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R. Linda:
First grade starts for me nephew, young Ryan, on Wednesday next. Therefore, because of the christening of his baby sister Brigid, the women in the house were in a twitter on getting themselves dresses for the christening occasion. It was deemed that Ryan needed something as well. Since he was going clothes shopping anyway, a decision was made to buy him his school clothes as time was running short. So all that aside, the shopping got done, but time for a haircut had run out. You know well when women go shopping there is time for little else but spending money on themselves. It be a fact and law of the female in shopping mode.
Looking quite the moppet, young Ryan at least, had a combed appearance when his sister was absolved of Original Sin (what a stupid idea that), and officially became who she has been all along. I suppose the church needs to feel that power, I was not one for the ceremony but went along with it to appease the female population within me house of relatives. That aside, the young man needed to get a haircut -- in the worse way.
This morn his father (my cousin) remarked that school was a scant two days away, and if Ryan wanted to be mistaken for a young lass, he best get his head shorn. That is how it was left and to his morning tasks of physical fitness, his father went. I will say my cousin was barely awake after last nights tirade in the bedroom, thanks to his wife keeping me awake at all the wee hours (the moonlight has that effect on her). So me cousin was still cobwebby of thought. However, that changed later in the day to where he almost went into cardiac arrest at sight of Ryan's new do.
My God, but the lad looked like a young punk from Belfast he did. For a scant second his father thought he was back home in Ulster. In Ryan walked with a shite-eating grin on his young face, causing his dear father to stand right up out of his chair. Yes, it made me cousin take up straight out of the chair at the sight of him. His son's eyes hit downward as they darted around the room somewhat embarrassed at his father's reaction. Speechless, his father stared at his son's head.
That was all right for the moment until his mother entered the room carrying folded laundry. Let me give you an aside here before I continue. The two people responsible for taking young Ryan to the barber where one housekeeper, affectionately known as Sparky (her teeth will tell you why, just think on it), and one live-in relative Eamonn. How hard a task is it to take a child for a haircut I ask you? Along for the ride was one Donald Bratt (who does live up to his last name on occasion). Donnie is a punky child who, besides being a genius, can be precocious, and overbearing for his own good. That aside, young Master Bratt had a lot to do with Ryan's new cut (and I mean cut).
Master Bratt sports a buzz cut on the sides with a longish ponytail up top. He looks like a Tartar but he's the brightest of the brightest and so everyone lets this strange appearance of his go by. Never in me born days did I think me nephew, sweet, innocent Ryan, would become a member of the Donald Bratt Pack.
Back to the event at hand. So, there they were, Ryan standing or I should say swaying nervously between his Da and his Mam. She glanced at him as she came in and said, "Donnie what ye doin' in here, yah?" And, then she had an epiphany where she recognised the back of her son's shaved head and the wash went flying as she took a giant step in his direction, and by the arm she swung him to face her full on. The effect was interesting. Her face went beet red, her mouth formed an O and her eyes were as wide as her mouth.
Epithets that I will not repeat, and that Ryan had never heard, uttered from his Mam's mouth invading the silence of his stunned Da, who was still blinking thinking he was seeing things, but no, no he was not. The lad was sporting a Mohawk. Yes, indeed R. Linda, that will take a damn sight longer to grow out than any cut I can think of. Me suggestion was they buzz the spikes for a total buzz but the young man wouldn't hear of it.
And so, he be sporting his rebellious do and his mother is crying and cursing Sparky and Eamonn. I be in here laughing me arse off because there is nothing to be done for it. I be quite certain that on Ryan's first day of class he will be catalogued immediately as a trouble-maker. I will obtain a shot and send along if you are interested in experiencing heart stoppage. Let me know.
This story does not end here, no indeed. Me cousin cajoled his son to think about the unwanted attention he may get at his first day of school. Being a cagey sort, me cousin took the lad down to the village green for ice cream. The barber shop be right next door, you see the plan now?
Well, the child would not hear of any 'redo' of the 'do' and as they were walking back to their car, the barber came out the door and waved. Yes R. Linda, he had the nerve to wave at me poor distraught cousin and to me proud as heck nephew with the Mohawk. Ryan went running over as the man put his hand out to give the young sport a high five. Me cousin was about rolling his eyes back in his head at this gesture. The barber remarked that young Ryan had grown like a weed and me cousin wanted so much to say, is that what you were smoking when you cut me son's hair? But he refrained.
With decorum the beset upon father took the young Mohawk son home to his Mam who got reacquainted with the emotion called upset over her son still sporting the new look.
I be so glad I be not a father.
Gabe
Copyright © 2004 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
First grade starts for me nephew, young Ryan, on Wednesday next. Therefore, because of the christening of his baby sister Brigid, the women in the house were in a twitter on getting themselves dresses for the christening occasion. It was deemed that Ryan needed something as well. Since he was going clothes shopping anyway, a decision was made to buy him his school clothes as time was running short. So all that aside, the shopping got done, but time for a haircut had run out. You know well when women go shopping there is time for little else but spending money on themselves. It be a fact and law of the female in shopping mode.
Looking quite the moppet, young Ryan at least, had a combed appearance when his sister was absolved of Original Sin (what a stupid idea that), and officially became who she has been all along. I suppose the church needs to feel that power, I was not one for the ceremony but went along with it to appease the female population within me house of relatives. That aside, the young man needed to get a haircut -- in the worse way.
This morn his father (my cousin) remarked that school was a scant two days away, and if Ryan wanted to be mistaken for a young lass, he best get his head shorn. That is how it was left and to his morning tasks of physical fitness, his father went. I will say my cousin was barely awake after last nights tirade in the bedroom, thanks to his wife keeping me awake at all the wee hours (the moonlight has that effect on her). So me cousin was still cobwebby of thought. However, that changed later in the day to where he almost went into cardiac arrest at sight of Ryan's new do.
My God, but the lad looked like a young punk from Belfast he did. For a scant second his father thought he was back home in Ulster. In Ryan walked with a shite-eating grin on his young face, causing his dear father to stand right up out of his chair. Yes, it made me cousin take up straight out of the chair at the sight of him. His son's eyes hit downward as they darted around the room somewhat embarrassed at his father's reaction. Speechless, his father stared at his son's head.
That was all right for the moment until his mother entered the room carrying folded laundry. Let me give you an aside here before I continue. The two people responsible for taking young Ryan to the barber where one housekeeper, affectionately known as Sparky (her teeth will tell you why, just think on it), and one live-in relative Eamonn. How hard a task is it to take a child for a haircut I ask you? Along for the ride was one Donald Bratt (who does live up to his last name on occasion). Donnie is a punky child who, besides being a genius, can be precocious, and overbearing for his own good. That aside, young Master Bratt had a lot to do with Ryan's new cut (and I mean cut).
Master Bratt sports a buzz cut on the sides with a longish ponytail up top. He looks like a Tartar but he's the brightest of the brightest and so everyone lets this strange appearance of his go by. Never in me born days did I think me nephew, sweet, innocent Ryan, would become a member of the Donald Bratt Pack.
Back to the event at hand. So, there they were, Ryan standing or I should say swaying nervously between his Da and his Mam. She glanced at him as she came in and said, "Donnie what ye doin' in here, yah?" And, then she had an epiphany where she recognised the back of her son's shaved head and the wash went flying as she took a giant step in his direction, and by the arm she swung him to face her full on. The effect was interesting. Her face went beet red, her mouth formed an O and her eyes were as wide as her mouth.
Epithets that I will not repeat, and that Ryan had never heard, uttered from his Mam's mouth invading the silence of his stunned Da, who was still blinking thinking he was seeing things, but no, no he was not. The lad was sporting a Mohawk. Yes, indeed R. Linda, that will take a damn sight longer to grow out than any cut I can think of. Me suggestion was they buzz the spikes for a total buzz but the young man wouldn't hear of it.
And so, he be sporting his rebellious do and his mother is crying and cursing Sparky and Eamonn. I be in here laughing me arse off because there is nothing to be done for it. I be quite certain that on Ryan's first day of class he will be catalogued immediately as a trouble-maker. I will obtain a shot and send along if you are interested in experiencing heart stoppage. Let me know.
This story does not end here, no indeed. Me cousin cajoled his son to think about the unwanted attention he may get at his first day of school. Being a cagey sort, me cousin took the lad down to the village green for ice cream. The barber shop be right next door, you see the plan now?
Well, the child would not hear of any 'redo' of the 'do' and as they were walking back to their car, the barber came out the door and waved. Yes R. Linda, he had the nerve to wave at me poor distraught cousin and to me proud as heck nephew with the Mohawk. Ryan went running over as the man put his hand out to give the young sport a high five. Me cousin was about rolling his eyes back in his head at this gesture. The barber remarked that young Ryan had grown like a weed and me cousin wanted so much to say, is that what you were smoking when you cut me son's hair? But he refrained.
With decorum the beset upon father took the young Mohawk son home to his Mam who got reacquainted with the emotion called upset over her son still sporting the new look.
I be so glad I be not a father.
Gabe
Copyright © 2004 All rights reserved
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