15 November 2011
470
R. Linda:
This morning as I pulled into the parking garage, something quite out of the ordinary occurred. There are speed bumps that make going over 10 MPH impossible and as I was driving slowly over one to get to my space, this 50-something guy with a greyish buzz cut, wearing square glasses, driving a beat-up old car was coming in the opposite direction. As he drove passed me he gave me the finger. I was like WTF? If I could have turned around I would have gone after the git to ask him what THAT was about, but unfortunately, I couldn't.
So me day started out with me stunned and a wee bit confused. I got to the office and two fat girls work just down from me. One weighs over 350 lbs. and she barely fits into her cubicle. Anyway, it is easier for her to text me than get up and waddle over to my desk. I was sitting in a stunned daze trying to think what I could have done to piss off the 50-something guy when I got a text message from Fat Annie. She says, "Look what I'm having for dessert tonight." And there be a picture of 10 cupcakes. I mean I sat there counting them and thinking holy cow! When that thought was interrupted by Two Ton Connie who texts to both of us, "YUM" and I had to duck under me desk so neither one would see me laughing. I mean really!
I was under my desk for about five minutes trying my best to stifle the laughter when I looked to the left and saw legs were facing me. I looked up and it was Cruella standing with a scowl on her face looking down at me.
"Gabriel, what are you finding in your trash can that is so funny?"
"Uh, nothing," I said instantly able to contain the laughter.
"Office Gabe," she said and walked away. Oh my God was I in trouble or what? As I got up I glanced at me phone and there were the cupcakes still on the screen and I was instantly under the desk again. It was horrible. By the time I got meself under control, I was red in the face with tears rolling down my cheeks. As I started to Cruella's office Ms. Jaio appeared and took one look at me and wrote, "Wai U Cri?" and she proceeded to hand me a tissue. This just made it worse because Cruella was sitting behind her desk watching this. I took the tissue, wiped me eyes and went to see Cruella, who told me to shut the door. Uh oh.
"Okay where's the cell phone, I want to see what is so funny."
Embarrassed, and feeling like I was back in kiddie school, I flicked it back to the text message and cupcakes and handed it to her. She took a look and read the message as her lips pursed and I could see she was trying not to laugh. She handed it back and said, "Okay you can go, and shut the door behind you."
And I did knowing full well Cruella was probably laughing behind a file folder. I put the phone away and was quite meself by the time I got back to my cubicle, Then I wondered what just happened? My boss must have thought Fat Annie sent something making fun of her when it was all about cupcakes. What kind of a paranoid boss do I have? Meanwhile, Ms. Jaio slid her chair into my cubicle and looked at me holding out another tissue.
"Thanks but I'm fine. Hay fever." I said in way of explanation of which she did not look like she bought it.
Then my phone rang it was the wife, "Gabe did you call your mother last night and let O'Hare talk to her?"
"Why yes I did, why?"
"Well, he was unsupervised watching the television and he was curious about Nazis, so he told me your mom told him all about Nazis."
"Uh well . . . "
"What exactly did she tell him, Gabriel, because he won't say. And why is she talking to a 5-year-old about Nazis?"
"He thought because she lives in Europe she'd know all about them, so I let him ask her a question."
"Yeah . . . and?"
"He asked her if she knew what they were. Harmless question Tonya."
"And what exactly did she tell him?"
"She said, "O'Hare, Nazis are very unpleasant people."
"Very unpleasant people? That's it?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Because he also learned something from one of his friends. His friend told him, "It takes one to know one." So now your son is telling everyone at school your mother is a Nazi."
I had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. My shoulders were shaking with mirth until someone nudged me and handed me a tissue. It was Jaio! She was standing there truly concerned I was upset. This got me laughing more and I started choking on me laughter. I told Tonya I'd take care of it when I got home. I'm sure Tonya thought I was upset but I was trying to control the laughter. Then I wiped the tears and thanked Jaio for her supply of tissues. I left the office, I had to get out of there before they carted me off to the crazy house.
I went to the food area and no one was there. I was going to brew myself a cup of joe when I saw Rachel Ray on the telly screen icing CUPCAKES! Did you ever find something not that funny and it suddenly becomes hysterically funny and you can't seem to stop laughing? Well, I burst out with a huge guffaw and not wanting to attract attention, took myself to the small utility closet where the brooms and paper towels are stored. Once in there, I let it out. I laughed and laughed until I could laugh no more. As I was starting to settle down there was a soft knock on the door. I at first, thought it was something else until I heard it again and realised someone was knocking on the broom closet door. I opened the door to see Ms. Jaio standing there looking at me with a box of tissues. I'm sorry but I lost it completely and she thought I was crying. She thought something terrible had happened and here I was grief-stricken. How do you tell someone who doesn't speak English that you find fat ladies eating almost a dozen cupcakes funny and that a complete stranger gives you the finger for no reason you can think of AND your son is at school telling everyone his grandmother is a Nazi! I mean come on!
I tell ya, I don't know what it is about me that all this silliness follows me around. Sigh.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
This morning as I pulled into the parking garage, something quite out of the ordinary occurred. There are speed bumps that make going over 10 MPH impossible and as I was driving slowly over one to get to my space, this 50-something guy with a greyish buzz cut, wearing square glasses, driving a beat-up old car was coming in the opposite direction. As he drove passed me he gave me the finger. I was like WTF? If I could have turned around I would have gone after the git to ask him what THAT was about, but unfortunately, I couldn't.
So me day started out with me stunned and a wee bit confused. I got to the office and two fat girls work just down from me. One weighs over 350 lbs. and she barely fits into her cubicle. Anyway, it is easier for her to text me than get up and waddle over to my desk. I was sitting in a stunned daze trying to think what I could have done to piss off the 50-something guy when I got a text message from Fat Annie. She says, "Look what I'm having for dessert tonight." And there be a picture of 10 cupcakes. I mean I sat there counting them and thinking holy cow! When that thought was interrupted by Two Ton Connie who texts to both of us, "YUM" and I had to duck under me desk so neither one would see me laughing. I mean really!
I was under my desk for about five minutes trying my best to stifle the laughter when I looked to the left and saw legs were facing me. I looked up and it was Cruella standing with a scowl on her face looking down at me.
"Gabriel, what are you finding in your trash can that is so funny?"
"Uh, nothing," I said instantly able to contain the laughter.
"Office Gabe," she said and walked away. Oh my God was I in trouble or what? As I got up I glanced at me phone and there were the cupcakes still on the screen and I was instantly under the desk again. It was horrible. By the time I got meself under control, I was red in the face with tears rolling down my cheeks. As I started to Cruella's office Ms. Jaio appeared and took one look at me and wrote, "Wai U Cri?" and she proceeded to hand me a tissue. This just made it worse because Cruella was sitting behind her desk watching this. I took the tissue, wiped me eyes and went to see Cruella, who told me to shut the door. Uh oh.
"Okay where's the cell phone, I want to see what is so funny."
Embarrassed, and feeling like I was back in kiddie school, I flicked it back to the text message and cupcakes and handed it to her. She took a look and read the message as her lips pursed and I could see she was trying not to laugh. She handed it back and said, "Okay you can go, and shut the door behind you."
And I did knowing full well Cruella was probably laughing behind a file folder. I put the phone away and was quite meself by the time I got back to my cubicle, Then I wondered what just happened? My boss must have thought Fat Annie sent something making fun of her when it was all about cupcakes. What kind of a paranoid boss do I have? Meanwhile, Ms. Jaio slid her chair into my cubicle and looked at me holding out another tissue.
"Thanks but I'm fine. Hay fever." I said in way of explanation of which she did not look like she bought it.
Then my phone rang it was the wife, "Gabe did you call your mother last night and let O'Hare talk to her?"
"Why yes I did, why?"
"Well, he was unsupervised watching the television and he was curious about Nazis, so he told me your mom told him all about Nazis."
"Uh well . . . "
"What exactly did she tell him, Gabriel, because he won't say. And why is she talking to a 5-year-old about Nazis?"
"He thought because she lives in Europe she'd know all about them, so I let him ask her a question."
"Yeah . . . and?"
"He asked her if she knew what they were. Harmless question Tonya."
"And what exactly did she tell him?"
"She said, "O'Hare, Nazis are very unpleasant people."
"Very unpleasant people? That's it?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Because he also learned something from one of his friends. His friend told him, "It takes one to know one." So now your son is telling everyone at school your mother is a Nazi."
I had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. My shoulders were shaking with mirth until someone nudged me and handed me a tissue. It was Jaio! She was standing there truly concerned I was upset. This got me laughing more and I started choking on me laughter. I told Tonya I'd take care of it when I got home. I'm sure Tonya thought I was upset but I was trying to control the laughter. Then I wiped the tears and thanked Jaio for her supply of tissues. I left the office, I had to get out of there before they carted me off to the crazy house.
I went to the food area and no one was there. I was going to brew myself a cup of joe when I saw Rachel Ray on the telly screen icing CUPCAKES! Did you ever find something not that funny and it suddenly becomes hysterically funny and you can't seem to stop laughing? Well, I burst out with a huge guffaw and not wanting to attract attention, took myself to the small utility closet where the brooms and paper towels are stored. Once in there, I let it out. I laughed and laughed until I could laugh no more. As I was starting to settle down there was a soft knock on the door. I at first, thought it was something else until I heard it again and realised someone was knocking on the broom closet door. I opened the door to see Ms. Jaio standing there looking at me with a box of tissues. I'm sorry but I lost it completely and she thought I was crying. She thought something terrible had happened and here I was grief-stricken. How do you tell someone who doesn't speak English that you find fat ladies eating almost a dozen cupcakes funny and that a complete stranger gives you the finger for no reason you can think of AND your son is at school telling everyone his grandmother is a Nazi! I mean come on!
I tell ya, I don't know what it is about me that all this silliness follows me around. Sigh.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
12 comments:
Laughter is infectious and though I did not hear your laughter, I did through your words. I LAUGHED OUT LOUD!
I know that feeling only too well. The more you try to surpress it the worse it gets and before you know it you're in hysterics. Then later, when the moment has passed, every time it comes to mind, off you go again LOL
SUPPRESS!!!!!
Too bad the spelling faery beat me to that. I must suppress my disappointment at not striking first.
MAYBE silliness follows you around because of your middle name!LOL
do you think?
Do you think? I see it in the comments too! Must be infectious.
Geezums, now there's a word! One makes a typo and wham the spelling police are all over it. One would think they would be more interested in the sotry. Oops did I spell that wrong too?
'sotry' - I assume this is slang for a sot, (noun) a habitual drunkard (one who cannot spell under the influence of an intoxicating substance).
Does it rattle my refined nose that misspelling continues in the comment section of this blog unabated?
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Hum. Anonymous do I know you? You sound awfully familiar.
I think we need a new story and fast Gabe. Oh, and do take a care with your spelling, for I fear the dots over the i words will be beheaded and the tails on the g letters will be snapped off! Though your spelling is exemplary.
Exemplary - adj - being a good example; serving as a warning. ;)~
I can hardly wait for Weasil to leave a comment LMAO
I agree with Maggie in all aspects and where is Weasil when I need him? LOL Looking around for the spell check button. Human lexicon up there oi!
Uhh Gabe ... that was me gave you the finger. Sorry mate I was in disguise trying to pass as an old geezer. Guess it worked!
Unpleasant persons are nazis? I didn't know that! Because this would make a lot of people I know nazis. Does this apply to monkeys, of the undead variety?
Can anyone get in on this spelling thing? How about grammar? Punctuation? Anyone? Because I'm lousy at all that.
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