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R. Linda:
The next day I packed the Airport into the car with me and the Dragon-in-law because Tonya wanted to sleep her cold away and I thought to take him with us. Not just out of the kindness of me heart for me Tonya, but because another person in the mix would at least make it so I wouldn't have to force conversation with the old bat.
We got to the optician and the woman was all smiles saying she was glad to see us because she could count on a good laugh. Of course she could, I already knew the Dragon was going to find a way to embarrass me again and I was right as usual.
"Here is a little story for you Karen," (that's right she was on a first name basis with the optician), "the door handle on the cellar is broken and my genius son-in-law here, got a new one and insisted upon installing it himself," (giggles) "well, my dear, he said it was an unusual handle and he was having a lot of trouble installing it." (More giggles.) "So, he gets it done after two hours and asks if my daughter and I would care to take a look at his handiwork. Well it WAS unusual in that you could not take hold of the new handle like you could any other, instead you had to open it as if the handle was upside down and it WAS! Can you believe it?" (Lots of laughter) "My silly here, installed it upside down!" (Bursts out laughing).
Much laughter all around actually, to which even the Airport joined in with a "You're silwee daddy." Everyone but me, even a passing patient and an eye doctor stopped to hear this gem, and yes, it's true, I be not a handyman of any sorts and yes, I did install it upside down after much cursing. I wanted to crawl under the small table, but I wouldn't fit!
I had nothing to contribute after that, I just sat there and watched the optician refit the right glasses this time to the Dragon's face. The Dragon looked in the mirror and said, "Oh my Karen, these look crooked, do they look crooked to you Gabriel?"
Well, yes, hell yes they did! And I was happy about that. But it wasn't the glasses that were crooked, it was her eyebrows. One was higher than the other and this I pointed out. She was ruffled with annoyance at me and looked to Karen who said, "Well, your one eyebrow is little higher than the other and we fit the lenses on your face from where they sit on your cheekbones not by your eyebrows."
OH I wanted to roar with laughter, but I grinned instead. Even the Airport chimed in with "Bammah, you look silwee." I wanted to hug the little tyke, but refrained as the straight line of the Dragon's lips quivered with irritation and she said it was okay, many people had one eyebrow higher than the other. I was thinking about that and glanced in the mirror meself, and nope, me eyebrows were steady on and this I pointed out.
"Your eyebrows Gabriel, are so thick they look like caterpillars. How can you tell one isn't higher than the other through all that hair?" The Dragon retorted.
That was it for me, I can never show me face in that office again. And on the way home, the Dragon decided she wanted to stop at Starbucks, and this time she orders a Chai and then had the nerve to complain it tasted like pepper water, whatever that be.
She also decided since the Airport be with us, to stop at the craft store and see about buying him a pirate ship made of foam rubber. I knew that would last a whole two minutes he had it, but it wasn't me money so we stopped at the craft store.
She was joker face free this time, but something wonderful happened as soon as she stepped in the door, she got the hiccups. Not just any hiccups, but the CHICKEN hiccups. She sounds like she's clucking and they are LOUD. We joke about those hiccups and I must say having a three year old innocently says things in a loud voice be a wonderful thing.
"Hey daddy, Bammah sounds like a big CHICKEN!" And he laughs really loud and . . . he POINTS at her so everyone knows who is making those god awful sounds. She walked around the entire store clucking and he and I strolled slowly behind her, totally amused at the queer looks she was getting. She couldn't do a thing about those hiccups, they were so bad she gave me her credit card and told me to buy the pirate ship, she'd meet us in the car. We could still hear her from the back of the store as she went out the door. People gawked and stared. It was wonderful I tell ya.
She would have spent $19.99 on that foam rubber ship. There were no more kits left so the sales girl sold me the one on display for $10.00. I paid for it because I wasn't about to be arrested for credit card fraud when I handed over a card that said Eloise Abdullah on it. The damn thing wasn't worth the ten dollars I doled out either, more like 99 cents if that. But she had the Airport all wound up he had to have it. I even said to him they didn't have anymore and he started pitching a fit in the store, so . . .
The Dragon blamed the hiccups on the "pepper water" I bought her. Of course it was me fault, it always is. She turns everything around on me. And if you are wondering about that foam rubber ship, so far it's been put back together six times and looking raggedy. I give it a day before it be trash.
At least me eyebrows are even. The woman be still here! How long is this stay going on, I wanna know. I can't take anymore days off. Sigh. It isn't like she doesn't have a husband to go home to. Lucky man has a holiday from her, but why do I have to be the one on vacation with her?
Gabe
Copyright © 2009 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
The next day I packed the Airport into the car with me and the Dragon-in-law because Tonya wanted to sleep her cold away and I thought to take him with us. Not just out of the kindness of me heart for me Tonya, but because another person in the mix would at least make it so I wouldn't have to force conversation with the old bat.
We got to the optician and the woman was all smiles saying she was glad to see us because she could count on a good laugh. Of course she could, I already knew the Dragon was going to find a way to embarrass me again and I was right as usual.
"Here is a little story for you Karen," (that's right she was on a first name basis with the optician), "the door handle on the cellar is broken and my genius son-in-law here, got a new one and insisted upon installing it himself," (giggles) "well, my dear, he said it was an unusual handle and he was having a lot of trouble installing it." (More giggles.) "So, he gets it done after two hours and asks if my daughter and I would care to take a look at his handiwork. Well it WAS unusual in that you could not take hold of the new handle like you could any other, instead you had to open it as if the handle was upside down and it WAS! Can you believe it?" (Lots of laughter) "My silly here, installed it upside down!" (Bursts out laughing).
Much laughter all around actually, to which even the Airport joined in with a "You're silwee daddy." Everyone but me, even a passing patient and an eye doctor stopped to hear this gem, and yes, it's true, I be not a handyman of any sorts and yes, I did install it upside down after much cursing. I wanted to crawl under the small table, but I wouldn't fit!
I had nothing to contribute after that, I just sat there and watched the optician refit the right glasses this time to the Dragon's face. The Dragon looked in the mirror and said, "Oh my Karen, these look crooked, do they look crooked to you Gabriel?"
Well, yes, hell yes they did! And I was happy about that. But it wasn't the glasses that were crooked, it was her eyebrows. One was higher than the other and this I pointed out. She was ruffled with annoyance at me and looked to Karen who said, "Well, your one eyebrow is little higher than the other and we fit the lenses on your face from where they sit on your cheekbones not by your eyebrows."
OH I wanted to roar with laughter, but I grinned instead. Even the Airport chimed in with "Bammah, you look silwee." I wanted to hug the little tyke, but refrained as the straight line of the Dragon's lips quivered with irritation and she said it was okay, many people had one eyebrow higher than the other. I was thinking about that and glanced in the mirror meself, and nope, me eyebrows were steady on and this I pointed out.
"Your eyebrows Gabriel, are so thick they look like caterpillars. How can you tell one isn't higher than the other through all that hair?" The Dragon retorted.
That was it for me, I can never show me face in that office again. And on the way home, the Dragon decided she wanted to stop at Starbucks, and this time she orders a Chai and then had the nerve to complain it tasted like pepper water, whatever that be.
She also decided since the Airport be with us, to stop at the craft store and see about buying him a pirate ship made of foam rubber. I knew that would last a whole two minutes he had it, but it wasn't me money so we stopped at the craft store.
She was joker face free this time, but something wonderful happened as soon as she stepped in the door, she got the hiccups. Not just any hiccups, but the CHICKEN hiccups. She sounds like she's clucking and they are LOUD. We joke about those hiccups and I must say having a three year old innocently says things in a loud voice be a wonderful thing.
"Hey daddy, Bammah sounds like a big CHICKEN!" And he laughs really loud and . . . he POINTS at her so everyone knows who is making those god awful sounds. She walked around the entire store clucking and he and I strolled slowly behind her, totally amused at the queer looks she was getting. She couldn't do a thing about those hiccups, they were so bad she gave me her credit card and told me to buy the pirate ship, she'd meet us in the car. We could still hear her from the back of the store as she went out the door. People gawked and stared. It was wonderful I tell ya.
She would have spent $19.99 on that foam rubber ship. There were no more kits left so the sales girl sold me the one on display for $10.00. I paid for it because I wasn't about to be arrested for credit card fraud when I handed over a card that said Eloise Abdullah on it. The damn thing wasn't worth the ten dollars I doled out either, more like 99 cents if that. But she had the Airport all wound up he had to have it. I even said to him they didn't have anymore and he started pitching a fit in the store, so . . .
The Dragon blamed the hiccups on the "pepper water" I bought her. Of course it was me fault, it always is. She turns everything around on me. And if you are wondering about that foam rubber ship, so far it's been put back together six times and looking raggedy. I give it a day before it be trash.
At least me eyebrows are even. The woman be still here! How long is this stay going on, I wanna know. I can't take anymore days off. Sigh. It isn't like she doesn't have a husband to go home to. Lucky man has a holiday from her, but why do I have to be the one on vacation with her?
Gabe
Copyright © 2009 All rights reserved
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