27 February 2008
225
R. Linda:
I had the day off and instead of spending it the way yours truly had imagined, the wife came in, handed me a shovel and told me to "Get out there." Sigh. So, I put on me clodhopper boots, me heavy down jacket, me hat and heavy gloves and tramped out to the frozen tundra.
It looked easy enough UNTIL I took one swing with a lot of force behind it and hit ice. It was like an electric current went up me arm to me shoulder. The shovel fell from me tight embrace and I danced around like a leprechaun for the pain that was making me blind. I lost me footing and down I went hard on the same side I was experiencing the pain. There I was out in the middle of nowhere, flat on me back yelling for Tonya, pain cruising up me arm to the shoulder, me back out of whack from the fall, me nose hairs freezing up, and nothing but silence around me, except for meself of course moaning and groaning on the cold hard ground.
Finally, Tonya came running out in her slippers and what happened? She slid into me as she slipped on the ice and her feet struck me right in the pain-filled shoulder and now I was howling and withering, yes withering in pain.
"Help me up!" I said to her between pain-wracked sobs.
"You need to help me up first!" She berated me.
Here we were, the two of us on the ground, her trying to get up and each time (three to be exact and I know because she kept falling into me wounded shoulder) not being able to. Me, completely incapacitated and useless, somehow made it to me knees and with me useless right side I did manage to get halfway up. As I was rising, Tonya grabbed hold of me left hand and was trying to pull herself into a sitting position when wham, down I went along with her crashing down on -- you guessed it -- me right hurt side. OUCH! Big ouch.
I told her through me pain-clenched teeth to let go and stop. I told her to let me try to get back up and I would get her up once I be upright. Okay, she says. SO after a few minutes of slipping and sliding, I got meself up. In the slippers she had on, I knew there was no way she would remain upright, so I told her to give me her hand, I would slide her back to the porch. At this, she gave me flack about treating her like some old bag of produce and who did I think I was, etc., to which the tears of pain were flowing down me frozen cheeks and all I could do was stand there and lose me temper. It takes a lot for that to happen as you know, but it did.
I bent down almost losing me fool balance and grabbed her by the hand whether she wanted me to or not (was not) and I dragged her sorry arse to the steps. She sat there looking at me in shock. I said something like, "Woman, get thee up I be off to call doctor because I be really, really, really hurt." And off I went leaving her sitting there, mouth open in shock and eyes at first surprised, but turning to rage? Before she could start on me, I was up the stairs and inside, slamming the door behind me. I know what you are thinking, Gabe had a hissy fit and you'd be right because GABE DID. I have never been in so much pain in me life. I thought I had dislocated me shoulder.
SHE came slamming in to find me sitting exhausted in me fav chair whining about losing the use of me right arm. "I'll use the left, I guess," said me feeling very sorry for me.
"Get over yourself Gabriel," she said in a huff and left me sitting there. I thought to meself she turned heartless, but I was wrong. She came back with a wet pack and applied it to me shoulder once she got me out of me jacket (which was an adventure in itself, the pain was intense). She even called doctor and asked if she should take me to the ER. I ended up there once we skidded down the driveway barely missing a tree and me waving hello to me old neighbour. Once there they rang me doctor and set up a date for an MRI. The x-rays were "inconclusive." Oi! So back home I was sent with a painkiller and told to ice then heat, or it was the other way round, I don't remember it all be a painful blur.
Let me tell you about me MRI experience and the physical therapy because I want to share the torture, I mean the love. As you know I had done a number on me shoulder, me doc sent me to an imaging place. The nurse told me to remove all me piercings, of which I had none, but jokingly told her if I removed them I'd never manage to get them back in, I be all thumbs. She didn't laugh, just said remove them -- now. I confessed I had none, and told her I was a very boring sort. Still no smile, not even sympathy. Sigh.
Then, I had to leave some of me clothes on while going National Geographic with the upper half. I could leave on me Bite Me tee shirt, but I had to remove the Iron Maiden because of the metal hooks, LOL. Okay, I be kidding, no Iron Maiden tee. I get put into the machine and the top is 5 inches from the tip of me nose. Thank God I be not claustrophobic. I be tilted at an angle, I'm told not to move for 30 minutes. The techies positioned the bad shoulder and as soon as the machine started up, it cramped up. So for the next 29 minutes, I be in gut-wrenching pain. I tried to go to me happy place by using the noise of the machine to make up me own music in me head. THEN, me left eye started to itch, I felt the need to sneeze and was ready any minute to squeeze the bulb they put in me hand to signal for help. I never did squeeze that thing. The reason I didn't was with me luck I was afraid it would just squeak or make an awooga sound. Then I would spasm with laughing and have to start all over. I know what you're thinking, I've been around Weasil too long.
Speaking of which, when I told him about me shoulder, he laughed and wrote me this: heres da dealie Gabbie I haz a vat a monkey glue on hand. I stand at da readee ta git ta ya fer shoulder gooey gluing in da hopes dat it stays cemented real nice fer at least another year b4 i haz ta mix up another batchie. actually, I dint mix it. i had da little woman do it cuz it iz made uppie from our own personal little monkey aka maxz snotty nose drippins. it iz gooey sticky stuffins an i can tell ya that much an I think we could glue a chair ta da maxie and never git either unstucky so say da wurdie an i'll send ya sum asap :)~~~~~~
If that wasn't bad enough he then sent me this: Did ya noz dey makes a monkey tape??????? it be wrapped ina kinda cello wrappie an iz brownish in colour. i think i saw hairs but iz not sure. i taught ta myself why nottie wrap dat shoulder in dis stuffins, den i taught dat looks like itchy stuffins ta me. SO i picked ya up a big box an iz sendin ta yer arse. Seez i taught bout ya. mahahahahaahaaaa
Delightful chappie as always, doing his best to help me out, and he DID send me the Monkey Tape, the arse. He offered to be at me beck and call before he moves to snowy Colorado (which can't be soon enough for yours truly). I did call him and ask him to deliver me a pizza. Secretly, I wanted to watch him ice skate up me driveway. A sliding Weasil, very funny image (at least to me.)
YES LUCKY YOU, HE BE MOVING TO YOUR NECK OF THE WOODS. Hahahaha!!! He's all YOURS. LMAO.
Seems me MRI results show not the torn rotator cuff you are so famous for and secretly hoping for, and the ER suspected, but pulled muscle and ligaments. Now let me tell you about physical therapy.
I go in and fill out 60 pages of questions. The therapist tugs, lifts, pulls, and measures how much strength and how far me arm will go in directions it's not supposed to go. Me insurance pays for most but me co-pay be $25. Get this, I get to pay for the privilege of being tortured. She has me flat on a hard, COLD table, hands me a stick and has me do 3 exercises to improve me range of motion. This means moving me arm as far as it will go until I scream. I get to do this at home 3 to 4 times daily, PLUS I have to go back Friday for more. AND, twice a week for God knows how long. FOR JOY!
I get to pay ten more dollars for electrodes taped to me shoulder with meds to reduce the inflammation. MIRACLE! It allowed me to do me job and even take a much-needed nap when I got home with no pain. BUT, when it wore off, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I guess I was thinking it's a cure. Whatever (to borrow a line from YOU).
I will be going again on Wednesday to find some ugly diabetic shoes so I can keep me balance. Seems they think me feet will fall off if I don't. LMAO. They say it will help me stay upright until I heal. I just like to keep you informed. I don't want REALLY ugly shoes, but we'll see. I know how much you LOVE hearing the boredom that is me life. Two appointments this week, one for therapy and one for old lady shoes. Yeah me, the skinny sort of macho Irishman, wearing old lady shoes. Oh, the disgrace.
But back to me therapy, when it's time to get off the table, the therapist pulls the pillow from under me head. No warning like, "That's it, you're done!" No, nothing like that. In the meantime, I can't use me arm to push meself up to even get off the freaking table. She left me there like a floundering fish. I flopped around helplessly and almost fell off the table! Some other patient had to help me up. I get to pay for the meds, and schedule more torture once I get me the reception desk. That was it! An hour of me day to lift a broomstick, toss money around and go home. More fun than I could ever imagine! And I get to pay for it. Personally, I'd rather drop a heavy bucket on me foot, or better yet on Weasil's. Now BOTH shoulders hurt. The left is worse than the right -- I BE FALLING APART!!!
AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY MRS. KENNEDY?
Gabe
Copyright © 2008 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
I had the day off and instead of spending it the way yours truly had imagined, the wife came in, handed me a shovel and told me to "Get out there." Sigh. So, I put on me clodhopper boots, me heavy down jacket, me hat and heavy gloves and tramped out to the frozen tundra.
It looked easy enough UNTIL I took one swing with a lot of force behind it and hit ice. It was like an electric current went up me arm to me shoulder. The shovel fell from me tight embrace and I danced around like a leprechaun for the pain that was making me blind. I lost me footing and down I went hard on the same side I was experiencing the pain. There I was out in the middle of nowhere, flat on me back yelling for Tonya, pain cruising up me arm to the shoulder, me back out of whack from the fall, me nose hairs freezing up, and nothing but silence around me, except for meself of course moaning and groaning on the cold hard ground.
Finally, Tonya came running out in her slippers and what happened? She slid into me as she slipped on the ice and her feet struck me right in the pain-filled shoulder and now I was howling and withering, yes withering in pain.
"Help me up!" I said to her between pain-wracked sobs.
"You need to help me up first!" She berated me.
Here we were, the two of us on the ground, her trying to get up and each time (three to be exact and I know because she kept falling into me wounded shoulder) not being able to. Me, completely incapacitated and useless, somehow made it to me knees and with me useless right side I did manage to get halfway up. As I was rising, Tonya grabbed hold of me left hand and was trying to pull herself into a sitting position when wham, down I went along with her crashing down on -- you guessed it -- me right hurt side. OUCH! Big ouch.
I told her through me pain-clenched teeth to let go and stop. I told her to let me try to get back up and I would get her up once I be upright. Okay, she says. SO after a few minutes of slipping and sliding, I got meself up. In the slippers she had on, I knew there was no way she would remain upright, so I told her to give me her hand, I would slide her back to the porch. At this, she gave me flack about treating her like some old bag of produce and who did I think I was, etc., to which the tears of pain were flowing down me frozen cheeks and all I could do was stand there and lose me temper. It takes a lot for that to happen as you know, but it did.
I bent down almost losing me fool balance and grabbed her by the hand whether she wanted me to or not (was not) and I dragged her sorry arse to the steps. She sat there looking at me in shock. I said something like, "Woman, get thee up I be off to call doctor because I be really, really, really hurt." And off I went leaving her sitting there, mouth open in shock and eyes at first surprised, but turning to rage? Before she could start on me, I was up the stairs and inside, slamming the door behind me. I know what you are thinking, Gabe had a hissy fit and you'd be right because GABE DID. I have never been in so much pain in me life. I thought I had dislocated me shoulder.
SHE came slamming in to find me sitting exhausted in me fav chair whining about losing the use of me right arm. "I'll use the left, I guess," said me feeling very sorry for me.
"Get over yourself Gabriel," she said in a huff and left me sitting there. I thought to meself she turned heartless, but I was wrong. She came back with a wet pack and applied it to me shoulder once she got me out of me jacket (which was an adventure in itself, the pain was intense). She even called doctor and asked if she should take me to the ER. I ended up there once we skidded down the driveway barely missing a tree and me waving hello to me old neighbour. Once there they rang me doctor and set up a date for an MRI. The x-rays were "inconclusive." Oi! So back home I was sent with a painkiller and told to ice then heat, or it was the other way round, I don't remember it all be a painful blur.
Let me tell you about me MRI experience and the physical therapy because I want to share the torture, I mean the love. As you know I had done a number on me shoulder, me doc sent me to an imaging place. The nurse told me to remove all me piercings, of which I had none, but jokingly told her if I removed them I'd never manage to get them back in, I be all thumbs. She didn't laugh, just said remove them -- now. I confessed I had none, and told her I was a very boring sort. Still no smile, not even sympathy. Sigh.
Then, I had to leave some of me clothes on while going National Geographic with the upper half. I could leave on me Bite Me tee shirt, but I had to remove the Iron Maiden because of the metal hooks, LOL. Okay, I be kidding, no Iron Maiden tee. I get put into the machine and the top is 5 inches from the tip of me nose. Thank God I be not claustrophobic. I be tilted at an angle, I'm told not to move for 30 minutes. The techies positioned the bad shoulder and as soon as the machine started up, it cramped up. So for the next 29 minutes, I be in gut-wrenching pain. I tried to go to me happy place by using the noise of the machine to make up me own music in me head. THEN, me left eye started to itch, I felt the need to sneeze and was ready any minute to squeeze the bulb they put in me hand to signal for help. I never did squeeze that thing. The reason I didn't was with me luck I was afraid it would just squeak or make an awooga sound. Then I would spasm with laughing and have to start all over. I know what you're thinking, I've been around Weasil too long.
Speaking of which, when I told him about me shoulder, he laughed and wrote me this: heres da dealie Gabbie I haz a vat a monkey glue on hand. I stand at da readee ta git ta ya fer shoulder gooey gluing in da hopes dat it stays cemented real nice fer at least another year b4 i haz ta mix up another batchie. actually, I dint mix it. i had da little woman do it cuz it iz made uppie from our own personal little monkey aka maxz snotty nose drippins. it iz gooey sticky stuffins an i can tell ya that much an I think we could glue a chair ta da maxie and never git either unstucky so say da wurdie an i'll send ya sum asap :)~~~~~~
If that wasn't bad enough he then sent me this: Did ya noz dey makes a monkey tape??????? it be wrapped ina kinda cello wrappie an iz brownish in colour. i think i saw hairs but iz not sure. i taught ta myself why nottie wrap dat shoulder in dis stuffins, den i taught dat looks like itchy stuffins ta me. SO i picked ya up a big box an iz sendin ta yer arse. Seez i taught bout ya. mahahahahaahaaaa
Delightful chappie as always, doing his best to help me out, and he DID send me the Monkey Tape, the arse. He offered to be at me beck and call before he moves to snowy Colorado (which can't be soon enough for yours truly). I did call him and ask him to deliver me a pizza. Secretly, I wanted to watch him ice skate up me driveway. A sliding Weasil, very funny image (at least to me.)
YES LUCKY YOU, HE BE MOVING TO YOUR NECK OF THE WOODS. Hahahaha!!! He's all YOURS. LMAO.
Seems me MRI results show not the torn rotator cuff you are so famous for and secretly hoping for, and the ER suspected, but pulled muscle and ligaments. Now let me tell you about physical therapy.
I go in and fill out 60 pages of questions. The therapist tugs, lifts, pulls, and measures how much strength and how far me arm will go in directions it's not supposed to go. Me insurance pays for most but me co-pay be $25. Get this, I get to pay for the privilege of being tortured. She has me flat on a hard, COLD table, hands me a stick and has me do 3 exercises to improve me range of motion. This means moving me arm as far as it will go until I scream. I get to do this at home 3 to 4 times daily, PLUS I have to go back Friday for more. AND, twice a week for God knows how long. FOR JOY!
I get to pay ten more dollars for electrodes taped to me shoulder with meds to reduce the inflammation. MIRACLE! It allowed me to do me job and even take a much-needed nap when I got home with no pain. BUT, when it wore off, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I guess I was thinking it's a cure. Whatever (to borrow a line from YOU).
I will be going again on Wednesday to find some ugly diabetic shoes so I can keep me balance. Seems they think me feet will fall off if I don't. LMAO. They say it will help me stay upright until I heal. I just like to keep you informed. I don't want REALLY ugly shoes, but we'll see. I know how much you LOVE hearing the boredom that is me life. Two appointments this week, one for therapy and one for old lady shoes. Yeah me, the skinny sort of macho Irishman, wearing old lady shoes. Oh, the disgrace.
But back to me therapy, when it's time to get off the table, the therapist pulls the pillow from under me head. No warning like, "That's it, you're done!" No, nothing like that. In the meantime, I can't use me arm to push meself up to even get off the freaking table. She left me there like a floundering fish. I flopped around helplessly and almost fell off the table! Some other patient had to help me up. I get to pay for the meds, and schedule more torture once I get me the reception desk. That was it! An hour of me day to lift a broomstick, toss money around and go home. More fun than I could ever imagine! And I get to pay for it. Personally, I'd rather drop a heavy bucket on me foot, or better yet on Weasil's. Now BOTH shoulders hurt. The left is worse than the right -- I BE FALLING APART!!!
AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY MRS. KENNEDY?
Gabe
Copyright © 2008 All rights reserved
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