31 July 2011
436
R. Linda:
Okay, I have been meaning to give you an update on our dear friend Patrick and this be the first I've had a chance. Well, things have progressed down the road since last we 'spoke' on this situation of trying to fix the good-looking bloke up with a pretty American girl. As you know the effort has been unsuccessful because Patrick still insists upon dressing (according to me) like he works in the mail room and if you'd rather as Maureen says, like he just stepped off the sinking Titanic. Either way, the lad has NOT listened to either of us on that score. BUT, Maureen has plans for the laddie, yes she does in the form of one Genie McNally.
Enter Mary Alice McGuinness, yes a newbie who is one nervous young woman who when she's around me makes me nervous too! She has this jumpy way about her she does. You ask her a question and it's like she has been a million miles away in thought and she jumps, yes she does, jumps like suddenly she's been noticed and it's not a good thing. She makes me jump when she jumps and well sitting there having a conversation with her, I be sure anyone passing by would think us two Mexican/Irish jumping beans. Maureen says she doesn't jump she twitches. Just as bad.
Anyway, Mary Alice is a red-haired, freckled-faced Irish/Brazilian lass. Yes, R. Linda, she be not from Ireland, she be from Brazil! Who knew? She speaks English with a Spanish accent she does and it is most disturbing somehow. So anyway, SHE does work in the mail room. There you have it, instant attraction for young Patrick since he already has the mail room 'look' going for his handsome self and well so does she!
Now since last May Maureen has been busy trying to fix the laddie up. She has a friend named Genie McNally who is a pretty lass (I've seen pictures), but Genie has not arrived yet. She's working on her doctorate at UCLA and won't be here for another month. Maureen has been talking up Genie to Patrick and vice-versa and so far so good she told me.
I had to warn Maureen about this, I did. I told her there was a new young thing in the mail room and I thought she looked as stereotypical Irish as a stereotypical Irish lass could be (that was before I knew she be from Brazil). And, it be a matter of time before our young bucko discovered her. Now Maureen gave that pishtosh thing she does, or at least has started to do (no clue where she's picked that awful trait up) and said, "Gabriel, PISHTOSH, he's not DAT stoopid!"
Well, seems he be. So when I saw Miss Mary Alice with a mail cart the other day leaning over Patrick's cubicle, I KNEW, yes I KNEW just what was happening and I jumped up and ran on over to greet Missy Maureen as she was coming back from copy.
"Look! Just look over dere will ya." I pointed because neither one of the subjects I was pointing at was looking at me, they were too engrossed in flirting with each other.
"Oh my," said a stunned Maureen, "we can't 'ave DAT. I 'ave Genie all geared up for dat sod."
"We can't?" I said stunned at Maureen. "Wot ya gonna do aboot DAT?" I said still pointing.
"Well . . . I dunno but we 'ave to do someting quick or he'll be lost and wot will Genie tink?" She said as we both went back to our respective cubicles and sat facing each other.
"What about Annie O'Reilly?" I asked, "We need ta get Annie oop here so the lad can have a better choice, or so he'll tink, an' when she breaks oop the attraction for Mary Alice, free and clear for your Genie to waltz in and pluck him off da vine (so to speak)."
"Oh no, not Annie O'Reilly she'd jump ten naked men ta git to the bar she would."
I hadn't thought of that, but yeah that be true, she would, she was fixated on alcohol and not much else. And the problem with Annie was too, that when she was not drunk she was sober. Think about that.
"Uh how about Molly McHugh, she's a looker and a breaker up of couples?" I thought, now there was a little-known lass down in the bowels of the news business, she was a junior reporter, not very pretty, but she was an Irish-American girl with a good sense of how to dress and nothing she liked more than making a man look ridiculous in front of other women BECAUSE she didn't like men. I know we be pulling at straws but we couldn't have our Patrick wasted.
"Hum . . . Molly McHugh. Ah sure an she's not the worst of dem," Maureen mused, "tink of someone else dere Gabriel, she won't do. She's too ambitious and aggressive for our Patrick, she'll be so brutal he'll be on a booat back to Ireland."
"Yeah you're rioght," I sighed. "How aboot Rosemary McKinnney?"
"McKinney? Of the McKinney sisters? Rosemary and Brigit? Being Rosemary the worst of the two? Nooo." She said to me look of horror. "Well, truly dere Gabe, ye knoe we're a fair race we never speak well of each utter! She'd eat em' alive."
"Okay," I said, "den Patty Malone?"
"How would dat be, two of 'em being referred ta as Patty," Maureen said in all seriousness. "And Patty Malone's idea of romance be poppin' a Murphy's Stout away from her face. No, she'd be too interested in wot he's drinkin' then tryin' to turn his head."
"Well den, I dunno. Who we gonna git?" I was out of names. Then it dawned on me. "Maureen . . ." I started carefully, "We could get your sister Rose for an encore just to break DAT up."
Maureen's eyes went wide. I thought they'd pop out of her head but she thought about it. Do you remember the last time we rolled Rose out and what a disaster she and Patrick ended up being? (Refer to 24/05/2011 The Irish Dating Service Continues To Function in this blog for the Patrick/Rose date that went so wrong).
"Do ye knoe how SHE refers ta Patrick? She tells anyone who asks that he's very good to his mooter, he never leaves home. Now wot does dat tell ya? She's not goin' ta wanna have a second so-called non-date again."
"But didn't you tell me she likes breakin' fella's chops and I be tinkin' she might enjoy breakin' DAT oop. Ya knoe yer sissy can be malicious when it suits her, git em' back for a second terrible non-date." I said like the villain I was fast becoming.
Maureen's eyes sparkled. Oh yeah, she knew her sister be up for the job. She put a finger in the air in a wait-a-minute gesture and got on her phone. I sat silently listening to the one-sided conversation Maureen was having with Rose.
"And why not?" Maureen said to I was guessing Rose's refusal. She held the phone out so I could hear Rose say, "He's slow! It probably takes him an hour and a half ta watch 60 Minutes!"
"Oh dat's not true," I whispered but Rose heard me and shouting into the receiver at me she said, "Gabe, Patrick has aboot as mooch personality as a piece of wet lettuce and futer his brain be like a place lacking light, ye could say it's as dark as a bag in dere."
I glanced over at poor maligned Patrick. Mary Alice was long gone and I shook me head at that last, poor laddie was not dim, just needed some help. I know I said I wouldn't do this ever again, but I don't know what it was that took me over to help a fellow countryman out. AGAIN.
"Ya could swing a cat in dere," Rose shouted.
I sighed as Maureen said to her sister, "I guess that's a resounding no?" Silence ensued. We both waited, me crossing fingers, Maureen her eyes.
Maureen's face broke out in a huge smile and she nodded at me and hung up.
"She's reluctant but she said if we can git the two of em' over to the pub on Fleet Street she'd be all for givin' it a go. Rose doesn't like Genie and would luv nuttin' mere den ta see em' both togeter. She tinks dey would make each other miserable, but I don't tink dat, I tink Genie be exactly wot Patrick needs to wake oop."
And so Maureen went to Patrick and I went to Mary Alice and we both extended an invite to the pub after work. Mary Alice was reluctant until I told her I thought Patrick was going and then instant acceptance and I knew, yes I did, she had set her sights on our Patrick and more than ever Maureen and I (busybodies extraordinaire of the Irish Dating Service) needed to get Rose over there to pave the way for Genie O'Nally who is expected within the month. Oi!
To be continued
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Okay, I have been meaning to give you an update on our dear friend Patrick and this be the first I've had a chance. Well, things have progressed down the road since last we 'spoke' on this situation of trying to fix the good-looking bloke up with a pretty American girl. As you know the effort has been unsuccessful because Patrick still insists upon dressing (according to me) like he works in the mail room and if you'd rather as Maureen says, like he just stepped off the sinking Titanic. Either way, the lad has NOT listened to either of us on that score. BUT, Maureen has plans for the laddie, yes she does in the form of one Genie McNally.
Enter Mary Alice McGuinness, yes a newbie who is one nervous young woman who when she's around me makes me nervous too! She has this jumpy way about her she does. You ask her a question and it's like she has been a million miles away in thought and she jumps, yes she does, jumps like suddenly she's been noticed and it's not a good thing. She makes me jump when she jumps and well sitting there having a conversation with her, I be sure anyone passing by would think us two Mexican/Irish jumping beans. Maureen says she doesn't jump she twitches. Just as bad.
Anyway, Mary Alice is a red-haired, freckled-faced Irish/Brazilian lass. Yes, R. Linda, she be not from Ireland, she be from Brazil! Who knew? She speaks English with a Spanish accent she does and it is most disturbing somehow. So anyway, SHE does work in the mail room. There you have it, instant attraction for young Patrick since he already has the mail room 'look' going for his handsome self and well so does she!
Now since last May Maureen has been busy trying to fix the laddie up. She has a friend named Genie McNally who is a pretty lass (I've seen pictures), but Genie has not arrived yet. She's working on her doctorate at UCLA and won't be here for another month. Maureen has been talking up Genie to Patrick and vice-versa and so far so good she told me.
I had to warn Maureen about this, I did. I told her there was a new young thing in the mail room and I thought she looked as stereotypical Irish as a stereotypical Irish lass could be (that was before I knew she be from Brazil). And, it be a matter of time before our young bucko discovered her. Now Maureen gave that pishtosh thing she does, or at least has started to do (no clue where she's picked that awful trait up) and said, "Gabriel, PISHTOSH, he's not DAT stoopid!"
Well, seems he be. So when I saw Miss Mary Alice with a mail cart the other day leaning over Patrick's cubicle, I KNEW, yes I KNEW just what was happening and I jumped up and ran on over to greet Missy Maureen as she was coming back from copy.
"Look! Just look over dere will ya." I pointed because neither one of the subjects I was pointing at was looking at me, they were too engrossed in flirting with each other.
"Oh my," said a stunned Maureen, "we can't 'ave DAT. I 'ave Genie all geared up for dat sod."
"We can't?" I said stunned at Maureen. "Wot ya gonna do aboot DAT?" I said still pointing.
"Well . . . I dunno but we 'ave to do someting quick or he'll be lost and wot will Genie tink?" She said as we both went back to our respective cubicles and sat facing each other.
"What about Annie O'Reilly?" I asked, "We need ta get Annie oop here so the lad can have a better choice, or so he'll tink, an' when she breaks oop the attraction for Mary Alice, free and clear for your Genie to waltz in and pluck him off da vine (so to speak)."
"Oh no, not Annie O'Reilly she'd jump ten naked men ta git to the bar she would."
I hadn't thought of that, but yeah that be true, she would, she was fixated on alcohol and not much else. And the problem with Annie was too, that when she was not drunk she was sober. Think about that.
"Uh how about Molly McHugh, she's a looker and a breaker up of couples?" I thought, now there was a little-known lass down in the bowels of the news business, she was a junior reporter, not very pretty, but she was an Irish-American girl with a good sense of how to dress and nothing she liked more than making a man look ridiculous in front of other women BECAUSE she didn't like men. I know we be pulling at straws but we couldn't have our Patrick wasted.
"Hum . . . Molly McHugh. Ah sure an she's not the worst of dem," Maureen mused, "tink of someone else dere Gabriel, she won't do. She's too ambitious and aggressive for our Patrick, she'll be so brutal he'll be on a booat back to Ireland."
"Yeah you're rioght," I sighed. "How aboot Rosemary McKinnney?"
"McKinney? Of the McKinney sisters? Rosemary and Brigit? Being Rosemary the worst of the two? Nooo." She said to me look of horror. "Well, truly dere Gabe, ye knoe we're a fair race we never speak well of each utter! She'd eat em' alive."
"Okay," I said, "den Patty Malone?"
"How would dat be, two of 'em being referred ta as Patty," Maureen said in all seriousness. "And Patty Malone's idea of romance be poppin' a Murphy's Stout away from her face. No, she'd be too interested in wot he's drinkin' then tryin' to turn his head."
"Well den, I dunno. Who we gonna git?" I was out of names. Then it dawned on me. "Maureen . . ." I started carefully, "We could get your sister Rose for an encore just to break DAT up."
Maureen's eyes went wide. I thought they'd pop out of her head but she thought about it. Do you remember the last time we rolled Rose out and what a disaster she and Patrick ended up being? (Refer to 24/05/2011 The Irish Dating Service Continues To Function in this blog for the Patrick/Rose date that went so wrong).
"Do ye knoe how SHE refers ta Patrick? She tells anyone who asks that he's very good to his mooter, he never leaves home. Now wot does dat tell ya? She's not goin' ta wanna have a second so-called non-date again."
"But didn't you tell me she likes breakin' fella's chops and I be tinkin' she might enjoy breakin' DAT oop. Ya knoe yer sissy can be malicious when it suits her, git em' back for a second terrible non-date." I said like the villain I was fast becoming.
Maureen's eyes sparkled. Oh yeah, she knew her sister be up for the job. She put a finger in the air in a wait-a-minute gesture and got on her phone. I sat silently listening to the one-sided conversation Maureen was having with Rose.
"And why not?" Maureen said to I was guessing Rose's refusal. She held the phone out so I could hear Rose say, "He's slow! It probably takes him an hour and a half ta watch 60 Minutes!"
"Oh dat's not true," I whispered but Rose heard me and shouting into the receiver at me she said, "Gabe, Patrick has aboot as mooch personality as a piece of wet lettuce and futer his brain be like a place lacking light, ye could say it's as dark as a bag in dere."
I glanced over at poor maligned Patrick. Mary Alice was long gone and I shook me head at that last, poor laddie was not dim, just needed some help. I know I said I wouldn't do this ever again, but I don't know what it was that took me over to help a fellow countryman out. AGAIN.
"Ya could swing a cat in dere," Rose shouted.
I sighed as Maureen said to her sister, "I guess that's a resounding no?" Silence ensued. We both waited, me crossing fingers, Maureen her eyes.
Maureen's face broke out in a huge smile and she nodded at me and hung up.
"She's reluctant but she said if we can git the two of em' over to the pub on Fleet Street she'd be all for givin' it a go. Rose doesn't like Genie and would luv nuttin' mere den ta see em' both togeter. She tinks dey would make each other miserable, but I don't tink dat, I tink Genie be exactly wot Patrick needs to wake oop."
And so Maureen went to Patrick and I went to Mary Alice and we both extended an invite to the pub after work. Mary Alice was reluctant until I told her I thought Patrick was going and then instant acceptance and I knew, yes I did, she had set her sights on our Patrick and more than ever Maureen and I (busybodies extraordinaire of the Irish Dating Service) needed to get Rose over there to pave the way for Genie O'Nally who is expected within the month. Oi!
To be continued
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
5 comments:
Schemers, the two of you. Bad idea. You'd think you'd both have learned from that last venture.
the Gabe and Maureen show LMAO at it again
duh Gabbie lol
Why do I always read these backwards? This was first and I read the other first but should have read this one first. First sounds like thrist and ...
I know I shouldn't ask this, but does Mary Alice lisp? Why do I think she does? You Gabriel and your partner in dating crime are quite a pair. A pair of what's I don't know exactly, but you make me laugh. Someone get Capt Jaack a drink before he reads the entire blog backwards please!
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