06 November 2011
467
R. Linda:
So there I be a sittin' in the lounge, when in comes Tonya with her laptop and she says to me, "So WHO is Lester O'Sullivan?"
I furrowed me brow in thinking on that one. "Never heard of him, why?"
"Because he's trying to befriend me on Facebook, says he's a relative of yours."
I shrugged and went back to me Da's left behind crossword puzzle. I know what you're thinking that I be on me way to becoming an old man working a crossword. But I got into doing them with him when the power had gone out for SIX WHOLE DAYS and it was the only way I could keep me brain focused on something other than killing two old people who were driving me further down the road of insanity.
"Well, this Lester says he is a cousin of yours from Kildare."
"OH," said I, "that would be me cousin Ciaran (you pronounce that 'Keer awn'). His middle name be Lester."
She stood there looking at me. I looked at her in question.
"Ciaran Lester O'Sullivan? Where'd the Lester come from it doesn't fit an Irish name."
"Well, the Lester came from the doctor who delivered him. A Dr. Lester. It seems me auntie went into unexpected labour on a ferryboat and there was a British doctor who helped deliver me cousin. Me auntie was so grateful she threw the doctor's name in with the one she and me uncle had picked out." And then I had a thought. "Could have been worse if she named him after the ferryboat. Ferry's Delight O'Sullivan. Be hard living that down," I mumbled more to meself.
"So now this cousin Ciaran calls himself Lester because he is honouring the doctor after all these years, or he just plain likes the name Lester?" Tonya said looking not too pleased with me flippancy.
"I dunno. But Tonya don't befriend him, he's like me cousin Diarmuit, I mean Roderick, he's not all there."
"Oh he too has one blue eye and one green one and is married to a clown but passes his Mom off as his wife when convenient?" (See me story on Diarmuit see 05/11/2011 Simply Put: Idiocy)
"Nooo, stop it, he has one brown eye and one grey one." I chuckled much to her displeasure. "And he wears a dog collar."
"You don't think that odd?" She asked aghast.
"Em . . . as long as it makes him happy." She turned to go, but I said, "Oh and he's a serial bigamist."
Tonya slowly turned around, "A what?"
"Serial bigamist, probably why the name change and feels the need to wear a doggy collar. I don't think he heard about Diarmuit's new name and got the urge to change his, I think it be more because one of his wives be near to finding his arse."
She came back in and sat down. "Do tell Gabriel, I want to hear about this Lester."
"Well," said I, "this may be a wee bit confusing but here goes. The last I heard from me cousin Sean, he told me Ciaran, I mean Lester was all upset with Facebook, so that he'd be wanting to befriend you be kinda strange it be. Anyway, three years ago a Mary Flanagan was looking for Lester because he had up and married her after three months of pub hopping. Mary was intoxicated for most of those three months so she wasn't exactly thinking when she married me cousin. Me cousin, known to the family for his roving eye, soon took up with a certain Ally McDonald he met at the self-same pub on a night Mary was home feeling poorly. Well, Lester took advantage of Mary's illness by courting and two weeks later, marrying Ally. He set up housekeeping with Ally who already had a place of her own, so easy-peasy. Well, now Lester told Mary he had a night job, he did, so you know he wasn't working, he was staying at Ally's. Ally dreamt of kids, settling down and all that goes with matrimonial bliss and so she stopped going to the pub (big mistake) and was home cooking all day for when a knackered Lester would come home from working his long job down at a shoe factory. Well, it was around Christmas time and Lester told Ally he had to work nights for the holiday season. So she believed him and it was six weeks later one Christine MacNamara found herself before the justice of the peace and changed her name to Christine O'Sullivan. Yes, indeed, Lester was busy over the holidays he was. How he juggled three women no one knows, but he did and he wasn't done. He told them all he had a trip to Belfast, up north and he was a-going and well, he'd be there training for a new and better paying job doing accounting. I'd say he had a lot of accounting to do in Kildare, but well . . .
"Meanwhile, the oblivious Lester was working his magic in Belfast. So come to find wife number 4 appears in the guise of one Patricia Hardwick, a British lass who was working as a property adviser for a London firm with holdings in Belfast, Dublin and Shannon. You'd think Patricia would be smarter than the other three, but least we forget Lester be a charmer when in his cups, she soon succumbed to a marriage proposal and off she went to become Mrs. O'Sullivan number 4. Now the best thing about Patricia was she travelled . . . A LOT. Thus, a lot of free time for our Lester to socialise some more."
"Wait a minute, why did he feel he had to marry them? Why not just date them?" Tonya asked puzzled at this unseemly behaviour.
"Because Ton, Lester has behavioural issues as you can readily see AND because he told each one he lost his job and so they all supported him. Yes, he was making a business of it UNTIL the first two discovered each other and let on they were after his arse for divorce and settlement. But Lester shrugged that off feeling quite safe up north. He had married wife number 4 and had moved in, and he cancelled his postbox and got a new one for wife number 3 who was still in the dark, so he still had an income from both those wives. Lester reckoned wives 1 and 2 weren't going to find him easily and he knew it. It was then he met Mrs. O'Sullivan number 5 and let us not forget number 4 was still in the dark and giving money to the lad along with wife number 3, so by all appearances to the soon-to-be wife number 5, our Lester seemed stable and well off. Now number 5 was born and bred in Dublin and had moved to Belfast as a social worker for the Social Service and Welfare Organisation of Belfast. It seemed Lester let his guard down on this one because he never asked her what she did for a living, only knew she had a well-paying job of which, some of her salary he'd be getting his grubby hands on to continue his life of doing nothing but wooing and drinking.
"Only it came to Mrs. O-5 across her desk the forms for assistance from one Mrs. O-3. Yes, Christine had moved herself up to Belfast in search of Lester who had left her only a post box address and was not forthcoming with his whereabouts or his letters UNLESS he needed money of which Christine now had none because she was expecting. Upset with Lester she took herself to the north to track him down and had to apply for assistance in so doing. Well, well, well, when Mrs. O-5 saw the name of the missing husband she got suspicious. Do ya think?
"She set up a meeting with Mrs. O-3 and it wasn't too long into the interview things started to perk along and soon the two women were exchanging notes on the unsuspecting Lester. In the scheme of things, Christine told Molly (for that was wife number 5's name) that she suspected her lying hubby was seeing someone named Ally McDonald who he had first tried to pass off as his cousin when she asked who the woman he was with was, as she Christine, had come out of a market and just happened to see them across the street, cavorting. "He was very amorous for a chat wit his cousin he wuz. He told me she was an O'Sullivan and I found out she was first a McDonald and then an O'Sullivan. I even gave em' the benefit of the doubt by tinkin' she be married to one of HIS cousins, but I found out she weren't. None would tell me who she was married to and I put one and one together and well . . . I be tinkin' he married her after me and we are STILL married." Molly pressed her lips together and nodded. Yes, she'd look into McDonald and see if this bit of sad information be true. And she did, and it was, with the exception that Christine was really wife number 3 and Ally, wife number 2 and worse, there WAS a wife number 1 STILL!
"Molly was going to send an investigator down to Kildare, but this man was good, yes Tonya he was excellent. He was a computer geek par excellence and using Facebook he found not only wife number 1, but number 2 and on some more digging coming -- WIFE NUMBER 4 living right there under wife number 5's nose! Five all total. Well, lucky Lester came into his fav Belfast pub for a pint not long after and heard from the pub keeper that there were two men of the law came in asking for him. Told him about the women all knowing about each other and finding his trail on Facebook, and that his latest wife was a social worker! The first didn't bother Lester a bit, but the social worker part did. That meant she had access to an awful lot of intel on cousin Lester. Time to get out of Dodge and that he did, just in the nick, because as he went out the backdoor (a thing he had a sober mind to do) in the front came the two men of the law. There was a chase ensued there was, but Lester being fleet of foot out ran the two minions of the legal system and hopped himself a train and disappeared to God knows where.
"Just out of curiosity Ton, does he give a marital status on that thing?"
"Yup, married to Pearl Ellis O'Sullivan." She looked up at me all-knowing.
"Wife number 6," we both said at the same time. I sighed. Well, obviously the lad was still at it. "There a location?"
"Yup, he's living happily with Pearl in County Wexford. Does move around," Tonya sighed. "You'd think he'd not be on Facebook or even list this stuff. You know they give medication for this sort of thing," Tonya said looking at the Facebook page. "What he has is called Impulsive Behavioural Disorder."
I sighed, what was there to do?
"Don't befriend him," I said again.
"No, won't. But I will keep my eye on him. Want to see how many more wives he can rack up." Then she looked at me, "Why is your family so FUBAR?"
"Luck of the Irish I guess."
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
So there I be a sittin' in the lounge, when in comes Tonya with her laptop and she says to me, "So WHO is Lester O'Sullivan?"
I furrowed me brow in thinking on that one. "Never heard of him, why?"
"Because he's trying to befriend me on Facebook, says he's a relative of yours."
I shrugged and went back to me Da's left behind crossword puzzle. I know what you're thinking that I be on me way to becoming an old man working a crossword. But I got into doing them with him when the power had gone out for SIX WHOLE DAYS and it was the only way I could keep me brain focused on something other than killing two old people who were driving me further down the road of insanity.
"Well, this Lester says he is a cousin of yours from Kildare."
"OH," said I, "that would be me cousin Ciaran (you pronounce that 'Keer awn'). His middle name be Lester."
She stood there looking at me. I looked at her in question.
"Ciaran Lester O'Sullivan? Where'd the Lester come from it doesn't fit an Irish name."
"Well, the Lester came from the doctor who delivered him. A Dr. Lester. It seems me auntie went into unexpected labour on a ferryboat and there was a British doctor who helped deliver me cousin. Me auntie was so grateful she threw the doctor's name in with the one she and me uncle had picked out." And then I had a thought. "Could have been worse if she named him after the ferryboat. Ferry's Delight O'Sullivan. Be hard living that down," I mumbled more to meself.
"So now this cousin Ciaran calls himself Lester because he is honouring the doctor after all these years, or he just plain likes the name Lester?" Tonya said looking not too pleased with me flippancy.
"I dunno. But Tonya don't befriend him, he's like me cousin Diarmuit, I mean Roderick, he's not all there."
"Oh he too has one blue eye and one green one and is married to a clown but passes his Mom off as his wife when convenient?" (See me story on Diarmuit see 05/11/2011 Simply Put: Idiocy)
"Nooo, stop it, he has one brown eye and one grey one." I chuckled much to her displeasure. "And he wears a dog collar."
"You don't think that odd?" She asked aghast.
"Em . . . as long as it makes him happy." She turned to go, but I said, "Oh and he's a serial bigamist."
Tonya slowly turned around, "A what?"
"Serial bigamist, probably why the name change and feels the need to wear a doggy collar. I don't think he heard about Diarmuit's new name and got the urge to change his, I think it be more because one of his wives be near to finding his arse."
She came back in and sat down. "Do tell Gabriel, I want to hear about this Lester."
"Well," said I, "this may be a wee bit confusing but here goes. The last I heard from me cousin Sean, he told me Ciaran, I mean Lester was all upset with Facebook, so that he'd be wanting to befriend you be kinda strange it be. Anyway, three years ago a Mary Flanagan was looking for Lester because he had up and married her after three months of pub hopping. Mary was intoxicated for most of those three months so she wasn't exactly thinking when she married me cousin. Me cousin, known to the family for his roving eye, soon took up with a certain Ally McDonald he met at the self-same pub on a night Mary was home feeling poorly. Well, Lester took advantage of Mary's illness by courting and two weeks later, marrying Ally. He set up housekeeping with Ally who already had a place of her own, so easy-peasy. Well, now Lester told Mary he had a night job, he did, so you know he wasn't working, he was staying at Ally's. Ally dreamt of kids, settling down and all that goes with matrimonial bliss and so she stopped going to the pub (big mistake) and was home cooking all day for when a knackered Lester would come home from working his long job down at a shoe factory. Well, it was around Christmas time and Lester told Ally he had to work nights for the holiday season. So she believed him and it was six weeks later one Christine MacNamara found herself before the justice of the peace and changed her name to Christine O'Sullivan. Yes, indeed, Lester was busy over the holidays he was. How he juggled three women no one knows, but he did and he wasn't done. He told them all he had a trip to Belfast, up north and he was a-going and well, he'd be there training for a new and better paying job doing accounting. I'd say he had a lot of accounting to do in Kildare, but well . . .
"Meanwhile, the oblivious Lester was working his magic in Belfast. So come to find wife number 4 appears in the guise of one Patricia Hardwick, a British lass who was working as a property adviser for a London firm with holdings in Belfast, Dublin and Shannon. You'd think Patricia would be smarter than the other three, but least we forget Lester be a charmer when in his cups, she soon succumbed to a marriage proposal and off she went to become Mrs. O'Sullivan number 4. Now the best thing about Patricia was she travelled . . . A LOT. Thus, a lot of free time for our Lester to socialise some more."
"Wait a minute, why did he feel he had to marry them? Why not just date them?" Tonya asked puzzled at this unseemly behaviour.
"Because Ton, Lester has behavioural issues as you can readily see AND because he told each one he lost his job and so they all supported him. Yes, he was making a business of it UNTIL the first two discovered each other and let on they were after his arse for divorce and settlement. But Lester shrugged that off feeling quite safe up north. He had married wife number 4 and had moved in, and he cancelled his postbox and got a new one for wife number 3 who was still in the dark, so he still had an income from both those wives. Lester reckoned wives 1 and 2 weren't going to find him easily and he knew it. It was then he met Mrs. O'Sullivan number 5 and let us not forget number 4 was still in the dark and giving money to the lad along with wife number 3, so by all appearances to the soon-to-be wife number 5, our Lester seemed stable and well off. Now number 5 was born and bred in Dublin and had moved to Belfast as a social worker for the Social Service and Welfare Organisation of Belfast. It seemed Lester let his guard down on this one because he never asked her what she did for a living, only knew she had a well-paying job of which, some of her salary he'd be getting his grubby hands on to continue his life of doing nothing but wooing and drinking.
"Only it came to Mrs. O-5 across her desk the forms for assistance from one Mrs. O-3. Yes, Christine had moved herself up to Belfast in search of Lester who had left her only a post box address and was not forthcoming with his whereabouts or his letters UNLESS he needed money of which Christine now had none because she was expecting. Upset with Lester she took herself to the north to track him down and had to apply for assistance in so doing. Well, well, well, when Mrs. O-5 saw the name of the missing husband she got suspicious. Do ya think?
"She set up a meeting with Mrs. O-3 and it wasn't too long into the interview things started to perk along and soon the two women were exchanging notes on the unsuspecting Lester. In the scheme of things, Christine told Molly (for that was wife number 5's name) that she suspected her lying hubby was seeing someone named Ally McDonald who he had first tried to pass off as his cousin when she asked who the woman he was with was, as she Christine, had come out of a market and just happened to see them across the street, cavorting. "He was very amorous for a chat wit his cousin he wuz. He told me she was an O'Sullivan and I found out she was first a McDonald and then an O'Sullivan. I even gave em' the benefit of the doubt by tinkin' she be married to one of HIS cousins, but I found out she weren't. None would tell me who she was married to and I put one and one together and well . . . I be tinkin' he married her after me and we are STILL married." Molly pressed her lips together and nodded. Yes, she'd look into McDonald and see if this bit of sad information be true. And she did, and it was, with the exception that Christine was really wife number 3 and Ally, wife number 2 and worse, there WAS a wife number 1 STILL!
"Molly was going to send an investigator down to Kildare, but this man was good, yes Tonya he was excellent. He was a computer geek par excellence and using Facebook he found not only wife number 1, but number 2 and on some more digging coming -- WIFE NUMBER 4 living right there under wife number 5's nose! Five all total. Well, lucky Lester came into his fav Belfast pub for a pint not long after and heard from the pub keeper that there were two men of the law came in asking for him. Told him about the women all knowing about each other and finding his trail on Facebook, and that his latest wife was a social worker! The first didn't bother Lester a bit, but the social worker part did. That meant she had access to an awful lot of intel on cousin Lester. Time to get out of Dodge and that he did, just in the nick, because as he went out the backdoor (a thing he had a sober mind to do) in the front came the two men of the law. There was a chase ensued there was, but Lester being fleet of foot out ran the two minions of the legal system and hopped himself a train and disappeared to God knows where.
"Just out of curiosity Ton, does he give a marital status on that thing?"
"Yup, married to Pearl Ellis O'Sullivan." She looked up at me all-knowing.
"Wife number 6," we both said at the same time. I sighed. Well, obviously the lad was still at it. "There a location?"
"Yup, he's living happily with Pearl in County Wexford. Does move around," Tonya sighed. "You'd think he'd not be on Facebook or even list this stuff. You know they give medication for this sort of thing," Tonya said looking at the Facebook page. "What he has is called Impulsive Behavioural Disorder."
I sighed, what was there to do?
"Don't befriend him," I said again.
"No, won't. But I will keep my eye on him. Want to see how many more wives he can rack up." Then she looked at me, "Why is your family so FUBAR?"
"Luck of the Irish I guess."
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
2 comments:
dis run in yer family hee hee
a serial bigamist in your family, got to love it! LOLOLOL and facebook - nothing but problems and people you never wanted to hear from!
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