Cake Pop Thieves

14 April 2023

1097

R. Linda:

I am debating if I should call the bakery police or just keep the knowledge of the guilty to meself. Last night me eldest O'Hare was honoured as second runner-up in a scholarship programme at a local club that each year presents a $10,000 scholarship for the winner and $1,000 for the two runner-ups. Well, O'Hare placed second and we were very proud of the speech he gave. 

The evening started with sannies (some gluten-free), cheeses and crackers, fruits, etc., and a cash bar for the adults. It was quite a nice spread and they had cafe tables scattered all around so you could stand and eat like a cow and listen to the older ladies complain they wanted to get off their old feet and SIT IT DOWN! Yes, I was graced with both me Mam, AND the Dragon Lady. The wife, kiddos, and Sean were scattered about talking to their friends and neighbours while I was saddled with candidates for the old folks' home. 

I had run to the bar and got them both Coke A Colas to wash down the (according to Dragon) dried ham sanny she was munching, and to be polite to have thought about me Mam I had juggled three sodas or as they say here in tropical New England, pops. Yes, R. Linda, it was a sweltering 90 degrees after having been 30! Of course, everyone was dressed in winter clothing because the weather was a SURPRISE! That alone had snarky moods going. 

I was in a discussion with Dragon on how her sanny could possibly be dry because it was chocked full of fresh tomatoes and leafy lettuce when I noticed this plate of cheese and crackers magically rising from just below the cafe table to its top, sliding neatly onto the table. Then I fascinatingly watched as a small hand came up to pluck a piece of cheese, slap it on a cracker and disappear below the table. Yes, the wee one couldn't see beyond the lower reaches of the table legs since the tables were high and no chairs were to be had. 

I was told to "Lift the child up, Gabe," by Dragon, and so with one hand holding me roast beef sanny, I lifted the wee one who isn't so wee anymore (63 pounds), and there I was trying to eat my food and keep me balance as the wee one munched cracker crumbs all over me, happy as a clam to be at adult level.  

Realising I have a bad back and a leg that gives out, me Mam ordered me to put him down NOW! Which started a rather heated discussion on that subject between her and the Dragon. I stood there for a few more minutes before I had to put him down. He was pretty much finished anyway and now I needed a chair. 

It wasn't long before we were ushered into the theatre portion of the club for the awards. As we walked into the theatre there was this giant mockup of the Academy for Motion Pictures statue on the high wall as you walk in. That should have been a warning. We sat in the third row and no one was in front of us, so we had a clear shot of the podium where O'Hare would give his speech. Happy as clams we waited for the awards ceremony to start as others shuffled in behind us. 

While we were waiting, the large screen that hung from the ceiling over the stage showed a slide show of the good deeds and charitable programmes the club was involved in. A sponsored Irish dance team had made it to Kentucky (of all places) for the semi-finals. They didn't win but the photos of the girls were all smiles outside the venue and this had me Mam joking I should have entered, I could have shown them a thing or two. This had the Dragon's ear unfortunately and she started on me about why I never showed me moves to her and this was the first time she heard I didn't have two left feet. WELL! For one, me Mam was joking, I never took an Irish step dance class in me life! I can't dance to save my life either, so trying to explain this fell on deaf, and I mean for real deaf ears. 

The lights went down putting an end to a whispered heated discussion. What followed was awards to everyone in town (just about). People who supported the club through either volunteer work or donations. A club board member would speak from the podium about the award and the awardees, and then call each by name to come up to accept their award. It was like being at the Oscars without the music and fancy dress. These recipients would shuffle up on stage and be given their award and a line of awardees would form, the clapping would stop and a photo was taken, and mercifully they'd all shuffle off to the audience without a speech of thanks being made. When you have ten recipients at a time, I could see how time-consuming it would be (not to mention boring for nonmembers), for each to say a word or two.

Though one man did, the rest of the awarded left the stage, but no, he said he wanted to say a few words and he'd keep it short. Under her breath, the Dragon was booing him and only me and Mam could hear her, or at least I hope only us could. Even Sean put in his two-pence in a stage whisper, "Where be the hook?" As the award winner droned on the Dragon started humming what sounded like the theme from Raiders of the Lost Ark music, to get him off stage, like they do at the Academy Awards. I tell ya! If I could have got up I'd have done so but that would only have caused unwanted attention to what was going on. I'd expect as much from the Weasil, but Dragon? This of course got me apple-cheeked, grey-haired old Mam giggling along with Sean! That wasn't a help.

After 40 minutes the scholarship award was about to be announced, but the awardees were to give their speeches for the award "live" first.

"Well, gosh I hope so live." Dragon quipped to anyone within earshot.

I wanted to sink down in my chair to the floor but I be too tall for that, so I made it like I didn't hear her. 

The speeches went off rather well for teenagers. The first speech was personally oriented but the young lady had goals in mind for the future. O'Hare's was confident, ambitious, and entirely goal-oriented and the last one was a Meghan Markle special, of 'poor little me' theme. I knew O'Hare was second placed but did not know who the winner was, but suspected the first young lady. I was wrong, Meghan Markle's 'Woe is Me' won! I was astounded, but I did give her the standing ovation everyone else did. I was listening to Dragon clucking her tongue in disapproval that the girl won over the other two, but at least she got herself up and clapped. 

With the awards over, we were told dessert was served, to help ourselves, and that the bar was still open. I needed something strong, but I was driving so I refrained. I ended up in the alcove of the theatre with most of my family talking with well-wishers who stopped to tell us how proud they were of O'Hare, while Sean made a bee-line for the bar and the Dragon wandered off to the dessert tables. The tables were filled with cake pops. 

This is a cake pop:

A raspberry cake pop 

There were at least six tabletops covered with raspberry, blueberry, cherry, chocolate, and heaven knows what else. cake pops. Three tables all said "GLUTEN FREE." Those cake pops didn't run out, but the regular cake pops were cleaned out in minutes. 

I didn't have to wonder why that was for long. The Dragon came siding up to me with a demonic grin on her face. She offered me a pink cake pop. 

"For you little man." She said unctuously.

I refused the pop and she went her merry way to Tonya and gave it to her. Then she floated back out into the crowded dessert parlour. 

Mam made much of me refusing the 'peace offering' as she put it for bad behaviour in the theatre. I wasn't buying it. I noticed Dragon floating amongst the tables, happily grinning to herself, and siding back to us offering different varieties of cake pops. She was quite enjoying herself and I was mystified as to why.

I watched as she nearly knocked the drink out of a man's hand to get the last cherry cake pop on the table. She grinned at him enough to scare the bejesus out of a baby and floated off with the cake pop held triumphantly in her hand. She came right to me like a homing device and offered me the cherry cake pop. I shook my head.

"Oh, well if you don't like cherry maybe one of these will do?" And she opened her purse and this be what I saw.

A purse full of cake pops

As if this wasn't bad enough she showed her stash to Sean who thought this a wonderful idea he'd get a few for the kiddos to munch on later, oi, oi, oi!

We have more cake pops than we have occupants of our house. I tell ya, I can't go anywhere with Dragon and after all these years I see she finally be a bad influence on me own apple-cheeked, grey-haired old Mam and especially her new partner in cake crime, Sean.

Gabe

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