22 June 2011
421
R. Linda:
I went to work early so I could leave early. The reason, Tonya and I were taking the kiddos for a photography session. Oh yeah, it takes two of us for the two of them. This brilliant idea was because their Granddragon gave her daughter this weepy phone call saying she would appreciate it if WE would take the "children to a professional photographer" for portraits. I guess the cutesy candids Ton sends her aren't good enough, we have to have professional pictures ready and framed portraits.
And the catch line was, "Because I don't see my two little darlings that often, and you live so far away." I was like WHAT? The woman darkens our doorway 340 days of the year, she arrives on her broom often and frequently, so this far-away stuff was for the birds. The rest of the time she's in New Jersey running around the Pine Barrens in her featured role as the Jersey Devil. So what bull.
Anyway, the appointment was booked and I went home from what was a semi-sunny (but humid) morning to a rainy afternoon. The boyos were all decked out in little mini suits looking quite the picture of what you'd suspect to see them wearing for Easter Sunday. They did look cute, yes they did, but both Tonya and I know that beneath the cute, clean faces, pressed suits, shiny teeth and combed hair are two little demons. Yeah, really cute to look at but watch out.
I got everything we needed to go, and O'Hare was looking in the hall closet mirror adjusting his tie. Yes, the child, as you know is tie crazy.
"Uhmm, I dunno . . . duz dis tie look good wit dis colour shirt?" He asks as I pass by. I am like WHAT? I turned around and well, he had on a dark blue suit with a blue shirt and a bluish tie. He looked fine to me, but no, no, he thought white would be better to emphasise his ginger hair.
"You know what kiddo, I think you look great just the way you are. And, white shirts for portraits are a no-no. They glare too much and you lose the facial features."
"Da what?"
"Never you mind, you look marvellous," I said in Billy Crystal's impression as he turned from me to the mirror.
"Den maybes I needs me another tie."
"Listen here sport, you look perfect," I said starting to lose me patience. Geez the kid! We didn't have time to try on his collection of hundreds of ties.
The other one came clunking in in his dress shoes and by the way he was walking, you could tell he didn't want them on. He's the original bare-foot boy and well, this dress-up stuff for Mr. Rough and Tumble just wasn't making his day. Oh God, I thought to meself, please let us get this over with before he starts a hissy.
So off we went complaints in the backseat over the choice of tie, and the other one was vigorously working on getting out of the straps on his car seat. No matter how much we try to explain to him, it is safety first, and comfort last, he simply keeps trying to free himself. He's been successful and that doesn't help me when I be driving and find my neck being tickled by little fingers behind me. Tonya kept strapping him back in so the next thing was to take the shoes and socks off and throw them at his brother. I thought, Oh goody, we'll arrive with shoeless Joe and O'Hare with a black eye from where a clunky shoe hit him.
R. Linda:
I went to work early so I could leave early. The reason, Tonya and I were taking the kiddos for a photography session. Oh yeah, it takes two of us for the two of them. This brilliant idea was because their Granddragon gave her daughter this weepy phone call saying she would appreciate it if WE would take the "children to a professional photographer" for portraits. I guess the cutesy candids Ton sends her aren't good enough, we have to have professional pictures ready and framed portraits.
And the catch line was, "Because I don't see my two little darlings that often, and you live so far away." I was like WHAT? The woman darkens our doorway 340 days of the year, she arrives on her broom often and frequently, so this far-away stuff was for the birds. The rest of the time she's in New Jersey running around the Pine Barrens in her featured role as the Jersey Devil. So what bull.
Anyway, the appointment was booked and I went home from what was a semi-sunny (but humid) morning to a rainy afternoon. The boyos were all decked out in little mini suits looking quite the picture of what you'd suspect to see them wearing for Easter Sunday. They did look cute, yes they did, but both Tonya and I know that beneath the cute, clean faces, pressed suits, shiny teeth and combed hair are two little demons. Yeah, really cute to look at but watch out.
I got everything we needed to go, and O'Hare was looking in the hall closet mirror adjusting his tie. Yes, the child, as you know is tie crazy.
"Uhmm, I dunno . . . duz dis tie look good wit dis colour shirt?" He asks as I pass by. I am like WHAT? I turned around and well, he had on a dark blue suit with a blue shirt and a bluish tie. He looked fine to me, but no, no, he thought white would be better to emphasise his ginger hair.
"You know what kiddo, I think you look great just the way you are. And, white shirts for portraits are a no-no. They glare too much and you lose the facial features."
"Da what?"
"Never you mind, you look marvellous," I said in Billy Crystal's impression as he turned from me to the mirror.
"Den maybes I needs me another tie."
"Listen here sport, you look perfect," I said starting to lose me patience. Geez the kid! We didn't have time to try on his collection of hundreds of ties.
The other one came clunking in in his dress shoes and by the way he was walking, you could tell he didn't want them on. He's the original bare-foot boy and well, this dress-up stuff for Mr. Rough and Tumble just wasn't making his day. Oh God, I thought to meself, please let us get this over with before he starts a hissy.
So off we went complaints in the backseat over the choice of tie, and the other one was vigorously working on getting out of the straps on his car seat. No matter how much we try to explain to him, it is safety first, and comfort last, he simply keeps trying to free himself. He's been successful and that doesn't help me when I be driving and find my neck being tickled by little fingers behind me. Tonya kept strapping him back in so the next thing was to take the shoes and socks off and throw them at his brother. I thought, Oh goody, we'll arrive with shoeless Joe and O'Hare with a black eye from where a clunky shoe hit him.
We get to the photography studio, and park the car, Tonya has by this time re-socked and shod Guido, and I get the kiddos and juice bag because we can't go anywhere without juice and refreshments, and I think we are all set.
Tonya was adjusting O'Hare's tie and I was struggling with slinging the heavy bag over me shoulder, while Guido was inching nearer and nearer to a puddle. I knew he was going to splash, and I said to him to come back to me, but he stood there, looking down, but his eyes were raised in my direction giving him a distinct 'I'm up to no good' look'. Before I could get to him he jumped in the puddle and continued to jump until he was one muddy, dirty, wet, sopping little boy. I had run over to him as both Tonya and O'Hare froze in shock. I caught him out of the puddle as I hit meself in the face with the bag. But worse I was a dirty mess too and he thought it was funny!
"OH GOD, did I pack another outfit?" Tonya said more to herself than to anyone.
"YOU'RE IN TROBBLE NOW!" His brother screamed at him.
"Indoor voice!" We both shouted at O'Hare.
I had one hand rubbing me injured proboscis and the other with the bag now at me wrist, holding onto Mr. Dirty Person, both of us dripping. Wee Guido didn't care! No, the evil grin on his face was proof enough he was enjoying the hell out of our chagrin.
Oi!
"I don't know if I bought anything else to change him into, Gabe." The wife said rummaging through the bag she relieved me of as I held onto the child straining to get back to the puddle. I was thinking, I have nothing to change into either Tonya. But it's only me, I'm not having my picture taken, so who cares? Certainly not you.
"We'll have O'Hare done and reschedule Mr. Dirt another day," she said looking at Mr. Dirt who was looking back at her like, "Yeah, I wanna see ya try it, lady." SIGH.
We went in and the photographer was all glowing and greeting O'Hare with, "Aren't you a handsome fella," and O'Hare was eating it up until he asked, "Duz ya think this tie is okay?" Oi, oi, oi. I just know he's going to grow up to be a fashion designer or a hairdresser. Then she turned to shake Guido's hand and stopped in mid-reach and looked up at us her eyebrows disappearing into her hairline. Then she saw me and her face changed to mirth, she was desperately trying to keep herself composed and I wanted to tell her to just go ahead and laugh.
"We had a slight accident," my wife began before O'Hare interrupted her with the truth of it being no accident.
"Well, we could reschedule." The photographer offered half-heartedly.
I knew we booked the time, so I decided, what the hell, it's only the Dragon.
"You know what, me son looks like this most of the time," I gestured at the dirty boy (yeah, I be not a proud father, I tell it like it is), "I don't know why we just don't have him photographed in his natural element, dirt."
The photographer I could see was trying not to laugh, but Tonya was at first shaking her head no, then she looked over at Mr. Dirt and was thinking about it because he was spitting on his dirty arm and spreading the dirty spit up his other arm. I tell ya!
"Ton, you know he hates all this, and this is, unfortunately, who he is," I said with a hand gesture presenting our smallest in all his dirty glory.
"You know, it's kind of cute," the photographer said, so that was what we did. We had separate photos of the clean, neat kid first, who objected loudly to being in a picture near so much dirt. Yes, he did, he said WHO IS HE? Then it was Mr. Dirt's turn and he was all about not holding a toy like his brother, or smiling directly into the camera also like his brother, no, when he was supposed to be sitting down, he had got up and turned his back and was looking back at us through his legs. YUP. Then when we wanted him to stand up, he was lying flat out like he was exhausted from wearing so much dirt. I dunno, he's going to be something else. I think he'd love construction work or a chimney sweep job. Anything where he might wallow in dirt, I think that's what he'll be doing.
We are home now, I have an ice pack for me swollen nose, awaiting my turn in the shower, and O'Hare is going through his tie collection, while Tonya is battling Guido in the tub. I thought, good luck with that! The dogs when they saw Guido walk in the house were trying to clean him up with their tongues. It was pretty gross but he stood there letting them and laughing.
I am seriously wondering if I have Weasil's kids and he has mine. Do you think they were switched somehow?
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
Tonya was adjusting O'Hare's tie and I was struggling with slinging the heavy bag over me shoulder, while Guido was inching nearer and nearer to a puddle. I knew he was going to splash, and I said to him to come back to me, but he stood there, looking down, but his eyes were raised in my direction giving him a distinct 'I'm up to no good' look'. Before I could get to him he jumped in the puddle and continued to jump until he was one muddy, dirty, wet, sopping little boy. I had run over to him as both Tonya and O'Hare froze in shock. I caught him out of the puddle as I hit meself in the face with the bag. But worse I was a dirty mess too and he thought it was funny!
"OH GOD, did I pack another outfit?" Tonya said more to herself than to anyone.
"YOU'RE IN TROBBLE NOW!" His brother screamed at him.
"Indoor voice!" We both shouted at O'Hare.
I had one hand rubbing me injured proboscis and the other with the bag now at me wrist, holding onto Mr. Dirty Person, both of us dripping. Wee Guido didn't care! No, the evil grin on his face was proof enough he was enjoying the hell out of our chagrin.
Oi!
"I don't know if I bought anything else to change him into, Gabe." The wife said rummaging through the bag she relieved me of as I held onto the child straining to get back to the puddle. I was thinking, I have nothing to change into either Tonya. But it's only me, I'm not having my picture taken, so who cares? Certainly not you.
"We'll have O'Hare done and reschedule Mr. Dirt another day," she said looking at Mr. Dirt who was looking back at her like, "Yeah, I wanna see ya try it, lady." SIGH.
We went in and the photographer was all glowing and greeting O'Hare with, "Aren't you a handsome fella," and O'Hare was eating it up until he asked, "Duz ya think this tie is okay?" Oi, oi, oi. I just know he's going to grow up to be a fashion designer or a hairdresser. Then she turned to shake Guido's hand and stopped in mid-reach and looked up at us her eyebrows disappearing into her hairline. Then she saw me and her face changed to mirth, she was desperately trying to keep herself composed and I wanted to tell her to just go ahead and laugh.
"We had a slight accident," my wife began before O'Hare interrupted her with the truth of it being no accident.
"Well, we could reschedule." The photographer offered half-heartedly.
I knew we booked the time, so I decided, what the hell, it's only the Dragon.
"You know what, me son looks like this most of the time," I gestured at the dirty boy (yeah, I be not a proud father, I tell it like it is), "I don't know why we just don't have him photographed in his natural element, dirt."
The photographer I could see was trying not to laugh, but Tonya was at first shaking her head no, then she looked over at Mr. Dirt and was thinking about it because he was spitting on his dirty arm and spreading the dirty spit up his other arm. I tell ya!
"Ton, you know he hates all this, and this is, unfortunately, who he is," I said with a hand gesture presenting our smallest in all his dirty glory.
"You know, it's kind of cute," the photographer said, so that was what we did. We had separate photos of the clean, neat kid first, who objected loudly to being in a picture near so much dirt. Yes, he did, he said WHO IS HE? Then it was Mr. Dirt's turn and he was all about not holding a toy like his brother, or smiling directly into the camera also like his brother, no, when he was supposed to be sitting down, he had got up and turned his back and was looking back at us through his legs. YUP. Then when we wanted him to stand up, he was lying flat out like he was exhausted from wearing so much dirt. I dunno, he's going to be something else. I think he'd love construction work or a chimney sweep job. Anything where he might wallow in dirt, I think that's what he'll be doing.
We are home now, I have an ice pack for me swollen nose, awaiting my turn in the shower, and O'Hare is going through his tie collection, while Tonya is battling Guido in the tub. I thought, good luck with that! The dogs when they saw Guido walk in the house were trying to clean him up with their tongues. It was pretty gross but he stood there letting them and laughing.
I am seriously wondering if I have Weasil's kids and he has mine. Do you think they were switched somehow?
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
5 comments:
Guido is my kind of kid!!!LOL Gotta love the dirt!
Ah the joys of being a parent.
dirty but lovely singing voice though
I so identify with Ton over her looking for something else to put him in. But boys will be boys, I have three of me own, and well you can never predict what they are going to do. You always have to be prepared LOL
Bravo for having Mr Dirt's picture taken anyway. It will come in handy when he's older and dating. LOL
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