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R. Linda:
Well, I truly don't know what to do. I have no shortage of stories NOW do I? Gees, and to think I was ready for a relaxing weekend, but no, they sit there in silence saying NOTHING and I find meself and the boys acting like idiots to just make some noise. Tonya even said this is not a good situation and she's afraid her father might show up next. At least with HIM, he's a jolly sort and I think he'd hit it off well with me Mam at least, not sure how me Da would take him with all those gold chains and the spray tan. Sigh.
I walked in on such a scene and said to no one in general, "A watched kettle never boils," and I laughed. Yes, I did, I laughed and me Mam giggled, but still no one said a word as I sat down. Dragon, I knew took that as some insanely private joke at her expense between me Mam and me. I could tell by the dirty look she gave me as I sat down next to me Da.
Da looked over to me after a while and held out his hand for the newspaper, "Gabriel if you're going to do something, don't do it halfway," he said taking the paper. I knew he wanted the pencil for the crossword so I reached on over and handed that up as the Dragon sat shaking her head at the way we communicated.
I moved closer and could see him ticking off the boxes of the crossword (he was that good at it) and I observed just to be snarky, "A good beginning is half the work, huh Da?" Da nodded with a smile and kept on ticking off those boxes like it was second nature as the Dragon gave out an audible sigh of frustration.
I wanted to be a smartyarse and ask her when the husband was arriving, but I kept me trap shut, I did. I knew to antagonise her would have me further in the dog house with Tonya, so I thought it and ticked off all the possible scenarios of Dragon's hubby arriving in the middle of another spatula duel in the kitchen. Me father was looking at me and he knew, yes he did, he knew what I was thinking because he leaned in towards me and said, "Ye forget I know ya well sonny boy. Ye have the hindsight to know where ya've been, and the foresight to know where ya arrr goin', and the insight to know when ya've goin' too far." This was a warning to me, and I did heed it. So I let go me thoughts but not long enough for the Dragon to pipe up and ask ME what we were talking about we didn't want the rest to hear, meaning HER.
Da looked like he had played a joke (of all things) and shrugged his shoulders, leaving it to me to tell her what he said! I was like no way because then I'd be forced to tell her me devious thoughts and I couldn't have that. So I got meself up and with a look of woe on me face I said to her, "I'm sorry, me kidneys are acting the maggot," and I went to the bathroom, shut the door and turned on the water full blast and stood looking in the mirror laughing me arse off. There was nothing to be done for it, I was gone with mirth and when Tonya came knocking on the door I feigned as if I was dry heaving, what else could I do? I could imagine her face as she said through the door, "I thought your kidneys were the problem, not your stomach?" And from afar I could hear Dragon putting in her two pence with "It was that bubbles and squeakies he ate probably."
I stopped laughing when I heard me sainted Mam roar up, "THE WHAT? Are ye tryin' to say me food is made me boy sick?"
Uh oh, I got out of the bathroom in record time, almost taking Tonya down in the process as I ran out to the lounge to stop the war from breaking out.
"No, I be fine really, it was upset over the . . . the . . . dog salvia I swallowed in me sleep!" I squeezed me eyes shut after THAT came out of me mouth. I don't know why I said it, but I did and it was too late to retract it. They all looked at me horrified.
Mam jumped up and put an arm around me as if the next thing I would do was to break down and cry and I almost did! From the sheer terror of a bizarre situation that I had put meself in all on me own! Me Da was up and looking up into me face to see what was true and what was not. I avoided him like the plague as I started dancing around and that brought the object of the salvia right up to me, yes, me Irish Red and White saw me dancing around and decided it was a doggy dance and she jumped up between me and me Mam trying to lick me face! I was saved! I couldn't believe me luck, the damn dog saved me sorry arse. They could all see the saliva flowing and the tongue going and I was covered in dog gob. Yes, I was and I was smiling inside over it. I know crazy me, but I was VINDICATED for a huge lie, or maybe it wasn't and I didn't know I swallowed dog gob.
Tonya got the jumping dog and put her outside where she barked to get back in at me. It was fun all the dancing and she was all for it. I sat down heavily as if all worn out and Mam came back with a wet tea towel and was wiping the spit off me face, me shirt, me pants, until suddenly I felt like I was O'Hare's age and speaking of the devil he was pointing and laughing at me next to the Dragon, who was covering her face (not very well) to show me I was a joke. Yup, I sobered up very quickly I did. Me Mam threw a glance over her shoulder at her but what could she say? This wasn't serious really, it was dog salvia for God's sake and not poison. So she left me to sit there with great wet spots on me light blue shirt that made it look like I had a terrible sweat problem. Yup, it did.
I got up and went for me second shower of the day. I be in the loft typing this to keep from having to show me embarrassed face to those divided by bloodlines and me two traitorous bairns who I can see from here sitting on either side of Grandma Dragon as she reads a story to them. I can see Da still engrossed in yet another crossword puzzle, but Tonya and Mam seem to be missing. Probably in the kitchen. I will put off going down there until someone either calls me or comes to find me.
Right now looking at Bosch paintings would be pleasurable versus what I am looking down at, sitting there with a giant children's book.
Gabe
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Well, I truly don't know what to do. I have no shortage of stories NOW do I? Gees, and to think I was ready for a relaxing weekend, but no, they sit there in silence saying NOTHING and I find meself and the boys acting like idiots to just make some noise. Tonya even said this is not a good situation and she's afraid her father might show up next. At least with HIM, he's a jolly sort and I think he'd hit it off well with me Mam at least, not sure how me Da would take him with all those gold chains and the spray tan. Sigh.
I walked in on such a scene and said to no one in general, "A watched kettle never boils," and I laughed. Yes, I did, I laughed and me Mam giggled, but still no one said a word as I sat down. Dragon, I knew took that as some insanely private joke at her expense between me Mam and me. I could tell by the dirty look she gave me as I sat down next to me Da.
Da looked over to me after a while and held out his hand for the newspaper, "Gabriel if you're going to do something, don't do it halfway," he said taking the paper. I knew he wanted the pencil for the crossword so I reached on over and handed that up as the Dragon sat shaking her head at the way we communicated.
I moved closer and could see him ticking off the boxes of the crossword (he was that good at it) and I observed just to be snarky, "A good beginning is half the work, huh Da?" Da nodded with a smile and kept on ticking off those boxes like it was second nature as the Dragon gave out an audible sigh of frustration.
I wanted to be a smartyarse and ask her when the husband was arriving, but I kept me trap shut, I did. I knew to antagonise her would have me further in the dog house with Tonya, so I thought it and ticked off all the possible scenarios of Dragon's hubby arriving in the middle of another spatula duel in the kitchen. Me father was looking at me and he knew, yes he did, he knew what I was thinking because he leaned in towards me and said, "Ye forget I know ya well sonny boy. Ye have the hindsight to know where ya've been, and the foresight to know where ya arrr goin', and the insight to know when ya've goin' too far." This was a warning to me, and I did heed it. So I let go me thoughts but not long enough for the Dragon to pipe up and ask ME what we were talking about we didn't want the rest to hear, meaning HER.
Da looked like he had played a joke (of all things) and shrugged his shoulders, leaving it to me to tell her what he said! I was like no way because then I'd be forced to tell her me devious thoughts and I couldn't have that. So I got meself up and with a look of woe on me face I said to her, "I'm sorry, me kidneys are acting the maggot," and I went to the bathroom, shut the door and turned on the water full blast and stood looking in the mirror laughing me arse off. There was nothing to be done for it, I was gone with mirth and when Tonya came knocking on the door I feigned as if I was dry heaving, what else could I do? I could imagine her face as she said through the door, "I thought your kidneys were the problem, not your stomach?" And from afar I could hear Dragon putting in her two pence with "It was that bubbles and squeakies he ate probably."
I stopped laughing when I heard me sainted Mam roar up, "THE WHAT? Are ye tryin' to say me food is made me boy sick?"
Uh oh, I got out of the bathroom in record time, almost taking Tonya down in the process as I ran out to the lounge to stop the war from breaking out.
"No, I be fine really, it was upset over the . . . the . . . dog salvia I swallowed in me sleep!" I squeezed me eyes shut after THAT came out of me mouth. I don't know why I said it, but I did and it was too late to retract it. They all looked at me horrified.
Mam jumped up and put an arm around me as if the next thing I would do was to break down and cry and I almost did! From the sheer terror of a bizarre situation that I had put meself in all on me own! Me Da was up and looking up into me face to see what was true and what was not. I avoided him like the plague as I started dancing around and that brought the object of the salvia right up to me, yes, me Irish Red and White saw me dancing around and decided it was a doggy dance and she jumped up between me and me Mam trying to lick me face! I was saved! I couldn't believe me luck, the damn dog saved me sorry arse. They could all see the saliva flowing and the tongue going and I was covered in dog gob. Yes, I was and I was smiling inside over it. I know crazy me, but I was VINDICATED for a huge lie, or maybe it wasn't and I didn't know I swallowed dog gob.
Tonya got the jumping dog and put her outside where she barked to get back in at me. It was fun all the dancing and she was all for it. I sat down heavily as if all worn out and Mam came back with a wet tea towel and was wiping the spit off me face, me shirt, me pants, until suddenly I felt like I was O'Hare's age and speaking of the devil he was pointing and laughing at me next to the Dragon, who was covering her face (not very well) to show me I was a joke. Yup, I sobered up very quickly I did. Me Mam threw a glance over her shoulder at her but what could she say? This wasn't serious really, it was dog salvia for God's sake and not poison. So she left me to sit there with great wet spots on me light blue shirt that made it look like I had a terrible sweat problem. Yup, it did.
I got up and went for me second shower of the day. I be in the loft typing this to keep from having to show me embarrassed face to those divided by bloodlines and me two traitorous bairns who I can see from here sitting on either side of Grandma Dragon as she reads a story to them. I can see Da still engrossed in yet another crossword puzzle, but Tonya and Mam seem to be missing. Probably in the kitchen. I will put off going down there until someone either calls me or comes to find me.
Right now looking at Bosch paintings would be pleasurable versus what I am looking down at, sitting there with a giant children's book.
Gabe
Copyright © 2010 All rights reserved
3 comments:
I read all three of the latest adventures and had to go back and comment. Having lived in Ireland I know how the colorful phrases are related back and forth and if you aren't from the "old sod" as you call it, they will either have you very confused or on the floor laughing. I loved the closing sentence you are something LMAO. And dog gob? OH ROFLMAO
eeeyessss dog gob. And what be wrong with that I want to know? Doesn't everyone say dog gob?
Dog gob is it? Greannmhar!
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