will fattso? I'd like to see ya do it." The New York prat shouts back and he gets up. He takes two steps in our direction, both fists clenched to punch the Bostonian out when the old lady gets up and starts hitting him about the head and shoulders with her rather large purse.
Ms. Jaio's mouth was agape in utter wonder at what she was witnessing, the Europeans had looks of amusement on their faces and started laughing, the New York girl looked stunned, and the fat guy was up out of his seat and took advantage of the occupied New Yorkers focus on fending off the giant purse by shoving him back in his seat. His head smacked the glass and snapped forward and the big man stood over him. The laughing stopped. The old lady sat down grumbling to herself "That'll teach that young punk a thing or two. No manners, no manners these kids today!" To which the Europeans, understanding her or not were in hysterics with laughter.
The train came to a stop and Ms. Jaio, the Europeans and meself couldn't get off that train fast enough. The last memory of the two combatants was the heavy guy standing over the New Yorker looking very serious and the New Yorker looking back at him with menace. The girlfriend looked like it was no big deal, and all I could think was this sort of thing happened to her all the time. I sort of hesitated but the old lady grabbed my arm and said, "You go on with your wife and brothers honey, I've got this."
I was speechless as the train moved off. My so-called brothers were asking other people about the directions to the museum and as for Ms. Jaio, I caught a glimpse of her shoes running up the stairs out of the station.
I set off in pursuit and when I got to the top floor I caught up with her.
"I need cuffey, you wan sum?" She asked me queueing up for Starbucks.
"No, I need to get some cash, I'll be right back," I said and went over to swipe my card at the machine not far away.
I got my cash, and I was putting it in me billfold when this dirty man comes up and asks me for a quarter. I was thinking I had one, but when I opened me billfold of course he could see I had $60 cash. Usually, a homeless person will ask me for a five so I thought he needed the quarter for some purpose of his own. I informed him I did not have a quarter, so he says to me, "I see ya got a dollah, I'll give you this coughfee for a dollah bill."
I was truly in Wonderland, he wanted to sell me his half-drunk coffee for a dollar. And I was speechless yet again because I didn't know what to think. But I told him no I'd just give him the dollar and he could keep the coffee. Fair enough right? But no, he was insistent I take the coffee for the dollar. So I get out a five dollar bill and I hand it to him, he looks at it and shakes his head, and says, "I don't need five dollahs I need ONE." So I put the five back and fish out a one and hand it to him and this time he takes it and goes to hand me the coffee.
"Really I don't want your coffee," I said to him but he took my hand and wrapped it around the dirty cup and left me standing there. I had noticed Ms. Jaio watching all this whilst sipping her cup of joe. I walked over to her and said, "Why didn't you help me?"
"I wus enjoining shoe you pot on." She said.
I threw the dirty cup in the trash and got the hell out of the underground. I could hear Ms. Jaio running to keep up with me, but all I wanted was out of there. I don't know what it is, but it seems stupid things happen around me that make no sense as to why they happen and happen to ME!
Must be some part of Murphy's Law in tiny writing I didn't read.
Gabe
Copyright © 2013 All rights reserved
4 comments:
thats better lol only i do wonder if you looked in that dollar coffee if you would have found you-know-whats in it lmao
Thanks for that thought.
ROFLMAO
YOU'RE RIGHT! You're a NUT MAGNET!
stay away from the underground!LOL
When I get my new story, MAKE IT CREEPY!LMAO
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