31 July 2011
437
R. Linda:
We were all set for the after-work get-together. When I arrived with Maureen, Rose was already at the bar having a Guinness. We got a table and quickly discussed the need to make Mary Alice uncomfortable, but we didn't want Patrick alienated because we had Genie coming soon. Rose said she got it, not a problem. I looked at her hard as she sipped her beer. It was obvious to me she had been at the pub for a while.
"How many of those have you had?" I enquired.
"These?" She pointed to the Guinness, "A few. Why?"
"Oh, no reason, just go easy you need to keep yer wits about ya," I said to which she scoffed.
"Like Patrick has a cohesive brain process," she laughed and snorted.
"Uh oh," Maureen muttered to me at her sister's snort, "when she does that watch out."
"Oh good," I muttered back and it was too late to call it all off because who should arrive but Patrick who stopped in his tracks at seeing Rose sitting at our table. It took a bit of cajoling on Maureen and my part but we got the laddie to sit it down as he stared with fright at the mellow Rose, who welcomed him with some charm, I'll give her that, but ended it with a bit of a giggle and a snort which sent Maureen's alarmed eyes to roll.
Nothing was said for the longest time as we awaited Mary Alice and our drinks. But that was okay, Rose was in form and said to no one in particular though she was looking at Patrick when she said it, "Ya can talk the hind legs off a donkey say wot?"
"Oh my God," Maureen whispered to me. "Wot have we dun?"
Well, no time to think about that as Mary Alice arrived all smiles and oh my God Rose was looking her over like she was THE competition. As if, I thought. I wanted to shake her and say, now remember you are here for Genie, not yourself, you don't care about him as you have told us for months, so behave and do this nicely.
I was hoping telepathically to get THAT message through to her sodden brain. I got up and went to the bar to get Mary Alice a drink and wait for our order. That way I was letting Maureen handle what she could. Yes, cowardly me. I don't know what transpired but I got the drinks on a tray and brought them to the table just in time to hear Rose ask Mary Alice, "So wot attracted ya to this millionaire?"
OH NO. Mary Alice blinked several times and twitched and a malicious smile came across Rose's face as Patrick stared at her in horror. Maureen was looking at her drink and I made it like that was never asked and shot me mouth off about what beautiful weather we were having, but I was interrupted by Rose telling Mary Alice THIS: "I especially luv the colour of yer roots."
"Oi!" Maureen came to life with a jolt. "A bad cow is worse than a bull," Maureen said under her breath to her sister who ignored her words.
"About what ju said when I first sat dawn," Mary Alice twitched in Rose's general direction, "If ju want to know what God thinks of monee, jus look at who he gives it tue!"
SILENCE. Nobody said a word. UNTIL, Rose took a sip of her beer, slammed it down and said straight to Mary Alice's face, "Yer all fur coat and no knickers!"
"What?" Mary Alice asked.
"She means someone who is all about show, who tries to look like they have more than they do when they can't afford the basics," I explained unwittingly. It was then I noticed what I had failed to notice and that was the reason Mary Alice was the last to join us, was because she had gone home and changed into a very nice outfit. Something that was not suitable for the mail room. No, no, not at all. She had on a short little navy skirt, a lovely cream-coloured silk tank top with long silver chains hanging sparklingly from her neck, and high navy boots and her hair was all down and fluffy in comparison to Rose in a pair of ripped at the knees faded jeans, a flowing flowered top that made her look twenty pounds heavier, and hair in a careless wispy ponytail. YIKES!
"Where ya from? Ya talk funny," Rose asked and then said to us in general followed up by a snort, "Must be from County Cork."
Well, it got a bit rowdy it did, the three 'ladies' and I will use that term loosely made both me and Patrick look busy sipping our beers and trying not to pay the least bit of heed to what was going on. That lasted for a bit before Patrick said quietly to me tossing his head in Rose's direction, "Wots the old sayin' aboot a well-balanced Irishwoman? Has chips on both shoulders?" And he laughed. Yes, he did. I almost spit out me beer because Rose overheard and saw who he meant was her and she said to him, "Nothing like warm words in a cold bar huh, Patrick?"
Well, they got into it they did and that shut Mary Alice and Maureen up.
Unfortunately, Patrick piped up with, "Better to goo inta heaven in rags than ta hell in embroidery," after Rose made fun of his clothing which considering what she had on, was a bit over the top.
"Skin and boones be flyin' if ya don't do sumthin aboot dis," Maureen said to me.
"Can we all just get along?" I said loudly trying to quell the near violence of Irish sayings being thrown around with a few Brazilian ones. Everyone in the bar was looking at us, so that didn't help matters any and worse, Rose was laughing with malice and snorting like a pig which meant she was really far gone in her cups.
Patrick got up and threw some bills on the table and said before he disappeared out the door, "You're all a few sandwiches short a picnic," and he looked at Rose and said, "And YOU, of everyone, are not all dere in the brain department at all, at all."
I thought she was going to shoot out of her chair at him when she called him a 'gombeen' (a fool), but Maureen was ahead of me and held her from it. With that he turned on his heel and left, yes he did, and here we thought he was brain deficient when he was probably the smartest one at our table. "Oh the cut of em'!" Rose said all indignant which was a way of throwing one more insult at his clothing, SNORT, SNORT.
Poor Mary Alice sat there twitching, looking very fine in her lovely outfit, but dazed as well as to what just happened? Did he really just get up and walk out leaving her with US? Well, yes he did. I saw that instantly and was smiling at Maureen who didn't get that her Rose ploy had actually worked and here we were with Mary Alice, Patrick GONE. It took her a moment to read me grinning and foolish countenance and then she pressed her lips together and I could read right off what she was thinking, that Genie or no Genie, Patrick was probably not going to want to meet any of HER friends. Oi! We went too far.
But forget about that, we were all silent, the two adversaries seething at each other when round two broke out. The twitching and snorting was just too much it was all getting to Maureen. She started snorting back at Rose and she'd turn to say something to Mary Alice and she'd twitch! YES SHE DID. I was like look at YOU, what the hell are you doing? You are making a bad situation worse, YOU ARE NOT HELPING MATTERS! I got up and went to the bar to get away from them. But I didn't have to worry, no I did not, my early evening was saved by the barkeeper coming over and asking them to leave. YES, he did and they shamefacedly got up and did so. They went to pay him, but he told them, "Just leave." And so they did. Maureen holding up her weaving snorting sister who found the whole thing funny and behind them a twitching mini-skirted Brazilian who was muttering things in Spanish at their backs.
As Mary Alice walked passed me, she said, "Te has vuelto loco?" And she gestured to the two sisters and stalked her mini-skirted self off. I had no clue what she said, but I needn't of worried, because as she twitched on down the street Rose shouted after her, "Who you calling crazy?"
I watched Maureen load Rose into her car and I sighed. The barkeeper poured me a shot of Jameson without me asking as I stood at the bar.
"Wow, I think you need this, I know I do." He said and poured one for himself. He held his shot glass up and said, "All's well that ends well!"
"Yes, indeed," I said thinking I was NOW done with this saving Patrick from himself business. I needed to save me from Maureen and worse Rose and probably now Mary Alice. Yup, I stayed and tied a few on I did. I regret this like you only know. I dread work on Monday. Tomorrow! For joy, I have to find out where Mitt is and go follow him around keeping busy enough to stay out of the office. Or something.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
We were all set for the after-work get-together. When I arrived with Maureen, Rose was already at the bar having a Guinness. We got a table and quickly discussed the need to make Mary Alice uncomfortable, but we didn't want Patrick alienated because we had Genie coming soon. Rose said she got it, not a problem. I looked at her hard as she sipped her beer. It was obvious to me she had been at the pub for a while.
"How many of those have you had?" I enquired.
"These?" She pointed to the Guinness, "A few. Why?"
"Oh, no reason, just go easy you need to keep yer wits about ya," I said to which she scoffed.
"Like Patrick has a cohesive brain process," she laughed and snorted.
"Uh oh," Maureen muttered to me at her sister's snort, "when she does that watch out."
"Oh good," I muttered back and it was too late to call it all off because who should arrive but Patrick who stopped in his tracks at seeing Rose sitting at our table. It took a bit of cajoling on Maureen and my part but we got the laddie to sit it down as he stared with fright at the mellow Rose, who welcomed him with some charm, I'll give her that, but ended it with a bit of a giggle and a snort which sent Maureen's alarmed eyes to roll.
Nothing was said for the longest time as we awaited Mary Alice and our drinks. But that was okay, Rose was in form and said to no one in particular though she was looking at Patrick when she said it, "Ya can talk the hind legs off a donkey say wot?"
"Oh my God," Maureen whispered to me. "Wot have we dun?"
Well, no time to think about that as Mary Alice arrived all smiles and oh my God Rose was looking her over like she was THE competition. As if, I thought. I wanted to shake her and say, now remember you are here for Genie, not yourself, you don't care about him as you have told us for months, so behave and do this nicely.
I was hoping telepathically to get THAT message through to her sodden brain. I got up and went to the bar to get Mary Alice a drink and wait for our order. That way I was letting Maureen handle what she could. Yes, cowardly me. I don't know what transpired but I got the drinks on a tray and brought them to the table just in time to hear Rose ask Mary Alice, "So wot attracted ya to this millionaire?"
OH NO. Mary Alice blinked several times and twitched and a malicious smile came across Rose's face as Patrick stared at her in horror. Maureen was looking at her drink and I made it like that was never asked and shot me mouth off about what beautiful weather we were having, but I was interrupted by Rose telling Mary Alice THIS: "I especially luv the colour of yer roots."
"Oi!" Maureen came to life with a jolt. "A bad cow is worse than a bull," Maureen said under her breath to her sister who ignored her words.
"About what ju said when I first sat dawn," Mary Alice twitched in Rose's general direction, "If ju want to know what God thinks of monee, jus look at who he gives it tue!"
SILENCE. Nobody said a word. UNTIL, Rose took a sip of her beer, slammed it down and said straight to Mary Alice's face, "Yer all fur coat and no knickers!"
"What?" Mary Alice asked.
"She means someone who is all about show, who tries to look like they have more than they do when they can't afford the basics," I explained unwittingly. It was then I noticed what I had failed to notice and that was the reason Mary Alice was the last to join us, was because she had gone home and changed into a very nice outfit. Something that was not suitable for the mail room. No, no, not at all. She had on a short little navy skirt, a lovely cream-coloured silk tank top with long silver chains hanging sparklingly from her neck, and high navy boots and her hair was all down and fluffy in comparison to Rose in a pair of ripped at the knees faded jeans, a flowing flowered top that made her look twenty pounds heavier, and hair in a careless wispy ponytail. YIKES!
"Where ya from? Ya talk funny," Rose asked and then said to us in general followed up by a snort, "Must be from County Cork."
Well, it got a bit rowdy it did, the three 'ladies' and I will use that term loosely made both me and Patrick look busy sipping our beers and trying not to pay the least bit of heed to what was going on. That lasted for a bit before Patrick said quietly to me tossing his head in Rose's direction, "Wots the old sayin' aboot a well-balanced Irishwoman? Has chips on both shoulders?" And he laughed. Yes, he did. I almost spit out me beer because Rose overheard and saw who he meant was her and she said to him, "Nothing like warm words in a cold bar huh, Patrick?"
Well, they got into it they did and that shut Mary Alice and Maureen up.
Unfortunately, Patrick piped up with, "Better to goo inta heaven in rags than ta hell in embroidery," after Rose made fun of his clothing which considering what she had on, was a bit over the top.
"Skin and boones be flyin' if ya don't do sumthin aboot dis," Maureen said to me.
"Can we all just get along?" I said loudly trying to quell the near violence of Irish sayings being thrown around with a few Brazilian ones. Everyone in the bar was looking at us, so that didn't help matters any and worse, Rose was laughing with malice and snorting like a pig which meant she was really far gone in her cups.
Patrick got up and threw some bills on the table and said before he disappeared out the door, "You're all a few sandwiches short a picnic," and he looked at Rose and said, "And YOU, of everyone, are not all dere in the brain department at all, at all."
I thought she was going to shoot out of her chair at him when she called him a 'gombeen' (a fool), but Maureen was ahead of me and held her from it. With that he turned on his heel and left, yes he did, and here we thought he was brain deficient when he was probably the smartest one at our table. "Oh the cut of em'!" Rose said all indignant which was a way of throwing one more insult at his clothing, SNORT, SNORT.
Poor Mary Alice sat there twitching, looking very fine in her lovely outfit, but dazed as well as to what just happened? Did he really just get up and walk out leaving her with US? Well, yes he did. I saw that instantly and was smiling at Maureen who didn't get that her Rose ploy had actually worked and here we were with Mary Alice, Patrick GONE. It took her a moment to read me grinning and foolish countenance and then she pressed her lips together and I could read right off what she was thinking, that Genie or no Genie, Patrick was probably not going to want to meet any of HER friends. Oi! We went too far.
But forget about that, we were all silent, the two adversaries seething at each other when round two broke out. The twitching and snorting was just too much it was all getting to Maureen. She started snorting back at Rose and she'd turn to say something to Mary Alice and she'd twitch! YES SHE DID. I was like look at YOU, what the hell are you doing? You are making a bad situation worse, YOU ARE NOT HELPING MATTERS! I got up and went to the bar to get away from them. But I didn't have to worry, no I did not, my early evening was saved by the barkeeper coming over and asking them to leave. YES, he did and they shamefacedly got up and did so. They went to pay him, but he told them, "Just leave." And so they did. Maureen holding up her weaving snorting sister who found the whole thing funny and behind them a twitching mini-skirted Brazilian who was muttering things in Spanish at their backs.
As Mary Alice walked passed me, she said, "Te has vuelto loco?" And she gestured to the two sisters and stalked her mini-skirted self off. I had no clue what she said, but I needn't of worried, because as she twitched on down the street Rose shouted after her, "Who you calling crazy?"
I watched Maureen load Rose into her car and I sighed. The barkeeper poured me a shot of Jameson without me asking as I stood at the bar.
"Wow, I think you need this, I know I do." He said and poured one for himself. He held his shot glass up and said, "All's well that ends well!"
"Yes, indeed," I said thinking I was NOW done with this saving Patrick from himself business. I needed to save me from Maureen and worse Rose and probably now Mary Alice. Yup, I stayed and tied a few on I did. I regret this like you only know. I dread work on Monday. Tomorrow! For joy, I have to find out where Mitt is and go follow him around keeping busy enough to stay out of the office. Or something.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
10 comments:
What a fiasco! Poor Patrick I feel sorry for him. You're funny, and how is it you get out of this smelling like (forgive the pun) a rose? I hope there is no next time, but something tells me you and Maureen can't help yourselves. Please don't have Rose around for anymore schemes, she's got quite a snarky attitude, though on second thought she certainly makes things interesting.
LMAO
Mary Alice is asking someone HAVE YOU GONE NUTS? or CRAZY? you choose.LMAO
You'll rue tomorrow until you both hatch another big plan LOLOLOL SNORT
New hobby for Gabe. ORIGAMI! CROSSWORD PUZZLES!
twitchy wimin iz no fun but da snorty snarky 1z goodly xs ;¬)
If you had just left Mary Alice and Patrick alone to flirt over the cubicle then maybe, just maybe, things might be progressing for the lad? But no, twas ruined! Poor Patrick.
Nah can't leave Patrick to the wiles of Mary Alice when we have Genie coming in for our entertainment. LMAO What's the matter with you people, Patrick cannot be happy. No he has to be miserable like the rest of us. It's like a club the Misery Loves Company thing. Just ask Rose, perfect example and you have to admit if it wasn't for Maureen and me hair-brained ideas YOU all wouldn't be reading any of this and snickering and I KNOW YOU ARE SNICKERING because I CAN HEAR YOU.
SNICKERING? NO more like REALLY rolling on the floor laughing my ass off!
Someday, Mary Alice is gonna kick your butt! So when does Genie come into the picture? Not too long I hope!
Uh ... I'm snickering
Me too!
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