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R. Linda:
We left the eye place, the dragon twittering with laughter at how funny she was, me the butt of her funniness walking to the car with a frozen smile, not wanting to open her side of the car for her to get in, but being brought up by me mam to always respect me elders, I waited for her funniness to hobble out and then it took every ounce of me resolve not to slam her door shut behind her.
On the long drive to "her daughter's house," she spies a Starbucks and orders me to pull in and buy her a tea because her throat is scratchy. Now the last time I did this, I fully expected the woman to have drunk her tea by the time we returned to MY house. But she did not, and when she got out of the car with her Starbucks cup, me wife with the eagle eye had seen said cup and asked me where was hers. So, I didn't want to make that mistake again and end up in the doghouse, so I asked her what she thought would be a good hot drink for Tonya (being she was sick and you know, mother knows best! AND because I was trying to be nice).
She says, "Dear, by the time we get home the tea will be cold so don't bother."
I think all righty then. So, I order her a London Fog tea and me a regular coffee. As I be pulling out she looks at me after taking a sip of her tea.
"Ooh this is hot dear." Then she looks at me askance because she knows what I be thinking, I should have got one for Tonya. "Drink up dear." She says with a laugh.
DRINK UP? DRINK UP! I wanted to pour me hot coffee over her head. She thought it was best I drink up so that it wouldn't look like I indulged, it would look like I indulged her and forgot entirely about me wife! I know it was supposed to keep me out of trouble, but it wouldn't. It didn't last time now did it?
I was half crazed with anger, but kept me temper in check, the whole while imagining the dragon being roasted over a pit of hot coals. I was deep in me thoughts, she putting lipstick on and mumbling something about the inadequate size of me vanity mirror, when suddenly she swings her arm across me sightline and points to a craft store on the other side of the highway.
"Quick Gabe, make a left!"
She scared the wits out of me and I did, almost causing an accident, but the best part was my left was such a sharp turn the lipstick went skidding across her mouth and begorrah me, but I found meself sitting next to the joker! Yes, she looked right out of the Dark Knight and the best was she didn't even know it!
Yes, I know what you are thinking, I probably told her but no you are wrong. I didn't tell her. She had flipped up the mirror in her excitement of seeing a craft store in the middle of nowhere and well, I acted just as excited and so made like everything was just fine and dandy.
Once inside I made me way far away from her, as if I was looking for something for the little Airport to play with. She, as I well knew, would be after sales ladies for help and I must say I had all I could do to keep me laughter contained as each sales lady would catch a glance at the Dragon's face and look somewhat horrified -- then afraid. Yes, it was wonderful, the entire 45 minutes in the craft store was an experience of a lifetime, that I will relive in me mind many times to come.
Each time she got a sales lady, the woman would go to "look" for whatever it was and then wouldn't come back! This went on for a good 45 minute and six different sales ladies. It was glorious I tell ya.
When we got back in the car, I knew if I didn't correct the situation before I got home, me wife would be on me. So delicately I said, "Mam, you have a wee bit of lipstick smudged there."
She immediately flipped down the too small vanity mirror and looked. Me sides were splitting with mirth, but I held it in, you'd have been proud of yours truly. She slowly turned to me and said, "Did I look like this in that store?"
I lied, yes I did. I said, "Well, no. Don't you remember you looked in the mirror just before we turned? Must have happened when you sneezed." She had sneezed and when she did she had used a tissue and well that had to be when the smudging occurred. Uh huh. I don't know how I kept a straight face, but I did lose it several times on the way home, where me laughter would explode out of me and I'd cover it as if it were a coughing fit. This happened too many times to count, and she started to look at me as if I was the biggest disease germ in existence and it was sitting next to her! I still have trouble containing the merriment when I think of her in that store. Oh me ribs ache.
Gabe
Copyright © 2009 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
We left the eye place, the dragon twittering with laughter at how funny she was, me the butt of her funniness walking to the car with a frozen smile, not wanting to open her side of the car for her to get in, but being brought up by me mam to always respect me elders, I waited for her funniness to hobble out and then it took every ounce of me resolve not to slam her door shut behind her.
On the long drive to "her daughter's house," she spies a Starbucks and orders me to pull in and buy her a tea because her throat is scratchy. Now the last time I did this, I fully expected the woman to have drunk her tea by the time we returned to MY house. But she did not, and when she got out of the car with her Starbucks cup, me wife with the eagle eye had seen said cup and asked me where was hers. So, I didn't want to make that mistake again and end up in the doghouse, so I asked her what she thought would be a good hot drink for Tonya (being she was sick and you know, mother knows best! AND because I was trying to be nice).
She says, "Dear, by the time we get home the tea will be cold so don't bother."
I think all righty then. So, I order her a London Fog tea and me a regular coffee. As I be pulling out she looks at me after taking a sip of her tea.
"Ooh this is hot dear." Then she looks at me askance because she knows what I be thinking, I should have got one for Tonya. "Drink up dear." She says with a laugh.
DRINK UP? DRINK UP! I wanted to pour me hot coffee over her head. She thought it was best I drink up so that it wouldn't look like I indulged, it would look like I indulged her and forgot entirely about me wife! I know it was supposed to keep me out of trouble, but it wouldn't. It didn't last time now did it?
I was half crazed with anger, but kept me temper in check, the whole while imagining the dragon being roasted over a pit of hot coals. I was deep in me thoughts, she putting lipstick on and mumbling something about the inadequate size of me vanity mirror, when suddenly she swings her arm across me sightline and points to a craft store on the other side of the highway.
"Quick Gabe, make a left!"
She scared the wits out of me and I did, almost causing an accident, but the best part was my left was such a sharp turn the lipstick went skidding across her mouth and begorrah me, but I found meself sitting next to the joker! Yes, she looked right out of the Dark Knight and the best was she didn't even know it!
Yes, I know what you are thinking, I probably told her but no you are wrong. I didn't tell her. She had flipped up the mirror in her excitement of seeing a craft store in the middle of nowhere and well, I acted just as excited and so made like everything was just fine and dandy.
Once inside I made me way far away from her, as if I was looking for something for the little Airport to play with. She, as I well knew, would be after sales ladies for help and I must say I had all I could do to keep me laughter contained as each sales lady would catch a glance at the Dragon's face and look somewhat horrified -- then afraid. Yes, it was wonderful, the entire 45 minutes in the craft store was an experience of a lifetime, that I will relive in me mind many times to come.
Each time she got a sales lady, the woman would go to "look" for whatever it was and then wouldn't come back! This went on for a good 45 minute and six different sales ladies. It was glorious I tell ya.
When we got back in the car, I knew if I didn't correct the situation before I got home, me wife would be on me. So delicately I said, "Mam, you have a wee bit of lipstick smudged there."
She immediately flipped down the too small vanity mirror and looked. Me sides were splitting with mirth, but I held it in, you'd have been proud of yours truly. She slowly turned to me and said, "Did I look like this in that store?"
I lied, yes I did. I said, "Well, no. Don't you remember you looked in the mirror just before we turned? Must have happened when you sneezed." She had sneezed and when she did she had used a tissue and well that had to be when the smudging occurred. Uh huh. I don't know how I kept a straight face, but I did lose it several times on the way home, where me laughter would explode out of me and I'd cover it as if it were a coughing fit. This happened too many times to count, and she started to look at me as if I was the biggest disease germ in existence and it was sitting next to her! I still have trouble containing the merriment when I think of her in that store. Oh me ribs ache.
Gabe
Copyright © 2009 All rights reserved
2 comments:
Tuigim do chas
You understand me situation. And here I thought ya were cursing me in Irish, LOL. I have wondered what you said for the longest time. Tonight me Irish friend translated. So in other words, you commiserate with me because me life sucks. Yes, it does. LOL
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