14 March 2011
374
R. Linda:
As if Maureen and Rose weren't enough for me to handle, I have gone over to the other side I have. Yes, I made the cross without even knowing it I did! I went out for lunch at an Irish pub (I won't mention the name because if I did, and anyone there reads this, I would be run out of town by the Irishwomen who frequent it). Being an Irishman somewhat adrift in Boston, I have drifted into meeting up with a lot of other Irish ex-pats and we tend to get together at least every other month for a bite of lunch and a few beers. You know keep it like we were back on the old sod, at our local, kicking back talking footie or rugby and knocking back a few jars of the stuff that is good for us (that be Guinness for those who know nothing of Irish habits).
So there I was holding court as it were, tellin' me stories since the last time we met. And top on me list was Maureen, yes she was. I was still smarting over the Rose and Scott fiasco and then me instigating her to think marriage might not be quite a sound idea. Me audience was laughing and commenting on it all when one of them, Danny Nolan piped up and said he made a terrible blunder, he actually went shopping with his Coleen (something we Irish blokes never do, it's against manly law it is to be seen at a greengrocers or worse a mall!). He figured since she was pecking at him for the past six years they had been hitched, he'd go once and that would be it. But now that he put in his debut appearance at the mall, she expects him to go again!
"Unheard of," Colin McGarity huffed.
"Wow, you did it, you do know me good man, that yer doin' such as dat poots us all in jeopardy of havin' to comply and me for one, I just can't bring meself to do dat." Kevin Leery piped up all feathers ruffled at such an idea.
"Well, it got worse after dat, so this is why I be tellin' yas because once you do THAT then she expected me to go by her buying rules, rules she set fer the way I dress. Now you look at me and you tell me do I not look well in dese clothes? She says not! The nerve of her dragging me to the men's department to look at girly designer shirts and den she dares to have me try dem on! She came right out and told me, yes, she told me, I dress like a Neanderthal."
"NO?" Kevin said quite shocked. "She did not."
"Ay, she did."
"Well," I said, "I don't have dat problem so mooch, I tink me Tonya has given up on dat dare. BUT she has a list. Yes, she has a list of jobs she calls the "honey-do" list. It's an American ting I tink, I've never heard of it until I married HER, I taught because she wasn't Irish I was safe, but no, no." I said sadly.
"Wot is dis honey do list?" Colin asked, he's new, only been here four months.
"It be a list of rules. House rules, wot I have to do and when I haf to do it. No excuses. And, whatever she has planned for me on me weekend," here they all gasped, "she tells me HOW to do it because she knooes best she does and I," I pointed to me maligned self, "must have been educated by Jesuits and spent me time in church prayin." I nodded me head and they all nodded in agreement I had every right to feel taken advantage of.
"I commiserate wid ya dere Gabriel," Michael McElroy said, nodding vigorously, "but I hate ta tell ya THAT'S an Irish ting too! Dey may not call it a honey-do list, but dey have rules dey do, I tell ya!"
We all sat silent staring into our beer thinking about it. Women! Sheesh! Irishwomen, double sheesh!
"Me Mary, she has frum day 1 of our marriage, coddled me like one of arr kiddies. She says me Mam isn't first in our house, it be her. I don't argue wid her because I want to live to see another day I do. So I let her tink she be first when ya know we can't forget our mams and all the sacrifice," he said nodding at us and we all nodded back that yes, we were definitely in agreement on THAT. "But it really gits to me when she treats me like I be just a year or two younger den our toddler. Any of ye ever git dat treatment?"
We all nodded big time, we all knew how that was. Keep the high regard of yer mam under your vest and lie like a rug when it comes to the affections ye have for the wife. Uh-huh!
"I got somethin' worse den dat. I was all set to watch the footie games on ESPN and she coombs in and starts yakkin' at me dat Celtic Women be on the PBS station and she wants to watch it, dat footie be such a waste of time. Can ye imagine?" Johnny Murphy chimed in.
We were in horror at that, shock even, but a few of us have experienced that as well, those who have the honey-do jars, at least understand that one! They'd rather have us 'doin' dan watchin'.
"I do have to say one ting dough. Me Caitlin be a fine one to go to the boozer if I be feelin' down, we have sum drinks we do and she's witty and funny and I do enjoy our time at the pub."
Yeah, some of us have that kind of Irish wife (well, I don't have an Irish wife) but if I did, I'd be chuffed about that good trait. Yes, I would.
"I will say me darlin' Caitlin be a loyal and true green-blooded Irishwoman if ever dere be one. I kin rely on her to always be dere fer me, true tick and tin, she does well by me, and well by our bairns, and ya couldn't ask fer a better woman."
We toasted Johnny for that. Yes, he got himself a good one.
"Oi, I have that too in Molly, she's the best mother dare be and she's got so many friends, our hoose is always jumpin'. I have had many a night where I've coom hoome frum da office to find twenty-some relatives and twenty-some friends in me hoouse as if dey were havin' a party an' furgot to tell me about it. The only troouble be dey arr all women and dey talk about Jennifer Aniston's nose, have a terrible fascination wid someting called Twilight, an' when dey finish wid celebrities, Katie Price in particular, dey be onto dare friends, an' people dey hardly knoow, den each utter. It gits funny soometimes, but I'm not one fur all dat." Barry Goldstein commiserated with us using his faux Irish accent to fit in and he does pretty dare good at it.
I know Barry Goldstein isn't exactly the name you'd think to find in a party of Irishmen having a few beers, but we adopted Barry because his wife Molly be John Murphy's sister-in-law. He's a good bloke he is and we made him an honourary Irishman we did indeed. So instead of oy vey, we make him say the Irish 'oi' instead. He's got it down well he does.
"Yeah me wife be dat way too, moost o' da time I find her over at Molly and Barry's. But I will say Caitlin be a hard werker and she makes more den me she does, and I be proud she does, gives me more time to watch the All Ireland Finals."
We toasted Caitlin with a "HERE. HERE," and wished all our wives earned more than us, so we could do this more often. In me case, I could hire someone to take over the honey-do list.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
As if Maureen and Rose weren't enough for me to handle, I have gone over to the other side I have. Yes, I made the cross without even knowing it I did! I went out for lunch at an Irish pub (I won't mention the name because if I did, and anyone there reads this, I would be run out of town by the Irishwomen who frequent it). Being an Irishman somewhat adrift in Boston, I have drifted into meeting up with a lot of other Irish ex-pats and we tend to get together at least every other month for a bite of lunch and a few beers. You know keep it like we were back on the old sod, at our local, kicking back talking footie or rugby and knocking back a few jars of the stuff that is good for us (that be Guinness for those who know nothing of Irish habits).
So there I was holding court as it were, tellin' me stories since the last time we met. And top on me list was Maureen, yes she was. I was still smarting over the Rose and Scott fiasco and then me instigating her to think marriage might not be quite a sound idea. Me audience was laughing and commenting on it all when one of them, Danny Nolan piped up and said he made a terrible blunder, he actually went shopping with his Coleen (something we Irish blokes never do, it's against manly law it is to be seen at a greengrocers or worse a mall!). He figured since she was pecking at him for the past six years they had been hitched, he'd go once and that would be it. But now that he put in his debut appearance at the mall, she expects him to go again!
"Unheard of," Colin McGarity huffed.
"Wow, you did it, you do know me good man, that yer doin' such as dat poots us all in jeopardy of havin' to comply and me for one, I just can't bring meself to do dat." Kevin Leery piped up all feathers ruffled at such an idea.
"Well, it got worse after dat, so this is why I be tellin' yas because once you do THAT then she expected me to go by her buying rules, rules she set fer the way I dress. Now you look at me and you tell me do I not look well in dese clothes? She says not! The nerve of her dragging me to the men's department to look at girly designer shirts and den she dares to have me try dem on! She came right out and told me, yes, she told me, I dress like a Neanderthal."
"NO?" Kevin said quite shocked. "She did not."
"Ay, she did."
"Well," I said, "I don't have dat problem so mooch, I tink me Tonya has given up on dat dare. BUT she has a list. Yes, she has a list of jobs she calls the "honey-do" list. It's an American ting I tink, I've never heard of it until I married HER, I taught because she wasn't Irish I was safe, but no, no." I said sadly.
"Wot is dis honey do list?" Colin asked, he's new, only been here four months.
"It be a list of rules. House rules, wot I have to do and when I haf to do it. No excuses. And, whatever she has planned for me on me weekend," here they all gasped, "she tells me HOW to do it because she knooes best she does and I," I pointed to me maligned self, "must have been educated by Jesuits and spent me time in church prayin." I nodded me head and they all nodded in agreement I had every right to feel taken advantage of.
"I commiserate wid ya dere Gabriel," Michael McElroy said, nodding vigorously, "but I hate ta tell ya THAT'S an Irish ting too! Dey may not call it a honey-do list, but dey have rules dey do, I tell ya!"
We all sat silent staring into our beer thinking about it. Women! Sheesh! Irishwomen, double sheesh!
"Me Mary, she has frum day 1 of our marriage, coddled me like one of arr kiddies. She says me Mam isn't first in our house, it be her. I don't argue wid her because I want to live to see another day I do. So I let her tink she be first when ya know we can't forget our mams and all the sacrifice," he said nodding at us and we all nodded back that yes, we were definitely in agreement on THAT. "But it really gits to me when she treats me like I be just a year or two younger den our toddler. Any of ye ever git dat treatment?"
We all nodded big time, we all knew how that was. Keep the high regard of yer mam under your vest and lie like a rug when it comes to the affections ye have for the wife. Uh-huh!
"I got somethin' worse den dat. I was all set to watch the footie games on ESPN and she coombs in and starts yakkin' at me dat Celtic Women be on the PBS station and she wants to watch it, dat footie be such a waste of time. Can ye imagine?" Johnny Murphy chimed in.
We were in horror at that, shock even, but a few of us have experienced that as well, those who have the honey-do jars, at least understand that one! They'd rather have us 'doin' dan watchin'.
"I do have to say one ting dough. Me Caitlin be a fine one to go to the boozer if I be feelin' down, we have sum drinks we do and she's witty and funny and I do enjoy our time at the pub."
Yeah, some of us have that kind of Irish wife (well, I don't have an Irish wife) but if I did, I'd be chuffed about that good trait. Yes, I would.
"I will say me darlin' Caitlin be a loyal and true green-blooded Irishwoman if ever dere be one. I kin rely on her to always be dere fer me, true tick and tin, she does well by me, and well by our bairns, and ya couldn't ask fer a better woman."
We toasted Johnny for that. Yes, he got himself a good one.
"Oi, I have that too in Molly, she's the best mother dare be and she's got so many friends, our hoose is always jumpin'. I have had many a night where I've coom hoome frum da office to find twenty-some relatives and twenty-some friends in me hoouse as if dey were havin' a party an' furgot to tell me about it. The only troouble be dey arr all women and dey talk about Jennifer Aniston's nose, have a terrible fascination wid someting called Twilight, an' when dey finish wid celebrities, Katie Price in particular, dey be onto dare friends, an' people dey hardly knoow, den each utter. It gits funny soometimes, but I'm not one fur all dat." Barry Goldstein commiserated with us using his faux Irish accent to fit in and he does pretty dare good at it.
I know Barry Goldstein isn't exactly the name you'd think to find in a party of Irishmen having a few beers, but we adopted Barry because his wife Molly be John Murphy's sister-in-law. He's a good bloke he is and we made him an honourary Irishman we did indeed. So instead of oy vey, we make him say the Irish 'oi' instead. He's got it down well he does.
"Yeah me wife be dat way too, moost o' da time I find her over at Molly and Barry's. But I will say Caitlin be a hard werker and she makes more den me she does, and I be proud she does, gives me more time to watch the All Ireland Finals."
We toasted Caitlin with a "HERE. HERE," and wished all our wives earned more than us, so we could do this more often. In me case, I could hire someone to take over the honey-do list.
Gabe
Copyright © 2011 All rights reserved
