28 February 2017
Story #851
R. Linda:
Well, well, well, it never fails that when I eat that spicy food, I have the most strangely bizarre dreams. I don't know why spice affects me like it does. I know you are thrilled it does, but waking up in the middle of the night in a state of ultimate shock is not good for one's heart or brain. It's a "HUH?" moment every time, and seriously, I wonder why Steven Hawking hasn't asked me to come to his lab for experimental therapies to understand the lunatic wanderings of a brain on spicy food.
That's neither here nor there at the moment, and I continue to wait for Hawking to notice this anomaly of mine. So, in the meantime, I will regale you with a rather frightening (for me) and hopefully entertaining (for you) dream I had last Tuesday. I know, I know, why didn't I write about it the day after? Well, the answer is simply this: I was too gobsmacked to put it to print.
So here goes, it started with this:
Story #851
R. Linda:
Well, well, well, it never fails that when I eat that spicy food, I have the most strangely bizarre dreams. I don't know why spice affects me like it does. I know you are thrilled it does, but waking up in the middle of the night in a state of ultimate shock is not good for one's heart or brain. It's a "HUH?" moment every time, and seriously, I wonder why Steven Hawking hasn't asked me to come to his lab for experimental therapies to understand the lunatic wanderings of a brain on spicy food.
That's neither here nor there at the moment, and I continue to wait for Hawking to notice this anomaly of mine. So, in the meantime, I will regale you with a rather frightening (for me) and hopefully entertaining (for you) dream I had last Tuesday. I know, I know, why didn't I write about it the day after? Well, the answer is simply this: I was too gobsmacked to put it to print.
So here goes, it started with this:
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| Some spicy peppers to which I added onions |
Later, I added beans, beef and pork with a bunch of Mexican spices and got this:
 |
| OOOOH, what goodness this batch of chilli looks to be, but looks are deceiving |
Who knows what chilli disguised as good food can do to a person's sleep time and stomach lining—let me tell you, it isn't pretty.
I had gone to bed full of chilli and tortilla chips, and well, it was Margarita Tuesday, baby, so I had a couple of those to wash the heat down. I must have fallen off instantly because I don't remember anything after me head hit the pillow. I was told I was snoring up a storm, so I must have been deep in la-la land.
I remember that at around 3:30 a.m., I sat up in bed trying to catch me breath. I thought I was having a heart attack. My dream had me sitting in a town hall room with a lot of people, I did but didn't know if you know what I mean. They were probably all me, but well at the time . . . so anyway, I had me hand waving in the air to speak and the mayor (at least I think he was the mayor) pointed at me like we were at a presser or something and I stood up and said, "This is the live free or die state. That's why I live here." Everyone applauded, which seemed no surprise to me for some reason. "I know we have the right to secede from the union if we deem fit." More applause with "yes, sirs" mixed in. "I think it is time we did so because we have the right, we have the will, and we need to do it NOW." Thunderous applause followed this out-of-character pronouncement.
"I, as a former Irish citizen and member of the IRA" (I did say that, but that couldn't be further from the truth. IRA? No way, not this cornstalk, but it sounded good at the time), "and now an American citizen living in the great state of New Hampshire" (more applause and shouting in the affirmative), "AND a member of the NRA (WHAT? No way am I a member I have no gun . . . okay I have an air gun but that hardly counts), "say now is the time!" And I sat down to people jumping out of their chairs, fist pumping in the air and all manner of what I (in me dream) thought was a wonderful reaction.
The mayor (for he must have been) tried gavelling everyone to order and shouting for everyone to sit it down so he could speak. And speak he did telling me to shut me piehole and get a grip. Well, R. Linda, that infuriated yours truly, so I jumped back up, fist pumping at the astonished man and yelling at him to sit down and listen up. Yes, I did say those things that I would never normally say to anyone in authority unless I was that riled, then I probably would. Yeah, the cool, mellow, easy-going guy you know was not in that dream; the spicy chilli had taken him over.
"I will not live under the thumb of a mercurial president like we have now. No way in hell, I want us" (I gestured to the entire room), "to form a new nation the nation of Live Free or Die and elect . . . uh . . . a new leader to run our little country!"
The crowd went wild, they did, and I was feeling good about it all, though my stomach was rumbling.
"And just whom do you have in mind to run your little live free or die country? Hum? You?" The mayor sneered.
"Why no," I said with as much conviction as I could muster. "I have someone free at the moment without a job, who has great credentials that I think would be just the man for the job."
There was silence. Everyone looked at me like I better have someone because I would look like a fool if I didn't.
I held a finger up and went outside. Even I (in me dream) had no idea where I was going. I do remember me brain saying (in the dream), "Run and don't go back in there." But I didn't do that. I had hold of someone, and he was saying, "Now Gabriel, I just got back from a wondrous vacation and . . . and . . . I don't know. Maybe you should be looking at Joe Biden."
I could hear the Mayor on the mic saying to the audience, "If he drags in that Weasil person, I want you to know he is NOT a citizen of these here United States and therefore ineligible."
I was hardly listening when I led me man into the room. Everyone got excited and was jumping up and down, applauding, whistling, and pretty much mobbing us, but I got me man to the podium, pushing aside the mayor and announcing into the microphone, "Here is our leader, this man right here. He has nothing lined up, so I say we elect him here and now as President of Live Free or Die."
The room went wild, feet thumping the floor, cheers and hoots and whathaveyous. Me man looked at me, perplexed and shook his head like he didn't know about me. I was hoping he wasn't going to turn on his heel and leave me standing there, but he didn't. He raised a hand for silence and got it.
"Now, you folks know I am not a citizen of this country. But you know I can lead, and if that's what you want, then I'm your guy."
Pandemonium, that's the only way to describe it.
"And, if anything goes wrong, you can blame it on this guy," and he pointed at ME!
I was in shock. WHAT? ME? I looked around for a hasty retreat, but I was hemmed in, so there was none. Me stomach was doing flip-flops, with the chilli gurgling up and telling me I made a mistake. We were in Chilli Land, not Live Free or Die, and Vicente Fox was available. He'd build a wall around Chilli Land, and we'd be safe. We had our own militia, so what's the problem, Gabe? Biased toward Mexican food and its influences?
I tell ya.
I mumbled that we were in Live Free or Die land, not Chilli Land, and that we should stop it right now. Yes, it appeared to everyone there that I was talking to meself like a lunatic, and well, think about it: I am a lunatic at times and a man talking to his stomach. Really? I moved that we hold elections right then and there. We made it official before me candidate changed his mind. Well, it was done in an instant, and what woke me up was my new leader shaking me hand and saying, "Fooled you good." I woke up with night terrors, the first I've ever had in me life. And why? Because the president I thought I had elected was Barack Obama, but it wasn't. Nooo, the man shaking me hand had lifted his other to his face and peeled off an Obama mask, and there was Kellyanne Conway! And worse, she was sitting with her shoes on at the foot of me bed!
This so shook me, I have been seeking treatment because I can't get that image out of me mind.
I had gone to bed full of chilli and tortilla chips, and well, it was Margarita Tuesday, baby, so I had a couple of those to wash the heat down. I must have fallen off instantly because I don't remember anything after me head hit the pillow. I was told I was snoring up a storm, so I must have been deep in la-la land.
I remember that at around 3:30 a.m., I sat up in bed trying to catch me breath. I thought I was having a heart attack. My dream had me sitting in a town hall room with a lot of people, I did but didn't know if you know what I mean. They were probably all me, but well at the time . . . so anyway, I had me hand waving in the air to speak and the mayor (at least I think he was the mayor) pointed at me like we were at a presser or something and I stood up and said, "This is the live free or die state. That's why I live here." Everyone applauded, which seemed no surprise to me for some reason. "I know we have the right to secede from the union if we deem fit." More applause with "yes, sirs" mixed in. "I think it is time we did so because we have the right, we have the will, and we need to do it NOW." Thunderous applause followed this out-of-character pronouncement.
"I, as a former Irish citizen and member of the IRA" (I did say that, but that couldn't be further from the truth. IRA? No way, not this cornstalk, but it sounded good at the time), "and now an American citizen living in the great state of New Hampshire" (more applause and shouting in the affirmative), "AND a member of the NRA (WHAT? No way am I a member I have no gun . . . okay I have an air gun but that hardly counts), "say now is the time!" And I sat down to people jumping out of their chairs, fist pumping in the air and all manner of what I (in me dream) thought was a wonderful reaction.
The mayor (for he must have been) tried gavelling everyone to order and shouting for everyone to sit it down so he could speak. And speak he did telling me to shut me piehole and get a grip. Well, R. Linda, that infuriated yours truly, so I jumped back up, fist pumping at the astonished man and yelling at him to sit down and listen up. Yes, I did say those things that I would never normally say to anyone in authority unless I was that riled, then I probably would. Yeah, the cool, mellow, easy-going guy you know was not in that dream; the spicy chilli had taken him over.
"I will not live under the thumb of a mercurial president like we have now. No way in hell, I want us" (I gestured to the entire room), "to form a new nation the nation of Live Free or Die and elect . . . uh . . . a new leader to run our little country!"
The crowd went wild, they did, and I was feeling good about it all, though my stomach was rumbling.
"And just whom do you have in mind to run your little live free or die country? Hum? You?" The mayor sneered.
"Why no," I said with as much conviction as I could muster. "I have someone free at the moment without a job, who has great credentials that I think would be just the man for the job."
There was silence. Everyone looked at me like I better have someone because I would look like a fool if I didn't.
I held a finger up and went outside. Even I (in me dream) had no idea where I was going. I do remember me brain saying (in the dream), "Run and don't go back in there." But I didn't do that. I had hold of someone, and he was saying, "Now Gabriel, I just got back from a wondrous vacation and . . . and . . . I don't know. Maybe you should be looking at Joe Biden."
I could hear the Mayor on the mic saying to the audience, "If he drags in that Weasil person, I want you to know he is NOT a citizen of these here United States and therefore ineligible."
I was hardly listening when I led me man into the room. Everyone got excited and was jumping up and down, applauding, whistling, and pretty much mobbing us, but I got me man to the podium, pushing aside the mayor and announcing into the microphone, "Here is our leader, this man right here. He has nothing lined up, so I say we elect him here and now as President of Live Free or Die."
The room went wild, feet thumping the floor, cheers and hoots and whathaveyous. Me man looked at me, perplexed and shook his head like he didn't know about me. I was hoping he wasn't going to turn on his heel and leave me standing there, but he didn't. He raised a hand for silence and got it.
"Now, you folks know I am not a citizen of this country. But you know I can lead, and if that's what you want, then I'm your guy."
Pandemonium, that's the only way to describe it.
"And, if anything goes wrong, you can blame it on this guy," and he pointed at ME!
I was in shock. WHAT? ME? I looked around for a hasty retreat, but I was hemmed in, so there was none. Me stomach was doing flip-flops, with the chilli gurgling up and telling me I made a mistake. We were in Chilli Land, not Live Free or Die, and Vicente Fox was available. He'd build a wall around Chilli Land, and we'd be safe. We had our own militia, so what's the problem, Gabe? Biased toward Mexican food and its influences?
I tell ya.
I mumbled that we were in Live Free or Die land, not Chilli Land, and that we should stop it right now. Yes, it appeared to everyone there that I was talking to meself like a lunatic, and well, think about it: I am a lunatic at times and a man talking to his stomach. Really? I moved that we hold elections right then and there. We made it official before me candidate changed his mind. Well, it was done in an instant, and what woke me up was my new leader shaking me hand and saying, "Fooled you good." I woke up with night terrors, the first I've ever had in me life. And why? Because the president I thought I had elected was Barack Obama, but it wasn't. Nooo, the man shaking me hand had lifted his other to his face and peeled off an Obama mask, and there was Kellyanne Conway! And worse, she was sitting with her shoes on at the foot of me bed!
This so shook me, I have been seeking treatment because I can't get that image out of me mind.
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| Scared the crap out of me - if that isn't frightening I don't know what is and it isn't even Halloween! |
Gabe
Copyright © 2017 All rights reserved
Copyright © 2017 All rights reserved
