1 September 2007
205
R. Linda:
The winged creature flew ever higher to its aerie, and the ring beamed below off flashes of sunshine as the sun hit it, blinding the men on the ground watching forlornly as the raptor few out of sight.
"Weel, that's a fine thing," the Earl said watching the speck disappear into the clouds. He turned his attention to the man in the tree, "Get down ere' now!"
The dimwit pushed himself backwards along the branch, half thankful not to have touched the monkey poo, but not happy the bird had taken the ring. When he stood next to his compatriot, the Earl's narrowing eyes and dark mood focused upon them.
"Methinks gentlemen, ain I use that term loosely, that ye both better know ow to hunt. Wat wad ye suggest ye are going to do aboot that ring NOW!"
Both shrugged, very aware that the Earl's voice was slowly rising until he shouted his last word and his eyes were wee slits in his head.
"Ye there Cedric, ain you there MacDaff, get the hunting arrows fur these two twits ain accompany them that way," the Earl pointed in the departed direction of the raptor, "ain help them track down that RING!"
"Aye, we weel," Cedric said, the same man who both the dimwits had cursed his mother roundly.
"Uh oh," muttered the dimwits. The other man, one MacDaff was a handsome man of considerable strength, gleaming white teeth and if anyone could kill a bird at 100 paces, this was the man to do it they thought. The two dimwits grinned at each other thinking that maybe MacDaff was daft as well and they could easily get him to do their dirty work.
Off the four went, MacDaff leading the way, the two idiots behind him and bringing up the rear was the pipe-reeking Cedric, who's mother's honour he swore silently to extract upon the two bungling idiots in front of him.
They walked for what seemed like miles until MacDaff stopped and gestured they all be quiet. They were three-quarters of the way up a hill when suddenly they could hear what MacDaff had heard, the sound of a raptor calling. There it was on a leafless branch of a dead tree, silhouetted against the sky. Its red feathers fluffed as it began to groom itself, but more importantly, closed in one talon was the ring sparkling in the sunshine like a neon sign.
One dimwit started to move toward the bird, but MacDaff's massive hand caught him. With a finger to his lips to be quiet, he signalled the men to follow. Slowly crouched down so as not to cause notice, they made their way to a hedgerow of brambles. Sitting down behind the brambles, MacDaff got out the arrows and bows, set them for the two dimwits and handed each one.
"Wot do we do wi these?" One dimwit whispered.
"Wot do ye think," Cedric replied sarcastically.
"We don't know hah to shoot em'," The other dimwit replied. "MacDaff ye do it, ye look the sportsmen."
"Ah but I canna, I canna see three feet in front of me, it be me hearing that gets me places."
The two dimwits studied the handsome man, brows furrowed.
"Coomb on now ye jests wi us," one dimwit said with a good-natured smile.
"Sorry lads he isn't jesting. Set yer sights on that birdie ain give it a pull," Cedric said softly, so not to be heard by the still-preening raptor.
"Ow can this be?" The one dimwit asked MacDaff, "Ye look the virile sort, why look at yer strapping self, yer more the man than all three of us together."
"Speak fur yersel ya daft fool," Cedric bristled.
"Yer mootha be more the man than ye be Cedric," sniggered the other dimwit, who was rewarded for his impertinence with a slap on the head from the offended Cedric. As the slap jolted the idiot, his arrow went off and he caught Cedric in the foot. Cedric jumped up howling in pain and this got the raptor's undivided attention.
MacDaff jumped up trying to find Cedric's foot to pull the shaft out, but he took hold of a nearby tree knocking himself out as he tried to catch an inanimate object. The bird flew off as the dimwits watched, their hearts sinking to their lower depths in despair. Seeing an opportunity, they both ran off after the bird as Cedric danced around cursing both their mothers and the big man MacDaff lay knocked unconscious on the ground.
Sigh.
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