28 February 2008
226
R. Linda:
You are a nutter where the fudge is concerned. Someone offered me a piece the other day at work and I thought I'd barf on it. Everyone was standing around and that made it worse. They all looked at me oddly and someone asked me if I was a diabetic and I had to answer no, and they said, I thought so, so go ahead, have a piece, it is really creamy. I looked down at me muffin top and it was screaming up at me, YEAH GABE, GO AHEAD HAVE SOME, WE NEED MORE FAT DOWN HERE. WE NEED TO BECOME A SPARE TYRE!
I reluctantly took it because with everyone staring at me, I felt like a fool and the woman who made it was looking at me not too friendly like. I said, I'd have it later, and they all really stared hard at me like I had said something in a foreign language and was intentionally insulting the fudge maker. OH OK, I said and slowly and painfully slowly, I undid the cello wrap and had it in between me forefinger and thumb like it was a scorpion. I knew they were all looking at me, but I let it drift S L O W L Y to me mouth where I had all I could do not to gag, but I took the tiniest of nibbles and oh it hit me, it wasn't as good as yours and me brain started sending messages to me vocal cords to scream out the word YUCKERS! But instead, I tried to swallow, and it got caught in me throat and I went for me water bottle, but it was empty! I looked up to see them watching me like I was a criminal for not saying to the woman, "Damn that is the best fudge ever!" But I couldn't bring meself to squeak a sound out. Instead, I started grinning like the damn eejit that I be, and everyone accepted that as approval and mercifully walked away talking to each other about how everyone in the office just loved HER fudge.
As soon as they were out of sight, I put me head under me desk where the waste bin was and stuck me fingers down me throat until the vile stuff came up and into the bin. I wrapped the rest up in its wrapper and popped that in too.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME? I be allergic to FUDGE. Oi!
Gabe
Copyright © 2008 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
You are a nutter where the fudge is concerned. Someone offered me a piece the other day at work and I thought I'd barf on it. Everyone was standing around and that made it worse. They all looked at me oddly and someone asked me if I was a diabetic and I had to answer no, and they said, I thought so, so go ahead, have a piece, it is really creamy. I looked down at me muffin top and it was screaming up at me, YEAH GABE, GO AHEAD HAVE SOME, WE NEED MORE FAT DOWN HERE. WE NEED TO BECOME A SPARE TYRE!
I reluctantly took it because with everyone staring at me, I felt like a fool and the woman who made it was looking at me not too friendly like. I said, I'd have it later, and they all really stared hard at me like I had said something in a foreign language and was intentionally insulting the fudge maker. OH OK, I said and slowly and painfully slowly, I undid the cello wrap and had it in between me forefinger and thumb like it was a scorpion. I knew they were all looking at me, but I let it drift S L O W L Y to me mouth where I had all I could do not to gag, but I took the tiniest of nibbles and oh it hit me, it wasn't as good as yours and me brain started sending messages to me vocal cords to scream out the word YUCKERS! But instead, I tried to swallow, and it got caught in me throat and I went for me water bottle, but it was empty! I looked up to see them watching me like I was a criminal for not saying to the woman, "Damn that is the best fudge ever!" But I couldn't bring meself to squeak a sound out. Instead, I started grinning like the damn eejit that I be, and everyone accepted that as approval and mercifully walked away talking to each other about how everyone in the office just loved HER fudge.
As soon as they were out of sight, I put me head under me desk where the waste bin was and stuck me fingers down me throat until the vile stuff came up and into the bin. I wrapped the rest up in its wrapper and popped that in too.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME? I be allergic to FUDGE. Oi!
Gabe
Copyright © 2008 All rights reserved
No comments:
Post a Comment