Green Hair and Sharks

03 July 2011

424

R. Linda:

Yesterday, the unexpected arrival of me in-laws made me glad this was a working holiday for yours truly. Yup. I was not told of this visit just like I wasn't told of the last one. Sigh. But I decided I be working, I don't care, they are all Tonya's and off I'd go to cover the events of the political circus in town for the 4th. Yes, it is that time again in New Hampshire, candidates coming to town to start the madness that will consume this little state until the election.

I was informed by me wife, that they were all going to a water park because they had promised the wee ones a swim, the weekend forecast being hot. But as it is in New Hampshire, the weather changes on a dime and all that sun and heat turned to clouds and steam. Tonya decided to go to the park anyway, there being an indoor pool. Three hours before they were to go, the eldest had whipped himself up into an excited frenzy he was going to the water park. Oh yea! He was running around in his underwear looking for his bathing suit, which his mother told him she would get for him as soon as breakfast was over. He had gulped down his breakfast in the hopes that the adults would gulp down theirs for the opportunity to leave early for the pool.

As adults do, none of them were phased to rush through their coffee in particular, and sat there chatting as I got meself ready to leave to chase presidential candidates around, when I was confronted by Captain Swim America. Yup, that's what he called himself. The laddie had put on his chest a piece of knight's armour (which was much too big for him and hung to the waist), and a pair of underpants on his head, with goggles and fake nose and a mustachio. I swear I have Weasil's kid and he has one of mine (see picture below).

Captain Swim America -- YUP!

So there I was getting ready to cover a weekend of American patriotism in the form of small-town parades, cookouts on the green, presidential candidates blowing into town on the stomp, and trying to wend my way through what seemed like millions upon millions of tourists coming to enjoy a New England 4th of July celebration, and there was me eldest dressed like I don't know what. I shook my head and left Tonya to try to change his mind he wasn't going to a public pool dressed, or more correctly undressed, as Captain Swim America. Oi. I swept off with the promise to meet up with them at the pool later.

So off to a few parades, I went to get a spin on the opinions of the local politicians and what they had to say about the influx of presidential hopefuls arriving for the ultimate photo ops.

Around noon I arrived at the water park and found my family poolside in the indoor pool (since it was pouring), and as most swimmers were out of the water having lunch, my smallest son decided to play in the shallow end of the pool. He'd get on his belly like he was swimming with no fear of the water whatsoever, rolling onto his back, his head in the water laughing up at me like a baby seal. The family left me to order lunch and while they were doing that, I spent the time with Guido who I was trying to coax out of the pool for a corn dog. But he didn't care, he was turning into a prune baby and I saw the family was still at the lunch counter, so I sat on the pool steps watching Guido cavort. Two others were at the other end of the pool, so most everyone was in the cafe eating. It was then the pool workers came and gave the pool a bit of a clean before everyone flooded back in for the afternoon. Guido was in no way in the way, nor the two others at the deep end holding onto the lip of the pool chatting. So along comes this kid with a bucket and he's shoveling chlorine into the pool, three times the amount needed and he didn't care. The pool being enclosed, well, the stench and the burn to the eyes and nose were almost unbearable. I told Guido to come out we'd go get a bite over by the tables which were a pretty good distance from the pool itself. Well, no Guido didn't want to come out, and I had all I could to hold my breath and bathe me eyes with my shirt end from the tearing from the strong chemicals. Why these fools decided to put so much chemical in the pool I have no clue. Finally, after much coughing and coaxing, I got Guido to come out. We walked through the chlorine haze to the table where everyone stopped eating and looked at us in shock. I had no clue, but when I looked down Guido was sporting the greenest hair I'd ever seen. Yes, R. Linda, the chlorine had greened up the wee one's noggin so much so he looked like a leprechaun straight off a rainbow (see picture below). Well, we could not get the green out, the laddie is looking very Irish indeed, indeed.

                                                                              

Mr. Leprechaun Man

Well, my wife was laughing but the Dragon-in-law went to the owner to complain about the child's new hair colour. We left soon after that because well, where was the fun in breathing in such strong chemicals? We did learn that blonds should not swim in heavily chlorinated pools.

I had an evening engagement which was really a political rally and Tonya was invited to go too, so after dinner, I was set to take off for that, while Tonya made plans for her parents and the kiddos to go down to the old couple's house to watch a movie. The old couple had gone away for the weekend and we were caretaking the house animals and the old man told us if we wanted to use his home theatre we were welcome to. He had shown us how to turn the projector on and the AC and well, Tonya thought since the evening was hot and jungle-like a movie in the home theatre would be the thing. Now the home theatre is not just any home theatre, it's quite a set-up. I have pictures of that too. So she showed her dad the workings and off she and I went for an evening of appetisers and good wine just to get out. I had no clue what my in-laws and kiddos were going to watch, but there were a few children's flicks the old couple had bought for when their grandkids came up. So we both assumed that they'd be enjoying CARTOONS without us. YEA!

                                                                               

Inside Theatre

Indoor Theatre

But that's not what they watched. They watched . . . JAWS. Yes, they did. A two and five-year-old watching on a BIG screen a man-eating shark. I couldn't believe it. I was like WTF when I heard about it. Seems Tonya was subject to the same thing when she was a child along with her brother (who will not go near water unless it is coming out of a sink tap) as a result. Now I have two impressionable wee ones who probably wouldn't go in the bathtub let alone a water park ever again. But wait it gets worse, I didn't want to get into any kind of argument with me in-laws so I kept my piehole shut. Well, they were all going to the parade to see Romney this morning. Me father-in-law had driven up in his van so we all piled in that for the long drive to Amherst. The wee ones in the third row, me and the mister in the second, and Tonya driving with the Dragon riding shotgun. We start pulling out and my father-in-law says to the wee ones, "How'd ya like that shark last night, huh?"

"I dint sleep cuz a it," O'Hare shouted and Guido grunted in agreement.

"Oh come on O'Hare it was only a movie." Me father-in-law laughed.

"Was a scary movie an I dint LIKE IT!" O'Hare shouted.

"No?" Me father-in-law turned around to look at him. "Well, that's too bad because I bought you something from my trip to Monterey, California, but I guess I won't give them to you guys."

Well, this you don't tell two kiddos because whatever it is they want it. So this started a lot of pleading for the goodies from O'Hare in particular with Guido grunting along in approval.

"Oh give it to them," Dragon throws over her shoulder.

"Okay if you say so." So me father-in-law reaches down in the bag at his feet and tosses over his shoulder two rubber sharks. I know you're laughing but the third row wasn't they were screaming. You'd think they were real sharks, but to a 2 and 5 year old they might have been just that. Tonya had to stop the car to calm them down. I took the sharks away and looked at me in-laws like they had to be insane. WHO DOES THAT? They were snickering they were, and Tonya drove on as I hid the rubber sharks, she told me her father did the exact same thing to her when she was a kid. So that made it all right. YUP, it was me and the insane clown posse. OI, OI, OI!

So that was yesterday and this morning of in-law fun. I swear I have never met people like this in me life and wonder what I did to deserve it. Add to this, when I was done with the parade and running after Romney, I text messaged Tonya that I was leaving the atheist parade and would meet her at the general store. I had left them all to the fair on the green as I legged it after my fav pol. I was so flustered by rubber sharks, Captain Swim America with the underpants on his head and a green-haired baby, that I didn't realise what I texted. I meant to tell Tonya I was leaving the Amherst parade, where atheists came from I've no clue. Just proof of what effect all this has on me while I be trying to work. Oi!

Gabe
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